The Other Journal

by Ganondorf8

Chapter 27: Battle!

Day: Wednesday
Weather: Thunderstorm
Time: 12:10pm

I thought that giving new students an orientation of the school would be easy, but it turned out to be more difficult than I initially suspected. These three girls--Adagio Dazzle, Aria Blaze, and Sonata Dusk--were flamboyant in appearance with their sexy clothes and sensual mannerisms, and while that was certainly unexpected, their personalities were really unexpected. My encounter with them was nothing short of stressful, and I sensed something off about them. Were they trying to hide something from me? Or was I just too stressed from of trying to come to grips with my own problems? Worst of all, my attempt at making a good first impression had failed. The next day, after speaking to Trixie Lulemoon, who held no grudges against me, I went to talk to my friends about how the orientation went. At least they believed my words. Everyone else would have turned a blind eye to me. On another note, I would soon learn an important lesson regarding CHS: The school cafeteria was prone to having musical numbers out of the blue.

The Other Journal
By Ganondorf8
December 14, 2015
Chapter 27: Battle!

" While I brainwashed the entire student body for about five minutes, the Sirens had everyone under their power for a few days." I said.

" I know that they needed negative energy in order to sustain themselves, but why not go after the Equestrian magic? Why target innocent students?" Twilight asked.

" The Sirens had no idea that the magic they sought was inside the bodies of five students. At the same time, they were pretty weak. When Star Swirl the Bearded banished them to this world, they only had enough power to keep themselves alive, as I mentioned before. To just acquire Equestrian magic like that would have been impossible, so they had to gain power first. I blame myself for giving them the incentive to take advantage of everyone." I answered.

" Sunset..." Twilight said.

" They knew that humans were competitive in nature and would do whatever it took to achieve their desires. So, their plan involved manipulating student's emotions to make them more aggressive towards one another. In turn, this compelled them to want to turn the Musical Showcase into the Battle of the Bands. The idea of doing something for charity was cast aside in favour of making it an intense competition, where everyone was at each other's throats. Had I not given the Sirens the idea of joining the showcase, they would never have used everyone like that just to feed themselves." I said. I then pounded my fist into the ground with enough force to make me wince. In another bout of self-hatred, I repeated this many times, raising my other hand to stop Twilight from trying to prevent me from punishing myself. After a while, my hand began bleeding, and I finally stopped. Twilight quickly grabbed some tissues from her backpack and wrapped them around my hand to prevent the blood from dripping on the floor. I was expecting her to give me another lecture about not punishing myself, but surprisingly, she just sat there and smiled at me.

" I know you're surprised that I'm not lecturing you again, but there is one thing you didn't take into consideration." Twilight said.

" And what's that?" I asked.

" Even if you hadn't given the Sirens the idea of using the showcase to their advantage, they would have come up with something anyway." Twilight answered. Realizing the simple truth of it, I slapped my forehead with my bandaged hand, hurting myself further, though unintentionally this time. " I wish you hadn't gone and done that, Sunset. I guess I'll have to turn the pages of the journal for a while." While it meant she would be snuggling up next to me, I didn't mind. Whenever she did that, I felt immensely better. It was as though her very presence gave me the strength to fight off against the darkness that still hung over me like a veil. " What did you do after they left to do whatever?"

" It was the end of the day, so I decided to hang around the school library for a while. Since my place of residence was an area of the library no one ever visited, I took the time to get used to my new surroundings. After all, I'd be seeing it a lot in the coming days. Principal Celestia had made sure that someone--most likely Ms. Cheerilee--provided me with a small desk, a chair, a blanket, a mattress, and a key that would enable me to gain access to the library of a night." I answered.

" No one knew where the Sirens went?" Twilight asked.

" They were very secretive about what they did. Some said they just wandered about Canterlot until they disappeared, but I never paid any attention to it. I assumed they wanted some privacy, so I left it at that. Yet, throughout that night, my mind continued to be plagued with questions about their intentions. Who were they? Where did they come from? Why did I have this odd feeling about them? Why come to CHS, of all places? By the time the next day came along, I was no closer to figuring out the truth." I answered. I then noticed Twilight was writing down something on her notepad, and I became curious as to her intent. When I turned my eyes downwards in order to see what she was writing, I blushed before screaming out, scaring her out of her wits. " TWILIGHT! Why did you write something like that down!?"

" I was curious how you could shower while sleeping in the library at night." Twilight said.

