The Other Journal

by Ganondorf8

Chapter 22: To Be Alone

Day: Thursday
Weather: Rainy
Time: 9:00am

I've lost everything. In the span of a single night, I've lost everything that I had built up for three years. Now, I was left with nothing. An empty feeling existed in my heart where hatred used to dwell, and even that isn't enough to change my new perception of reality. Last night, the truth about myself became known to everyone at CHS, and already, I have felt the repercussions, being bullied by those I used to make miserable. According to Princess Twilight, as I have started to call her, the magic of friendship had supposedly entered my heart, yet I felt her words are misguided. My heart is empty, devoid of even the basic of necessities. While she has returned home to Equestria, a better understanding of being a princess filling her with joy, I had no emotions to call my own. I had come to accept my new reality, where I am subjugated to the hatred students had towards me, hatred which I deserved to have. Now, I was awaiting my punishment for my actions. What would become of me? I didn't know, and yet, I had no reason to fight it. I was nothing.

The Other Journal
By Ganondorf8
December 4, 2015
Chapter 22: To Be Alone.

" I thought you were forgiven like I was?" Twilight asked.

" No. Compared to me, you got off easily. What you did wasn't your own doing, but what I did, I did willingly and without any remorse." I answered.

" You said the students would do to you what you did to them, right? I'm having a hard time picturing them making you miserable in the exact same manner as you did, exposing their secrets and all that." Twilight said.

" They wanted revenge against me because they knew the truth about who I was. Had things ended up differently that night, my life would have been much different than it is now, yet fate is something that one cannot change no matter how hard they try. No matter what, I was destined to be defeated by the one thing which I had refused to acknowledge because I saw it as a form of weakness. The magic of friendship would cleanse my heart of the darkness which had plagued it for years, and for the first time, I felt regret for my actions." I said. Had my plan succeeded, I would have attacked Equestria with a teenage army, despite the absurdity of it all. Yet, my chances of success would have been pitiful as the other princesses, along with the rest of Princess Twilight's friends, would have defended their home. I guess I didn't think things through; the only thing I cared about was making Princess Celestia realize that she had been wrong about me. Yet, now I realize that I had been wrong about myself, and it took being blasted by a magical rainbow to come to such a conclusion.

" Did you go back to Equestria?" Twilight asked.

" I couldn't." I answered.

" Why not?" Twilight asked.

" I... I couldn't show my face to Princess Celestia, not after everything that I had done. My heart may have been cleansed of darkness, but I could never go back, as I had committed a heinous crime, and the punishment for stealing a sacred artefact would have meant spending the remainder of my days banished to the desolate wastes that lie beyond the southern reaches of Equestria. Princess Twilight knew this, and decided that I was to remain in this world and learn about friendship." I answered. Had my mind been sharper after what happened to me, I would have accepted my punishment and be condemned to a permanent exile, yet that decision was taken away from me before I even had the chance to say anything. I've always been grateful to have been given a second chance, yet a part of me wonders what would have happened had I chosen to be exiled instead of being given a minor punishment? Turning the page of the journal, I showed Twilight a photo of the destroyed entrance to CHS, and her eyes widened with shock. She only knew of what I wrote that described my action, yet seeing it with her own eyes made her look at me, eyes still widened.

" Something like that would have attracted some unwanted attention." Twilight said.

" It did, in the form of the local authorities." I said.

" Someone actually called the police?" Twilight asked.

" Yeah, but they wouldn't arrive at the school until the following morning. Whoever called them had to explain what happened, and they had a hard time believing them until they were convinced to come on over to see for themselves. Before I go into those details, I should first tell you about the ultimatum Princess Twilight made me ponder over. You already have the gist of what the result was, but I think you need to know exactly how it transpired." I answered.

---

Twilight Sparkle, whose crown I had stolen in order to gain power, had given me something to think about, and now the pressure was on me to make a choice, one that would determine my future. While I pondered over her words, I struggled to come to grips with what had happened to me. I had lost everything that I had built up for three years in the span of a few minutes, yet I didn't care about it. In fact, I had no feelings at all. Where hatred once ruled over my heart, nothing existed, not even the most basic of emotions. I felt empty, devoid of existence. Being hit with that magical rainbow had affected me on a mental and emotional level; so many images were flashing through my mind, each one representing who I had become through the use of fear, intimidation, and malice.

