A human is sent to Equestria by Princess Luna, whom he meets in a forest. He meets the Mane 6 but is not trusted, as he is a foreigner to their land. He accidentally is transformed into a pony(Without a Cutie Mark, joining the CMCs possible?) by Princess Luna's "drinking with an old friend" & discovers that he is the one chosen for special powers. He even falls in love with a pony.
But he accidentally ensues an event that brings chaos into Equestria that hasn't been seen for 1000 years. Some friendlies and villians not even from Equestria. The human is charged to fix what he set in motion, with some help, to protect Equestria from certain doom, & stop the mastermind behind it all.
"The Kobald must unite the earth to fight alongside the Five,
Or else the Butcher will rule with the mirror at his side."
-The One
You have just started some sick fire's bro.
People, I need comments telling me the stuff you think can be improved, so oblige me please.
Looks like you're playing the generic HiE concepts straight, no candy-coating, no charades. Ponified, check! Everfree Forest, check! Romance, check! Ponfication is accidental, check! Princess brings him to Equestria, check! And this is just from the description.
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So.. you like it or not? I'm writing this for my own entertainment because of my love for ponies. Just thought I'd put it out there.
What IncoherentOrange said. This is waaaaay too much of a cookie-cutter to be acceptable if it is not a parody. If you want your story to be readable, add your own twist to it. Think of something interesting, and let'er fly.
Now, this isn't too bad, but it needs more paragraphing. Words like 'tis' should be written as so: 'Tis. (It is.) I'll follow.
678091
Any suggestions on that? Because what I think I'd do is this:
"Derpy grows 75.25 feet tall! Devouring muffin factories whole!
I dunno, I'll work on it.
678108 That sounds like some good crackfic material, man. Try your hand on it.
I am going to give your story a chance, please do not disappoint me.
678121
).
Never heard of it, but alrighty then.
>>IncoherentOrange
I read that when I was writing the second chapter, I'll fix it in the next one(which I'm gonna have to rip it in half
679623 Here.
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I can't guarantee anything about the storyline(or the overall quality), but I can guarantee that I'll do my best in the way of grammar & spelling.
681202 Well, I wish you the best of luck.
681481
. I'm keeping the first part & rewriting the rest, improving the number of paragraphs & believablity of the story(if things don't make sense, such as something modern being invented in Equestria, Trust me. There's unseen forces at work, their names won't be revealed right away.). It's going to be boring at first, but it will get better.
Thankee, gentlecolt. I'm working on the 2nd chapter, I did rip it in two, as it turns out
Best of luck to ya as well,
I hope you are able to write the next chapter soon! i love this story.
685974
You lik- Oh yes! Yes. The next chapter is almost done(Guests, what'cha expect me to do? Make cupcakes out of them & snack on them for brainfood? 
), really it'll be just filler. The exciting stuff is coming!
What?..
The night is darkest before dawn.
-Umm, Derpy Hooves
There, that should do it. Chapter 2 is out.
Bring the boss back home?
...
...
...
..!
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I told ya I've been working on this for awhile, but I didn't start writing it until April.
It looks like you like it, glad to be of service.
Oopsie, forgot a crucial part! Imma fix.
Sorry it's taking me so long, I'm having problems connecting to FIMfiction(My internet connection is good, it keeps giving me 502 & 504 errors.) The 3rd chapter is almost finished, putting in the ending & posting tomorrow if the errors leave me alone.
Chapter 3 is out, I (kinda) procrastinated.
769742
really i didnt notice
781222
Phew, good to see a comment written other than me here. I added it two minutes after it was published[Chapter 2].
781966
yea its a good story it just takes so long with the chapters that it makes people not check as often
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I see, I try to hit at least 3,500 words for each chapter. I put quality over quanity.
But, I'm glad someone likes my story, helps keep me writing.
786792
I love how you put in characters from things not really famous but that are still knowable also its somepony not someone
791513
When I'm talking about a group of creatures, it's better to say "someone" than "somecreature". But if the word in question was "someone" rather than "somepony", I'll fix it right away. Erm, if I knew where it was..
793251 I meant on your talk post
798397
Ah. You could just say that on my talk post instead of on here. It just confuses me.
Yeah that was my pathetic try at humor
804445
).
I know what you mean. When I make a FIM joke, it's usually just to irritate my brother(He's a brony too, but he acuses me of being a fanatic
810728 have you noticed this is mainly turned to conversation instead of commenting
Since people haven't recognized the franchises I dropped in(It's okay if you didn't, 2Q and 4Q haven't been introduced yet), I'll list them here.
1Q-Bionicle
2Q-Redwall
3Q-Humans(Earth), OCs
4Q-Warriors
5Q-MLP
This fic was inspired by me smooshing my favorite franchises together(MLP and Warriors were not included, I didn't know about them at the time) a few years ago. It's either going to be interesting Tobasco sauce-covered chicken nuggets, or turn into a ketchup and chocolate sauce sandwich.
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..Maybe..
I distract easily. Sorry if this caused any inconvenience(I doubt no more than 5 people were inconvenienced).
No comments from other people..
1006229because u dont updte
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)
Good point.
School is starting up.
This story could be dismissed,
What a dismal shame.
(Haiku!
1122024 haiku only has 3 stanzas
"Good point" isn't part of the haiku, and only has two syllables.