" Well, don't bother trying to figure that one out. I'd rather keep that one little tidbit to myself, thank you very much." I said. Twilight simply chuckled at how defensive I was being about something so trivial. I found no humour in it myself; it was extremely private. Once she apologized for writing that down, and I reminded myself that she was simply curious, she continued on. " What about this 'Battle of the Bands' you mentioned?

" It was what the Musical Showcase was turned into when the Sirens used their singing to manipulate everyone. I wanted to tell our friends about my experiences during my orientation with the Sirens, but we would soon learn that we were dealing with something that was Equestrian in origin." I answered.

---

Throughout the night, my mind was plagued with questions regarding my orientation with those new girls. They appeared normal--despite their rather attractive, otherworldly vibe--as far as I could tell, yet why were they so protective of those jewelled pendants? I knew some people didn't like their personal belongings being touched, but what that Adagio Dazzle did made me felt like I had committed a crime. I guess it was also my own fault for being so enamoured with those jewels. Then, there was that strange feeling I had. I could barely sense some kind of aura coming from the three girls, but at the time, I chose to ignore it because I was stressed out with my own problems. Yet, why did it continue plaguing my mind? What was it about them that made me think like that? When I finally managed to get some sleep after pondering over it for a couple of hours, I couldn't even get such thoughts out of my dreams. It felt like I knew them from somewhere, but where, I didn't know.

The next day, I went to class as usual, and despite my fellow students continuing to torment me, I was more focused on what happened during that orientation. I even had my teacher question my attention span, as those thoughts continued to swell about my mind, distracting me during class. Try as I might, I just couldn't get those three girls out of my head. I then thought about what they might be going through after seeing how I acted. I wanted to make a good first impression on them, in the hopes that they hadn't been made aware of the troubles I used to cause at CHS before discovering friendship. Yet, my behaviour, especially when I tried to grab one of those pendants, acted against my intentions. I thought about maybe confronting them again and trying to patch things up, but I decided to talk to my friends instead. If anyone could understand my experiences, it would be them. Of course, I had to steer the subject away from the upcoming Musical Showcase. After all, that was the talk of the school.

When the lunch period came along, I made a beeline towards the cafeteria, but came to a stop when a student called and beckoned me to talk to her. Normally, that wouldn't happen, given my poor reputation after the Fall Formal, yet this one girl was different. She was one of the few students whose secrets I never exposed. I never could uncover anything--Snips and Snails never could either--because she made sure to keep it all locked away.

" You seem to be in an awful hurry, Sunset Shimmer!"

" Hello, Trixie." I said. Trixe Lulemoon. She certainly had her own unique style and flare among the students of CHS. She prided herself as being "The Great and Powerful Trixie" and constantly reminded people of that fact at every possible opportunity. To me, she was just being a braggart. Trixie saw herself as the best student at CHS, yet she would never stoop to anything malicious. Despite her attitude, she had a heart of gold. One of her more unique quirks was that she referred to herself in the third person. Because I never exposed any of her secrets, Trixie held no grudge against me, so she had no need to torment me.

" I take it that you gave those new girls their orientation?" Trixie asked.

" How did you know?" I asked.

" Trixie knows everything! Also, I happened to be in Vice Principal Luna's office the other day getting something sorted out." Trixie answered.

" What do you want?" I asked.

" I was curious about the history behind those new girls, so Trixie asked Vice Principal Luna about them. She thought that I had some ulterior motive, but I assured her that wasn't the case. She had very little to say. It was as though they just popped up out of thin air. They had no records of where they've been in terms of previous education, and weren't even registered in Canterlot's Citizen Database. I know you had a similar circumstance, Sunset Shimmer, but you've somehow dealt with that little problem. Anyway, I thought you wanted to know. Trixie, unlike most of the students who have treated you unfairly, holds nothing against you." Trixie answered. Her choice of words did make me think of her as nothing more than a annoying braggart, but she had given me a clue without even realizing it. These girls had no records at all. They were just like I was when I first came here. No... could they be? Nah. That was impossible.

" Well, I appreciate you telling me that." I said.

" Don't think that I am just giving you this information for free. You will need to pay Trixie back for it." Trixie said.

" How much do I owe you?" I asked.

