Refined Starlight in a Broken Vessel

by the-pieman

Chapter 32

I continue through the mostly-normal forest, looking for any sign of another glade where this ‘Yellow’ character might be.

Continuing along, I finally hear a muffled announcement from Twilight. “Are you sure those... things are gone?”

I shrug. “Not sure, but they seem to be leaving us alone now.” I can tell by her somewhat displeased groan, that something’s bothering her. “What’s on your mind?”

“Well, I guess... I’ve just never actually seen you fight before. You... you’re kind of scary. No offense.”

“Yeah well, I’m not violent unless I feel like I need to be. Now enjoy those feathers. From what I gather they’re pretty soft, and that’s all the padding you’re getting.”

“They are rather soft... but those things were horrible. I’d never heard of a violent bird before...”

I quirk an eyebrow. “An ostrich can kick so hard it’d dislocate a lion’s jaw. You’ve just never thought about a bird being violent.”

“I have! B- besides that’s in self defense. Those things were hunting us...”

“Until I started hunting them.” I point out. “See? Still self-defense.”

“You have a pretty twisted sense of morality...” Twilight mumbles in her already quiet voice, making it hard to hear, but I do hear it.

“You have a pretty childish sense of morality. Your point?”

“Forget it, let’s just make me big again.”

“Alright, then we’re looking for Yellow, likely a different caterpillar.”

“What makes you think it’s another caterpillar?”

“Well it’s not uncommon for, in a group of similar people, to refer to another based on a defining feature, like a team red or team blue. It’s just a wild guess on my part, but it might be that this person we’re looking for is another caterpillar, but has some relation to the color yellow.”

“So... your basing a wild guess on a logical conclusion proves it! Ha!”

“Proves what, exactly?”

“You claimed insanity a few years ago but the way you explained your thought process proves you’re intelligent, and therefore that you’re sane!”

I just roll my eyes. “Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, kid.”

“I am not a child!”

“Spoken like someone young enough to want to be considered older.”

“You are impossible...”

“Took you this long to figure that out? I thought you were the smart one.”

“You just say whatever garbage comes into your head, don’t you?”

I shrug in response. “I just don’t want to regret it.”

“Regret not insulting ponies?”

“In a way. I follow a belief that it’s not the things you did do that you regret, it’s the things you didn’t do, so I’m taking every opportunity I can to avoid any regret so I can die happily.”

Twilight scowls. “That is a horrible excuse for being a jerk.”

I roll my eyes. “How do you know it’s an excuse? Maybe it’s just coincidence that I hold that philosophy and it just so happens that I’m a total douchebag at the same time. Or maybe I’m a douchebag because of the philosophy and it just so happens that the first things I think of to do or say aren’t positive? Same with repressed anger, I don’t subscribe to it. I prefer to just be a pain in the ass on a daily basis than let it build up inside me until I get so mad that I hurt someone, but everyone I know has repressed rage anyways.”

“I don’t have repressed anger.” Twilight replies sternly.

“Spoken like someone with repressed rage.” I remark before going back to my searching. A tiny but angry noise erupts from my pocket, making me smirk as I continue through the underbrush.

I pause in my amused musings as I feel the ground under my foot shift. I carefully move my foot and see that there’s a thin crack running through the ground, which is more rock than soil at this point, under all the thin scrub brush giving it cover. Man, and I’d been so distracted talking to Twilight I hadn’t even noticed the transition. And looking behind me, I can see it transitioning back, unlike in the dark wood of the jubjub bird flock. I guess I should just go on, and do so, the cracks growing more numerous and joining together. Ahead, the split opens enough that I can see just beyond the trees where they’ve been divided, and it’s almost like something out of minecraft, or a surrealist landscape artist’s imagination.

There’s huge pillars of land, like skinny plateaus, dotted throughout the ever-widening chasm, with the occasional vine or fallen tree connecting them. However, some aren’t connected to anything... not even the ground below them. They’re just sitting there, with exactly zero fucks given about certain fundamental laws of gravity and the like.

The trees are more palm-like here, likely to conserve space on the little crowded islands of stone and earth, and I’d turn away if I didn’t catch a glimpse of a long strand of yellow stretched across the chasm and leading off across it. Seems we have to get across some of the islands if we’re going to follow it. Strangely, some of the trees and the like are growing at odd angles, and there’s a couple of trees quite clearly planted upside-down, leaves on the ground and roots in the air. If they were baobabs, I could understand that, as the tree’s named that because they look upside down, but these are palms trees!

“And I’m willing to bet your magic is still on the fritz and you can’t teleport us across.” I say, getting Twilight to peek out of the pocket again, to look at the area.

“Those trees are upside-down... Why are they upside-down?”

“Because Wunderland, now think of a way to get us across.”

“Uh... well, how good are you at climbing?” she asks.

“Pretty good, as long as it’s not a sheer climb up. I can’t do it without a rough texture or handholds. Don’t have any climbing chalk though.”

“Climbing... chalk? Uh, that wouldn’t happen to be chalk that climbs on its own, would it?” she asks, which is potentially one of the dumbest questions I’ve ever heard, except that when I go to see where she’s looking as she asks, I see a little... thing made of chalk climbing one of the upside-down trees.

“Not what I meant, but it’ll do.” I say, grabbing the chalk and applying it to my hands, improving my grip. “See? My hands are all rough now, gives me greater amounts of friction, so I have a better grip on a wall. Helps with climbing.

