Crack Shipping: The Friendship Express X The Train Tunnel to Canterlot.

by CosmicAfro

I like trains.

A/N: This idea was so stupid that it did not get edited by my editor. Prepare for grammar fails, but please point them out if you see one.

The Friendship Express, the most handsome train in all of Equestria, was pumping fuel while racing along the tracks and keeping a steady pace as always as he ran his course. He occasionally had to take a small break, as it was unhealthy to go all the time. The locomotive was smart about his routine as well, constantly changing the weight distribution to keep in shape and to avoid damage to his parts. Truly, he was an efficient machine not to be messed with.

The train was a solo piece of engineering most of the time. Rarely ever was there someone else alongside trying to make conversation with; and when there was, neither party seemed obligated to speak. He’d sound a whistle when he approached the roads, for he knew that with his massive bulk he could do some serious damage. He didn’t want to injure innocent bystanders if he could help it.

Due to his occupation, most of the sites he saw were either desolate or barren. He knew, on the inside, that he was doing the right thing. Nothing else in the world could do his job, not without serious innovation and mounds of cash. He knew he was valuable, but he didn’t feel as if he was praised enough for his job. Packages and customers were transported without an ounce of thanks.

One day while visiting the quaint town of Ponyville, he was given a special order to go to Canterlot. Apparently there were some special ponies on board, Elements of Bargaining or something, that needed to meet there at once. Friendship Express did have to admit that it was a little out of his way, but rumors were that this was quite the fancy city. He decided he’d go ahead and call it a special occasion. All passengers boarded and he set off into the unknown.

The ride was ridiculously smooth as compared to the rigorous amount of travel he did on his regular schedule. The air was cleaner, the sky seemed blue-er, and the general atmosphere was all-around pleasant. A mountain peak was blocking the sun, so he could see straight ahead without much issue. Going along this track more often wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

Then, she appeared. A tunnel in construction, nearing completion, came into view. Her arch was rounded to perfection, her facing was simply gorgeous with pin point accurate chiseled granite, and the track looked devilishly smooth.

Friendship Express had to take an alternate route that wound completely around the mountain, he estimated it’d take about an extra half hour, but that didn’t matter to him because she was phenomenal. They exchanged glances. He knew… she was the one.

As he came back around the mountain, allowing him a second look at the beauty, he saw a wooden sign pinned to the top that he had missed before. “Completion in forty five days.” Her birthday was coming up soon… that was the perfect excuse to make a move.

He didn’t know it, and maybe it was the wind that day, but the puffs of smoke from his engine astoundingly looked like tiny hearts.

___

Friendship Express took more and more jobs to Canterlot, sending many fancy and common travelers alike to the regal city. To the common pony eye, it was just a routine change. He knew better. He took up more and more train carts to prove his strength to the wondrous tunnel. She seemed to notice it too as her sign took leaps and bounds in the days from completion. First it was forty four to forty, then thirty nine to thirty, then twenty nine all the way down to eighteen! They were eagerly waiting for each other, for that fateful day.

On the day of the meeting, a terrible accident happened while he was away. A rockslide tumbled down the slopes and blocked the tunnel from his sight. Based on the commotion from a group of stallions dressed in mining uniforms, they were working on setting her free. Suddenly, his internal instincts kicked in and he jerked to a stop. He didn’t see it, but a few errant boulders had damaged the support beams that, obviously, supported the trail he usually went on. A pegasus from the accident team flew over and into the Friendship Express.

“Well, what’cha think we suppose we do?” said an engineer in his brain (otherwise known to them as the engine room, but what did they know…). “We can’t go forward, far too risky.” Friendship Express sometimes severely disliked his own brain worker’s think accent.

“Well, from what I heard from the crew down there,” replied the messenger, “the external structures were the only thing injured. If they can clear the rubble and make some minor repairs on the tracks leading to it, you could get through within the next few hours. I’m sorry for the delay.”

“Don’t be, nothin’ anypony could’a dun about it. Ya’ll do what needs doin’. I’ll alert the passengers.”

The Friendship Express heard a muffle that no one else did. It was, from her…

“Friendship, is that you out there?”

“Yes, my darling, it’s me,” he replied with sincerity.

