Chapter 1
Contagion-tagion
Twilight Sparkle's eyes flashed back and forth across the page, eagerly devouring the words. Piles of newly arrived books surrounded her, covering the library's floor in uneven stacks. She was curled up in a circle of open volumes now riddled with bookmarks, a page turning every few minutes with a violet glow of unicorn magic.
She loved how the library's tree always stayed comfortably cool even on a particularly hot summer day such as this. Staying inside and reading a good book—or maybe twenty—was the perfect way to pass the hottest mid-afternoon hours, and these new books had completely captivated her.
Spike was climbing up a ladder with a thick omnibus, trying to find a place to cram it into the packed shelves. "Why did the princess have to send so many? There's no room here for all these!"
Twilight didn't look up from her reading. "They need to be kept safe while they renovate the Star Swirl the Bearded wing of the royal library. It's an honor that she trusts us to look after some of them."
"Hah. An honor, she says. All I see is a lot more work for me!" Spike shoved the large book into a gap just barely wide enough and leaned against it with all the weight his small dragon frame could provide.
Twilight chuckled. "Don't worry, they started days ago. It won't be long before they're done. Now let me read. This book is amazing!"
"Twilight! Twilight Sparkle!"
She sighed. So much for reading. She looked up to see Mr. Cake, of all ponies—breathless and alarmed—running into the library and looking wildly around the room.
Twilight stood up from behind the piles of new books. Seeing her, he galloped over, eyes wide with panic. "It's Pinkie Pie! She's under some kind of curse. We can't stop her!" Too agitated to stand still, he trotted in place in front of her, his hooves beating an irregular rhythm on the wooden floor.
"Pinkie? And there’s no such thing as curses, Mr. Cake." Twilight frowned.
He shook his head, nearly losing his already-askew hat in the process. "I wouldn’t know about that, but I know bad magic when I see it. You’ve got to come to Sugarcube Corner and help her, right away!"
However, Twilight had already come to the same conclusion, based solely upon his current state of agitation, and was floating her saddlebags towards her back. "Spike!" she called out. "Find my copy of Malevolent Maledictions and Misspells."
Spike, as usual, had been listening and thinking ahead. He was already halfway up another ladder, reaching out for a squat black-bound tome that lurked there. "The curse book. Already on it!"
"There’s no such thing as—" Twilight began, but a glance at Mr. Cake’s anguished face stopped her. She just levitated the book out of Spike’s hand and into her bags. "Never mind. I’ll be back soon—I hope." Then she turned and followed the rapidly departing baker.
With his longer legs and nervous energy, Mr. Cake quickly outpaced her through the hot, empty streets of Ponyville. She had to teleport the final stretch so that she could be right behind him as he shoved his way through Sugarcube Corner’s front door.
Twilight immediately started coughing as she ran into a cloud of flour dust that filled the whole bakery. She could hear the sounds of falling pans and breaking crockery from the kitchen, along with Mrs. Cake’s plaintive cries of, "Please, Pinkie! Put the rolling pin down. No, don’t do th—Oh!" A fresh cloud of flour billowed out from the kitchen door.
Twilight ran past the now motionless Mr. Cake and rushed, still choking on the dust, into the large kitchen. She could see only shadows through the fog of flour, but a moment’s concentration and a sudden, all-encompassing violet glow—and the dust was gone. She coughed the last of it from her lungs and looked around the room.
Pinkie Pie, covered in white flour and globs of yellow cake batter, was moving from counter to counter as if in a trance, carrying bowls and measuring cups back and forth. She slipped and slid in the mess of spilled milk and other ingredients that covered the floor but didn't cease in her steady—if sloppy—preparations. Her eyes were unfocused and staring straight ahead.
Mrs. Cake hovered nearby, not getting in Pinkie's way but trying to stay near enough to catch anything breakable that fell.
Twilight’s nose twitched to the acrid smell of burning sugar, and she turned to look at the oven. It was jammed so full of muffin trays and cake pans that the door wouldn’t close, and thick black smoke was seeping out from between the batter-filled cookware.
