• Member Since 19th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Raptormon132


Blind Commentator, Actor, Voice Actor, Analyst/Reviewer, and Writer

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A once well respected resident of Ponyville, who had been sent to prison for a crime he did not commit, has been released. But being as almost all of the townsfolk still believe he did it, and have angered-driven hatred towards him, helping this poor stallion to get back into society may be more difficult than the Main 6 had thought, even with the help of the very detective from Fillydelphia who cleared his name. Now all hope relies on Sapphire Shores, The Pony of Pop who makes a stop to Ponyville to visit a certain sick filly, and Princess Luna, the princess of the night who has watched this stallion's suffering for sometime to help fix everything. Will the pop star and princess save this poor prisoner? Read to find out in this drama like story.

Rated MA 15+
Contains: Adult themes, some violence, some brief graphic scenes and description of prison abuse, torture, and rape that may disturb or upset some people.

Chapters (31)
Comments ( 409 )

Quite intresting. I think that the whole town hating him except for the Apples and the main 6 is a little much. There had to be some other ponies in town that beleved in his inosence. Of corse, that's without factoring in the herding mentality of ponies, so I could be wrong. Over all, great start. Can't wait for more.

6569628
Thanks. Later on in the story, you'll find out that there will be some in town who believed in his innocence. I won't say who for spoiler reasons, but you'll find out sooner or later. Also, you should know how skeptical the townsfolk of Ponyville can be towards thing or others. You and I have seen it in episode 9 of season 1, and episode 6 of season 2.
Glad to see you're enjoying the story.

6569628
Also, in case you're interest or curious about these things, here's some interesting facts about the 2 characters, Abacus and Lawful eye.

The name, Abacus comes from the name of a counting frame, which is a calculating tool to calculated and manage money. Which in my view is a perfect name for a Pony who's special talent is accounting. Hence why Abacus is an accountant/Tax accountant in the story.

The design of Lawful Eye and some of her personality is based on the character, Sonata from the MLP fan project, Turnabout Storm. I just love Turnabout Storm, and I love the character, Sonata. So I based Lawful Eye on her.
Link to Sonata image 1: http://neoartimus.deviantart.com/art/Sonata-295859033
Link to Sonata image 2: http://neoartimus.deviantart.com/art/Sonata-2-295859285

Most of the prisoners sent to Hoofstrong Prison Centre were innocent like Abacus

OK, that is really too much to take.
Unless Equestria is a Stalinist level dystopy, is hard to believe its juditial system is so screwed to almost fill a prison with innocents.

6774703
It's suppose to reference the American justice system. I read an article recently that said that half of the prisoners in America are innocent and victims of injust imprisonment. It's suppose to be a reference to that. Plus I was also looking at film that involved a lot of people being sent to prison for crimes they didn't commit, like The Fugitive, The Green Mile and such. I was getting inspiration from those. And I was putting the ignorance of the investigation team from Cantalot as a reference to the My Little Investigation game.

good to see this is still alive. The new cover is alright, so Lawful Eye is Sonata?

Needs a bit of grammar work, but so far it's great!

I guess this takes place before end of S3?

7485311
Well, Lawful Eye has the same character design as Sonata, but yes, it's is in the cover image. I fell in love with Sonata's design, that I use it as Lawful Eye's design. :twilightsmile:

Also, the resent cover image was a challenge. I constructed Abacus Sum's design on pony generator game, as well as the grassy field background. Then I gathered a bunch of character Photoshop cut-out images on the net, and put them together with the pony generator image on my video editing software, and took a screen shot of it. Then I crudely drew the Abacus's butt symbol (cutie mark) and facial scar, as well as the title on paint program. I'm no artist, but I think it turned out great. :coolphoto:

This story is still going to be alive, but it'll be made slowly because of me writing other things. :raritywink: Glad to see you're enjoying the story.

7485688
I just looked at the chapter you commented on, and I think I see what I need to change. Thanks for the heads-up. :raritywink:

7485785
It actually takes place before Twilight becomes an Alicorn, but yes, you're right.

BTW Thanks for adding my story to your Favourites. :twilightsmile:

Oh!! This is exating. But Buddy get a prof reader please som of your words is missing

7619460
I just looked over the chapter you say some words are missing in, and fixed them. I hope it's better now.
Also, I understand that I might need to get a proof reader, but that's easier said than done because of 2 reasons.
1. I don't know where to find any.
2. I don't think I could afford one, because most of them cost a pretty penny to hire, and paying someone online is something I don't know how to do yet.

But, I'm glad to know you're still enjoying it. :twilightsmile:

BTW I also wanted to share some interesting facts about a scene in this chapter, and a fact about the steelectric collars in the story.

The idea and concept of the steelectric collars inspired by the original dark intended plot of the recent Disney film, Zootopia. As the predators were planed to wear shock collars called "Tame collars" which shocked the predators for when ever they got excited or angry. But unlike the tame collars in Zootopia, the steelectric collars are made of metal like a neck shackle, and are enchanted with an electrocution spell that only shocks the wearer when the magic from unicorn members of the prison security or royal guards activates them.

And the part where Warden Rehab removes Abacus's steelectric collar is a sort of reference to the deleted scene from the orignal plot of Zootopia. Look at the video below to see.