“I understand we’ve been seeing each other for quite some time and under the current circumstances… I don’t think I’m quite ready for what they’re proposing.” Her voice echoed with uncertainty. There was something alluring about the way she spoke, as if it could get stuck in someone’s head all day.

“I know it’s not an easy thing to ask of you, but there’s no other choice. The ponies need you as much as I need you. We’ll get through this, together.” He inspired confidence with every pronunciation of every word. She seemed to pick up on that.
“More like you’ll be going through me,” Tunnel joked. Friendship Express’s exhaust port let loose a few vapors of steam at the suggestive joke. He loved that raunchy side of her.

“So, can you handle this? Are you alright?”

“For any other train I would have denied them passage, but for you I suppose I can allow you to… go inside me.”

“Might wanna see what’s up with the water boiler, Sir Vant. Damn things actin’ up,” the conductor unknowingly interrupted.

___

The wait was brutal as both soon-to-be lovers were forced to wait next to each other. She coaxed him forward, inch by inch, as the tracks were cleared for his arrival like a lady beckoning a man to her bed. The staff on the Friendship Express couldn’t figure out why the hell that boiler was making so much of a disturbance as he neared the feminine structure, but seeing as it wasn’t a vital part to the entire complexity, they left it alone.

The couple swooned each other with delicate words of romance, each assuring that this would be the greatest advancement in their lives. Her tomb of boulders and sediment was being removed at a fantastic rate, as if she was eager to get started.

After a tremendous wait, the final hunk of rock was removed, giving a clear passage to her innards. From what he saw, it was like heaven. The cavern was so pristine and smooth, just waiting for travel. There wasn’t a single flaw inside, nor a crack or cranny; she was clearly crafted for perfection just as he had always assumed.

“Well, looks like you’re ready to go through,” said the manager of the clearance team. “They weren’t going to open this for another while to add some more decoration, but as it stands you should have no problem getting through.”

As if saying the magic words, a stack of coal on the inside of the engine tumbled over into the near endless fire and jumpstarted the train to a powerful thrust forward. The Friendship Express was so large that he barely fit inside. The walls echoed his pleasure as he went through, not slowing down at all. In fact, he picked up the pace!

Both tunnel tracks and train moved in perfect synchronization. The smoke tingled the top of the tunnel. She was so firmly built, so tightly designed, any trains dream and Friendship Express was living it.

As he neared the exit, a forgotten but sharp rock punctured the bottom of the train, sending a thick gooey spray of oil down the steel rails, coating the inside with his life processor. Friendship gave a huge sigh of exasperation through his whistle and came to a complete stop when the front exited the tunnel. They cursed at their luck that yet another repair had to be made, but took up the task just as fast as their foul words had left their mouth.

It was everything they both dreamed of, the stuff of legends.

___

Conclusion

To this day, The Friendship Express has only gone through one tunnel and one alone, remaining faithful to her every single day. Likewise, Tunnel mysteriously seemed to always have an issue when foreign trains arrived. After three years, they finally gave up and concluded only one thing could make it through.

Five years into the relationship, another anomaly occurred. Friendship Express was riding over a bridge on his way to Appleloosa when it suddenly gave way. The wooden structure had apparently rotted too much at the bottom and no pony had taken a look for the past two years. Tragically, he fell to the bottom and was instantly ruined.

As if an omen, at the exact same time, an earthquake of powerful magnitude struck Canterlot, shaking it to near complete destruction. Tunnel was no match for nature and her unpredictable fury, and she crumbled to tiny pieces.

Some say it was just a mere coincidence, others say it was a sign from a higher being, even higher than Celestia or Luna, but the Train’s final shape was that of a heart and Tunnel’s rubble was oddly heart shaped. Truth be told, no one might ever know the real truth…

Comments

[Bronymaster]

I haven't even read it yet and I love it! I probably won't get to read it for awhile, though.

[Spark of Inspiration]

A crack shipping with the Canterlot Express? Oh my Celestia... my sides hurt so much.

Nice job with this; it takes a great amount of skill to pull off a fiction of this kind.
-Randomosity19

[benxlabs]

Watch this get featured just because it's by Cosmic Afro.

