Chapter 19
I wake up and I realize that Fluttershy has left, but Pinkie is still here, and has fallen asleep in my arm. I run my hand through Pinkie’s curly, crazy mane. How does she get her hair to do that all the time, anyway? Aw, she’s snoring... Heh. Life is good. Wait, Ponyville is pretty much ground zero at this point... why can’t my good moods ever last?
Oh well. Still, it’s a calm, comforting thought that the hospital doesn’t seem damaged. And while I can hear some of the ponies in the other rooms, their occasional moans and yelps of pain sneaking through the door, it’s evident they’re being tended to. I can hear the steady clip-clops of the nurses and doctors passing each other in the halls outside the door, and it’s a calming white noise.
I snuggle in closer to Pinkie, wincing slightly at my arm. I was heading to the library earlier to hand off the book to Twilight, and I don’t feel hurt. Well, other than my arm, that is. That should heal on its own in a month or so, though... which means no trip in a month with Cadence. Darn, I was looking forward to that.
I look down at Pinkie, musing again about her mane. Cadence mentioned she had relatives in Wunderland, which is making more sense of her mane, now that I think about it. Cadence also teased me about being ‘very compatible’ with Pinkie. I look at the pink mare’s face as she lays on me, her face framed by cotton-candy hair and the sunlight streaming in from the window, and...
Ooooooh boy. Hello morning awkwardness. Damn, this is certainly awful timing. I just reassure myself repeatedly that, no, it’s not Pinkie, it’s just nature. God this is the worst possible time for this. At least she’s asleep and won’t notice... On the other hand, maybe I should wake her up and make a hasty retreat...
Then a nurse pony comes in, I sort of recognize her as she’s the pony I saw at my initiation party, with the First Aid Cutie Mark. She’s got a yellow coat and blueish hair kept in a hairnet on the back. She looks in at me, my ‘tent’, and Pinkie resting right next to it. She grins widely. “That’s one way to feel better, but I don’t think it’ll help your arm any, Anthony.”
“This is just really bad timing, I swear.” I hiss trying not to wake Pinkie. “I have absolutely no urge to have any romantic relationship with any ponies whatsoever.” I look down. “As much as current evidence might suggest otherwise.”
She just grins even wider. “Who said anything about romance?”
“Er... Uh...” My face falls. “I’m not gonna win this one, am I?”
“Nope.” Her grin returns to a more normal size as she trots up. “Teasing aside, I’d first like to thank you for saving my little sister yesterday. She’s recovering from that head-bump and the smoke inhalation nicely. Second of all, I need to check on your arm, if that’s alright.”
“Sure, just don’t stick anything in my arm I don’t want.”
She laughed gently, “Don’t worry, any needles for you will be emergency-issue only.” She carefully grabbed my uninjured arm, turning my palm up. Her hoof went over my wrist and I feel the soft inside of her hoof press down to check my pulse. It feels kinda weird.
“Seems alright, compared to our first check of your vitals.” she gently laid my hand back on Pinkie, who just snuggled in closer to my side, eliciting a blush. Stupid Cadence. “Now, let me see your other hand.”
Shifting it over, she poked and prodded at the bits of my arm sticking out of the cast, doing something like massaging my upper arm with her eyes closed. After a few moments of doing this, she stopped, and placed a hoof over were my knuckles were buried in the cast. I watched as she simply stood there, rear hooves on the tile floor and one foreleg on the railing of the hospital bed, fourth hoof placed on my cast.
“So, is it hard to do this for a human? I mean, last I checked, I’m the first one around here.”
“Hmm? Oh, I’m just checking the flows of your life-force. If there are any eddies or backwash, it can indicate looming embolisms or worse. As it stands, though, only your brokens bones seem to be off with your arm. While you have much life-force, it’s just more to look at. It still forms the same patterns, just brighter.” She seemed to have acquired a sagely, almost doped look on her face.
“Uh... huh. So, would it be possible for me to leave with just my cast on?”
