Chapter 1: The beginning
I woke up to the cold touch of wind gently caressing my fur for the first time. I opened my eyes to take a first look upon the world and what I saw was breathtaking.
A multitude of tiny lights sprinkled across the otherwise jet black sky, some moving, some sat still, some shone brighter than others but the brightest of them all stood proudly to the right of the sky, showering the world around me in a faint light.
I looked left to see a much brighter source of light filling the sky with an orange glow and as it slowly went down into the horizon. The light faded ever so slowly leaving behind a purple tinted sky.
That was my first sight, my first memory.
I sat there staring for what seemed like hours when I decided to sit up and see what else there was to discover. What I saw was trees surrounding the small clearing that I currently occupied and I looked down to see a few faintly glowing flowers scattered around were I had woken up. Curious I touched one of them feeling the smooth surface of the pedal.
After a bit of inspecting my surroundings I tried to move. At first I fumbled around and when I finally got a feel for my limbs I struggled to keep my footing as I continuously stumbled and fell. When I finally managed to stand up I slowly started to walk into a random direction.
After a while of walking and stumbling I started to get the hang of it as it began to feel natural and easy for me to do. My mind began to wonder as I started thinking about the little dots in the sky, about the flowers and how beautiful they were and I wanted to make something just as beautiful.
I started to concentrate on how I could make something like that I started felt a tingling sensation in my right arm. I lifted it up to eye level to see it now had strings of light flowing around my hand and when I leaned my head a little closer to get a better look I accidentally walked into a rock near the edge of the clearing, I stumbled backwards but managed to regain my footing.
I looked back up at the rock and frowned, glaring daggers at it when I heard a giggle coming from behind a nearby bush followed by a hush.
Out of curiosity I started to walk towards the bush that the voices had come out of and soon after a excited sounding voice said something I couldn't understand in a hushed tone, then another snapped back more angrily but still hushed like the first one.
I continued to walk towards the bush when suddenly a dark blue figure jumped out at me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Luna was trotting away from the courtyard of her and her sister Celestia's castle towards the everfree with a neatly folded net floating next to her.
Celestia had gotten a pet phoenix for her 11th birthday and Luna found it unfair that she didn't get a pet too on her birthday the day before, so after not so much thinking the now 5 year old alicorn filly decided that she was going to get her own pet, so she took a net from the Hunter's hut and headed out.
'But from where?' she had thought to herself. She couldn't just go into one of the nearby towns and take a pet from them, that would be stealing. She refused to come back empty hoofed, so she stopped trotting and sat down net still floating next to her and looked around trying to find a good place to find a pet. Then her eyes met with a forest not so far away from the castle. The Everfree Forest.
Luna smiled widely as she saw the forest. Of course she would find a pet in the Everfree, there were lots of animals there, and she was going to catch one, train it and make it her pet. She just had to make sure Celestia or Starswirl wouldn't follow her. Luna looked around to see if anyone was there and when the coast seemed clear she trotted off into the forest, net in tow.
--------------
After about 3 hours later of searching Luna started to get impatient. All the animals she had found had all run away as soon as the saw her or were mean and growled at her.
It was getting dark and Luna was hungry so she started to head back. but just before she started to turn around to head back a softly glowing leaf flew past her, swiftly grabbing her attention and Luna's childish wonder took hold as she forgot about her grumbling tummy and followed the glowing leaf.
The leaf, after a rather short journey, had landed in a clearing, Luna had fallen behind, her little hooves only being able to move her so fast but when she entered the clearing the leaf started to glow brighter and brighter.
Luna reacted quickly by running to and hiding behind a nearby bush fearing what might happen.
The light only grew brighter and brighter, Lighting up the sky like a beacon and then... Nothing, the light disappeared leaving behind another glowing figure sitting in the same spot as the leaf had been and having faintly glowing flowers scattered around it.
When Luna was sure it was safe to come out a sound of somepony teleporting rang from behind her followed by a loud, "eh-hem".
At that moment the only word that Luna could think of was 'busted' as she slowly turned around to see her magic teacher and caretaker Starswirl standing behind her with a angry and disappointed frown on his face.
"Luna, what did I tell you about going into the forest unsupervised?" He asked Luna sternly.
Luna smiled sheepishly, "That it was okay if you were on a super duper important mission?"Luna answered as innocently as she could.
Starswirl shook his head and sighed "No, I told you not to, but you decided it was a better Idea to run in alone without permission." He put a hoof on Luna's shoulder. "The Everfree is not a safe place for a filly, Luna. What if a timberwolf had found you before I did?" he scolded.
Luna's head dropped in shame. She had been so excited to get a new pet that she didn't really think of that. 'But it was unfair, why did Tia get to have a pet I don't?' Luna thought to herself as Starswirl scolded her.