[CosmicAfro]

672230
It's not even 2k words. That takes what... five minutes?

672251
Well, if one person liked this, then I guess I succeeded.

[CosmicAfro]

672293
It won't. I write for fun, not for features.

[Bronymaster]

672297
I have a 100K story to read before night ends, and then I have to edit said story + future chapter of story. That, and at this very moment I am working on a collab that's already huge and rapidly growing larger. I say that's a good enough excuse...for now.

[wubstep pony]

this was awesome sauce!

[JustAnAveragePony]

This was really good!

[punisher143]

ಠ_ಠ
I'll read this later.

[Alexander Hawthorne]

Hahahahahahaha ohhh well played sir!

[Airstream]

Just when I think we've shipped everything, this happens.

[Discount Irish]

Im not reading this...atleast not yet...
I am favoriting it and putting it on read later so I can make others read it. >;3

[CosmicAfro]

672315
I know that feeling man. I wish you the best of luck.

672379
Oooh, thanks, I was almost out of that.

672427
Eww, really? I weep for the future.

672430
Yet you comment now?

672488
Thanks

672537
Funny story, this was originally going to be a ship between Philomena and Tom the Rock, but Tom has been shipped before.

[Airstream]

672557
I know. With Applejack's tree, no less. I say again, have we not shipped just about every damn thing at this point?

[CosmicAfro]

672571
I have yet to see the airboat from that one episode where Rarity is famous in Canterlot Shipped with Twilight's balloon.

Challenge accepted?

[punisher143]

672557
Dude, have you seen the title of your story? Sometimes a title just catches your eye and you have no choice but to comment immediately. I'm sure I'll love this though.

[CosmicAfro]

i552.photobucket.com/albums/jj335/spacemanman/OHGODONE.jpg

i552.photobucket.com/albums/jj335/spacemanman/OHGODTWO.jpg

i552.photobucket.com/albums/jj335/spacemanman/OHGODTHREE.jpg

i552.photobucket.com/albums/jj335/spacemanman/OHGODFOUR.jpg

It's a sign.

[Airstream]

672588
Sir, I challenge you. Let us ship all the things.

[ThoriumIsBestActinid]

This is retardedly hilarious. You get a thumb and a

[abandoned2123]

BEFORE READING:

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m45ebabQsu1r5qs4f.gif

...
Seriously?
I just... what? I mean; I'm all over having unique pairing ideas but what? What?

AFTER READING:

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3kgna6S2g1r7v2s3o6_500.gif

Okay. That was glorious. Your prose is lovely, detailed, and perfectly suited for this. I swooned. No joke.

[Jeseille-Hazim]

Well, that was an interesting story.

[Scribejay]

672588 Dude you can't ship that. That airship is supposed to be FIM's version of The Love Boat, you'd be shipping the ship where the shipper crew ship ships.

Shipception.

[CosmicAfro]

672904

672938
Glad to see that I won over the great Gingernut Gin! You're a pretty tough customer, y'know that?

673610
I'd sure hope so. I'd hate for none of my stuff to be uninteresting.

673827
That's... too impossible for even me.

[Chickenscratch]

Best crack ship EVER.

[abandoned2123]

674845
D'aw, you flatterer, you
I tend to take on crackships with a big stick. Very rarely do they turn out like this.

[Gmode]

3.bp.blogspot.com/-NEdonMPoDWk/T5B3u05-vUI/AAAAAAAAE5U/BxNLcg1jQUU/s1600/jerry+reed.jpg
You made my day, sir.

[CosmicAfro]

736171
Nice to see this is still getting some attention!

[Jazzaman]

Ponyville express is best train

[Sus]

So, I was searching for "crack shipping" just for laughs...
Boy, did you ever deliver!

[CosmicAfro]

2052121
This story is suddenly getting some attention again? Hmmm, somebody must have linked it somewhere. Thanks for enjoying it, in all its stupidity.

Cheers
~Cosmic

[Rhavian]

Strangely cute, and oddly believable. Logical crack shipping? It works in ways I can't comprehend but oh does it work so well. Nice work.

[KartalTheWriter]

Dude, I'm really impressed with this. I thought it was just going to be innuendos the whole way but that was actually rather sweet. Great job!

[TheMightySmith]

Well that was interesting. I'm not quite sure what I should be feeling right now. Here's a like....I guess.

[Super Trampoline]

That was studi ..... Have a like I guess. ¿8

[Random Order]

I simply can't not like this. Just… too perfect.