I could see the crying faces of students, and myself mocking them, ridiculing them, treating them with contempt. Before, I would have laughed at their misery, and moved on to other victims, but now I saw things from the other side. I realized that I had done terrible things and that the "magic of friendship" had affected me in a way that changed my perspective. No matter what choice I chose that would determine my fate, deep down, I knew that I would be condemned for my actions. In having stolen a sacred artefact from Equestria, thus rendering it defenceless, and bringing magic into a foreign world, my punishment could be only one thing: exile. While Twilight's words continued to make me think of an appropriate answer, in the end, it would mean nothing, as I would be brought back to Equestria and banished to the desolate wastes beyond the southern lands. A punishment fit for a monster like me, one who had lost what it meant to be alive, human or pony.

" Sunset Shimmer? Have you made your choice?" Princess Twilight asked.

" I have." I answered.

" And?" Princess Twilight asked.

" I... I've chosen to accept friendship, but... but all I've ever done since being here is drive everyone apart. I don't know the first thing about friendship." I answered.

" I bet they can teach you." Princess Twilight said, pointing towards the five girls who had helped her create the rainbow which had affected me. I know that I've been calling them special, "five girls", and more, but I should be referring to them by their actual names: Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity. However, even as Princess Twilight spoke, their expressions were ones of hesitation. How could I blame them for such feelings? If I were one of them, and if I had just been pointed at by someone who said exactly what Twilight spoke of, I'd be concerned as well.

" Twilight, I... I know you mean well, but I... I can't expect them to help me. Not after all I've done since I came here. In fact, I probably won't be around for much longer anyway; I must be brought back to Equestria to face my punishment for the crime of stealing a sacred treasure. The best-case scenario for me would involve being exiled to the desolate wastes, a place fitting for someone like me, where I can spend my remaining days wandering the desert... alone." I said.

" Why would you be exiled?" Princess Twilight asked.

" Because I deserve it after all I've done here. The look of hesitation in the eyes of your friends is enough for me to know that they aren't keen on your idea to help me understand friendship, and I know that everyone else here has the same opinion. I'm a lost cause, Twilight, so I should just be shackled up and taken back to face my punishment with whatever little I have left. I've lost everything. No, I never had anything to begin with. I'm just a soulless being who has no purpose, no reason to even exist, so I must remain alone until I can understand friendship on my own. It will take me a long time, but I will get there one day." I answered. After spending a few minutes getting myself out of the crater, since no one offered to help me, I remained on all fours for a while, contemplating what was to happen. So when I looked up at Twilight, expecting her to conjure up some shackles, all I saw was her smiling face, which confused me. I had just signed my own death warrant with what I just said, so why was she looking at me with such warmth in her eyes?

" No, I don't believe you deserve to be punished, Sunset Shimmer." Princess Twilight said.

" Princess Twilight..." I said.

" You and everyone else here may not realize it, but you have suffered just as much as they have. I may not know exactly what you experienced while growing up, but you do not deserve that kind of a harsh punishment. Again, I bet my friends can teach you about friendship, just like how I was able to reteach them after they had forgotten it for so long." Princess Twilight said. I looked around to see if everyone agreed with her assessment, but their skeptical looks were exactly what I expected. No one believed her words, yet they chose to remain silent so as to not offend Her Highness. All I did was sigh as I got on my feet and walked off towards the entrance of the school, my head held downward in shame, in complete silence. She should have made me face my punishment in Equestria, yet she believed that I deserved a second chance, but my fellow students--no, I am not one of them, not anymore, or rather, I never was--would never accept me after what I've done.

Over the course of the next thirty minutes, everyone, with the exception of Snips, Snails, and myself, had gone back to the gym in order to resume the Formal, and while my two "friends" appeared unconcerned with what had transpired, I just sat there on the steps, making sure to keep my distance from them and anyone else. My tears continued trickling down my face, my head slumped down to my knees, my mind in deep thought over what Twilight had said. Could I really learn friendship? Or, was it too late for someone like me to change? Would her friends really help me? Was my destiny to forever be alone? Alone... that had been a constant in my life since the very beginning. Aside from Princess Celestia, I had no one else to turn to, so I spent so much time alone, pretending that I was surrounded by people. As I continued sitting there without moving, without saying anything, a group came out from the destroyed front entrance.

