Becoming a Part of the Act

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Theo Bromine

Theo Bromine #1 · Oct 19th, 2015 · 1 · ·

This was good! If I may offer some suggestions for future works (assuming you have any plans to make them) I'd recommend that you dwell a little longer on what comes after the change, such as establishing how "you" are getting used to "your" new existence as an extension of someone else. Adding more detail to what's happened to "your" senses and expanding upon the experience of losing all control can really help to make this sort of thing feel more real, which is definitely important in any kind of second-person story and would be even more so in a first person.

That said, I know that for a lot of people it's only the transformation that's important, so if that's your general preference as well then I'd say you did a wonderful job with that particular sequence. Either way, here's hoping to see more from you.

Ivegotcats

Ivegotcats #2 · Oct 19th, 2015 · · ·

6545426 thanks for the suggestions! Yeah, that's what I notice from other CTF fics, and how the "after" is a big thing. Since this is technically the first fanfiction I've ever written, I was unsure of how to pace it, and what to include. I know some people really don't want too much "story" with it, and just want the naughty parts.

It's pretty unlikely that I write any more stories, as this was pretty much a spur of the moment decision. But if I do, I'll make sure to do a bit more work. This was thought of, written, polished, and posted to a few places in a matter of about 4.5 to 5 hours total. I'm pretty happy with it, but I can see obvious places to improve upon if I were to do it again.

Pencils Writer