Dear Twilight Sparkle,
The spell contained on the last page of this book is Star Swirl the Bearded's secret unfinished masterpiece. He was never able to get it right, and thus abandoned it. I believe you are the only pony who can understand and rewrite it.
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
I know I've shown a lack of forethought with my magic in the past—the Smarty Pants Incident certainly comes to mind—but even at my worst, I'd be able to tell what a bad idea this is. An unrhyming, unfinished incantation that stumped the greatest wizard of all time? One that, judging by its wording, manipulates cutie marks? I'm sorry, Your Highness, but this seems like a really, really, really bad idea. Right up there with freeing Discord, even if I'm still waiting for another horseshoe to drop with him. At the very least, could you tell me what the spell is meant to do?
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight,
I certainly understand your concern. However, I wasn't exaggerating when I said you were the only pony who can understand it. Star Swirl's mind outpaced mine with almost embarrassing frequency, and I'm pleased to say that at times, yours does as well. The Wedding Incident comes to mind.
As such, I have every faith that you will be able to complete this final work of your idol, and turn his final masterpiece into your first. I am sorry that I can't offer anything more concrete. All I can do is ask you to have faith in your friends, much as you do in Fluttershy to keep Discord on his best behavior, such as it is.
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Luna,
As you may already know, your sister sent me a rather unusual assignment this evening. I have included copies of our correspondence on the matter thus far, but the situation can be summarized thusly:
• Princess Celestia wants me to finish Star Swirl's last spell.
• She doesn't know what the spell is supposed to do.
• She doesn't know what the spell currently does.
• She still wants me to cast it.
• She has explicitly said that I'm smarter than her.I'm writing to you because, as these highlights illustrate,
this is completely insanePrincess Celestia's mental state may be compromised. Please confirm that she is not suffering from chaos magic-induced personality inversion, hasn't been replaced by a changeling, or is otherwise non compos mentis. I ask not just for my peace of mind, but for the good of the nation and of the world.Thank you in advance.
Your friend,
Twilight Sparkle
To the Esteemed Dame Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of the Harmonious Element of Magic, Cleanser of the Nightmare, Bane of Chaos, Wise in the Ways of Changelings, and Hatch-Mother of the Great and Honorable Spike the Brave and Glorious,
Firstly, while your continued refusal to employ the many titles and honorifics you have earned is a commendable display of your humility, We continue to find it excessive. You are a hero thrice over, and any virtue in excess becomes a vice.
Secondly, while We agree with your assessment of Our honored and beloved Sister's latest scheme as dire foolishness of the highest order, We must confess that She was in possession of all of Her facilities when She ensnared you in it.
Alas, We cannot say with certainty what She has in store for you with this final dwœmercraft of the Bearded One. The wisdom of the alicorn is a worldly one, hard-earned through many normal pony lifetimes of experience. Ever were Our two raw intellects outstripped by Star Swirl's, and yea, by yours as well. Again, your humility waxes in excess.
Indeed, We agree with Celestia's choice not to share her suspicions as to the function of this spell, nor shall We share Ours, save to say that We two possess them. Long did We both ponder the text you now possess. Our ancient eyes cannot find the solution, but your young ones may offer a new, better perspective.
To you, Our dear friend, We can only say to exercise the utmost caution. Our Sister never intends harm in Her machinations, but never has that kept them from inflicting it in ways She could not anticipate.
Your friend and sovereign,
Her Royal Highness the Princess Luna Diana Hecate Regina Nox Alicor, Princess of the Night, Avatar of the Moon, &c.Post Scriptum: As you can likely tell, while We believe We have largely tamed the strange beast that the Equish language has become in Our absence, Our efforts continue in the arena of the written word. How would you say We are doing?
Star Swirl's Unfinished Spell
Progress Report #1
by Twilight SparkleProcedure: The experiment was conducted in the Golden Oak Library's subterranean testing facility, inside a standard class-3 warding circle of powdered silver imbued with Faraneigh's Complete Containment, Vacuum Flask's Null Energy Shell, and Panopticon's Perfect Prestidigitatious Prison, all directed inward. Within this controlled environment, the incantation was recited by primary tester Twilight Sparkle, with the effects from without observed by secondary tester Spykoranuvellitar "Spike" Keyfahdon.