" Owe? Oh no! Trixie has no intention of making you pay me back with money. I have more than enough of that, thank you very much. But, I do have the perfect way for you to pay off this little debt. As I'm sure you know, the Musical Showcase is this weekend, and numerous bands are taking part. My band 'The Illusions' have registered to perform, and your friends have registered with their band, too. What did they call themselves? The Raingoons? The Rainbrooms? The Rainblossoms? Whatever! The point is, they will be there participating, and this is where you come in, Sunset Shimmer. Trixie doesn't want you to play in their band! Period!" Trixie answered.

" I'm not going to." I said.

" Then you are smart for not wanting to." Trixie said.

" No, it's got nothing to do with that. I just don't have any skills playing an instrument. As for singing... No, I think I'll just leave it at that." I said. It wasn't surprising that someone like Trixie would consider making me pay her back for being helpful. It was a relief that she didn't ask me to pay using money. I already struggled to make ends meet, so I needed all the money I could get. Still, it was shrewish of Trixie to do what she did, proof that although she held no grudge for my past, she wasn't exactly nice to me.

" Is that so? Well, I'll accept that as your form of payment. Hopefully, you were able to make a good impression on those new students. After all, you've been picked on every day since the Fall Formal ended last month. You don't want to add to the list of those who show animosity towards you. Trixie would love to stick around and continue with this delightful conversation, but she needs to make her way to the cafeteria. Trixie needs her lunch, and if she hangs around here, she's not going to get what she wants." Trixie said. She then gave me a salute before walking down the hallway. When she was out of sight, I breathed a sigh of relief. Trixie, for better or worse, was difficult to deal with because of her behaviour. I recalled in my mind what Rainbow Dash said happened at the music store in the mall and compared it to what I had just experienced.

Trixie was a lot like the students who used to attend CHS before graduating. They were full of themselves, thinking they were the greatest thing ever. Many secretly wanted them to be brought down a peg. I know that I had a hand in making such egotistical students miserable, exposing their secrets, among other things. And while they deserved what they got, I also felt guilty over my actions. For a few moments, I stood there in the hallway, arms folded, eyes slightly crossed, thinking about how my actions hurt those who were practically hurting others. It wasn't a good feeling.

Eventually, I started thinking more about what Trixie said about the new students. I found it strange that they had no previous records. I know my credentials wouldn't have made much sense in this world, but at least I had something. These girls had nothing. Perhaps they never had an education, and this was their chance at finally getting one? No, that didn't make sense. Maybe they're truants or runaways. No, that made even less sense. The more I thought about it, the more my brain continued to ache. What could I be missing here? Clearly, there was a connection, and I just couldn't find it! My stomach then started rumbling, an indication that I needed something inside it. Otherwise, I'm not going to be hearing the end of it. I began walking towards the cafeteria, and along the way, I noticed those girls again. They were hanging out by some lockers, and while it was just a brief moment, I could see them talking amongst themselves. I had no idea what was being said, but before moving on, I noticed Adagio slap herself in the forehead after Sonata said something. I decided to pay it no mind.

---

" Were they up to something?" Twilight asked.

" At that moment, no. They were just having a private conversation, but I would soon discover that I was wrong about that." I answered.

" I was surprised at how you felt about that Trixie girl." Twilight said.

" Despite her tirade about being great and powerful, she can be very nice once you get past the bravado. It was actually very convenient that she happened to be curious about the Sirens, since she gave me some clues about them. They weren't the best clues, but it was better than having nothing to go on. Princess Twilight once told me about the Trixie who exists in Equestria, and compared to the one who attends CHS, we got off lucky." I said. Twilight looked at me with that cute confused expression that had really grown on me, so I explained what I mean to put her mind at rest. At least, for this particular concern. " The Equestrian Trixie was much more boisterous and even became corrupted by a magical amulet that she supposedly purchased from a shop, turning her into a cruel mistress."

" Do all artefacts from Equestria corrupt the minds of ponies?" Twilight asked.

" Some do, and that's because they were forged with dark magic. Most were created to wield good magic, yet can become corrupted if the person using them was initially corrupted themselves. I'm a living example of that." I answered. I then noticed Twilight scribbling down something on her notepad. I was curious about what she was writing in such a hurry, but I decided not to pursue. I assumed she was writing something down for her own benefit, though I had a suspicion it had to do with what I said about Equestrian artefacts. What was known about such artefacts, from what I could remember during my studies, was small compared with what remained unknown, and it was this facet that drove ponies dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge to want to uncover such secrets. Looking back on it, perhaps the jewelled pendants the Sirens used were artefacts. It made sense, as I had never seen anything quite like them.

" What happened next?" Twilight asked.