First things first, she thought as she trotted over to turn off the stove.
As she did so and turned away, however, Pinkie was suddenly there, reaching for the knobs. "Preheat at three-fifty," she mumbled in a monotone, turning the oven back on and returning to her mixing.
Twilight started to reach for the knob again, but Mrs. Cake stopped her. "That won't work. She'll just turn it on again. I've tried several times!" She absently brushed a lock of her disheveled mane out of her eyes, smearing flour across her cheek.
Frowning, Twilight looked down the side of the oven and found the gas valve, twisting it closed with her magic.
She approached the nervous and worried Mrs. Cake, who was almost as messy as Pinkie Pie from her attempts to stop the mad baking. "What happened, Mrs. Cake? How did Pinkie get like this?"
"I don’t know! This was how I found her. I came down from putting the foals to bed for their nap and she was... like this!" She waved a hoof at Pinkie, who was cracking eggs onto the bottom of an upside-down bowl.
Twilight bewilderedly watched for a moment and then asked, "What was she doing before?"
"Before?" Mrs. Cake thought for a bit and said, "There was something about a new recipe she wanted to try."
Twilight’s ears perked up. "Aha! A new recipe. What was it for?"
Mrs. Cake shook her head. "I don't know. But it must still be here somewhere." She moved over to the counter and began rummaging through the piles of gooey utensils and mixing bowls that covered it.
Pinkie continued her "work," oblivious to the presence of anypony else in the kitchen, shoving another baking sheet into the jammed oven.
At least the smoke has stopped.
Mrs. Cake had found a pink card and, after brushing it clean, started reading it. "This is it. It's a recipe for cupca—" Her eyes suddenly went unfocused, and the card dropped from her hooves to the floor. She slowly turned, picked up a jug of milk, and began pouring it into a bowl.
"Mrs. Cake? Mrs. Cake!" Twilight called, but she was completely ignored. Both Mrs. Cake and Pinkie slowly moved around the kitchen in the same methodical, clumsy way, the same vacant expression on their faces.
"It’s contagious," Twilight whispered as she backed toward the door, only to bump into Mr. Cake who was standing there watching.
He started to push past her into the kitchen. "Honey? Dear, speak to me!"
Twilight’s horn glowed, and with a flash of violet light and an airy popping sound, the two of them were outside the front door. Mr. Cake staggered and looked around in alarm.
"Sorry about that, but it looks like whatever's going on, it's contagious. I didn't want you to get it too." She trotted over to the window to peer inside.
"Contagious?" he repeated, a worried frown on his face. Suddenly his head snapped around to look at her. "The twins!"
She immediately ran back over to him, asking, "Where are they?"
"In the nursery, right up there," he said, pointing to the second floor window.
Twilight’s horn glowed once more, and the window opened. A moment later a crib floated out to land between the two of them, the twins still fast asleep within.
Their father dithered over them for a moment, perhaps counting to make sure they were both there. Then he reached out as if to pick them up, but his parental instincts balked at waking a sleeping baby and he let them be. Instead he drew himself up and stood guard over the crib like a worried soldier.
Twilight had pulled the black tome from her saddlebags and was already flipping through the pages. "No... no... no... Could this— No. No... None of these bear any resemblance to what we're seeing!" Having looked at every spell in the book, she slammed it shut and shoved it back into her saddlebags.
She turned to Mr. Cake. "I'm going to have to go back to the library and do more research. With the gas off, I don't think they can hurt themselves. But don't let anypony in there till I get back."
Mr. Cake just nodded, obviously willing—even grateful—to let Twilight call the shots. He just looked back at his bakery with a worried frown. Twilight started galloping back towards the library.
"Stop right there, Ahuizotl!" came a shout from above. She skidded to a halt as Rainbow Dash landed hard in front of her, squatting tensely and scowling at Twilight.
Twilight drew back slightly. "Rainbow Dash. What's wrong?" Why is she upset with me?
