He is known as a Jumper, an abomination before God, and technically, he died. Or at least he should be dead.
So why is it that he wakes up in a strange new land, and why has he become a horse? Or, a more fitting description would be a pony.
In his world, he was a considered an abomination, abandoned at a young age. He liked to be alone, not trusting anyone. Now is his chance to start over.
This is NOT a Human x pony shipping, the only humans were in the first 2 chapters (and maybe later on). I figured I should clear that up.
Chapters (15)
This is based off that movie isn't it?
Hiya. I'm not really interested in this story, but instead of being a douche and thumbing it down, despite not having read it, I'll offer the reasons it does not interest me and some general feedback on presenting a story.
1: The Story Description: Do not put anything other than the Description of the story here. The stuff about it being your foist story does not belong there, despite how many time you see it done by others. This is called an author's note and belongs either in a comment or at the beginning or end of the chapter.
2: The characters: You have apparently chosen to make your protagonist an Original Character. This can often be an unpopular decision. Especially in a crossover where you have 2 universes worth of characters to work with.
3: The tags: Specifically 2 of them used in conjunction can make many wary veteran readers run screaming from your story. The "Human" and "Romance" tags. 99% of the time, when these 2 tags appear on the same story, it is a very, very bad thing.
4: The premise: Jumper's entire premise revolved around the ability to teleport. Teleportation is, while not common, not an issue in Equestria. This creates a certain dubiousness of plot integrity before even reading the story.
5: Ponification: A human in Equestria as a human is interesting. A human in Equestria as a pony is just another weird pony to deal with. Although this is more personal preference than objective.
It is for these 5 primary reasons that I am not going to be reading this story, but I felt it only fair as a general fan of crossovers and HiE fics to give feedback, no matter how negative it may be.
A interesting story so far. I will look forward to more chapters.
The Templar watches in horror as the smile creeps onto Jay’s face. Here is her son, with who knows how many volts of electricity travelling through his body, and he his smiling.
Best part of it all.
Read this with the X Files Theme tune and it became a lot better and a bit creepier. This was good
seems legit
675025
Yes
675110
Well thanks for all of that.
Would you recommend that I take off the tags, because the first 2 chapters were the only ones I wanted in a human universe.
Sorry about the description, I'm new at this.
For the teleportation, I figured that any magic user has to stop and concentrate to actually accomplish what they want. And they have to have a horn. With the Jumper, I wanted to make it clear that he doesn't need to concentrate, he can just go when he pleases. And he doesn't have a horn, he's a pegasus.
Anyway, I kind of wish you would read it, I worked pretty hard at, but still, you gave me some good advice.
675272
675421
Thank you, sir.
It's an okay story for a first one, but don't fall into the same pit that I did. Human in Equestria fics are completely, and I mean completely cliched, as I found out myself. I'll quote my friend here.
-Stalin the Stallion
Ok, this story seems alright from the comments and I might read it later. But you do realize that the movie was based off the book, in which the plot is completely different up to a point.
OOO i like the concept as most hies are a troubled teen with first world problems
Keep it uP
675890
Yes I do. I can not tell you how much I love the IDEA of Jumper though. If I were given a choice to pick any super power, it would be that of a Jumper. I just wanted to do sort of my own take on it, with, of course, ponies, because who doesn't love ponies?
675927
Alright, just pointing it out. And yes, teleportation is the best superpower.
675751
As for that "human" tag, you need to leave it. Even if the Earth scenes were skipped entirely the "new pony" would still have originally been a human and so would need the tag.
As for the "romance" tag, the only way many would ever find that acceptable between an OC ponified human and a pony would be if the romantic pairing was with another OC or with a background pony. There are a couple widely accepted OC x Luna fics, but that was implemented during Season 1 where Luna only had 1 line and no real characterization.
675890 naw is a good story not all people set up there story right, but I just meens he's starting
Oh and same name LOL
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677296 There can only be one of us! (click, click, BOOM)
Wait what color is he?
677402 attack!jaypeeonline.net/images/zerg_rush.jpg
677599 Well well...
Launching:
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676874
Well I didn't think it was such a bad thing to have ponified humans in a romance story. Maybe I'm not seeing where you're coming from.
Kiroberos' Memory Pending story did amazingly, and the main character was actually an alien turned pony. And I think he actually shipped his OC with Twilight AND Fluttershy.
Crowley's Her Whole Darn Heart dealt with an actual human x Applejack romance, and did pretty well itself.
I mean, I understand if you want to just go ahead and tell me that those two writers are waaaayy above me, because, I admit, they are.