“Yes, I think that’ll be fine. Be sure to drink plenty of fluids, preferably fruit juices. If you can find some citrus fruits, those will help the most, but they’re hard to get. Other than oranges, of course. And avoid any tight hugs until your ribs are better. Let me go get you a pegasus wing-sling, I think it’ll fit you better than an earth pony one.” the nurse, whose name I still hadn’t gotten yet, sauntered calmly from the room.
I feel the urge to continue petting Pinkie, but I’m not entirely sure if that would help my little problem. At least it’s starting to subside. Cadence is crazy. No way would Pinkie and I end up doing more than being friends. Besides, who’s to say Pinkie would go for it? She seems perfectly fine being just friends, and I like it that way. I relax and wait for the nurse to return with the sling.
After trying to leave the hospital four times as patients kept stopping me to congratulate me and thank me - it was kind of embarrassing - I went to collect my stuff. Thankfully, I had forgotten it at Fluttershy’s, and she had brought it to the hospital for me. I picked it up from the head nurse’s office, meeting a white mare with a pink mane and red cutie mark, also a first-aid symbol. She also thanked me profusely.
After leaving the adoration of virtually everypony in the hospital, and finding myself feeling light on my feet, I started towards the library. I found myself hoping the huge tree was alright; it had probably withstood centuries of growing there, and to be taken out by some rampaging asshole...
Either way, though, I continued towards the library, looking sadly at the devastation ponyville suffered. Surprisingly, however, most of what had been damaged was the roofs and... facades? Most of the houses were actually brick and stone under a layer of mortar and decorative wood. I found myself feeling a little better. Some houses had collapsed or been broken by the rampaging demon, or whatever he was, and those were being tended to by teams of earth ponies and pegasi alike. I noted that many of them had apple-related cutie marks.
Looks like Applejack called in her extended family to help. And boy, when she listed all those names, she was not blowing steam. Holy crap that’s a lot of Horse Apples... AJ would kill me if she heard me say that...
Many, in fact, were also humming tunes. Or, at least, I first thought it was multiple, but it turned out to be the same tune, and each of them were humming their own part of it. When I stopped for a moment, it also seemed they were stepping and moving in tune to the shared song, though how they were doing it, I have no idea.
I found my steps crunching along the dirt road in step to the catchy tune as well, ponies stopping to wave hello to me. I hadn’t ever gotten so many smiles and friendly faces pointed my way since arriving... or even before then.
Buoyed by good will and a sense of accomplishment filling me, I virtually sped to the Library in time to see the tree get lit by the early-autumn sun. The leaves, a uniform, shimmering gold caused the entire area cleared around it to appear gilded, from the ponies working to move debris and work supplies across the area to the grass underfoot.
The name ‘Golden Oaks’ makes a lot more sense, all of a sudden.
Shaking away the minor awe at the sight, I went in to see Twilight and Spike speaking to a bunch of foals, a blackboard covered in chalk scribbles detailing fire safety in case of another large fire.
Smart pony this one, as always. I decide to interrupt. “I suppose I count too, don’t I?” I enter my heat form and snap my fingers repeatedly, each snap making my fingers catch on fire and then extinguish like a lighter.
“No, you don’t.” Spike states plainly. “We were talking about natural disasters. Not walking disasters waiting to happen.”
“Nice to see you too, dude.” I extinguish my fingers completely and stop my display. “Hey Twilight, you’re gonna cover electrical fires and incendiary gasses too, right?”
“What? Electrical fires? What does electricity have to do with fire?”
“Are you kidding me? Lightning from thunderstorms... oh, right, you can control your weather manually.” I decide to explain anyway. “Well, electricity that is not controlled can cause a fire upon striking a flammable object. I could explain how, but that would take a bit of explanation of electrons and such.”
Twilight stops me. “Electrons? What are- most of our electrical devices are powered by magic. Unless the magic used was not cast properly, there’s no cause of an accident, and each unicorn is tested extensively to make sure they fully understand the spell before using it in the field.”
“Well, guess your idea of electricity and mine differ.” I enter my Dynamo Form and start generating sparks from my left hand. I don’t want to possibly wreck my cast. “You can detect magic, Twilight. How much magic am I generating at this moment?”
Twilight’s horn glows softly, and she concentrates briefly. “Twenty-two-point-three thaums of spark elemental energy.” She smiles, looking as if waiting for me to give her a gold star.
