*NOT A DISPLACED FIC* (anymore)
(First chapter to be revised soon)
Paul was just a guy that wanted to go to Comic-Con International and see the teaser for the new Star Wars movie, but of course, he had to complete his cosplay and buy the replica lightsaber.
Now, he's a Jedi in Equestria, and the ponies need his help. They need him to lead an army against the coming griffon forces.
Paul just wants to go home. He wasn't cut out for a life of war. He wants to go home where it's safe, where he can be just another person in the crowd, and where there aren't mythical creatures trying to kill him at every turn.
But he has decided that he will not sit idly by and wait for a way out while the ponies that so readily accepted him are besieged by the mastermind he brought along with him. He will lead them to victory, that their homeland might be spared.
This is the story of Paul the Jedi Sentinel, General of the Equestrian Armed Forces.
When Twilight finds out that it was only dumb luck.
Just hope that no one messes with his lightsaber.
Oh, this is much better, yes.
I can give it a thumbs-up now.
6542546
Thanks! Much appreciated.
That feels a lot better than the first try.
Also, the delicious idiocy of ponies, that never gets old. Let´s see how this will spiral out of control. Oh and not to mention the potencial for all kinds of science-y shenanigans once Twilight sees Pauls "magic" in action.
We need to convince all the people who gave this a thumbs-down to reread it and change their minds.
Nice, nice.
Twilight, no respect for personal boundaries hn? All for the higher good of learning somethng new? You know, little horsey, wars has been started "for the greater good". On a side note, am I a sick/bad person because I think it would be well deserved if Twilight accidentaly had activated the Lightsaber and hurt herself with it?
Oh, and why is half the story in italics? It confuses me a bit.
6566041
I probably missed an "end italics" in there somewhere. I'll fix it now.
6566060
Ah, okay.^^
This is certainly going in a different direction than it did "last time." If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're farming your writing out, as this is MUCH better than it was before I pounced on you. Excellent work.
6567795
This is true. The first attempt was very... Sophomoric is the word I would use. I just kinda thought that it was similar to the general events that happen in the first chapter or so of an HiE, so I justified it to myself that way.
I now realize just how stupid that was. A writer should strive to be original.
Thank you for giving me the push I needed.
you are getting a favs because starwars/mlp fim
6574792
I honestly couldn't care less about faves. I only really care for people who will read and enjoy because it's good and not just because of the content base.
I've seen a lot of authors that care about faves and treat them like a huge deal, but I just see them as a free handout from most people.
Thanks for your comment though.
Not that it was productive in any way.
6577065 eeeehh I tend to wait and see more of the story in further progression Before making suggestions and comments. Not only that but I hardly favorite a story unless its really good, even more so if its just starting on its first handful(hoof-full?) of its chapters. It kinda also has to do with being a fan of Star wars the old republic game and the mlp tv show. I've been waiting for someone to come up with something close to this for a while and for it just beginning its on a really goooood~ start.
6577821
Oh, cool, I understand that. I actually don't really see any point to faves, but that's just me, so... Eh.
And thanks for the compliment, but I can't take full credit. Without Lycanthromancer, this story would suck. Like a lot.
Also, I thought you came off a little condescending in your first comment, but upon further review, you seem like a nice enough person. My bad, I judged you too quickly and based off of limited information. I sincerely apologize.
And again, thank you.
Will he get any unusual force powers from the extended universe like the ability to create worm holes or raise the dead EX
5 force uses . Also I would like to say Vader did bring balance before their were two sith and thousands of Jedi after his rule thare were two jedi last vs the sith army.
You caught my interest with this story and I look forward to reading more.
6669872
Due to the extended universe being regarded as generally non-canon, I can say that he will most likely not have any of these abilities. However, he still has a ways to go before he masters basic use of The Force, as he is still, as the title implies, a Jedi in training.
6704999
Thank you for the compliment! It is much appreciated. But as I have said before, and will undoubtedly say again, Lycanthromancer's help nudged me towards rewriting the first chapter into what it is now. You don't want to see what it was before...
Anyways, thanks for commenting, it helps me feel like I'm not just talking to a wall, know what I mean?
6725527 I can sympathize the wall part oh too well.
I like it^^
And thanks for crank this chapter out for us
But I think Paul was a bit too confidence as he used the Force. He just used his powers only once and even that was an accident. I actually hope to see him freaking out about what he just did, in the next chapter.