The little chalk-creature flails pitifully and futily, I finally set it back on the tree, and it shakes a little limb at me, before doing a passable imitation of a british ‘fuck off’ sign.

“Well... I guess that makes sense, but- Oh fine just get to it then.”

With Twilight unable to argue whatever she was about to argue, I consider myself ready and I begin the climb. It’s fairly easy. “I just surprised ponies, a species without fingers never thought of inventing a way to temporarily increase one’s grip.”

“Oh, uhm... well, we don’t really use friction for gripping... sort of. Well, actually, we do, but we induce it via a localized thaumically charged field around the frogs of our hooves. Earth ponies develop them younger and stronger than other races, and pegasi also develop them a little in their wings, giving them the ability to grasp things with their feathers, though the physical requirements for a pegasus to move their wings like that are... well, to put it succinctly, a pegasus has to break and re-break their wings on purpose to develop pseudo-joints in their wings. It deprives them of much of their wingpower permanently, though, so it’s not a very common practice.” She pauses for a few moments. “If I remember correctly, Fluttershy did that so she can better work with her animals.”

“And unicorns are the pussies, because they use their horns for everything.” I say conversationally as I continue the climb. The more we talk, the less I think about how high up I’m going. “Well, pussies in that you’re physically weaker than kittens.” As I say that, I suddenly feel something weird as I reach for the next handhold. I go to pull down, but it feels more like I’ve hooked the edge of a table from over the top, pulling sideways, not down.

I steel my feet and hand’s grips as I search for a more... normal place to put my hand, being sure to not take any other limbs off the wall. Unfortunately, anywhere in the direction I want to go has weird directions to its gravity, and the strangely-growing vines and trees start to make sense. It almost reminds me of the gravity pranks I pulled off with Discord, but way more stable.

I take a deep breath and relax. Grabbing the most solid-feeling handhold available, I try to pull myself up but end up swinging outwards from the wall, barely keeping a one-handed grip on the stony rock face. That’s bad.

What’s good however, is that if I were to let go, there’s a palm tree literally right under my feet, growing out of the side of another pillar of stone, and I could grab it in passing with ease.

“Get ready Twi. I’m gonna jump.”

“You’re going to what!?”

I don’t reply I just hurl myself at the tree and grab it, Twilight screaming in her tiny voice.

“Never do that again!”

“Pansy. I’ve made tougher leaps on a pre-school jungle gym. When I was in pre-school.”

“Augh! You’re impossible!”

“You already said that.”

---

The climbing and occasional small leaps continues until I find the yellow thread again, and see that it goes into a cave, which appears to have some sort of spring in it, pouring out a stream of brown, sweet-smelling fluid.

I go up and, knowing better than to touch or drink strange liquids, especially in Wunderland, take a break before moving to inspect the thread a bit closer.

It’s a chalky yellow, and made from nearly a dozen tinier strands. And it leads into the cave, not touching any of the sides until it connects to a wall in order to make a corner turn, further into the cave. And that corner turn can’t be there, because it ought to be coming out the side of the floating island, but that’s not something I feel like worrying over right now.

I decide to keep following the thread as it’s my best lead at the moment and it honestly hasn’t steered me wrong yet so I continue to follow it, avoiding the liquid as best I can.

Every breath is heavily scented with it, and it smells so... familiar. It’s hard to put my finger on it, but I know that smell. The yellow thread leads me along slick rocks, and up the side of the round tunnel, and it seems that gravity is just ‘not towards the middle’ at this point, making it somewhat easy to walk along the walls. However, everything is strangely textured. There’s no stone anymore, it’s another material entirely, almost wood-like, and the thread is just holding still in the middle of the air, not connected to anything yet still making curves and hard turns to follow the tunnel.

After about fifteen minutes of this, I realize that the entirety of the tunnel has gotten no darker than the entrance, even though I’ve traveled a long distance. Checking behind me confirms this, and ahead is still more material. In fact, it’s some sort of buttery, off-white stone, looking a bit like melted-and-re-hardened wax that poured from the middle of the tunnel, the thread avoiding touching anything as it meanders down the way.

“Anthony?” Twilight speaks up, and I look to see that she’s peeking out of my pocket, looking worried.

“What now? You hear something?” I ask, not bothering to stop.

“N-no... something’s wrong. I can’t cast magic right now, but I can still feel it, and there’s... there’s something bad about the magic in here,” she says.

“And what’s the exact definition of ‘bad’ you’re using right now?”

“Familiar. And... not friendly. I’m sorry, it’s not something I’m used to discerning without using further spells to narrow down what kind of magic it is, or...”

“Dark magic, or what? Give me something to go on here. Familiar how?”

“Not dark magic... something I’ve only felt once, maybe twice... augh, this is going to bug me... I don’t think it’s mind magic, and it’s definitely not celestial...” she begins muttering to herself, voice too low and quiet for me to hear.

“Chaos magic?” I suggest. “We are in Wunderland after all.”

“Except there hasn’t been any chaos magic anywhere else in Wunderland. Well, except around that boojum, er, Granny Pie, but this... it’s almost like Chaos Magic, yes. But... older than Discord’s. Stronger, more... natural.”

“So whatever we’re dealing with is more adept at Chaos Magic than the literal avatar of chaos itself, and also radiates it like crazy. You realize how nuts that sounds, right?” I continue through the tunnel.