“Spike, do you have a blank piece of scrap paper?” Once he’s holding up the paper, I charge up until my hand is generating about what I estimate to be ten thousand volts of raw electricity, then I place my forefinger on one corner of the paper, and complete the circuit with my thumb on another piece of the paper. For several seconds, nothing happens, until the short circuit finally builds enough to hurt a little. At that point, half the paper spontaneously catches fire, the vivid gold-blue arc of electricity snapping into view between my fingers with a loud CRACK that echoes through the room. Every pony in attendance folded their ears down, and several of the little fillies and colts shrieked in fear.
“Oops, didn’t know that would happen.” I admit, sheepishly.
However, the paper was more or less obliterated, the last bits of burnt ashes fluttering to ground, Spike’s eyes wide as he looked at the only bit of unburnt paper. It ended less than a millimeter from his claw-tip, and I realize I almost zapped him with that.
Spike, however, doesn’t seem afraid at all, his little mouth going wide. “That was so cool! Dude, that was amazing!”
“There it is, Twilight. Electrical fire.” I turn to address the children. “Now, that was a lot of electrical power, but practically nothing compared to that of a lightning strike. A raw bolt of lightning, if it’s anything like in my world, could kill you instantly if you are hit. This is why thunderstorms are considered very dangerous. Also, electricity is naturally conducted by metal, so avoid touching any tall metallic objects if there’s a storm going on.”
Twilight shook her head. “Okay, stop. A lightning strike will hurt, but it won’t kill! It’d take a really irresponsible weather team or a superstorm to build up that much lightning in a single place. Secondly, what do thunderstorms have to do with lightning strikes? Thunder is the sound of the rain being concussively ‘broken’ from the clouds. And finally, lightning hits whatever is nearby, it doesn’t care if something is tall or not. It’s not a living creature, Anthony. Well, unless it’s an elemental, but I don’t think that’s what you’re talking about.” Twilight had, at some point during the lecture, donned a tweed jacket, a simple bow-tie, a pair of tiny little glasses, and put her hair into a teacher’s bun. I hadn’t even seen it happen, I just sort of noticed it had happened afterwards, and can’t remember exactly when or how it was accomplished.
Her lecture complete, she smiled in a satisfied way, hmmphed triumphantly, and puffed her chest out slightly, a tiny poof of fur breaching top of her jacket. She took a moment to adjust her tie by hoof, straightening it.
“Yeah, according to your weather which is all controlled manually. In my world we have no control over the weather and just have to deal with whatever tornadoes, monsoons, or whatever else happens.” I point out
Twilight scoffed, soundly strangely haughty from her spot. When did she get an actual lectern here? “No weather control? Next you’ll tell me you have no way to prevent earthquakes, or that you only get one crop of growth a year. There’s no way an actual civilization can get by without those. Even the gryphons had to keep earth ponies in their lands to have enough food for each year, and-”
“And you use magic for all of those, don’t you? Maybe not all unicorn magic, but magic in some way or another. Well, I have absolutely no magical abilities at all. None of us humans do. Right here, what you see...” I gesture to my perfectly normal, clothed form. “Is all we are. No magic at all. As for lightning not killing... 10,000 people are killed by lightning strikes around my world each year and about 100,000 are injured.” This statement draws surprised gasps from everyone else in the room.
Twilight looked at me, baffled. “Well, what about the other races of your world? Or are human empires naturally isolationist?”
“You could say that, considering we’re the only sentient species on the entire planet. We are the only species capable of speech, non-instinct reliant thought, and the gift of tool making for pleasure. Why do you think I said I thought I was dreaming when I met a bunch of talking horses?”
“Well, I guess I just thought there weren’t any pony species in your world...” Twilight looked sad. “After all, if you were the first of your kind here, and you were so confused at first, it makes sense you’re from a world with different races in it. But I just figured it would be other primate-based races.”
“Nope. Anyway, I’d continue this, but perhaps later. You finish your slightly inaccurate educating of these precious young minds.” I boop her on the nose. She scrunches up her face, going cross-eyed behind her tiny glasses.