6752816
Thanks, for the comment, I really appreciate it.
Now, as to Paul's use of the Force, he was basically running on adrenaline for most of that encounter, and since all Force users are 'naturally atuned' to using it, the subconscious instinct took over and acted.
I basically see it as a thing that if you focus, you will get it; if you aren't thinking about it, you will get it. But, if you overthink it, nothing will happen.
I hope my explanation makes sense. Thanks for reading.
P.S. What do you think of the Sith reveal? Does the fact that it's an OC turn you more towards or away from the story?
6753565 Hm... I can life with the adrenaline explanation.
I like the idea that a Sith is manipulating the Griffons. And him to be an OC is not really important to me, as long as you give him some personality.
I actually worked on a Story in my head where I would end up as a Sith in your Equestria. Or rather, the Griffin-Kingdom^^
Will there be moments when another displaced is needed to whup ass? Cause mine still haven't found a way home and love a good beating.
6762157
There will definitely be a chance for a cross over with your story if you so desire, just not quite yet. PM me and we can work out the details of what you want to do.
Every time i read one of these and they go through the human's things while they're in hospital i can't help but think how much of a massive breach of a person's privacy that is, not to mention it probably breaks a fuck tonne of their own laws, yet nobody seems to care.
6776702
Well, at this point in the story, Paul still thought that he was in dream, and reasoned it away like that. Also, it doesn't really get brought up after that, but don't worry, it will in coming chapters. Twilight will realize her mistake soon enough.
Enjoyable so far, gotta set the background for your story.
[quote“First Lieutenant Silver Shine is quite a stickler for the rules. Every officer has to memorize the guidebook before completion, and most forget all of it within a month, but Silver Shine expects everypony to follow every rule with precision.]
Why do I get the feeling you referenced back to the future
6840106
Honestly, if I did reference it, then I did so entirely by accident.
What part did you think was a reference?
6841045 when they talked about silver shine
6843312
I haven't actually seen those movies, (yes, I know that I should) so I didn't know about that. I actually just created a few stereotypical guards, then made a few changes here and there to personalities and abilities.
Marching band is life. Excellent choice. Sun Devil Marching Band forever!
(for fun)
As the dark side is growing, a being from the distant past is awaking. He put the republic to its knee and pulled it back up. He faced mandalore the ultimate, his own padawan, and the empire of the sith.
Now it's time for him to kick some ass!
First Assault Recon and Offensive Utilizing Troops. Or FAR OUT!
7237876
I have to admit that your suggestion has comedic value. I will consider it.
Paul read it and smiled. He ranked the courier and dismissed him.
I'm not sure but I think you meant thanked there.
7478700
Huh, I usually catch those in my proofreading, but I guess I missed that one. Well, thanks for pointing it out!
7479534
How about "The Stormbreakers"?
You've gotten my attention!
You've gotten me hooked! If you ever need assistance from 3 Spartans and a Space Marine, PM me!
Dammit, Twilight. Your curiosity’s gonna be your death.
Kyybur/kybuur/kyburr crystals (there WAS a difference between the three before the Disney ret-cons) power the blade. Another crystal, sometimes several stabilises the plasma, and a third crystal colours it, with type and cut affecting the 'blade' (Mace Windu's colour crystal was a gift from a village he saved, and keeps the blade astonishingly straight and steady, and Bitch Solo, aka Princess Renn, uses a rough-cut synth-crystal, resulting in the unstable blade).
The plasma holds its shape because it's suspended in a magnetic field.
The use of batteries was phased out, along with the proto-sabre, after the discovery that the crystals were more efficient.
Love it so far! Two of my favorite things, the Jedi and MLP😀
is dare any romance in it?
9448457
No, there isn’t any Romance in the story. Sorry if that’s what you were looking for.
So they put a novice in the military with no training?
So we start with a guy who pass out after being scratched on the shoulder despite sealing the wound.
Then twilight freak out because he defended himself and decide being more stupidly paranoiac than with Zecora.
No seriously :
Did nopony tell her about this :
I mean, the poor wolf exploded and the way he seemed to painfully try to breath looked...well painful.
Probably trying to figure out why Twilight would connect “self-defense” to “threat” and coming up blank.
Respect is earned. If you demand it, you do not deserve it. And it must he earned from each individual. So far, none of them deserve his respect except perhaps Nurse Tenderheart.