“Well... ‘Spirit of Chaos’ is just a title...” Twilight mumbles. “And wasn’t it you who said to ‘screw logic’ while in Wunderland?”

“And since when does logic apply to chaos magic? As such, the reverse is true. Chaos amidst chaos is order, just like a negative of a negative is a positive and vice-versa, so chaos magic in Wunderland would be their equivalent of Harmony magic or something similar by that line of thought, wouldn’t it? Good, Evil, Order, Chaos... it’s all subjective after all.”

“... That gives me a horrible thought.” she says.

“I bet I can think of worse things than having your precious little diagram of who’s who on the scale of ‘evil’ being flipped around.”

“No... what if Discord is like Spike? Just an infant, being raised outside his natural environment?”

I narrow my eyes. “You say that as if I haven’t already suggested Discord acting juvenile before to both you and Celestia but you just said he was insane and that’s why he’s irresponsible with his powers. Besides, if Discord was always intended to be a spirit of chaos, to represent it... then in this world of Wunderland, he’d be considered normal and as such, he’d be a negative of a negative just like my allegory before. Sorry Sparkle, but if my logic is sound, Discord is one-hundred percent Equestrian.” I pause to let it sink in. “Further on Discord being a child... keep that in mind next time you think about petrifying him... again.”

I keep walking, sighing aloud. Why do these ponies take so long to consider things I’ve already mused on or discovered?

Towards the waxy stone I travel - until I step on it, and discover it is in fact wax, dried and hardened and glistening slightly in the strange light of the tunnel.

Without much reason to really question it, I continue following the yellow thread, wondering exactly where it’s coming from. The sudden change in material passed off as just another oddity of Wunderland.

Then, without warning, I’m falling down the tunnel, which is now an immense drop, and I see a pillar of wax coming at me fast.

I could grab the thread but if it’s as wimpy as it looks, it would just snap under my weight, not to mention it would likely cut into my hands so I do the only thing I can think of: attempt to grab the wall and hold on. Failing that, I fall back on my coal and form some small gloves around my hand, covered in barbs and hooks, attempting to use them to get a better hold on the wall.

Unfortunately, the relatively soft wax of the walls simply shreds under the force of my falling combined with the velcro-glove’s blades and points, though it does slow me a bit and lets me move out of the way of the tunnel-spanning pillar. If it weren’t for the coal dust dispersing if I try moving it away from me, I could try just making a ‘cow catcher’ style piece of armor in front of me and smash through any wax obstacles with ease.

At least, that’s what I’m thinking up to the point where I exit the tunnel... back out the entrance, in spite of having never gone back at all. God-Damned Wunderland!

... wait, that means the thread is now heading out of the tunnel. And I’m rocketing along towards one of the earthen islands in this weird chasm, right where the yellow thread is anchored... in another cave. Whoopee.

The only thing that I manage to question about the situation is where I am, or at least what it’s supposed to be. Wax/stone caves? That’s just strange... and stranger still is where the thread might lead if this tunnel is any indication.

I look for something I can use to slow my now-horizontal fall, having been spit out of the tunnel and having the gravitational switch of the chasm sending me flying. Gliding really, though I will likely drop once my momentum ends and I need to come up with a landing strategy... fast. Looking all around, I reassess my velcro-hands idea, and begin to reinforce them along my arms, mostly so that if I catch something hard, I don’t tear my arms out of their sockets. Then, I reach out and try to grab the nearest vines and outcroppings of stone, this time tearing into rock and plant matter, and it still feels like I’m about to tear my arms free. My whole body shakes as I look down, the chasm floor far below... and so is the yellow thread, leading into the cave just under me as well.

I take a deep breath and focus on a way to get into that new cave safely. Dropping again is out for sure... unless... I had something to land on. It wouldn’t have to be soft, but it would have to impede me and slow me down. Or maybe something to climb down with. I could make a fireman’s pole that reaches all the way down into the cave and sliding down it. It would hurt landing on my feet or rear, but it would be preferable to just ragdolling down.

I take another deep breath and summon the rest of my coal, making a long pole and eventually realize I’d have to sacrifice my gripping gauntlets too. I’d have to grab the pole as I fall and readjust myself. Twilight takes this opportunity to look around, realizing we had temporarily stopped. Eventually she looks down and freaks out, seeing the pole and likely thinking what I am. “You... you aren’t actually going to let go and try grabbing that, are you?”

“I’ve done stupider things...” I say, not really reassuring myself. “On paper, that is.”

“Buh- You’re serious about this?”

“Get back down and brace for impact.” Is all I say, preparing to let go. I focus on the pole, and envision myself grabbing it and sliding down into the cave below. I can do this... Twilight ducks down and, judging by the ruffling I can feel, Twilight’s covering herself in the feathers for extra padding, no longer arguing.

I take a third breath and let go, I feel weightless for a bit but soon gravity catches up with me and yanks me down. I reach for the pole, fighting the almighty urge to close my eyes. Misjudging distance would be a fatal mistake right now. Swinging my arms and legs out, I do my best to increase drag for my body by distributing my weight and my hands grasp onto the pole after a few seconds, the remains of my gauntlets, now more like the chalk dust earlier, giving me a decent grip as I slide down.