She sneezed lightly, in what was the most adorable version of that particular action I’d ever seen, and spoke up, her eyes returning to normal. “Well, actually, I’d just finished when you walked in. Children, if you want to go check out books, feel free to. We just got eight new copies of the new Daring Do book; Daring Do and the Temple of the Endless Meme!” the group of younglings scattered joyously to ransack the children’s section.
Twilight turned back to me, Spike having already settled into a wall nook with a book labeled, “Living with the Special Ponies”, and a small pile of books nearby, with titles such as, “Lesson Zero: When to tell Your Friends to Stop”, “Parallel Perpendicular: Living with ponies living with OCD”, and “The Classic Marevengers Ultimate Collection, volume 1, Comics 1-120”.
“So...” Twilight began. “You don’t have any other sentient races in your world? Or magic-users? How do you maintain basic entropic resistance across the world?”
“We don’t. We just have to live with the disasters, rebuild from the result, and bury our dead. People die Twilight. There’s no way to prevent that. Death in my world is a constant. Every single day, about ten thousand people die from some reason or another no matter where they are on the planet.”
Twilight looks horrified, and I wonder for a moment if maybe I threw her in the deep end a little fast. “Ten thousand? That’s more than the population of Manehattan a few times over! And Manehattan is our biggest city... how can your species survive that? How quickly do you breed?”
“Well, the typical gestation period for humans from conception to birth is nine months. And of course it’s more than a city! We cover our entire planet! There’s not just one continent for humans, the entire world is ours. When I say ‘our’ world, I mean that literally.”
“Wait, did you think Terra has only one continent? And how could you cover the entire planet? You’d need at least five million po- people to do that!”
“Convenient that, last I checked, our population was above six billion by quite a lot, then, isn’t it? If there’s an environment we can survive in, we’ll populate it. If we can’t inhabit it, we adapt to it by using tools and resourcefulness.
Twilight had gone from standing to sitting on her haunches, jaw wide in shock. “B-billion?” Her eye twitches, and she stops following my movements when I shift in place.
Spike, sitting in his nook, sighed ponderously. “I know that tone. Give her an hour or two and she’ll be coherent again. Unless it’s an emergency?” Spike hadn’t looked up from his book. It looked like he’d already gotten almost halfway through the thick textbook during our conversation.
I think for a moment, then grin. “Hah! I broke Twilight! Whoo, point one for me!”
“Not that hard, actually. I’m guessing it’s not an emergency, then? What did you drop by here for, anyways, looking to hang out?” Spike replies laconically.
“Actually, I came by to show off my electrical powers to Twi. Oh, and give her this.” I place “Lookinglass Gates” on her head, balancing it behind her horn. It slides off her dome. Several attempts later, I just hand it to Spike who looks it over, whose brow ridges go up in surprise. “Wow! A new copy; it’s hard to get a hold of these, they aren’t reprinted often, and none of the universities want to share theirs with, and I quote from a denial letter, a ‘mere backwater library’, regardless of the fact that this is the town that Celestia has visited more often in the last five centuries than any other.” Spike shrugged.
He turned it over a couple of times, tracing the blue-and-silver bands on the cover. “Wow, this is one of the Harper House’s prints; they use actual silver and platinum in these. How’d you afford this?”
“Got some money from Cadence while I was in Canterlot. She’s nice.”
Spike’s eyebrow-ridges raised again. “Wow! I knew she was awesome, she used to baby-sit me, but I didn’t know she’d shell out sixteen-hundred bits on a present for Twilight!”
“Uh, she didn’t. She gave me sixty bits. Most of that was spent on toys at the mall. The book was... let’s see, if I have six bits now, and the toys were... I got the book for four bits.”
Spike’s jaw drops. “What, was the cashier desperate or something?”
“Maybe, he looked really happy someone was buying anything. Well, anything but another Daring Do. How do you ponies stand that tripe, anyway?”
Spike looked indignant. “Daring Do isn’t tripe! She’s an excellent adventurer! And she saves the world a bunch of times, and even fought off the Notsees.”
“Notsees?” Notsees? Nazis? God. I enjoy fiction but... wow, that’s lame.