It was Twilight and her friends. I knew without even having to speak that she was about to return home to Equestria, yet she had no idea what was going to happen the moment she walked through the portal. Those looks everyone gave me after her speech. I knew they had a desire to make me suffer, just like how I did the same to them, but I had no intention of speaking out in an attempt to be given pity. If they wanted revenge, I shall let them have it. If they wished for me to be isolated, I shall accept their rejection. If they wanted to bully me, mock me, tease me, intimidate me, and more, I shall accept these without question. No matter what choice I made, the same result would occur: I would be on the receiving end of karma.

" You'll look out for her, won't you?" Princess Twilight asked.

" We'll try to see if we can make her understand friendship, Twilight, but it won't be easy for us. While we may be able to forgive her for what she did, to simply forget isn't easy, as that pain runs deep, deeper than you might realize. Still, we shall try our best, since you believe she deserves another chance." Rarity answered.

" I know it be difficult, but I don't want her to feel isolated and alone. No one, no matter what they might have done in the past, deserves to be in such an awful position as that." Princess Twilight said.

" Although I do expect some sort of apology for last spring's debacle. Twinkleshine was my friend. She wanted to win so much, yet she had to withdraw when it was discovered that her brother had secretly funded a couple of her school projects, and she didn't earn the money honestly. I know she was desperate to win at all costs, but Sunset Shimmer should never have done that, even if it meant doing a good deed, as Twinkleshine was forced to admit that she'd done something so dishonest. Twinkleshine should have been given the chance to tell the truth herself, and not have been publically humiliated." Rarity said.

" I have a feeling she'll be handing out a lot of apologies before she can begin to understand." Princess Twilight said. I then watched Twilight walking alongside her dog until they walked through the portal and disappeared. I quickly looked up at the moon and saw it had reached its apex, and that meant the portal was now closed for another thirty moons. If only she had been a bit more ruthless and demanded that I return to Equestria to face my punishment, I could have avoided what I knew would happen starting tomorrow, but she insisted that I be shown the ways of friendship. I didn't deserve such mercy from her. I deserved to be left alone to wallow in eternal misery for the rest of my days, as I was too far gone to be given sympathy. Her friends then turned to face me after helping Pinkie Pie up from the ground after she ran into the statue in an attempt to try and follow Twilight, and I could see it in their eyes that they were hesitant towards the request Her Highness gave them.

" So, what are we to do?" Rarity asked.

" I know Twilight said we should show her what it means to have friends, but I just can't do it right now." Rainbow Dash answered.

" I don't think any of us can considering everything she's done to us since she first came to CHS." Applejack said.

" We need some time to think this over. Twilight gave us a pretty tall order, and while I do think Sunset Shimmer deserves a second chance, a part of me really doesn't wanna do it after everything she did. Yeah, I know I'll probably get over it, but it'll take time, you know? I think for now, we should leave Sunset to her own devices until we can sort this out." Rainbow Dash suggested. The other girls then nodded their agreements, each having false smiles because they felt like they were betraying Twilight, but when they turned back towards me, I had already walked away into the night, having made the decision for them. I knew they didn't want to help me. Who would help a soulless being? No one would! I was better off alone.

---

" Princess Twilight wanted to give you a second chance because she believed you could turn things around? I must admit, she did take a gamble; there was no way of knowing how you were going to turn out in the end." Twilight said.

" Even I didn't know what would happen, but as you can see, things did turn out well." I said.

" You seriously wanted to be left alone?" Twilight asked.