I then realize a mistake I made. By grabbing onto the pole, I’ve put myself in a more thin, angled body position and I start speeding up as I glide down the pole, my hands starting to sting a bit from friction burn. ‘This is it.’ I think as the end of the pole gets closer and closer. ‘This is where I either survive or end up a pancake...’

I can even hear Twilight shrieking in her tiny voice from my pocket. Seems she’s not liking our chances any better than I am, even though it’s at least guaranteed that she’ll survive.

With a thud and a small ‘crunch’, I hit the stone floor of the cave’s lip, and sharp pains erupt in my ankles. I barely remember to roll forward and away from the drop as I collapse.

“Gha- ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha-owwwwwww.... shit.” I mumble out as I wince, holding my ankles carefully. But... “At least we’re alive.”

“I am seriously considering slapping you!” Twilight ‘yells’ angrily, sounding more like low talking.

I manage to wheeze out the word “Kinky...” before devolving back into yelps of pain and expletives.

“You’re impossi- augh!”

That doesn’t help the pain but it does lessen it a bit, laughing at Twilight’s expense being fairly decent medicine. “You need to come up with better- ow, responses.”

I sit still for a while until the pain becomes a tingle as I heal. “Wow... you really are a slow healer...”

“Shut it, this is how we deal without magic, we just have to sit and wait. And rely on our imaginations.”

“I will admit, you are... rather inventive when in strained situations. Moreso than most Pegasi at least.”

“Yeah... too bad that’s not the only requirement to receive a lantern ring.”

“A what?”

“Ask Spike... Alright, let’s get going.” I say, standing up, and doing my best to ignore the throbbing buzzing of my feet as I continue to follow the thread into this new cave.

“Hmmm... persistent, aren’t you?” a voice says from behind me, and something about it carries far more menace than any villain I’ve ever heard in TV, movies, or even from that demon that attacked Ponyville. The voice just oozes smug superiority, yet doesn’t have a trace of arrogance in it, as contradictory as that sounds.

“I’m more than just persistent...” I say, turning to face the voice.

Outside the cave is a long, serpentine-bodied creature, body so long that it’s coiled and tangled among itself. Mismatched limbs, ranging from humanoid hands to crustacean-like claws and wings sprout more or less randomly from the slowly writhing mass of continuous body. A head, shaped like a dragon’s, leers down at me with pus-colored eyes, pupils nothing more than dancing flames.

“Is that so?” the creature asks, a wide grin stretching its face. “And what else are you?”

“You get an answer after I get one. Why do I interest you enough to approach?”

“Mmm... because I was bored.” the dragon... thing says. “Now, twinkle twinkle, little star, and tell me just what you are.”

“A human, an apex predator from the potentially-former planet Earth. Now are you going to help me, leave me alone, or try to fight me?”

Twilight pops out of my pocket again to stare at the creature. “Are you... a draconequus?”

The creature looks towards Twilight and... well, it doesn’t lean in towards me, or move closer, there’s simply less distance between us very suddenly than there was before, without either of us actually moving. “There’s no such thing as a draconequus.” the creature says. “I am a Jabberwocky, or a Jabberwock, however you wish to say it.” space warps again and the distance between us is normal again. I realize I’d been holding my breath while it was closer.

“Back to my question...” I say. “What do you plan to do?”

“Talk to you, obviously. If I was planning to do something else, I’d be doing that, now wouldn’t I.” It’s not a question, just a statement of fact, in spite of the phrasing used.

“Well, I’m rather busy at the moment. We could talk later. Unless you can solve the problem we’re in.” I say, turning back to the yellow thread.

“That I could. What is your problem?”

I indicate to Twilight. “We need to make her big again, and find our friends.”

“Ah. Very interesting,” the Jabberwocky says, “Have you checked behind the couch cushions? I’ve heard that’s a place that many lost things are found.”

“Well, no, we haven’t but it’s unlikely. At least, there’s been no couches around to check. As for making Twilight bigger, can you do that?”

“I can.” it replies. “I can also turn her invisible, or you into a custard, or the sky into a firestorm that consumes the land... Oh, I can also make seagulls.” the Jabberwocky snaps an appendage, and a series of C-shaped birds appear, flying around the cave. Ah. C-gulls.

“Duly noted.” I reply, ignoring the one sound that made me dislike living near Seattle. One lands on my shoulder, and I have to resist the urge to simply barbecue it here and now, if only because burnt feathers smell awful. “So, would you make her bigger? Please?”

The ‘magic word’ seems to have no effect, and the Jabberwocky keeps talking. “I also can turn her inside out... would you like to see that? Or simply turn her orange. Mmm, no, Orange is not a good color, best keep it in the background.”

I raise my eyebrow at the creature’s opinions on color, but I do agree with it, as derailed as it is. “Well, I wouldn’t mind seeing her turned inside-out for a while.”

“What!?”

“Well I’m rather curious what your innards look like and you can’t expect me to vivisect one of you.”

“You mean dissect. Right?”

“She’s right. It’s only vivisection if they survive it. Either way, I wouldn’t need to dissect her to turn her inside out. I could just reach in and grab her tail, and yank until it flips purples-in.” A clawed, feline paw flexes menacingly in the process. Somehow, the Jabberwock is always the same distance behind me, no matter how far I go into the cave looking for Yellow, in spite of never moving.

“I wouldn’t kill someone just for the sake of discovery. Of course I meant vivisect.” I reply plainly. “Either way, as long as it’s temporary, I see no reason to not test a few things on her... after you make her big again.”