“Yeah, they were this big nation of the Monkey tribes that tried taking over the world. Their leader, Azure Hitter, was really obsessed with technological progress, but it’s mostly just sci-fi stuff, like steam boilers running on some secret metal. There was even something about someplace called the ‘Crystal Empire’, but Twilight hasn’t read that far. It’s some mythical place I think the author made up for the series. Supposedly, this metal radiates a secret fire, one of evil. Only crystal ponies were immune, which were ponies from the Crystal empire. It gets a little weird, but it’s a good series, I swear!”
“You shouldn’t swear, it’s not polite.” I smirk. “Anyway, I still don’t like it. So give the bookworm her gift when she wakes up. I’m gonna check on Ponyville, see if there’s anything I can help with.” As I leave, Spike waves me goodbye, and I see him pull out an origami crane, and prepare to carefully position it on Twilight’s horn. He’s probably had lots of practice at that.
Two weeks of constant labor passed easily. Even with my injured hand, it seemed that my cast was just like my clothes when I grew bigger so I was at least helpful as a giant, my arm in a mega-cast, hauling full cords of lumber under one arm like a boss. I could also haul one of the larger carts of stone or new thatch with one arm, like a giant rolling suitcase.
Every pony had a nice word or many to give me, sometimes detailing extensively how much they owed me for saving the town, or keeping the monster from tearing apart their homes. It was actually starting to get a bit annoying, because everypony keeps congratulating and thanking me. A few have even started bowing to me, stopping work dead in the process until I wave or tell them to get back to working. I wonder how the hell Celestia and Luna deal with this... oh yeah, they live in a castle secluded from the majority of the populace, which is making more and more sense by the hour. Lucky bitches.
Either way, Ponyville is looking much as it did before, and even that mare whose ribs were broken is back out of the hospital. Turns out, earth ponies regenerate over time as long as they keep physically stimulated by work. The explanation led to several blushes and stammered ‘that’s not what I meant!’ comments from Twilight when I pointed out what else is physically stimulating. I could practically feel Cadence trying to give me an air hoof-bump all the way from here.
That princess is the most innocent-looking, yet raunchy mare I’ve met. I’m so glad there are ponies here who aren’t so goddamn conservative.
As I was lounging outside the library, when a storm-gray pegasus with a straw-colored mane lands in the grass outside the library. She looks around for a moment, and I see her eyes have wandered in two separate directions, neither of them towards the library, which she begins walking towards confidently. A little head, lavender-gray with similar mane color as the pegasus, pokes out of one of the mare’s saddlebags, a pair of aviator goggles over the little pony’s face, while the pegasus wore a blue cap with a little winged golden thing on it.
I decide I should introduce myself to the pair. I stand up. “Heya, I haven’t seen you before. Who are you? And who’s your little carry-on there?”
The gray mare looks up at me, eyes both zooming forward to track me. The motion was a little hypnotic and fairly scary, with those two golden orbs sighting in on me. Then, the ‘creeped out’ feeling vanished as she smiled broadly, her eyes wandering again. “Hiya! I’m Ditzy, and I’m the mailmare. And this is Dinky, she’s my little muffin of joy!” Her smile is contagious, in a way even Pinkie’s isn’t. While Pinkie has a smile of joy and laughter, the smile of someone who told a funny joke and is basking in the laughter of friends, Ditzy has a smile that practically embodies happiness, of being utterly content with life. Then little filly saluted sharply, which was adorable, her face scrunched with seriousness.
“Well, hello there to you too.” I say, giving a polite bow. “So, I take it you two might have heard of me?”
Ditzy nodded happily. “You stopped that monster. If I hadn’t been able to fly, he would’ve k- hurt my muffin.” The stammer in her words is followed by a flicker of faded fear, but the expression doesn’t last long.
“Well, it seems like that’s what I’m here to do. I help ponies when nobody else can.” I shrug. “Although I can be a bit violent myself, I admit.”