Dash started to creep forward, eyes flashing with anger. "Return what you have stolen from me, Ahuizotl!"
"Ahuizotl?" Twilight blinked before remembering where she had heard the name: the Daring Do books. "It's me, Dash. Twilight Sparkle."
"You won't get away with this, Ahuizotl. That chalice is mine! Your minions can't help you now." Dash kept advancing with a fierce scowl, and Twilight had to slowly back away to maintain some distance between them. She wasn't sure what Dash would do once she got close.
She's acting out the books! It's just like Pinkie and the recipe... This is worse than I thought! Twilight stumbled over a rock. Think! I've read those books, and I know which ones Dash has read. I just have to—
She stopped her backpedaling and drew herself up haughtily, speaking in her best rendition of a royal voice, "I am Simurgh, keeper of the Gaokerena! You have earned my favor by your actions, Daring Do. For this, I give you," Twilight floated one of her feather quills out of her bags towards Dash, "one of my feathers. Burn it and I shall come to your aid. Take this boon and—" Twilight stumbled here, unable to remember the rest of the speech. She finished as best she could. "Take this boon and fare thee well!"
Fare thee well? That was awful! She held her regal pose and waited, hoping that the deception worked. She did read that book... right?
Dash stared long at the feather floating before her with a puzzled and unfocused expression. Then she shook herself and took a staggering step forward, plucking the feather from the air and tucking it into her mane. "Thank you, great Simurgh. It was nothing. It's just what I do," she said, then leapt into the air and flew unsteadily away.
"Whew!" Twilight plopped to the ground for a moment to rest, wiping the sweat from her brow. If Rainbow Dash had been reenacting the scene Twilight thought she had been, then getting her diverted to a different one just saved them both some major lumps. That was the start of a big fight between Daring Do and Ahuizotl. Luckily, though, it had worked, and now she could get home and figure out a cure for what was starting to look like an epidemic.
Twilight galloped the rest of the way to the library, bursting in through the door only to once again begin coughing, this time on thick black smoke. "Spike! Spike, what's burning!"
She ran towards the thickest concentration of smoke, near the fireplace, and found Spike slowly tossing a book into the fire. "Spike! Stop that!" She froze the book in midair and lifted him up with her magic. "What do you think you're doing?"
That was when she noticed that Spike's eyes were unfocused too, just like the others. He was muttering something, quiet and indistinct. Twilight immediately recognized the signs of yet another victim, but she risked bringing him closer to make out what he was mumbling.
"Mustn't... read..."
"What? Mustn't read what, Spike?" He only repeated his utterance, however, and continued walking in place while suspended in midair.
Twilight looked around and into the fire, and to her relief saw that he had managed to only burn three books so far. She tried to lift them out of the flames, but the crumbling remains were beyond saving. She couldn't even tell what their titles had once been. It could be weeks before she'd be able to tell what was missing. Twilight felt her eyes start to water and wanted to blame the smoke, but she knew that the tears were for the books.
It's silly. They're just things. However, the thought that those things might have been originals—or worse, unique—was heart wrenching to her. The princess trusted us to protect these books! She felt a touch of anger grow inside her, and she turned back to the young dragon she held aloft with her magic.
Looking at him, however, the anger completely drained away. He was just a young dragon, after all, and under a—she couldn't bring herself to even think "curse," but that was what it appeared to be. Twilight lowered her head, an air of gloom about her she couldn't shake. This is spreading too fast!
It was then she noticed the charred and discarded remnants of a scroll. A message from the Princess!
"Spike, what did the Princess say? What was in her letter?"
"...Mustn't... read..."
Twilight blinked, and the answer rushed into her head. Words. Ponies are being infected by words! The recipe, the Daring Do novel, Princess Celestia's letter... And whatever you're reading when you get infected determines the form of your condition. Celestia was trying to warn me! I've got to tell everypony not to—
All of a sudden, she was deeply aware of the shelves and shelves of books right behind her, every one with a different title in clear, bold letters on its spine. If any of those books was infected, she would end up just like Pinkie and Rainbow Dash—and Spike. Perhaps the only thing that saved her as she had run into the library was the thick smoke, but now that was dissipating and if she turned away from the fireplace it could mean—
She slammed her eyes shut and her horn flared bright.