“What!?” Comes the tiny repetition.

“Hey, you got to do your little science experiments on me. Fair’s fair.”

“Oh, I see, you want her unharmed when I turn her inside out. Eh, that’s not as interesting.” the Jabberwock says. “Maybe I should do it anyways, just to see the look on your face, human-star.”

“Whatever...” I reply.

“You don’t care if I get hurt? What are you doing!?”

“I’ve seen ponies heal from grievous injury before... besides, I still want payback for the time you kicked me in the nuts. Now hush, let the grown-ups talk.”

“I am a grown-up!”

“You’re smaller than a fetus at the moment. I don’t think you’re that grown.”

“You are going to be in big trouble! Get us out of here now!”

“Who died and made you princess?” I reply, turning back to the Jabberwocky. “Just make her big again and I say you can do whatever temporary thing you want with her.”

“And if it isn’t temporary? I mean, I could, but I’d rather just see your reaction to her being inside out the hard way. Or maybe I should see what you’re like inside out? I’ve never seen a human-star inside out before. Have to say, I’m curious, it’d be new. You wouldn’t deny me a new experience would you? That’d be just mean.”

I thumb the Vorpal blade at my side. “I’d say I’m in charge because I hold the advantage here. But I’d rather be civil. Though I admit I am also curious as to what I look like. But as I said, the requirement you must meet is that Twilight is returned to her normal size. After that we may... experiment.”

“Hmm... no. You’re getting boring, and that little knife there won’t save you. Vorpal or not. I think you’d make an excellent figgy pudding though. I’ll leave your minds in, so you can feel what it’s like to be a pudding being eaten. Now that’ll be new for you and me!” The distance between us begins to vanish, neither of us moving, but space shrinking away into nothing.

I eye the creature. “I’m not one to take threats well... I hope you understand.” I say pointedly, my eyes narrow.

“Threats? I’m not making any threats.” the Jabberwock begins to open its mouth, revealing another head inside, one of a goat, who also begins opening its mouth, which is full of eerily sharp teeth, like an angler fish’s, and its voice issues from its open throat. “I’m just going to eat you.”

“Sorry buddy, humans aren’t food. There’s a reason we’re at the top of the food chain in almost any environment.” I say. “And yes, I consider a suggestion of eating me to be a threat. Now back off.”

“But won’t you grow back? Or is that not how human-stars work? Oh well, just the pony then. They make excellent snacks.” a trio of worm-like tongues begin to slide from the thing’s mouth, and I’m not entirely sure it’s actually a Jabberwocky. For one, it’s not seeming to be anything like anything in the bestiary, and it’s also not making any noises I’d call ‘burbling’.

I step back, away from the tongues. “Sorry, she’s off-limits now.” I push Twilight down into my pocket. Suddenly, the distance between us is back to normal, and the thing is speeding at me, a long tube of anger and mismatched limbs, and not nearly as long as it had looked before. My first reaction is to draw the Vorpal blade, swinging it out of its sheathe and aiming it at the creature. The weapon flies out, then hovers in mid-air, apparently confused or something, as the thing speeding at me is still going. It also seems to be sprouting more heads from inside its mouths... it’s not actually lunging, just spewing forth more length of itself at me. And its tail is getting pulled inward, like it’s tunneling through the air, not rock or dirt.

I form a pair of sawblades out of coal and toss them at the creature, aiming for the nearest mouth. The blades sing through the air as they fly and slice into the creature, which emits a noise of... agony, I suppose. Shrill, and painful to hear, the noise only worsens, as the saws cleave through a dozen yards of flesh, sending blue-green blood splattering against the walls... or maybe not blood, it’s more like pudding or half-set jell-o in viscosity.

As it’s cut, the creature attempts to turn, falling from the air and flopping to the ground, a huge amount of its damaged parts simply turning to slime and dust, and a small, worm-like creature breaks loose of the massive mess, squirming quickly for the exit of the cave. I finish off the creature’s body with the saws’ return trip, and they form a cage around the worm-thing. “And where do you think you’re going?”

It makes a harsh squealing noise, and tries to slip between the ‘bars’, still trying to escape. I simply ‘order’ the bars to become flat walls, summoning more coal from my saddlebag satchel and pick up the box of coal containing the worm-like thing. It beats weakly against the box’s walls, evidently not very strong without its meatsuit.

“I asked you a question...” I compact the box a bit, making it smaller by a few centimeters, the threat of squishing it very clear. “Where are you going?”

It makes another squealing noise. Maybe it can’t speak without the... now rotting meat? Urgh, it smells disgusting. Worse than the rancid meat I’ve smelled before, and that’s saying something. I once found liquidized meat in a Ziplock bag.

“Well, the only thing I can think of that’s fair is... since you tried to eat us, we eat you...” I say, not actually meaning but mainly to gauge the reaction, which is for the worm to begin writhing much harder within the box, still not speaking actual words.

I decide to just end the creature and let the box compress until it’s flat. I make it fast and the squealing-squelch is the last noise it makes, a thin stream of liquid being forced out of a small hole in one corner, the yellowy fluid splattering the wall.

“And that’s why humans are at the top of the goddamn food chain.” I say, pocketing the coal, Twilight peeking out at my words and seeing the fallen creature’s meatsuit, dead and rotting away.