Ditzy looks up at me, one eye wandering past as if tracking a fly buzzing past my face. “Nah, you’re not evil. You’re a good guy! Oh, and I have some mail for you.” She turned her head towards Dinky, who disappeared into the saddlebag. I heard papers moving, and then saw her pop her head out, a bunch of letters bound together with string floating in a pale, flickering gold aura. I saw that Dinky’s face, under her goggles, was scrunched up again, this time in concentration.
Taking pity on the kid, who was apparently a unicorn, not a pegasus like her mother, I take the letters. They’re surprisingly heavy, so I pat the unicorn filly on the head, earning a huge, proud smile from her. Her mother looks proud, too.
“Alright, let’s see what I get.” I begin untying the heavy bulk and fan out some of the letters. “I’m willing to bet it’s fan mail. Heh, Rainbow’s gonna bug out when she sees this.” I grin, thinking about our little ego-war.
The first letter was from a child, as evidenced by the crayon being used to write it. It was a thank you note, and said that he - the colt was named ‘Button Mash’, apparently - wished he would be as cool as me some day. Another was from Diamond Tiara, the annoying, mean filly from the school. Her letter said that she willing to tolerate my presence, which I think is a step up. One from a pony named ‘Filthy Rich’, who said he was Diamond’s dad, said that I had apparently saved not only his store, but his daughter. The first earned me a lifetime membership to the gold club, and the second earned me a thousand bits personally from him. There was a metal card proclaiming me a Gold Member for life included, with fancy gold filigree on the edges. Heh, Gold Member.
The next card after that was from a mare, who started it with a lipstick mark, and basically asked me to marry her. Nope. The next was the same thing, but in fancier writing. Nope again. The one after that was another child’s letter, saying that if I ever came by her house, she’d give me her favorite fluffy bunny Stuffy, because I was her hero. D’aaw. Another letter asking for marriage, this time in much more... explicit terms. Ugh, nope. One from a mare that was just being thankful, and offering to give me a ten-percent discount from her flower shop for life. Another was from the family I’d saved by swatting the demon away from them. They had enclosed an eight-hundred-bit bank note, and mentioned that they owned the local bank system, which ran as far as Canterlot and Manehattan, amongst other places.
Geez, and that was just the ones I opened at first, it was less than a third of the total pile. I looked up at Ditzy and Dinky, who were still standing there, waiting for something. I reach into my pocket and retrieve the pouch of bits. I hold out the six I have left. “I’m not sure if this is enough, it’s all I’ve got.”
“Hmm? Oh, all of these were already paid for, not BOD. Bits on Delivery is for packages only. I’m just waiting in case you want to reply to any of them.” Ditzy’s smile doesn’t fade, and Dinky nods affirmatively.
“Well, I’ll have to keep reading them and decide which ones to reply to, if any. I’ll just write response letters and you can pick them up later. I don’t want to keep you two.”
“Oh, alright. And you’ll need to take them to the Postal Center, we can’t do mail pickups, I’m afraid. There’s only me, Dinky, and Rush Job. Poor colt can’t seem to hold a job, I’m hoping this works better than carpentry for him.”
“Well, thanks anyway. I’ll bring my responses by, and you can take it from there. Have a good day, and good luck.”
Ditzy nods, then takes flight, Dinky giving one last adorably serious salute on the way, before diving back into the saddlebag. Heh, I like those two. Anyways, back to reading the letters...
Eighteen more marriage proposals, six love letters, two lust letters, and one instance of a particularly proactive Canterlot Noble offering his daughter in marriage to, and I quote, “Guide your rising star with the might of the Rutabaga House, binding our future fortunes together.” Those all got thrown away, except for the last. I think I’ll have it framed and laugh at it sometimes. What I find even more funny is the signatures from both the noble and his wife, and a note from the wife saying ‘I apologize for not being able to offer a more lovely future wife than my daughter, else I would.’ Bad parents, and I hope I can maybe help the girl find somewhere else to live.
I never would have imagined how many of these ponies wanted to be so romantic with me. Or merely jump my bones. Geez, it’s creepy.
