Twilight finds a book of puns

by Troll

Well this is hawkward

"Hm, well this is interesting."

Twilight's horn glowed as she pulled a dusty old book out of one of the shelves. Stuck all the way in the corner of the library, the shelf wasn't used much, and the books weren't usually read. However, Twilight had read mostly all of the books in the library, including all the new ones that had just come in the day before. This book was dusty, and Twilight had never seen it before.

She blew on the cover, pushing a sheet of dust off of it and revealing the title.

"The Equestrian Dictionary of Puns?" she said, brushing off the book of any remaining dust. The book was large, almost the size of the normal dictionary, and it had pages filled with spaced out puns. Twilight delved into the book, opening to the first page and reading quickly.

By the time it was noon, she had already finished the entire book. Inside her head puns bounced around, covering her mind. She looked around, and every object she saw was now an object of pun.

Looking at the clock, she saw that it was about noontime and that she had promised to meet her friends near the fountain in the central square. Placing the book back into the shelf, she trotted out of the library and toward the fountain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey girls!" called Twilight, trotting up to her group of friends as they waited for her by the fountain.

"Hey Twilight, how's it going?" said Rainbow Dash, stopping her conversation with Applejack.

"It's not two bad," said Twilight, staring at the fountain behind them. "Water you up to?"

"Nothing much, we were actually just planning to go by the beach a couple minutes outside of Ponyville, want to come?"

"I'd love to, as long as it doesn't take a mile to get there."

"What?"

"Nothing."

The ponies all agreed that going to the beach would be the best idea on such a hot day, so they began their trek. They trotted through Ponyville, going through the central square that was bustling with ponies. Applejack decided to stop and buy an apple for a snack.

"One apple, please," said Applejack, sliding one bit to the pony behind the stand. She came back with two apples, even though the sign said that it was one bit per apple.

Applejack picked the apples one at a time, eating one whole right as she took it off of the stand.

"I thought that each apple was one bit? How did you get two?" said Rarity as Applejack chewed on her apple.

"She must be an in-cider in the apple business," chimed Twilight.

Applejack swallowed her apple. "Twilight's right, us here apple growing folks are in the business together, which means discounts."

Rarity nodded. "It's nothing like that in the fashion business."

"That's probably because it's sew competitive, every fashion designer wants their competition's store to clothes."

"I suppose you're right Twilight."

Twilight frowned. None of her friends were picking up on her brilliant use of puns. She had to up the usage, and fast, if she wanted the dictionary to be of any use to her.

The ponies exited Ponyville and entered a forest filled with tall trees that were spaced out just enough as to allow the sunlight to come through.

"Wood you look at this, leaf it to nature to make paths like these beautiful," said Twilight, looking around at everything around her. "I'm not so frond of these ferns, but that's oak, because if yew look around the trees spruce things up."

"Twilight, stop using puns," said Rainbow Dash.

"You've noticed?" said Twilight, a smile coming to her face.

"We've all noticed Twilight," said Applejack.

"And it's annoying," finished Rarity.

"Sorry," said Twilight, putting on a sheepish smile,"I didn't know you weren't a fan of my pleasan-tree."

Applejack groaned. "Will you stop making bad jokes Twilight?"

"Sorry, I've got them rooted in my brain."

"If you're going to tell jokes, tell them later. Right now we need to focus on getting to the beach," said Rainbow Dash.

"But Rainbow Dash, there is no time for rest, I can't save these jokes fir later." Twilight let out a small giggle as Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

"Twilight, even I don't think these are funny," said Pinkie Pie.

"Yes Twilight, please stop these bad jokes," said Rarity.

"I see you're sycamore puns, but I hope you stick around, because they're just blooming and I'm lichen them." Twilight broke out into a wide smile, unable to hide her glee any longer. She thought the puns were hilarious, while everypony else just groaned at the sound of them.

"Twilight, stop, even Fluttershy is tired of them," said Applejack.

"Well, um," stuttered Fluttershy. She bowed her head. "It's true, I don't like them," she croaked in a raspy voice.

Twilight looked at Fluttershy. "Fine, I'll stop, but you willow me one."

With a final groan, the ponies silently made their way through the forest and to the beach, lest they talk and spur more puns from Twilight.

They finally made their way out of the forest and into the sandy beach area. Nearby was a tall cliff, overlooking the blue water. It could almost be considered a mountain, had it not been over the water.

Twilight started to smile, and the water section of the dictionary flooded into her mind.

"Hey look, it's the ocean!" she yelled. "Everypony wave!"

Before the ponies could groan, Twilight was already on to her next pun.

"I'm shore we'll have a fun time here, but if you sea a storm we'll have to leave. I'm getting a little tongue tide with all these puns, but they're kraken me up. I shell not bait any longer, let's go test the water."

"Twilight, stop," said a bemused Applejack.

"Whale, I guess I cod, but water we going to dew? This trip has no porpoise if I can't make puns."

"Seriously Twilight it's getting old," said Rarity.

"Pier pressure has no effect on me."

"Nopony pikes your puns," said Rainbow Dash.

"I eel a little bad making all these puns, but water you going to do?"

The ponies gave up, there was no stopping Twilight.

Suddenly, Spike came running through the forest and into the beach holding a letter from Celestia. He had hair above his lip.

"Twilight, I mustache you a question!" he exclaimed.

"Alright, what is it?"

"Did you see Celestia about sending the dresses to Neptune?"

"Dresses on Neptune? It's freezing up there!" exclaimed Rarity,"What is going on Twilight?"