She gasps, covers her nose and ducks back down. “Wh-what was that thing? That wasn’t a Jabberwocky, I know that much.”

“No clue, but whatever it is, isn’t going to eat us anymore. So now we go back to finding Yellow.”

“Have I mentioned you’re scary when you fight?”

“In passing, yes.” I reply, as I continue along into the cave. “But hey, friendship only works when the enemy is in the mood for it. If not, ya gotta squish ‘em. End of story.”

Twilight stays silent, not responding, and I go back to following the thread. It leads me -without wandering or random infinite tunnels this time- to a small crystal grotto, beautiful yellow gemstones growing in huge spurs from the cave walls, as if the cave is nothing more than a large geode... which isn’t out of the question. In the center is a woven hammock of sorts with a fat, yellow caterpillar resting on it.

Called it.

Stepping closer, I see that it has a series of boxes and a cigar in its mouth, letting loose thick clouds of yellow smoke that drift up a little ways, dissipating quickly, forming rounded, bubble-like formations as it rises.

I walk up to the caterpillar. “So I’ve heard you know how to... find things.”

“Hmm? Who’s there?” the Caterpillar asks, attempting to sit up, and merely managing to spin the hammock around and get himself entangled, dropping his eighth-of-an-inch-long cigar in the process. “Mother-hatching-pile-of-turgid-feces!” the caterpillar yells, very much stuck in his own furniture.

I take the hammock and carefully untangle the caterpillar. “Sorry, but we need your help.”

“Uh, who’re you?” the yellow caterpillar asks, looking up at me in confusion. “I’m sorry, I think I dropped my glasses... I can’t see a thing.” Looking down, the floor under his hammock is full of tiny cracks and crevices. I do not envy searching them for his glasses, especially since my coal-control doesn’t let me feel what it touches.

I reach into my shirt pocket and pull out Twilight. “Alright, you’re small, and can see. Help us find his glasses.” I say, putting her down on the floor.

“But... why me?” She asks, seeming afraid of being outside the safety of my pocket.

“I just said, you’re small, and can see without needing glasses. Besides, I already did all the work getting us here alive, the least you can do is contribute when you’ll be helpful.”

She grumbles, but concedes the point, beginning to search through the crystals and the cracks in the floor. Some of them are sharp enough to cut, but she seems nimble enough to get around them just fine, though there’s a few tiny purplish hairs decorating the floor now.

“So while she’s doing that...” I say, turning to the caterpillar. “I’m Anthony, I was hoping to get some help finding some smoke.”

“Smoke, eh? What kind? Gunsmoke? Smoke on the water? Smoked fish? There’s lots of smoke in the world.”

“Well, Green Caterpillar asked for some after he dropped his pipe, so I assume pipe smoke.”

“Green’s got a pipe now? Weird, I thought he still had that hookah Blue gave him...” Yellow says, looking utterly befuddled.

“Right, it was a hookah. Sorry, the way here was full of many distractions.”

“Ah, I see... or I would. If I had my glasses. I can’t see without them, y’know.” he says the last part conversationally, as if it were an interesting, unique fact, not the normal way of things.

“I understand, and I’m sure Twilight is doing her best to find them. But until then, Green said to ask you for some smoke. Do you know where some is?”

“No idea. But I could find some... if I had my-”

“Yes, if you had your glasses.” I say, indicating my annoyance.

“Oh, so you’ve heard? I can’t see anything without them.” he says, as if it’s the first time he’s said that. I’m starting to get the feeling he’s not... all there. But then this is Wunderland and all so there’s bound to be some people who aren’t all there. Literally and figuratively.

“Yes, you need your glasses, I got it. I still do. We’re just waiting on Twilight.”

“Oh? Do you know where my glasses are, then? It seems I’ve lost them...”

This is going to be a riveting conversation, I can tell. “Listen here, you little sh... *sigh* She’s looking for them now.” Jeez, he reminds me of my Great grandmother, I had to introduce myself three times to that old pile of Alzheimer’s...

“Oh, you’re looking for my glasses! I must’ve lost them, thank you.”

I swear to god, I will strangle the next puppy I see... Twilight, at the ground level, calls up, “I found them! But I can’t grab them without magic. I can show you where they are, though, make some sort of grabby thing with coal.”

I fashion a pair of tweezers and reach down next to where I see the little furry purple-thing that is Twilight and very carefully try to find the glasses. I just mumble out my displeasure with unicorns. “Why couldn’t I have gotten stuck with Pinkie...?”

“Oh, where’s Pink? I can’t see very well...” the caterpillar drones on as I get the glasses, turning the tweezers into just a ball of controllable coal wrapped around them after two failed tries to pick it up. I hand them to Yellow, and he looks around, eyes magnified by the thick-as-hell lenses, and he blinks at me. I cannot express how creepy that is from such an amalgamation of human and caterpillar features such as this. I think my soul shivered at the look. “Oh, hello there! You must be that nice fellow who put up with me a little bit ago. I’m very sorry about that, I’m no use at all without my glasses.”

“So I gathered...” I deadpan. “So... finding some smoke for Green’s hookah...”