However, some of the others were truly heartwarming. I have nearly two dozen letter from foals, some with their parent’s help, each one thanking me politely for saving them and their families. Some of them even offered me prized possessions, like stuffed animals, favored blankets, their coolest toys, etc. One letter from the orphanage - as in all the kids signed it, but the orphanage owner wrote it - said that me distracting the monster allowed the orphanage time to evacuate, as it would’ve been right along his path. I didn’t even know Ponyville had an orphanage, seeing as how few accidents and how much love for the children there is.
I even received, courtesy of the spa twins - there’s apparently also a high-end spa in Ponyville - a certificate for 50% off on whatever I wanted from them, because their parents are apparently in the retirement home. Cheerilee had written me a letter inviting me to come back anytime to be a guest of honor for any kind of presentation I’d like.
The list of total letters, many of them very personally kind, went on. One that caught my eye was an apology from a mare, named Berry Punch. It turns out she’s the mother of Noi, that little orange pony I’d worn as a hat back at my first introduction to the town. She was apologizing for being scared, of all things. If a random alien had decided to wear my child as a hat, I’d probably have freaked out as well, so I can understand. Anyways, her letter was an invitation to come to the bar she and her husband, Stoic Face, ran. It even included a little map of how to find the place.
Heh, sure. I make a point to visit them at some point. Though I wonder... what is the legal drinking age in Equestria? I’m not twenty-one yet... Eh, I suppose I could ask. “Hey Twilight, what’s the legal drinking age here?”
Twilight looks up from the book she was reading, titled, “BOOM! Population Growth Statistics”, and blinked a couple of times. “Huh? Oh, it’s sixteen if you’re an earth pony, nineteen otherwise.Why do you ask?”
“So... I’m not an Earth pony, so I guess that means it’s nineteen for me. Sweet, I’m legal!” I pump my fist.
“I, uh, I suppose. Gryphons usually start drinking at age fourteen, and dragons are immune to the intoxicating effects of alcohol, so they can drink whenever. It’s a good medium for their baby formula, especially the harder alcohols. It’ll dissolve pearls, which are the best for young dragons.”
“Dude... that is probably the most hardcore baby formula I’ve ever heard of! Vodka and gemstones? Damn.” I give Spike a look. “Lucky bastard.”
“I’m not allowed near sulphurous liquids until I’m at least four decades old, don’t envy me.” Spike replies, sounding a bit miffed.
“If you say so. Anyway, I got an invite to a bar, so I’m gonna see what you ponies have in the way of hard drinks... I wonder what would happen if I got drunk...”
Twilight looks thoughtful for a moment. “Well, if you get the chance, be sure to invite Rarity, she likes going bar hopping. It’d be a good chance to really get to know her.”
“As long as she doesn’t end up sounding like some of these letters, I’d say that’s great idea.” I pass one of the more lustful letters to Twilight. “I had no idea you ponies were so forward.”
Twilight curiously looks at the letter, her eyes flickering back and forth as she reads. Her cheeks go aflame as she reads the part explicitly stating where the writer wanted to have my face during the whole thing. It was written, by the way, by a stallion.
“How could somepony write something like that‽” She looks visibly revulsed. “Gross, gross, gross! Ugh, this this is why I never want to get married!”
Quoting a pony from before, I say, “Who said anything about marriage?”
Twilight’s facial expression was an absolutely priceless shade of purplish-red, and neither Spike nor myself could stop laughing.
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So... What exactly does Spike mean with "Sulphurous Drink" and... Are you going to re-open the tumblr of Starlight in a future?
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Sulpherous drinks means drinks containing molten or powdered sulphur. It's an intoxicant to dragons, like how alcohol is to humans.
6831170 I do plan on restarting the Tumblr, but it will likely be a bit later.
Possibly once Discord is let out again in-story.
I've noticed that Anthony's way less surly In the new version.
you keep breaking twilight.... good job
CLEAR. Oops.
Youve Got Male.
Id go on about the possible multiple colours of molten sulphur and how Spike could ask for a serious Virgin Mary, but its rather descriptive for the site and I dont want to be sent to work in the Dwarf Mines of Io.
This is probably one of my favorite running gags in the entire story. You know your life has taken a turn for the weird when grown adults throw themselves out windows at you to try and get in yo pants.
some stallion wanted to play broke back mountain
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Wordplay.