Hello people (and ponies, few as there are) of the internet! As a few of you may know, the Author "Shadow Flame" is going away. By the time I've posted this, he's already gone. He'll be back in two years, hopefully...
Anyway, he made a one-shot "Cool Story Bro, But it Needs More...Ponies!?!" and I really loved it. It's funny it's... oh go read the review! But, he's gone and after his 3rd (and last) installment in the series, I deiced to make a tribute to him, even if he doesn't see it! So, as the chapters go on, it will spoil those stories, so I WILL NOT WRITE until you all go read that... I'm just kidding, but for real though, go read it.
Sequal in Progress! No. Forget that noise, I need to fix this train-wreck first!
P.S: Garry Stu warning... sorry about that...
I like this.keep this up and it could be really good.but try and add a little bit of backstory for the people that haven't read "cool story bro...MOAR PONIES".Other than that this is pretty good. The alicorn......im suspicious....
Minor note: That's not the official story. At all.
By which I mean, yes, that's what happened, but aside from a small group of people that's not what everybody thinks happened.
nice keep it up
Hrm.
And I only just realized that your character has wings and a horn.
Not going to lie, I assumed that was impossible. Oh well, eventual Outliers crossover. I need to establish my characters a bit more before I do anything.
I like where this is going. Please bless us with frequent updates o benevolent author
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Ok... but only because you got my name right. (Jk, I'd do this for free... which I already do, so... business as usual!)
Wait I thought it was the entire continent that was changed. I hope someone knocks this guy down a few pegs. Just because he gained hours and wings does not mean he is going to gain followers.
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I hope you do this guy could be trouble if he is not careful. Still this story shows promise and anoth story and n the group!
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... I never thought about it that way... (evil ideas of alicorn overlord breaking fannon beyond repair fill brain)
Excuse me sir, but last I checked... Ok, never mind bucking the cloud does make it rain 'til it's empty
... I'm sure it was lightning last week. Well, what can you do?
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Well you see.... if you buck the cloud from the side you get rain, but if you buck at an angle, lightning.
There are intense metaphysical reasons for this, mostly being: I forgot about that...
Soooooooo... First comment.
Cliché.
Doubt you cloud think of a better comment
Actualy I can! This was a very good chapter and I especially liked the way he got his dad to start flying with what I automatically saw as both a scootaloo and back to the future joke. Plus, I find it rather funny and disappointing of his parents to not go to equestrian relief
Ummm... What he said...
A plain does not have wings.
A plane, however, does.
All you need is some determination to type again.
7043002 Wings, however, do come in plain.
papajohns.co.uk/images/sides/plain-roasted-chicken-wings.jpg
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I've been playing undertale... I'm not sure "determination" is a good thing... (CHARA, cough cough)... also, PACIFIST RUN FOR THE WIN!!!
We're gonna need a montage song
I just had to do it as soon as I saw the title of the chapter
nice
And don't neglect that Earth Pony component, hmm?
Don't forget that Earth Pony component. Alicorns are the best of all 3 races.
Also, that would be flare, not flair
That's "definitely"
well, also increased stamina and finer manipulation with their hair.
This guy he kinda a dick.
I got to chapter 2 before I had any idea that the protagonist was an alicorn prince.
This story is the definition of Gary Stu. Main character gets to be an alicorn, bosses his parents around, and instant acceptance on his situation. Basically gets everything he wants.
Also please proof read your work. There are a lot of autocorrect spelling errors.
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*realizes I created a gary stu*
ummm... he isn't a magic prodigy?
Well... sh**. This deserves some investigation, and possibly a rewrite
The story I'm working on is about a guy named Liam who becomes an alicorn
Is it ok for two Liam's to exist as alicorns? I could always change it if you'd like me to.
I'm new to this, so im not sure what the procedure is.
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I say, each story that isn't cannon adds it's own additional facts to the cannon, essentially being it's own parallel universe to the original.
In short: go nuts, it's your story.
Fair bit of warning though: try to make the character compelling and... you know, not OP. But more importantly: BALANCE THOSE TWO THINGS! I focused too much on making him "not OP" that he became a Garry Stu in a completely different way, being not compelling and bland as mush. Take that into consideration, succeed where I have failed.
Love this Fic!
Are u planning on addinf to it anytime soon?
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Yes, but I have a LOT in the works right now, and this is is my B- grade material, so I'm working on rewriting others that need more attention. And there are quite a few problems with this story that I need to fix, namely that the main character is really uncompelling (a Gary Stu).
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But yes, yes I am... just don't expect it anytime soon.
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I honestly think that the character is perfectly fine, but I understand; its your decision.
My god this reminds me of Pandemic