“Oh, ‘tis easy. My apologies about rambling earlier, the glasses are enchanted to help me focus. I’m only a little while away from ascending, you know.” he then takes a deep drag off a freshly-lit cigar, and blows the biggest, foggiest yellow bubble I’ve ever seen. It’s like one of those trick bubbles people blow with cigarette smoke in them, but in a sort of unsettling gold-ish hue, until it suddenly detaches from the caterpillar, and turns clear... or, rather, into a window looking into a glade. “Ah, there it is... oh, you needn’t have come to find me. If you’d just found Purple first, you’d have found the plants that make the smoke for any of our number.”

“So we’re looking for Purple? Wait, hold on, I’m confused. How many are there?”

“Oh, there’s always six of us.” Yellow says.

“I thought the one who wanted smoke was Purple.”

I throw my arms up. “I don’t know who’s who anymore, I’m just trying to fix your problem.”

“Hmm, well, the smokeweed is grown in Purple’s grove, but I’m not at all surprised he hasn’t realized that. I may be useless without my glasses, but honestly, he’s mostly useless. Can fix anything from any world... except himself.”

“That’s the one we want!” I say loudly. “The one who can fix her. And that’s Purple. Okay, so... how do we get back to Purple from here? I got a little turned around getting here.”

Yellow gives a six-handed face-palm. “Here... just follow this thread, and you’ll get to him.” The caterpillar shows that there’s a purple strand woven into a yellow string, which leads out through a hole in the grotto wall. “Each of our places of power are connected this way.”

“Thanks.” I pick Twilight up and put her back in my shirt pocket as I begin following the thread. Wunderland is a lot more... annoying and redundant than I recall.

Keeping a hand on the smooth, silken strand, I walk out of the grotto... and directly into Purple’s grove.

...I could’ve skipped everything between here and Yellow’s grotto this way, couldn’t I have? Except, I didn’t see a Yellow thread until after the Jubjub birds, so how could I have known I was going in a huge circle. It’s those birds’ faults for pulling me into some kind of pocket dimension. And the shuffling of Twilight cozying up to the feathers in my pocket reminds me to find somewhere to get them appraised. Who knows how much they’re worth...

Anyways, I approach Purple, who looks up... down... at me, and gives a grumpy, “So, have you found the smokable plants? I’ve been waiting for far too long!”

I look around the grove for anything that looks... smokable and realize that the ‘grass’ here is more like a carpet of leafy plants. An odd variation of a type of marijuana and... some plant I’ve never seen before. I just decide to try it and grab a handful, handing it to the admittedly, purple-colored caterpillar. I had forgotten after all.

Again, I blame the birds for distracting me. He gives a disturbingly insectoid grin and grabs the leaves, stripping them from the stems and quickly stuffing them into the hookah, whole, and taking hurried puffs on it until he stops, letting loose another cloud of those purpley, geometric smoke clouds.

“We got you your weed, now can you please help fix Twilight?” I place said tiny pony on an adjacent leaf just like last time.

“Yes, yes, yes... set her above me, and hold her steady. I’ve heard this part is interesting.” he says, beginning to draw from the hookah, hard.

I move Twilight over. She’s like a fuzzy toy like this, really. But her being big is more useful so I do as Purple asks, holding Twilight steady with a finger under the leaf supporting her and one on her back.

The caterpillar lets loose a truly incredible cloud of the smoke, purple and full of easily-recognizable polyhedrons that rolls over Twilight and my hands. “Hmm... was it ‘interesting’, or ‘painful’ that the other pony said it felt like? Oh, wait, now I remember, he said it was agonizing!” Purple remarks, and my eyes go wide just as Twilight begins to scream in pain and writhe in my grip.

However, for whatever reason, my hands enveloped in the smoke aren’t hurting at all. Maybe because I’m not the target but Twilight seems to be having a seizure of some kind. Or she’s dancing. Given what I’ve seen her dancing looks like, it could be either, though it’s hard to misinterpret the yells of definite pain. Still, the sooner she’s full size the sooner it’ll be over.

I can feel her grow heavier in my hands, but she’s growing weirdly, like something’s grabbing her all over and just pulling her till she’s stretched out enough to be ‘bigger’. After nearly a minute of her screaming growing louder as she expands, her voice cracks and she goes hoarse... no pun intended. Several minutes later, the smoke dissipates, and Twilight’s laying a thrashed circle of vegetation, tears streaming down her face and a look of pain in her expression. Her eyes are also a little glassy and half open.

“There you are, one repaired unicorn. As agreed. No further curses, malign influences, tumors, ulcers, or children present in it.”

I give the caterpillar a dumbfounded look. Children!? He ‘fixes’ pregnancies? What the fuck? I decide to just leave him to his smoking and pick up the now much-heavier Twilight, though she’s light enough to carry I stumble a bit from the odd hold I have on her, trying to give support to her body with one arm and her head with the other, putting a lot of unbalanced weight distribution on the arm carrying her body.

I can’t do it for long and eventually I set her down to rest. She’s not heavy, but really awkward to carry that way. I see nothing to do but wait for her to recover. I consider one option, getting some of that magical weed and giving it to Twilight to help dull the pain, but I have no idea what potential other effects it might have so I decide to leave the work to ponies naturally ‘superior’ healing speed. I could use a nap... but I don’t know what might happen if I fall asleep in the middle of a forest.

Sighing, I sit down, watching as Purple blows more clouds of geometric smoke... I kinda want to know what the differences between the caterpillars are, but I doubt that Purple is the right one to ask. Twilight slowly recovers, eventually doing more than blink her eyes as she gets back to her hooves, rubbing her head.