" I went to the cafeteria to get some food and to let our friends know what happened the other day with the orientation. What none of us knew was that the Sirens were about to make their first move in their bid to achieve their goal. It's funny that they chose to strike when everyone was in the cafeteria." I answered.

" How so?" Twilight asked.

" Because for the second time, the cafeteria would become the location of a musical performance." I answered.

---

Upon reaching the cafeteria, I could hear the sounds of many students coming from the other side. In the past, back when I was the bad girl, whenever I entered, everyone stopped what they were doing and cowered in fear of my presence. These days, they just ignored me, which allowed me to reach my friends at their usual table. This was perhaps the one time where no one looked at me with cold expressions. My friends never called out my name whenever I entered the cafeteria, as they knew what the consequences for me would be. Back when I ruled the school, everyone sat with their clique. Now, such things didn't matter; everyone mingled and sat where they wanted because of how strong friendship had gotten since the Formal. The exception to the rule was me. I couldn't sit where I wanted, as no one wanted me. If not for my friends, I'd either be sitting at a table on my own or avoiding the cafeteria altogether.

When I pushed open the double-doors softly, I could see that my hearing had been correct. Every student must have been there having lunch. Or they were serving something extra special today. The last time it ever got this noisy was when Princess Twilight and my friends performed that song which began her long march towards winning the Princess of the Fall Formal. I never did catch what those lyrics were, as I was outside watching them. It must have been a magical moment, and I missed it because of my attitude. Looking around to see if my friends were at their usual table, I instantly picked out Applejack's Stetson hat from among the large crowd and slowly walked over to their table. As usual, no one paid any attention to me, which was a relief, and when I arrived at the table, I pulled out a chair and sat down. I would have gotten something to eat, but I felt that I needed to explain what happened the other day. It was all I could think of.

" Hey!" I announced.

" You look like y'all got a lot on yer mind." Applejack said.

" That's the understatement of the year." I said.

" How did the orientation turn out?" Applejack asked.

" It could have gone better." I answered.

" You were looking forward to it for the past several days, and now you're sayin' that it didn't go very well?" Applejack asked.

" I mean, it went well enough, but I felt really uncomfortable around those new girls. At first, everything was going well, and despite their choice of clothes, they seemed really nice." I answered. The others looked at me with confused faces, so I explained to them what I meant regarding their appearances. " They were just screaming sexy, and had no problems strutting their stuff." Even I began to look just as confused, a reminder that these girls had left me thinking about them in a way that was unhealthy for me. Applejack then offered me a piece of her apple cobbler, but I politely declined. My mind was too fixated on what happened to be concerned about food, despite my stomach growling in frustration over not being fed. " As the orientation continued, they began to act really strange, like they were trying to hide something." I said.

" Strange?" Rainbow Dash asked.

" Okay, more like off." I answered.

" Like, off like this?" Pinkie Pie asked, grabbing the vegetables on her plate before arranging them on her face in a goofy manner. This made me chuckle slightly. I could always rely on Pinkie to make me feel better whenever she did something like that. "Or off like this?" Pinkie then arranged the vegetables to form a new goofy expression, prompting me to chuckle again. "Or... Oh, oh! Like--" She was about to arrange them again, but was cut off by Rainbow Dash who noticed that Pinkie's antics were preventing me from being able to explain what happened.

" Maybe we should just let her tell us." Rainbow Dash said.

" Okay!" Pinkie Pie said, as she stopped arranging her vegetables before cracking a smile. A carrot hanging on the edge of her lip then dropped down onto her plate, and once more I was chuckling away. I really needed a good laugh at that moment.

" I just can't put my finger on it. They were acting normal until one of them mentioned something that had me concerned. Then another girl--I assume their leader--scolded her for apparently speaking out of line. That's when I became enthralled by the jewelled pendants they were wearing around their necks. I don't think I've ever seen jewels as beautiful as those. Even Rarity would find herself ogling them because of how fascinating they were. Yet, when I couldn't stop myself any longer and tried to reach out for one, their leader lashed out at me. It was like she wanted to protect her pendant at all costs." I said.

" Makes sense she would do that." Rainbow Dash said.

" How do you figure?" Applejack asked.

" You were probably coming off as pretty creepy to them when you did that, Sunset Shimmer, so it's not surprising that they would take offence. If I had been in their shoes at that exact moment, I'd have done the exact same thing. Some people are very protective about their belongings, even when they shouldn't be flaunting them about in the open." Rainbow Dash answered.