"Now come Luna we should get back. It's dark out, I'm hungry and I'm sure that you are too." Starswirl told her sternly.
For a little bit Luna was going to agree, she was hungry and the unicorns had raised the moon and the sun was almost completely set but then she realized something. She looked back to see the net almost completely out of sight.
He hadn't noticed it.
A smile threatened to creep itself upon Luna's face, her horn lit up momentarily to hide the net from Starswirl. Then she looked up and looked at him him her best puppy dog eyes she could muster, "Can we please stay a little longer? I just want to see the animals." Luna asked her eyes somehow getting even wider.
Starswirl put up a good fight mustering a solid, "no" but eventually caved and agreed on staying.
Luna practically beamed at the answer and turned back around to observe what had happened, Starswirl followed soon after and was confused and intrigued at what he saw as evident by his expression.
The glowing figure from before had turned out to be a small two legged animal with glowing white fur, black eyes with white pupils, a tail and what looked like four ears, two of them exceedingly larger than the other pair higher up on its scalp. The creature seemed to concentrating on its hand for some reason and didn't seem to notice a sizable rock in front of it and walked face first into the rock.
Luna couldn't help but chuckle at its mishaps, Starswirl shushed her telling her to be quiet but it was too late, the creature had noticed them and was now coming closer.
Luna was practically shaking with excitement and her horn glowed as she took the net from it's hiding spot, Starswirl quickly noticed what Luna was doing and tried to stop the little filly but was too late as she lunged at the creature, trapping it in the net.
Luna cheered in victory She had done it she'd gotten a pet! It was amazing, after three hours of searching she finally did it!
Luna clapped her hooves together in excitement, giggling and laughing, then she felt a hoof touch her shoulder.
"Luna, let it go." Starswirl said, his face not showing any distinct emotion.
Luna turned to face him with an annoyed expression, "Why?! I caught it myself and I want a pet!" she whined.
Starswirl pointed at the creature with a hoof, "Look at it" he told her.
Luna obliged and looked at the creature, her ears dropped and her smile turned into a frown.
"Does it look happy to you?" He asked her, "Does it look like it wants to be your pet?" he added.
The creature was terrified, gnawing and scratching the ropes trying to get out, breathing quickly and erratically, it was in a state of pure fright and panic.
Luna tried to reach for it but before she could even touch the creature it reared back and almost tangled itself inside the net, Luna quickly drew back her hoof, "I'm sorry Starswirl, I didn't mean to I just... just..." Luna started.
"Wanted a pet," Starswirl finished, "I know." He sighed and removed himself down to Luna's eye level. "I know that you're jealous of Celestia because she got a pet phoenix, but that is no reason to go out and get one yourself, not to mention in a dangerous place like the Everfree forest." he said.
"I'm sorry." she apologized, disheartened.
"I know you are." he said sympathetically as he took her in for a hug.
Luna said nothing and accepted the hug.
Starswirl gently stroked her mane, "Look, Luna, you can't go around and catch wild animals to be your pet, they don't want for somepony to pet them or take care of them. Most animals are scared of ponies so they avoid them." Starswirl said, but again he was met with silence.
Starswirl looked down at Luna who was now on the verge of tears, he smiled gently and broke the hug, "Luna, why don't you let it go now, so it can go its own way," he suggested as he pointed at the trapped animal.
Luna nodded and used her magic to lift the net off of the creature,"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you" her head dropped and she closed her eyes, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'I have to get out! I have to get out!' Was all I could think of at the time, I was trapped in a net and instinct had taken over. I chewed and scratched but to no avail and then the creature tried to grab me and I reared back trying to get away from it so it quickly pulled it's hoof back and spoke. I couldn't understand anything it said but I could tell by its voice that it felt some guilt in it's actions.
I was still weary of the creatures in front of me, both being larger than me, so I continued to think of a way to get out and just then I remembered what I was doing just before being captured. I concentrated on the dots and flowers again and again I felt a tingly sensation in my arm I lifted it up too see a familiar glow around my hand and I concentrated even harder on the dots and then a glowing orb started to form just above my right hand.
When it finished forming I willed it to move to the robes and cut them but as much as I tried the orb did nothing, seemingly just passing right through them, I sighed and stopped trying, as soon as I did the orb dissipated.
I turned my attention back at the creatures in front of me and saw the larger gray coated one stretch its hooves in a gesture the smaller one seems to accept and hugged it, the gray coated one seemingly comforting the smaller dark blue coated one.
After a short period of time they broke the hug and the larger gray coated one pointed at me and said something which I still couldn't understand and the smaller one turned to me with a hung head and drooped ears, her horn lit up and the net was lifted, I was freed.
My first thought was to run and get out of there. I turned around and was ready to take off but then I looked back at the creature, it looked genuinely sorry for what it had done and this made me want to show it my gratitude so I turned back around and walked up to it, its head now hung low.