“Oogh... that was... indescribably painful.” she states, wincing at the mere thought of it.

“Well, we just have to be more careful in the future. And we also have to find Pinkie and Cadence still. No idea where they are, or how to get back to Canterlot.”

“You could ask Yellow.” Purple says, looking over at us. “He can find things. It’s what he does.”

I nod and, deciding to follow the thread back to Yellow’s grotto, find the yellow-purple strands and hold onto it as I go. Hopefully we won’t have to deal with any other caterpillars.

As soon as I’m back in Yellow’s grotto, the caterpillar looks up from what looks like a tiny book. “Oh, you’re back so soon! Did Purple lose his hookah this time?” Yellow asks.

“No, we’re looking for someone else now. Do you know how to find... uh...” It takes me a second to remember Granny Pie’s actual name. “Preamble Pie?”

“Oh, missus Pie! If I’m not mistaken, she’s tending to her Jubjub birds right now.” I feel my eye twitch slightly at the name of the birds.

“And where would that be exactly?” I ask, getting a little tired of Wunderland. It’s interesting and a breath of fresh air but... it’s just a little too deadly.

“Oh, near the Lookinglass Gate of course. They’re one of the main ways it remains guarded on the Wunderland side.”

“That would explain how come nothing comes through.” I muse aloud. “Alright, can you give us directions?”

“Hmm... I could, but what are you going to give me for that aid?”

“I uh... don’t have anything really.”

“Are you sure? You have quite a few things. Working eyes, free will, a decent memory, the ability to taste cherries... Oh! Also, a working star core and several other things besides.”

“Sorry, those aren’t for trade. How about what you tell us what you want and we’ll try getting it for you?”

“I don’t know, that’s not my job!” His comment gives me a pang of frustration that tries making me strangle him, but I don’t want to find out what attacking a potentially-omnipotent insect from Wunderland would result in.

“Right, your job is to find things. So find us a way to get to the gate!”

“Nope, can’t. Not without a trade.”

Urge to strangle rising. “Then tell me what you want!”

“There’s nothing I really want! Most people just offer me things!” the caterpillar shouts back at me, sounding a bit lost.

“That’s dumb, why give someone something they don’t want? That’s not a fair trade, they don’t want it.”

“It’s the thought that counts!” the caterpillar counters. “Literally! The act of giving me something of value, even if I have no need nor use of it, is what lets me use my power!”

“Fine then, how about I make you something you literally can’t get anywhere else?”

“That might be worth two favors even!” he replies, sounding giddy.

“Alright. Hold on.” I get some coal out and create a tiny figurine. A moment later I have a decently sized Tahnok-Va, minus a staff. I hand the figure to the caterpillar, placing it next to him. “Here you are, a statue of a creature that doesn’t exist in this universe, and it’s incredibly fragile.”

“Oooh... and such attention to detail! Hmm... I’ll have to consult with Orange on what this is so I can find another some time.” he attaches a yellow strand of silk to it, and lowers it straight down, where a piece of the stone floor slides aside to reveal a massive chamber below us full of various things, like the hoard of a dragon with extremely eclectic tastes.

“So, if that’s worth two favors, tell me how to find the portal to Canterlot. The second favor... I’ll just save it for later in case I need you again. Fair?”

“Hmm... annoying, but fair, I suppose. Now, let me see... portal to Canterlot, portal to Canterlot... ah, here’s the path! For the next four hours, it will be passing by the babbling brook, through the forest of slumbers, and over the hill of wonders. I can send you to the first part of the path, and will take you out of Wunderland and to Canterlot, provided you do not ever stray from it - if you do, you could wind up anywhere in Wunderland.”

“Well, we’d actually like to find our friends before we leave and they were with Granny Pie last I recall, so I guess that would be our second favor. We’ll just remember how to find the Gate, and you send us to our friends Pinkie and Cadence. Can you do that?”

“Hmm... alright. But remember, you have to go to the brook first, or you won’t find the path.” he says, taking a hard drag off his cigar. “Brace yourselves.” he says, before turning to breathe the smoke on us, without letting me ask any further questions.

Comments

[Fireeaters]

This is much different to the first version. Are you dropping that character from your story? I can't quite remember her name. My mind is saying 'Mirna', but I'm pretty sure that's the name of the snake girl.

[Booster Spice]

But how long is four hours in Wunderland, and is it up for, haggling?

[the-pieman]

7507554 You're referring to the harpy girl, Anne? Yes, she's being removed.

[Fireeaters]

7508320 That was indeed the character I was referring to. That's a bit unfortunate because then she'd still be a trophy for that queen. Things were reset, not erased, right?

[the-pieman]

7508442 kinda. There will be reference to what exactly happened, or rather didn't happen in this very arc.

[Fireeaters]

7508571 Neat!

[jaxman147]

You've been breaking these out rather quickly, or at least two in a row. Twilight and Anthony have always been my favorite when working together. They both are extremely competent, yet question each others methods constantly. Fun to read.

[catfire13]

various things, like the hoard of a dragon with extremely eclectic tastes.

Eclectic or eccentric?
:3

[Even Evil Has Standards]

So who does the Jabberwocky sound like? Christopher Lee? Alan Rickman? Jeremy Irons?

And speaking of when someone said "Gunsmoke," this was popped in my head.

[the-pieman]

10812965
The Jabberwocky sounds like a Jabberwocky.