With a flash that she could see through her closed eyelids and a clap of sharp sound, she was outside the library, Spike still floating next to her. She started to open her eyes but had another realization: signs. Every shop and street corner has words, signs. They could be infectious too. I just don't know!
With another flash and pop, she cracked her eyes open slightly to look through her lashes. Seeing the edge of a grove of trees ahead, she teleported a third time.
Surrounded by thick trunks of wood, with not a word in sight, she could fully open her eyes and look at Spike. He was unchanged, still walking in place where he hung, still muttering the same two words over and over.
"This is for your own good, Spike. And for the library." She summoned a strong, wide ribbon of magic that wrapped around her assistant, binding him to the base of a tree. "That should hold you while I figure out what to do."
She sat down and pondered.
What she wanted to do most of all just then was research. To go through her vast library of reference material to find some mention of a sickness like this—with the hope of also finding the cure—but that was the one thing she could not do. In fact, she couldn't even return to town—not without finding some way to protect herself.
Twilight's desire to read her way to safety was such that even the black-bound tome in her saddlebags seemed tempting. I already read from that, didn't I? It should be safe. No, she couldn't trust that it was still safe, particularly after having had more encounters with the infected.
Besides, it was just a book of—
"Curses! Spike, it's a book of curses, and I just went through it cover-to-cover. There's a spell in there that can protect me!" She reached for the book with her magic, but stopped herself before its spine came into view.
"No... I have to just remember what it said about that spell—how to cast it." She gulped. "And I've got to get it right on the first try."
She closed her eyes again to concentrate, imagining the book open before her, flipping the pages.
She sat like that for several minutes before rising and opening her eyes. "Okay, Spike. Here goes..."
Her horn began to glow, its violet aura pulsing and giving off sparks of raw magic. This was a complicated spell, made more so by casting it upon herself. Curses—or malevolent spells, Twilight reminded herself—were never meant to be self-cast. She pushed her worries down and focused.
The aura twisted around her horn like a crawling thing trying to escape. It surged downward, engulfing her head in violet light. Twilight gasped, her eyes going wide and pupilless for a moment. Then the effect was suddenly gone, her appearance back to normal.
Twilight shook her head, dizzy. She dropped onto the patchy grass between the trees and panted. I think... I think I did it.
She swallowed and pulled herself together. There's only one way to find out.
Malevolent Maledictions and Misspells floated out of her saddlebags and came to rest on the grass in front of her. After only a moment's hesitation, she let the book fall open.
She stared at the pages and at the delicately scribed passages that filled them.
And they were meaningless to her.
The spell had worked, the very spell that could be lying open before her right now, for all she knew: the Illiteracy Spell.
I'm immune.
The one spell she knew that wasn't in that book, however—the lack of which now causing tears to pour from her eyes—was its cure.
Because there was none.
———
low blow
There's no such thing as curses! Ha, one of my favorite episodes.
In any sense, interesting concept. The writing is quite good and I liked it. One thing though, when Twilight was wondering what was going on in the kitchen and Mrs. Cake suddenly contracted the symptoms, Twilight was automatically like "It's contagious."
I feel as though you could have dragged that out a bit longer before sort of rushing to conclusions in a way...
Don't listen to my criticism though, I don't know what I'm doing and I still like the story!
an thick omnibus,
* a thick omnibus,
Spike shoved the large book into a gap just barely large enough
overuse of large
WHAT?!? Celestia on a cracker, that was dramatic. I'm so reading all of this.
O.O S-she can't read?!
All of my sads...
2.bp.blogspot.com/-LO4qcGPBLbs/Twyx68HezFI/AAAAAAAAak0/_o7mHmjgaiU/s1600/110087+-+artist+zlack3r+artist+zlacker+book+crying+filly+sad+twilight_sparkle.png
Reminds me of Pontypool.