" After everything I did, I felt that I should be made to suffer in isolation." I answered. Before I could continue speaking, I felt something heavy suddenly press itself on top of my left leg, startling me. I looked downward to see that Twilight had rested her head on my leg to provide comfort. While she didn't say it, I knew that she was sad that I had chosen to punish myself in such a harsh manner, yet it was my belief that I needed to suffer like that until the students of CHS were ready to forgive me for my actions. Placing my hand on top of her head and stroking her purple hair, running several strands through my fingers, and even twirling it about as a sign of affection, I was able to continue with my explanation as to why I wanted to be left alone. " When the students discovered I was responsible for their misery, I knew they would want revenge. Humans, much like ponies, have this desire to strike against those who hurt them through various means: isolation, ridicule, physical abuse, verbal abuse, and psychological abuse. I knew to expect this the coming day, as it would be the first time I would attend CHS as not its ruler, but as its lowest subject." I said.

" At least that was the only punishment you had." Twilight said.

" I'm afraid not..." I began.

" Why?" Twilight asked.

" Self-punishment meant nothing, as the students could have claimed that I was just doing it for attention, so I had to be punished in the proper manner. Principal Celestia had spent the duration of the night coming up with a suitable punishment that would allow me to pay my debts to the school and students, and she would reveal this to me the next day. But first, she and Vice Principal Luna had to deal with the local authorities who wanted to know what happened that night." I answered.

---

The next day after, spending one last night in the shed of the gardener--he would return from his vacation sooner than expected, thus leaving me without a roof over my head during those cold nights--I would slowly make my way towards the destroyed entrance of the school. Just looking at what I had done made me want to just run away and never show my face again, but I knew running away would be giving in to my own fears. As I stared up in complete silence, many students walked by. Most just gave me cold expressions, which I noticed from the corners of my eyes, but others intentionally bumped into me, with one bump knocking me to the ground. A couple of students began laughing at me. As I got myself back up and dusted off the dirt from my clothes, I merely sighed before looking back up at the destroyed entrance.

To think that I caused this damage by being corrupted by the magic of Twilight's crown. Well, it wasn't just the crown that poisoned me. It was the darkness that was once in my heart, amplified by the crown's power, and I chose not to stop it by simply taking it off and throwing it away. My heart wanted me to embrace that dark feeling, and I just accepted it without thinking of any potential consequences for my actions. I wished that I could go back into the past and prevent any of this from happening, but the past cannot be changed, no matter how much one would desire for such an opportunity. I had to live with these consequences for the rest of my life. Once I was finally done looking at the damage caused by my own hands, the hands that have brought pain and misery to so many, I was about to enter the school, when I heard a voice coming from the P.A. system.

" Sunset Shimmer! Please report to Principal Celestia's Office! Sunset Shimmer! Please report to Principal Celestia's Office!"

" Guess it's time for me to accept this world's punishment instead of banishment, which I would have received in Equestria." I said to myself. As I entered the building and made my way over to Principal Celestia's office, I was being watched from all sides by the other students, each one glaring at me with hatred in their eyes, though some merely turned their noses away from me in disgust. I had no desire to lash out at them, because they had every right to treat me in such a fashion. Instead, I just continued walking through the hallways, avoiding eye contact as best as I could. Yet, I couldn't avoid their gazes forever, and some of them bumped into me just like before, a reminder that they wouldn't forgive me for my actions. Upon reaching Principal Celestia's office, I slowly knocked on the door, and she told me to enter. I stepped inside, making sure to close the door behind me, and sat down in front of the one who would determine both my punishment and my fate.

" I'm sure you know why you're here." Principal Celestia said. I said nothing in response to her, so she chose to get straight to the point, rather than try to see if she could get me to talk. " After what happened last night at the Fall Formal, Vice Principal Luna and I had thought about how best to appropriately punish you for your actions. I will admit that the two of us should have noticed this issue years ago, yet we turned a blind eye because we assumed that you and the other students were going through typical teenage problems. We know now that was not the case."

" Are you going to expel me?" I asked.

" And here I thought you were incapable of talking." Principal Celestia answered, taken aback slightly by my sudden decision to say something, when I had been quiet ever since Twilight returned to Equestria. " To answer your question, we do not want to expel you, as that would merely delay the problem, rather than solve it." Her words made no sense to me, and I wish that she had chosen the expulsion route. That would have been the best course of action to take. " In case you were wondering, Sunset Shimmer, the problem involves your perception in the eyes of your fellow students. To simply expel you would mean you would never eventually be forgiven by your peers, and you would forever be alone, without anyone to help you." Principal Celestia said.