"Nothing Rarity, I just wanted to have the coolest outfits." Spike and Twilight broke out into laughter. Rarity started to giggle, and it eventually grew into a laugh. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack all joined in, finding humor in the pun.

Fluttershy remained silent.

"What's wrong Fluttershy, you didn't find it funny?" asked Twilight after she had finished laughing.

"I did, but I don't really want to laugh," said Fluttershy. She paused for a moment.

"Because I'm a little horse."

Comments

[nerothewizard]

Every ounce of my yes. Laughing the whole way through. Well done.

[n]

:/

[ChowderT]

Oh God, the horror.
So many puns.

[Atheron]

Dat ending.

All I have to say.

[MclarenMP4-27]

Haha, even Pinkie Pie didn't like them. I loved that line. Kudos, it was very punny. Yeah I said that, wanna fight about?

[I Brained My Damage]

"Nopony pikes your puns," said Rainbow Dash."

weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/i-see-what-you-did-there.png

[SuperPinkBrony12]

This could very well be an episode except Hasbro would likely make Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash be the one to make all the puns.

[Deyeaz]

Trollestia approves of this fic.

[TheOnly]

You bastard you.

[wolfbain]

... you have my gratitude good sir/madame... i tip my hat to you

[muter3456]

Oh. Dear. Gods. What have I just read.

You sir deserve this like for making me LAUGH at a story about puns!

[EsauCursehoof]

Well my brain hurts, but it's quite nice, really.

[Rainy Meadows]

OH GOD.

This was hilarious, if a little painful to read!

[mmonsoon326]

wow, eye sea what you did there

[Troll]

677165 umad?

[SevenVenom]

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmot3itRZA1qafrh6.gif

[BronyPie]

So many puns! I love it!

[aaaa_aaaa]

Terrible. Absolutely terrible.

Favorited.

[FanNotANerd]

Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? It's two-tired.
What happens when a clock is hungry? It goes back four seconds.

...That's all I got.

[Bugenhagen]

You do realize I'll have to punish you for this.

[infinite scratch]

[TacoTown]

very punny.

[badsitrep]

This is punderful.

[TheKageKitsune000]

The entire time I read this I just kept face palming.
Was still funny

[Frost Wing]

I "sea" what you did at the end

[TheKageKitsune000]

Oh oh! I've got it

I don't see why everyone is raging on this story
I thought it was
*puts on sunglasses*
punny

[Dashie McCourty]

Because I'm a little "horse".

[Shumiry]

Ha ha ha ha! "I'll have to PUNish you." Well played Bugenhagen. Laughed until my cheeks hurt, can't really ask for more than that from a comedy tag. Kudos! You've won a like from me! Please keep writing, I'll keep reading.

[Troll]

677243 Your puny punishment will meet a punt from my foot, puncturing you, punk.

[Starlight Fire]

Wow.

[StarSorio]

I got to say, i love puns, but you have to use it right for it's an art! You have to use them right, or you'll be left in the shade, but use it right and everyone will get a stroke of laughter.
But then again, you should know your limits, otherwise the mood will have quite a bad contrast

When it comes to play on words, you have to roll them out right, other wise the feel won't come out prop-er.

fine i'll cut with this act

scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2219-c36.gif

[NinjaBrony43009]

You, my good sir, are one gloriously clever bastard. Hat's off.

[UnweptSchlipps]

Jeez Twi', somepony's being shellfish with the puns.
Keep this up, and you might oystercize your friends.
To stop her, the others might need a little extra kelp.
And Spike: Neptune, really? Could ya be anymore pacific?
But even though she's annoying, Rarity, no need to be a real beach about it.

Okay, I'm done. So much puns...oww.

[expert jacob]

Liked and favorited. I'm a sucker for some cheesey puns. I blame Dead Rising 2

[InkFathom]

The...puns...
THEY BURN!!!
JK. I thought they were very punny.
...I see what you did there...

[Dleifragcat]

OH FLUTTERSHY YOU TROLL!

[Waterpear]

ALL OF MY PUN-RAGE

Look at me, reduced to using a ton of emoticons. +1 for you

[xxGamer101xx]

fim.413chan.net/fic/src/130221079136-Luna_happy.jpg

So many puns!!!!!!

[ElMikkino]

Yes!

[Lorem Ipsum]

Well, this is the first time I've ever gotten cramps in my cheeks before...

[Bronzedragon]

As far as puns go I think that Rarity would be the one to keep her friends in stitches . As long as she

didn't lose the thread of the story she could keep needling her friends. The story would just keep

bobbin along and if one of them got sad she could stop and singer a song until someone put their foot

down. I guess with all these puns I'm going to get a good basting from everyone. The cops will arrive

get out the cuffs and make the collar. OK,OK I'll stop put the rope away.

[Timely]

I'd complement you with a pun, but I suck at puns.
Good story, it wasn't painful like puns normally are(I'm looking at you Disney channel!), and at the end of every joke, my mind added a rimshot.

[nemryn]

[Frostbyite]

This was snot funny, i mean come on troll i nose you can write a story that will blow me away.

[Airstream]

My teeth are literally grinding right now.
Why did it have to come to this?

[EXbronymaster]

fucking puns aren't punny....

[The Commander]

dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

[hayatecooper]

Can't stop smiling... damn you and ruining my sad aura of sadness!

[Number_2]

Pure gold! God, that was hilarious!

[Deyeaz]

I KNEW IT WOULD MAKE IT TO THE FEATURE BOARD. I JUST BUCKING KNEW IT.