Anyway, interesting concept.
Also, I agree with the above commenters. Try cutting some spoilers out of the synopsis. The first chapter kind of just dragged on because I already knew what was going to happen, and was just waiting for it to end.
I almost cried. that was disgustingly cruel....Pinkie enslaved to baking cupcakes...Rainbow Dash speaking articulately...Worst of all, Twilight becoming illiterate...that's like me becoming deaf to music...or losing my legs so i can't run Cross Country....i'm depressed..
Wonderful story by the way, it's beautiful
that's actually really sad
Oh... oh wow!
This is... depressing! I mean, hopefully by the end Twilight will find a way to undo the curse, but I mean Jesus! This is almost as detrimental to her identity as if she'd snapped her horn off!
Bravo, seriously. The premise alone got me reading, but the punch to the gut that is the end of this first chapter is the hook that ensures I'll read the whole thing.
And if you DO make the illiteracy curse permanent... then fuck you, you magnificent bastard
That notion might just make me take up drinking to get my mind off something that sad.
696323 agreed, that harsh
SPOILER ALERT!!!
They need to be kept safe while they renovate the Star Swirl the Bearded wing of the royal library.
-Noting that that wing contains DANGEROUS books... or at least a mixture of dangerous and rare/delicate books. Otherwise it wouldn't be locked. Leaving them around where any pony can find them wouldn't be good.
some of them.
-Ah, well if Celestia or the Canterlot librarian picked the ones that would only be dangerous to a skilled unicorn then that could work.
It's Pinkie Pie! She's under some kind of curse. We can't stop her!
-Well, that could be... unpredictable.
She just levitated the book out of Spike’s hand and into her bags.
-I wonder if she got the right book, or if there was a mix-up with the one of the ones from the Canterlot archives? If so Pinkie might just be being "extra Pinkie" and Twilight may unleash the main plot of the story when she opens the book she brought. If not I wonder if the books from the Canterlot archives will be a Chekov's gun somehow, including the desire to have them returned in a timely fashion.
but a moment’s concentration and a sudden, all-encompassing violet glow—and the dust was gone.
-Well, she did get rid of Rarity's confetti in "Dragon Quest".
Her eyes were unfocused and staring straight ahead.
-Well, if the book IS the source of the malediction then Pinkie COULD just be cooking in her sleep.
Frowning, Twilight looked down the side of the oven and found the gas valve, twisting it closed with her magic.
-Well, that should keep the place from burning down.
She moved over to the counter and began rummaging through the piles of gooey utensils and mixing bowls that covered it.
-At which point she (or maybe Mr Cake) will catch it, if it isn't in the book Twilight brought (or maybe in another book from the restricted section that Twilight will grab... or maybe it is the result of a mis-cast spell by Twilight).
Her eyes suddenly went unfocused, and the card dropped from her hooves to the floor.
-Well, that answers that question. I wonder how the effect spreads to other bits of writing? Do the victims occasionally write in the margins of books, or is it an area of effect thing? If so why weren't Twilight and Spike effected by reading the titles of the books and/or the shipping list? I would hypothesize that it requires a certain length of words in a row... but the titles of some of those books were probably longer than the number of words that Ms Cake read.
She immediately ran back over to him, asking, "Where are they?"
-And when the twins DON'T get it despite somehow getting a larger amount of exposure to Pinkie than Ms Cake, then Twilight will have her first clue as to the vector?
Having looked at every spell in the book, she slammed it shut and shoved it back into her saddlebags.
-Ok, so either it isn't an area of effect, the area(s) are centered on the infected, or spells aren't written in quite the same way as most text. Much like mathematical equations or musical scores aren't prose or poetry.
"Stop right there, Ahuizotl!" came a shout from above.
-Well, that makes sense for the only known specific vector that Rainbow Dash would be exposed to frequently (other than weather-related paperwork?). This might also be a valuable clue for Twilight.
Fare thee well? That was awful!
-Well, it was better than Pinkie's baking so I am not surprised it worked.