" Being alone is what I deserve." I said.

" Is that how you truly feel?" Principal Celestia asked.

" After everything I've done during these past three years, I don't deserve to be forgiven, nor do I deserve to even be here." I answered.

" Everything is going to work out in the end for you, Sunset Shimmer, yet you first need to find yourself in order to truly begin healing. That being said, you will still need to be punished for destroying the front of the school, and you will need to make amends with the entire student body. Therefore, your punishment will--" Principal Celestia stopped as she was cut off by the sounds of a police car approaching the building. While I didn't react to what was going on outside, I was quickly ushered to follow Celestia, who looked flustered over why the police were here. It seemed she wasn't the only one who was curious, as the hallway suddenly became filled with students trying to see what was going on. I, however, just followed along, trying to keep up with Principal Celestia because she wanted me to come along despite my reluctance. When we all reached the entrance to the school several minutes later, Vice Principal Luna was already there speaking to a policeman, and judging from his expression, he was shocked over the damage I had caused.

" You came here because someone contacted you about the front of our school?" Vice Principal Luna asked.

" At first, we thought the guy was crazy, but he kept on saying the same thing: he heard a loud explosion coming from this school, and when he checked to see what had happened, he saw that the front entrance had been destroyed. I came to see for myself, and lo and behold, he was telling the truth. Tell me just why the front of Canterlot High looks like this." The policeman said.

" It is... a very complicated matter." Vice Principal Luna said.

" I hope you don't plan on trying to worm your way out of explaining this, lady! The chief was initially hesitant about investigating this, yet he sent me here anyway to confirm what that guy was saying last night. I don't want to waste your time nor do I want my time to be wasted, so I suggest explaining things quickly. It's starting to seem to me to be an act of vandalism caused by a member of the faculty in order to take advantage of taxpayers." The policeman said. He then walked back to his squad car, reached into it through an open window in order to grab something, then came back and took several photos using a camera which must be what he grabbed.

" What is going on here?" Principal Celestia asked.

" We have a problem, it seems, sister." Vice Principal Luna answered.

" Yes, I can see that." Principal Celestia said.

" I take it that you're the principal?" The policeman asked. Principal Celestia nodded her head, yet remained calm and collected despite this policeman being rather aggressive with his overall approach to this situation. " Someone phoned the station last night about an explosion that destroyed the front of the school, and it appears that the concerned citizen was correct, as I am clearly seeing the damage with my own eyes. Now, I'm assuming that you know the reason behind this damage?" The policeman asked, prompting a second nod from Principal Celestia to confirm that she knew what happened. My heart sank. I was no doubt going to be arrested for destroying public property. I slowly walked forward, but a glare from Celestia brought me to a stop. She was trying to protect me. But why would she do that for the likes of me? I didn't deserve to be given such treatment after what I've done, so I resumed walking. This time, Vice Principal Luna glared at me, stopping my advance again. The policeman had since taken notice of what they were doing, and walked towards me, which made me feel very uncomfortable. " It seems they are motioning to you stop, young lady, as though they were trying to hide you."

" I... I have something I need to say." I said.

" And that would be?" The policeman asked.

" I know what caused the front of the school to be destroyed." I answered.

" Really? Well, I must say that you're being far more cooperative than those in charge around here, but I don't want you to answer on their behalf. I noticed how uneasy you're looking right now, so I'll have them tell me what you know." The policeman said, turning his attention back to the two sisters, who appeared nervous that they were now on the spot instead of me. " Since this student knows the circumstances behind this, I trust that one of you can provide me with an answer? If not, then I'll have to assume that you are holding back key evidence which would force me to arrest both of you for obstructing justice." Both Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna looked at one another realizing that they had no other choice but to expose me as the one responsible, so I lowered my head in shame and took a single step forward before one of the students who had been watching this entire time decided to speak out.

" It was an accident!" The student answered.

" What was that?" The policeman asked.

" It was a building accident!" Another student said.

" And do you have proof?" The policeman asked.