I poked its forehead, it being about twice as tall as I was and it looked up at me getting confused when it saw me. I only smiled and gave the same pose as the gray taller creature had just before, the creature's sad expression quickly turned from being sad to happy and it took me up and gave me a bone crushing hug.
'This was a bad Idea, wasn't it?' Was the only thought that came to mind at that moment as it crushed me under its hooves.
Stats
Page generated in 0.023 seconds
Total duration
998 users online
57,275 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
The 'Beginning'?
I am glad to see you decide to restart this story. I never really liked displaced stories and I am a big fan of Ori and the blind forest.
I love how this reflects the beginning of the game. Keep up the good work.
Great star and also a good I think it was a smart idea to rewrite the story. I can't wait for more!
Thank you for telling me about the story, but I´m going to read it a bit later. I don´t feel ill or anything, but I don´t think I´m in the right state to give you my honest opinion if I should read it now, I just can´t enjoy it with the slight headache.
I still hope it doesn´t end, like I think I heard the game is supposed to end, you know with him going back to where he came from, or did he not even exist anymore in the end, I´m not sure what I had seen back there. I´m sure it is fun to play, but I could watch the whole time as another one played it on youtube.
6536812 Spoilers for the game ahead: no Ori did survive in the game, there was no indication that she left only that she watched the rebirth of her race
I hate Starswirl most of the time, but not in this story, since he gave me no reason to hate him. I guess I just didn´t liked the idea that only that single Unicorn was able to be nearly as good as he was, it would be more realistic, if at least some of them got 3/4 of his power, or something like that.
I hope that was just Luna getting the wrong idea, well it doesn´t means that I don´t like him, since he doesn´t have to be the same Starswirls as in the show. It is just something like an instinct, that I have a hard time to like some certain OP characters.
Well long story short, I have as usually some characters I prefer, and some that I don´t prefer, but it was a nice chapter.
I just hope to see someone else than the usual Faust, as her mother. I understand some of the other reasons for it, but I get a bit tired of reading about her being nothing else than a god, and really nothing else.
Sometimes even something far stronger than we could image, but at the same time she doesn´t manage to do anything, I just like it different sometimes, but I don´t hate it if you should choose her as her mother.
6537208 starswirl and faust together? oh god that would be a whole other story in it's own right, but no, there will be no faust mother in this story, though I am not saying she won't be included.
6537503 That is okay, I just don´t know why no one tries to let her be(Faust) something different than a god, it is like they would be afraid of her being well just a Filly, or something like that.
6537208
What about a story where Starswirl is a female, earth pony, con-artist?
6537713
I've read a story where Faust was just Lyra's college roommate (and she only showed up in flashbacks, also). I think she was a unicorn in that one, but it's been a while.
6540538
If I understand it right, that could be interessting, at least something else.
However I don´t think you still have the name for one of those storys, have you?, that is if the first one even already exist.
6540591
The Legend of Star Swirl the Bearded
Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production
I couldn't remember the name of either one for a while. Sadly, they are both incomplete.
*Clap clap clap clap clap clap*
Ori and the blind forest = Nominated in categories : Feels,: Game of the Year.
This fic is good.
6563114 thank you I worked hard on keeping this chapter a good as can be while writing, and I am glad you like it
6532344 yes the beginning of Ori's life, the time where she was born and evidently found by Luna.
The beginning of her life story.
6569614 My phrasing is in quotations due to the spelling of the chapter title requiring three 'n's.
6569629 Huh, thought I fixed that already, and how in the world did I miss that?
6569653 There we go, good as new.
that is cute.
Still worried about disappointed us? Dude don't worry about it, you'll never know if you don't try.
6672281 Don't worry the next chapter is ready, it's just going through editing at the moment it will be out soon
Ahh, I was excite for the restart. And it seems you have delivered a delicous first chapter.
Just a reccomendation for the re-write, try to keep out the displaced as much as you can. It usually degrades the quality of the story a lot. When I read stuff I want to see how the character grows and becomes better on their own, not what happens when you throw a whole bunch of characters at it.
No matter if you take my advice or not. I am excited to see where you take this
It's a nice concept, but it's going a bit fast. You should be showing, not telling. Try to paint a picture with words, don't just say what's happening.
Example bad:
I looked at the creature. It spread its arms and I frowned. I smiled as I realised what it was doing. I hugged the creature.
Example good:
I looked at the glowing blue creature in front of me with curiosity. It's luminescent body lighting the darkness of the forest around us as its eyes stared into my own. The creature spread its arms, causing me to frown, expecting an attack, but once I recognised the gesture I smiled, rushing forward to reciprocate the hug.
See how much better it is? It paints a picture. It's longer, more content with better quality.
I like to think you can never have too much detail in a story.
But
Luna cheered in victory.