Observation: When reciting the incantation within the testing area, the only effects observed were a potent arcane discharge manifesting as blinding quasielectrical energy that arced from the layers of magical shields into the warding circle, reducing it to a molten state by the time the discharge was exhausted. The temperature of the silver by this point was 3,915ºF according to High Farrier's Thermal Probe.
Conclusion: Whatever effect the spell is meant to cause, it could not do so in the contained environment. However, the discharge indicates that the spell has a reality warping quotient of approximately twenty thousand resons per thaum, comparable to the distortions casually employed by Discord, Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony. It is the opinion of this researcher that we cease tampering with things pony was not meant to know, especially since the circumstances of Star Swirl's death remain one of the greatest historical mysteries of all time.
Dear Twilight,
You wrote to Luna, didn't you?
I understand your hesitation, and that you may doubt my judgement after my decision to free Discord. Under any other circumstances, I would welcome this. As I know all too well, I am far from infallible. I have rarely been fortunate enough to have a pony as intelligent as you be willing to question me. However, this is one instance when I must ask you to trust me.
That said, while I ask for your trust, I will not ask for blind faith. What I am about to tell you is incredibly sensitive information. Spike, if you are reading this, please pass it to Twilight. Twilight, if you are reading this aloud, please stop, assuming you haven't already.
Pinkie Pie isn't the only pony who can perceive the future. However, my premonitions are much clearer than a twitchy tail or pinchy knee. I sometimes dream of what is to come, and this allows me to prepare both Equestria and myself for it. This is why I asked you to free Discord, and why I ask you to cast the unfinished spell. This is a matter of incredible importance, Twilight.
Yours,
Princess Celestia
Celestia,
EVERYPONY EXPLODED. WHAT DID YOU DO!?
Spike
This is awesomely hilarious! Especially the very last letter. ... I do want to see the response to Luna's letter though, but I can't have everything...
But, the fact that downloading this keeps the letters, even though normal Author's Notes aren't kept, is very nice, even though you have nearly nothing to do with that, FOME...
Naismith's First Rule: Preliminary Status Reports are a bad thing. Only send a Final Status Report after all the shooting is over, the allies have been bailed out of jail (or escaped), and the diplomatic reprecussions have been squelched. This allows all of the alibis to be coordinated, in order to avoid unpleasant questions.
Nice. The epistolary form suits the story really well.
"Spykoranuvellitar "Spike" Keyfahdon"
Is that a reference I'm not getting? I've seen a name like that before but I honestly might just be remembering that exact name from one of your other stories.
Also, that gear shift from the second-last letter to the last one made me burst out laughing. Nicely done.
Was she listening to Orchestral Manœuvres in the Dark while writing that?
6508594
There actually aren't any author's notes in this, just heavy use of the quote tag.
As for the response to Luna's letter, it was part of the ongoing correspondence I like to think Twilight and Luna have, and wasn't especially germane to the story.
6508597
In this case, the status report was sent to prove a point. That said, canon Twilight had clearly learned this lesson by the time of the Yakyakistan summit.
6508650
I believe Spykoranuvellitar is a G3 reference, being part of that Spike's full name. Not 100% certain on that one. Meanwhile, "Keyfahdon" is my preferred surname for Spike. In the Elder Scrolls dragon language, it translates to "Horse Friend." It felt appropriate.
6508708
No, I'm just fond of the letter œ and this seemed like a good excuse to use it.
Good catch on that false modesty crap Twilight is rocking. How can due obeisance be paid if she doesn't call attention to how big a shot she is? Any random imbecile could take liberties with her because of her refusal to advertise herself effectively.
...I want this to show up on the show
Dear God, how long did it take you to come up with the honorifics?
That last letter!
Now, I know Skyrim's laid dormant for awhile, but that Keyfahdon wasn't going to slip under my radar.
Horse-friend. Nice choice.
"Resons."
I love you so much right now.
Excellent, one of the very few correct uses of the word "yea" I have seen on the Internet. This gets my upvote.
Har har har! Now Celestia will get an unholy amount of chewing from Luna.
...everypony? Not just Twilight?
Oooooh...
Incidentally:
I'm pretty sure that "two" should be a "too".
Huh. This is a nifty way to tell a story.
I like it so far.
The end letter may or may not have helped.
~Skeeter The Lurker
omg this is perfection xD hahahaha!