" A maintenance machine came here last night to do some quick repairs to the front of the school, but the driver of the machine was really sloppy with their work, and accidentally destroyed the front entrance. He left with the vehicle." A third student answered. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! The students were trying to protect me from being arrested, yet why would they do that? Why would they want to protect me after all I've done to them? Why not make me suffer in some kind of dungeon? The policeman then began scanning the immediate vicinity, and noticed that there were no track marks to indicate that a machine had even been here. Then, he took notice of the large crater in front of the entrance before writing something down on a notepad that he took out from his pocket.

" I'm not sure if that is exactly what happened seeing as there is a large crater which I somehow overlooked, but I suppose that I'll have to take the words of your students, at least for the time being. I'll be reporting this, but I suggest that you fix this problem as soon as possible. Otherwise, the chief might be forced to get the mayor involved, which I'm sure is something you don't want to happen. It would ruin the school's reputation." The policeman said. He then turned around, walked back to his squad car, got into the driver's side, and left, which brought a sigh of relief to both Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna. I then looked at the students, a confused look on my face because they had protected me. But their expressions were ones of scorn, and I quickly figured out why they didn't want me to be taken away. I suspected they wanted to make me suffer for my actions, and being taken away would have prevented them from taking out their aggression on me. It wasn't a matter of saving me, but rather, keep me around long enough until they were ready to forgive me.

" Well, I suppose that was a crisis that we narrowly avoided, so everyone can go back to your respective classes." Principal Celestia announced, prompting everyone to head back inside while she placed her hand onto my shoulder. " With the exception of you, Sunset Shimmer. You will be needing this." She then handed over what looked to be a trowel, which confused me, but then she pointed towards the school entrance. Snips and Snails were standing there, each boy holding onto wheelbarrows that had cement inside of them. " This is the punishment that I had in mind for you, and for those two, as they were accomplices to your actions. All three of you will be spending your lunch periods, several hours after school, and your Saturdays until the school entrance and the crater have been repaired. In addition, Sunset Shimmer, you'll be apologizing to every student that you have wronged, one by one. I'm expecting all three of you to meet me in the gym within the next thirty minutes. I'll announce that all students report to the gym, where you'll be apologizing to them." Principal Celestia said. While Snips and Snails protested over having to repair the damages I caused, I simply lowered my head before nodding.

---

" You had to repair the entrance and fill up that crater?" Twilight asked.

" It was a just punishment, if I ever saw one." I answered.

" Well, at least Snips and Snails were there to lend a hand." Twilight said.

" For about two, three days, tops." I said. My throat was feeling parched at that point, so I grabbed my bottle of fizzy apple cider and took a few gulps. When I turned to see if Twilight was okay, her head was no longer resting on my left leg. In fact, she was staring right at my face, which made me almost spit out my cider at her. Thankfully, I managed to refrain from doing so and swallowed before addressing my friend's unusual actions. " Are you seriously surprised at their actions?" I asked.

" They're your friends, and friends don't do that to one another." Twilight answered.

" Friends? No. They were never my friends, despite the fact that we constantly hung out with one another. They were nothing more than my minions whom I used to uncover the secrets of my fellow students, and I would have gladly exposed them as responsible for anything that would have implicated me. That's why they would confess to having been manipulated by me all that time in order to get themselves out of their punishment." I said.

Comments

[icecreammac]

A good chapter, as usual. Looking forward to the next one.

[Nova Blaze]

A good chapter, Looking forward to the next one.

[Ganondorf8]

6707517

Glad that you enjoyed reading my take on what happened, but I'll admit that I did make some slight changes such as Sunset climbing out of the crater before Twilight mentions about her no longer having any power. I also wanted to get into Sunset's psyche as what happened to her was quite the jarring experience, and results in her being broken on a mental and emotional scale.

[Nman625]

"I'm not sure if that is exactly what happened seeing as there is a large crater which I somehow overlooked."
~Random Police officer.

XD That line cracked me up. X) You've done a good job portraying that feeling of shock and dread. A feeling that I have felt myself in the past. Of course, I didn't have it as bad as Sunset here but nevertheless the feeling was not a good one. You're portrayal of the student's motives is clear and imposing. This only makes me want to read more. Keep it up Ganon! =)