What do you think about that?

I'm thinking of writing a blog telling facts about my story, and this I think will be one of them. But I'll wait until I finish the story first before doing that.

7620427 writing a blog sounds lika a good Idea im for it.
Can't you check whit the proof reader group or ask your readers if the whana help.

7621086
Okay, I think I know of some people who might help. There was one person who helped me with my story, Burning's Ass for Money. So I might ask him again.
And I'll keep this proof reader group in mind too. In fact, where can I find them?

That moment when a fanfiction accurately describes the American justice system.

7634171
There's more to it in later chapters. I won't say what for spoiler reasons, but you'll find out. :raritywink:

Happy almost 1 year anin.. now Moooreee please.

7634353
Thank you. :pinkiehappy:
I'll do my best, though I'm going to be writing something else too, while doing this.

7634368 that's ok then, sorry just hope this doesn't go into hiatus again.

I hopp Coco-cunt and Storm cock gets sent to prison. Oh a hate them so much its hurts!
This story tho i fantastic.

7634500
Well, for Storm Dasher and Mr Coco-Nut case...we'll see what comes about.

But I have something in mind to happen to 2 certain characters that I'm looking forward to writing in the next chapter, and it'll be something they really had coming. :raritywink:
And I guarantee it'll be fun writing...for me.

7634438
Well, it might go a bit slower than recent sooner or later, but it won't go on hiatus. Kind of more a semi-hiatus.

YAY! Go applebloom. Make them brats sick you got it girl.:heart:

7640911
Well, like they say: "Karma is a b*tch!" And after what they did, they definitely had that one coming. LOL!:rainbowlaugh:

Let Me guess she's going to visit Applebloom.
Thats Nice.:heart:

7643962
MMMaybe...

BTW What do you think of the 3 songs I chose Sapphire Shores to sing in the chapter?

7652810
Because it has no swearing, or anything too violent so far, but I plan to change the rating before I post the next chapter, since it's going to be a bit more violent, and some of the later chapters will be the same...if not more.

This was wonderful im crying.
This is a fantastic story. I Love it.

7685083
Thanks. Wish the person who recently put a dislike on it thought otherwise. :fluttercry: But oh well. I guess he/she has different tastes.

I thought very hard on what Scootaloo's mother, Fire Fly would die from. And I thought her dying from an aneurysm on Scootaloo's birthday was the dramatic thing I could think of. At first I was thinking to have her die of cancer, but I thought "No. Not dramatic enough.", plus it's too common, while aneurysms are less common in MLP fan fics with ponies dying...or as far as I know.

I hopp abacus sum is freed of charges and thos dame shitheaded pig ponies are putt in jail.

Considering that Scootaloo's dad hit her, I'm surprised that no one has pressed charges on him. More then enough witnesses to get him arrested.

Given it's the elements of harmony against two cops out of their jurisdiction I'm pretty sure that the courts would side with the elements. Also I'm surprised no one has thought to contact the princesses to prevent any arrests

7703238
Don't worry. Those two cops are going to get what's coming to them. :raritywink:

7703356
Question: Did you by any chance read the previous chapters (chapters 13, 14, and 15), or did you just read only this chapter? :applejackunsure:

If so, you should read them to get insight on what happened. Plus they couldn't press charges yet because Scootaloo's dad, Storm Dasher needed medical attention, and was in surgery at the time. Also they do plan to press charges on him and Coco-Nut later anyway for assaulting Abacus in chapter 13.

7703671
Don't worry. One certain princess has been keeping tabs on what's been going on the whole time. (Spoiler Alert):raritywink: In fact, the princesses will get involved soon. And after what's been going on, and how almost the whole town has been towards Abacus Sum, they won't be smiling.

Also I think you might be right about the courts siding with the elements of harmony. The Main six just don't know it yet. In fact, it's given me an idea for something to reveal future chapters. Thanks for that. :twilightsmile:

7704253 Kinda obvious which princess has been keeping tabs since it is Luna on the cover art I'm just surprised that Twilight hasn't thought to get even Celestia involved

7704302
Well, Celestia will be involved later. That's a promise.

7704451 good to hear. Also keep up the good work

Cliffhanger my old nemesis!
Great work tho Love it still.

7713496
Thanks. Cliffhangers is what makes the thrill. And with where Abacus is, it sounds like a pun when you look at it that way. LOL!

BTW How did you like the songs that Sapphire Shores sings, and the character of Sapphire Shores's keyboard player, Rad Ballad? And let's not forget about the short, but the well deserved karma of Diamond Tiara at the start?

Just a question why didn't Luna or Twilight use their magic to catch Abacus?

7723793
Twilight did. She caught Abacus before he tried to run off the cliff after Rainbow Dash brought him back to safety from attempting suicide.
But if you mean when he jumped off the cliff the first, it was because they were not quick enough. Things like that can happen before one has time to react. Plus I didn't think of that, and I wanted to add tension by having Rainbow Dash save him with her supersonic speed.

Just for the note: I'm a bit surprise you're commenting on that, and not on the major bombshell Abacus, Lawful Eye, Rehab, Lock Down, Luna dropped in this chapter. :applejackunsure:

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