" It doesn't matter though." I said.

" Why not?" Pinkie Pie asked.

" Maybe someone told them about the kind of person I used to be. Or maybe they found out about it by listening on someone else's conversation. Perhaps they did all of that weird stuff because they were afraid that I would bully them. I really wanted to make a good first impression, to show that I have changed from who I was before. Now, after what happened the other day, I feel like my efforts just aren't enough. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this." I answered.

" Don't say that!" Pinkie Pie said.

" She's right! You can't just give up now! Just because you had a bad experience don't mean squat! We've all seen what you've been doin' to show everyone how you've changed since the Fall Formal, and despite the mistreatment y'all have received, you keep going because you believe they will come around. Hopefully, you'll get another chance to talk to those new girls sometime. You can show 'em the real you, not what they saw before." Applejack said.

" Thanks, Applejack, but I left an awful first impression." I said, sighing.

" Uh-huh." Fluttershy said, prompting us to turn towards her, where she froze on the spot momentarily. " Oh, that's probably not it." She then began to slink down in her seat upon saying that, and we continued to look at her with frowns. That's when I noticed those girls were standing outside the double-doors, and immediately let the others know that they were out there. We couldn't hear what they were saying, but their body language suggested some kind of argument was taking place. After staring at them for a few moments, we decided to ignore them and change the subject towards the upcoming showcase.

" I was thinking we could play 'Awesome as I Wanna Be' when we perform." Rainbow Dash suggested.

" We're supposed to be playing together, not get reduced to playing as your backup." Applejack said.

" What do you suggest?" Rainbow Dash asked.

" How about what we rehearsed the other day?" Applejack asked.

" Yeah, I suppose that one could work. Or, we could try another song that I wrote a while ago." Rainbow Dash answered.

" Um, I wrote a song. I think it's really good." Fluttershy said meekly. Rainbow Dash completely ignored what she had said and instead focused on speaking with Applejack, which prompted me to turn towards her, a look of sadness on my face. Fluttershy really did struggle with expressing her opinions. She often remained quiet while allowing others to do all of the talking, yet whenever she had something to say, no one paid her any attention. I related to her because of that. Students were ignoring me--for different reasons than what Fluttershy was going through--when I tried to speak, so I felt Fluttershy's anguish on a personal level. Maybe she ought to consider being more assertive instead of remaining in the background. It could give her some much needed confidence.

" What do you think?" Rainbow Dash asked me, looking in my direction.

" Huh? Me?" I asked.

" Which song should we play?" Rainbow Dash asked.

" My opinion doesn't really matter since I'm not part of the band, but if I were to make a decision--" I began before being cut off when the double-doors suddenly burst open, which caused everyone to look in that direction. Those three girls then entered the cafeteria, where they began singing in unison. Right away, I felt something was wrong with this scenario. Just a few minutes ago, they looked to be arguing, going by their body language, yet now they were acting like nothing happened. Maybe what we saw them doing was just poor misconception on our part. In any case, this would prove interesting. These girls claimed to be amazing singers, so now I would get to see if their words were true or not. Adagio began singing.

" We heard you want to get together.

We heard you want to rock this school.

We've thought of something that is better.

Something that changes all the rules."

Judging from those first few moments of their singing, they definitely knew how to keep their audience mesmerized. Everyone was just staring at them and couldn't pull their eyes away, as though they had been put under some kind of hypnotic suggestion. Another thing I noted was that Adagio appeared to do most of the singing, while the other two were singing backup vocals. I thought all three of them sung on equal terms, but it seems that wasn't the case. Aria and Sonata looked as though they had no issues with Adagio taking the point, a stark contrast to their behaviour from the other day. Then I began to think about Adagio's choice of lyrics. It sounded like they had their own idea for how the musical showcase should be handled. If they think something needed to be changed, why sing about it? Why not ask Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna about it?

" We don't have to be one and the same thing.

Oh, what's so wrong with a little competition?

Are you afraid of failing the audition?" The three girls sung.

Were they trying to convince everyone that the musical showcase should be more competitive in nature? Granted, I could see some of them, like Rainbow Dash, being on board with the idea, but the point of the showcase was to raise money for extracurricular activities. Why would these girls not want us to have a fundraiser? I then looked around to see what everyone else thought about this message, and my eyes widened in shock. The numerous pairs of eyes staring at the girls--who never stopped moving fluidly, sexily, enchantingly--seemed completely mesmerized, yet my friends and I looked at one another in confusion before resuming our watch of this display. That's when other students began looking at one another, eyes narrowed, expressions becoming aggressive. Why was that happening all of a sudden? The answer eluded me. I didn't know what to make of this.