Don't get me wrong, your input is greatly appreciated and goes a long way to helping me improve, I just don't want to mess anything up.
And that's kind of why i want you to read my story, if not for entertainment, then to help me. I looked through your profile (not creepy at all) and you obviously know what you're talking about.
677771
I am not against the concept of OC/Main or interspecies romance. However, due to the epic amount of inferior writing for said scenarios, there is a rather large bias against it in the fandom and it could hold your story back from consideration.
I won't say anything about Memory Pending since I haven't read it and since some people I pay attention to online seem to like it. But I will say it does not seem to be the type of story I would be interested in as far as fanfiction goes.
Crowley is a romance writer. His stories are, while well written, not really anything other than romantic wish fulfillment vignettes. Sensual, romantic daydreams. The amount of work and storycraft it would take to have his characters and scenarios exist within a believable framework of plot and characterization would be monumental.
I appreciate your interest in having me review your actual story, but I learned long ago through other endeavors that attempting to invest in a project that I personally do not have a passion for is a recipe for disappointment.
Never forget the most important thing. You are writing Friendship is Magic fanfiction. No mater what perspective or what concept, or crossover, you will be most successful if you always view your own work objectively through the eyes of the Equestrians. Change what is necessary to make your story "work", but remember that it is their world you are taking us to visit with your story, their world we are here to revel in.
678012
I'll definitely be taking your advice to heart.
Thanks for at least giving me the time of day, you've been a big help!
Sorry for another short chapter, I just wanted to get it out there before my story was lost in the wave of other stories!
I really want to start picking up the pace with these chapters, so expect more....... things. I guess...
Moar!My mind needs MOOOOOOOOOAR!!!MORE I TELL YOU!!
When does he jump like a normal jumper. What i mean is when is he going to jump all over the shit like he did on Earth. Jump to the pyramids, sit on the wall of China, going to Rom ect ect but in Equestria?
And when will someone make him jump, not by force but...for some other reason?
Ok, now that I'm actually reading it, I'm interested in it. The only thing that's bugging me about the story is the repetitiveness of pronouns, such as, "He was sitting on the top of the house" and "He poured himself cereal". Slightly annoying. But overall, it's a decent story.
679177
For him to be able to do that, he needs to know where he's jumping to. So far, the only place he knows that exists in Equestria is Ponyville.
Heh, I do have some plans for things coming up though!
679440
Haha, sorry! I'll try my best to blend more of my sentences! Thanks for pointing that out!
This has promise, but it's a tricky slope. Be sure you don't slip and fall into the icy waters of bad fic-dom
Love the Nokia Reference
681236
And I'm REALLY trying not to head down that path.
Alright, I know what you're all thinking.
Let's clone PTTN's brain and put it into a chimpanzee
686501
Uhhhmm is that a bad thing?
So here's another one!
) recruitment trip!
I really hope anyone who's reading this enjoys it.
This is probably the hardest I've ever really worked on anything and had so much fun with it. I didn't even work this hard in school!
I want to try to get this done before the 9th, because then I leave for a two week wrestling (
As always, good feed back, positive or negative, helps me better my stories, so enjoy!
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that says it all
This story is very good. That is all I have to say.
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cant wait for the next chapter this one was good and a cliffhanger
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689777 Mother of Gusta
690895 eactly
686891 I can see how it's confusing.
But we need more of you.
It's cheaper to give a chimp your cloned brain rather than a human (those prices are outrageous!).
*Phew* I logged on after coming home from the Rockies game (they beat the Dodgers!) and I was visibly shaking. For some reason, I just keep expecting mass amounts of angry comments and all of that. Thanks for all of the support! (I even lost 2 red thumbs!)
Yay! I made another!
I'm hoping to be done with this on Friday, so expect a chapter a day, and if I'm feeling it, expect another one today!
This one was kinda slow, but bear with me here, and give me all your feedback!
new chapter yay I wonder if there is crazy electricity wielding pshyco ponies there to kill him lol cant wait for the next chapter
Ok please tell me that there will be other mares after him than RD. it would be a funny competition. But i can say that i like this story. i'm waiting for next chapter.
700255 I'm following your history dude... Why is your history SO awesome???
btw, do you have skype?
Oh and one more thing. About his ability to jump...
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700255 also please answer me fast, lol.
do you have skype?
my skype name is owner.of.all , name's Dark Angel
700398
Haha no sorry, I don't have a Skype, my computer crashes if it tries to do something as strenuous as that.
700370
Heh we'll have to see.
ooooh, im sensing a possible ship between jay and rainbow. keep up the good work