Thank you, great Simurgh.
-Is this a Xanth reference, or are you more referring to the myth that that part of Xanth is based on?
"Spike! Spike, what's burning!"
-He set the library on fire? Hopefully Twilight learned a fire-suppression spell as a precaution.
"Mustn't... read..."
-Wow... SPIKE figured it out, and managed to direct his actions... or maybe the source is a book written by someone who thought books were evil and cursed as such? But then Spike should have been the first to get hit I would think. Unless it is an area effect around a victim OR a book and the delivery vehicle passed by (over?) Sugar Cube Corner as Pinkie was reading a recipe?
and to her relief saw that he had managed to only burn three books so far.
-He must have forgotten to open the damper if the smoke was going into the building.
She summoned a strong, wide ribbon of magic that wrapped around her assistant, binding him to the base of a tree.
-Well, unless he manages to set the tree on fire...
"Curses! Spike, it's a book of curses, and I just went through it cover-to-cover. There's a spell in there that can protect me!"
-Well, it makes sense she wouldn't have studied that spell ordinarily.
"And I've got to get it right on the first try."
-I wonder if she will get it exactly right, or it will have some twist/flaw to it like happened with the parasprites?
Because there was none.
-Ouch... I wonder if she should have run all the way to Canterlot rather than rob the kingdom of the full future potential of its most (potentially) powerful mortal magic. Still, she might be worried about spreading the contagion with her. EDIT: On further thought it occurs to me that there are two ways this could be solved. The first would be to power up the Elemental Harmony Blast, and the other, less "happy" way would be for someone (Spike if his vocabulary or at least ability to sound words out is good enough) to read everything to her from now on. As long as she can still comprehend spoken language (probable) then it is probably less of a problem than being blind. It also occurs to me that the first thing she should do is throw a dome of force over Ponyville for containment if she can.
I'll agree with all of the above commenters: the concept is intriguing. It is imaginative, creative, and man alive if the fact that there isn't a cure isn't just the saddest damn thing.
However...
This was really short. It felt very, very rushed. The kick starter for the plot literally just crashed through the front door. There wasn't much buildup for suspense, and even then, the synopsis you provided and the image basically revealed all the major story elements. If the goal was to go for an episodic feel, I think you only halfway accomplished that. The concept is just so inventive and imaginative that it really deserved more narrative elaboration, IMO. The intro was pleasant and I could really form that imagery of Twilight in her library excitedly reading all her new books, Spike working away, but then the intensity suddenly just hit top speed as Mr. Cake crashes through the door, and we start careening off important plot developments rather quickly. Don't get me wrong, I liked this chapter, but I wish it was longer. I wish there was more story to this story. Twilight jumped to the conclusion that this was an apparently contagious disease very quickly after observing Mrs. Cake, with little context for understanding, and the same goes for her conclusion that it is a disease transferred by reading infected words. I think it would have been best to just have left Princess Celestia's letter intact, explaining the situation, and inferred that Spike had read one of the surrounding book titles like Twilight feared she would. That sudden realization would have been rather thrilling.
Also, like I said it feels like you only halfway pulled off that episodic feel. You should really have Twilight speaking out loud her thoughts rather than keeping them internal, because when I'm imagining the scene with Rainbow Dash, the imagery doesn't make as much sense since Twilight thinks to herself the solution on how to divert Dash's attention, then acts it out. That scene may have also been better improved if Twi had maybe observed other afflicted people acting out literary phrases they may have read, better supporting Twi's later conclusion.
These are pretty tiny things though. They barely distract from the story. Otherwise, there is just one thing I am actually a little distracted by: the part when Twilight performs the Curse of Illiteracy. Twi, the bookish pony whose greatest love is reading, performs the spell which she is aware has NO cure and will forever rob her of her future as a student and her life of reading, debilitating her for the rest of her life, and she doesn't hesitate more than a SECOND. She just does it. I mean, that is a MASSIVE, life altering decision, and she doesn't even explore alternatives to solving the issue but instead just does it.