Oh man, this is great, I wish this coulld have been the episode :P
nice job!
Did they explode twice?
Luna's prose and Spike's full name are just perfect. I shall be keeping them for future reference.
And I was not expecting everyone to blow up. The better question to ask would be what Twilight had done (differently).
I also enjoy the premise of this story, exposing how Celestia's plan could have been foiled had Twilight just have been smart. A bit like how God relied on the fact that Adam and Eve would disobey the guy who literally made them, everything around them, and was everywhere, all-powerful, and all-knowing for his plan to work.
ºF
ºF
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/5/20/329324.gif
*twitch* *twitch*
I loved Luna's letter so much, especially Twilight's title collection that she just allows to gather dust.
6515187
I will have you know that Fahrenhoof was a well respected pillar of the alchemical community in his day. Many of his inventions and ideas, particularly with respect to thaumocalorimetry, are still in common use today.
Wut.
That's an interesting misspelling of "Spike".
Luna's letter was brilliant. I loved the themes in the letters. I could see the facial expressions as each author wrote their thoughts down too. The ending and Twilight's progress report were just brilliant XD
Very good beginning...
It get's better...
Perfect!

Great intro, well done!
friends
_____________________
what the unholy Tartarus is that nonsense? And what does it signify? At least Twilight's 'excessive' titles made sense.
As for the whole "Last name" thing. A) Luna and Celestia don't have them, and B) Came from before a time when 'last names would have existed'.
_____________________________
Okay other than the naming non-sense above. My only gripe is that this letter thing you did, I tried doing ages ago in a first chapter and was denied because a fic isn't allowed to be "All quotes" or "all italicized". Although I've done it in non-first chapters before
.
Still was a pretty funny first chapter, and all around pretty decent.
??? Tf does that even mean?
6517547
"Dweomercraft." Roughly, "magic."
Oh god, that last letter absolutely made this story.
'
Ah, Faraneigh. One of the greats, up there with Aristrottle, Coltzmann, Horseshoe Dinger, and Runner Haysenberg.
It all makes sense now.
6515187 Given that Equestria is under Authoritarian rule, and not a democracy, this makes far more sense than Centigrade, especially since any such comparison is moot when considering the circumstances.
Also, would we deny Cadence and Shining Armor their Imperial units?
6515357
Fahrenhoof is also known by the name Marenheit, isn't he?
Frankly, I'm convinced that all scientific literature should use Coltvin and other maretric units.
THAT LAST LETTER--
6518736 probably his sister/mother/wife/lover what have you
6522432 could have been worse.
they could've exploded twice.
Oh dear.
"Hmm, this looks like it could be amusing..."(Puts on reading glasses)
"Okay, standard 'Twilight deals with stuff scientifically' scenario, nothing to get too excited about..."
"Not bad, kind of amusing..."
...
...
(Rereads final letter)

...




"Okay, that so made the story worth it!"
I get the feeling that you got stuck and couldn't really see where to take the story idea, so you just stuck the ending on to be done with it. So simple, so elegant, and so amusing! Well Done sir, Well Done!
6551585
Thanks! But... you do know there are two more chapters, right?
6508597
...You know Admiral Naismith?
You read Bujold. That makes you good people.
surely this strange argument comes to mind here.
also, is it wrong for me to hear this music play in the background whenever I'm reading the individual letters back-and-forth?
Okay, okay.
I know Keyfahdon translates to horse Friend, but I have to ask.
Is there any loose Dovahzul translation for Spykoranuvellitar?
I couldn't find one. So it's either just gibberish, or I'm too dumb to find it :P
6909853 At least the first three syllables ("Spykoran"), and possibly more, make up the full name of an earlier generation's Spike (I want to say G1, but FoME said G3 above), and the entire thing more closely resembles a Gallifreyan name than anything in Dovahzul: compare Romana's full name, Romanadvoratrelundar.
Response:
*Princess Trollestia
Thank you for making me laugh.
Thank you for a wonderful laugh.
she is conducting a dangerous experiment in the city! and says that there is something that they shouldn't know? is she really a scientist? for this is already the level of madness: Celestia
Holy shit, this is literally the first time I learn that "PS" in letters mean "Post Scriptum", or Post Script in English.
Also, love Spike's full name.