" Battle! You wanna win it!

Let's have a battle, battle of the bands!" The three girls sung.

Seriously!? A battle! As I looked around in a mad panic, students had since gotten up from their seats and began acting aggressively. Why were they suddenly acting out like savage beasts? They were perfectly fine before those girls entered the cafeteria. Things got worse when strange, green auras began surrounding everyone which, in turn, gave off a green mist that quickly began covering up the floor. My friends and I weren't under such strange effects. What was happening? The new girls continued with their emphasis on wanting to make the showcase competitive by repeating the same word over and over--battle--and it was having an effect on everyone, each student declaring that they wanted to win no matter what.

What was causing them to change just like that? Could it be coming from the lyrics the new girls were singing about? Or was it their voices in general that were lulling students into changing? Then, something else happened that added another dimension to the problem. Once they had finished with their singing, the girls simply stood there and appeared to be basking in all of that green mist. It was like they were absorbing it somehow, as the mist quickly flowed into them. No one, aside from my friends and me, took notice of this, as everyone else was too busy arguing with one another. If Princess Twilight had witnessed what had just happened, her heart would be crushed. She worked so hard to fix the mess that I caused, and now her efforts had been tossed aside. I also felt my heart breaking, as this was the kind of thing I didn't want to go through again. I wanted to move on from such pain. Yet, it appeared as though I couldn't escape from its influence.

" Ohhhh. They're that kind of 'off'." Pinkie Pie said. I couldn't agree more with her simple analysis of the situation.

---

" And that's how the Musical Showcase became the Battle of the Bands." I said.

" Just like that?" Twilight asked.

" Once the Sirens had everyone under their control through their singing, it was unanimous that they wanted the showcase to be changed." I answered.

" And our friends?" Twilight asked.

" It didn't take long for them to realize that they were unaffected by the Sirens' hypnotic vocals. This was due to the Equestrian magic inside of them that was left behind when Princess Twilight returned to Equestria. The Sirens didn't know that and just assumed they either didn't listen or weren't significant enough. In time, the Sirens would figure out why our friends were immune and would be forced to alter their plans to reflect upon that." I answered.

" That explains an awful lot, and I'm guessing Princess Twilight was also immune because her own magic protected her. But what about you, Sunset? How come you weren't affected like everyone else? You no longer had magic, right?" Twilight said.

" I thought at the time that because I was from Equestria, I had an immunity to their power, but that theory was debunked when Princess Twilight revealed the true nature of the Sirens to us. Then I assumed it was just luck that granted me protection. That idea was too unlikely to believe. So, I came to a horrible realization: Because of what I did, I was merely nothing more than an empty husk capable of having a conscience. I had no magic, no feelings, no nothing... aside from friends. The Sirens couldn't take anything from one who had nothing to give, so I was ignored completely. Eventually, I would discover the truth, but I'll reveal that later on." I said.

" Surely, you and the others told Principal Celestia about this!" Twilight said.

" We did." I said.

" Then she and Vice Principal Luna refused the Sirens' request, right?" Twilight asked.

" Um, about that..." I answered.

" Oh no!" Twilight said.

Comments

[icecreammac]

A good chapter. I already went well in depth with criticism and suggestions during the editing process, so no need to repeat everything I said to you. If you have any concerns, though, I'm still willing to answer them.

[Nova Blaze]

Another excellent chapter knocked out, let's keep em coming.

[Ganondorf8]

6736464

And I appreciate you giving me those criticisms. It's just the thing I need which can help me improve.

[icecreammac]

6737562 You're very welcome! Glad I can help!

[Ganondorf8]

6743812

That simile was actually worded differently in the original version I wrote, but Icecreammac changed it to what ended up in the final version. In fact, his interpretation makes more sense. Remember that this story is written in Sunset's point-of-view, so we're seeing everything that she does. The eyes of the reader are her eyes if that makes sense.

[Nman625]

I return to the reading scene!

Again, hearing this from her perspective is great! The premise is still great. At it's core, I get to experience these same stories in a new light.

I can't really add a lot in the way of a constructive criticism. I noticed some spelling problems, but those are intense nitpicks. I still have the same problems with the portrayal of the situation, but as it is your interpretation, I'll let it slip and enjoy myself. A good chapter. Looking forward to the next.