I feel like you could provide he a little more time for indecision and personal reflection on why this is her ONLY option. Elaborate on dead-end alternatives: say how she can't find the cure in Canterlot because thats where the disease came from apparently. Say how she can't go to any city for help because she risks seeing a sign or poster and it could be infected since she was near affected books and areas. Giving her another character to chat with so she has someone to explain all this to would be helpful so that way she isn't just taking to herself. Maybe teleport to Sweet Apple Acre to where AJ and not a lot of signs/words are?
Geez, I HATE when I splurge overly-analytical text walls like this...
I'll just go read that next chapter now.
Fucking AMAZING

Hot damn you've got some great ideas coming out in this chapter. Looks like an interesting and original plot.
The writing is a little choppy though, and the story feels rushed. You've tried to cram too much information into some sentences, making them longer than they should be. They should be broken up. Also, I think Risky has raised some very good points in his comment that I have to agree with.
For somepony like Twilight, not being able to read would be like not being able to breathe. This looks like it could be very well executed, and is definitely an interesting premise.
Ouch...
That hurt, like, bad
.
Oooh... nasty.
This kind of reminds me of David Langford's short story BLIT
great story. imagine if there is no cure, or it cured itself and twilight was STILL illiterate!



denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7753-images.jpg
But now she doesn't even have those...
Oh my lord, this story is intriguing so far. And with a dash of sad, too. For Twilight to be stripped of the ability to indulge in her favorite hobby of all time is a nasty blow.
People
People
WAT
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Over nine months and thousands of eyes, and no one ever caught that! Congrats... You made me actually edit the document!
Good catch.
That last moment...POWERFUL
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Hey, when you get right to the meaning of it, "People" doesn't mean "humans." It could just as easily mean any sapient.
"Pinkie pie is possessed!"
Expects
recieves something more like
Oh my...
You really have my interest.
Whoa. That chapter end. Yikes.
You know, the recent season 6 episode Every Little Thing she does reminded me of this, especially when Pinkie Pie began making everything in the cookbook.
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I just wanted to mention, years after the fact, that many writers LOVE my walls of analysis and description of what I was thinking (sentence by sentence for some paragraphs), although some may not, and some prefer PMs.
So you might actually want to go for these, rather than avoiding them. the better the writer, the more they usually want to improve, unless they are SO good they have already considered every angle you could come up with or have the sort of who that drives some to succeed? Although that may apply to CEOs more than best-selling writers.
Even for a pretty bad author a detailed look into a reader's mind may be appreciated, since it isn't something that comes off as "harsh" (because they have little desire to improve). Also, it occurs to me, that some authors may be more sensitive to spelling and grammar corrections, and others more thin-skinned regarding, when it comes to high-level stuff such as plot, characterization, pacing, etc.
It can help if you use phrases such as "it seems to me" and "consider (changing this part to) to emphasize that your comments are not meant as harsh, but as helpful. This also covers you if you are in error in a particular case or if... Well someone once told me that in high school they teach budding writers the rules and in college they teach one now to break every single one of those rules for good effect*. This what looks like an error can, in fact, be superior writing.
*For an extreme example imagine someone criticizing George Lucas for Yoda's poor grammer. For a more arguable case consider my own decision in "The Two Deaths of Fluttershy" (sadly on indefinite hiatus) to excentuate AJs accent so as to reduce the need for speaker attributions in dialogue.
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I find the variety in how people give their critiques to be invaluable. Moment-by-moment streams of thought can highlight where a story fails to convey some important plot point or where it may be misleading the reader. And after-the-fact analysis can zero in on the most outstanding issues a story has very quickly and succinctly. I’d go as far to say that the ideal response—for writer improvement—is a combination of both: a running commentary followed by a final summation.
It’s been six years, and though I have thousands of words written for multiple stories, I’ve yet to finish any of them. If only there was a solution to THAT problem. :)
Well this is a crazy situation. Bettr hope there are some illiterates in town, otherwise Twilight is alone.