- Member Since 6th Oct, 2015
- offline last seen Nov 4th, 2019
Loxart
Usually live over at https://www.twitch.tv/loxartlive
Loxart
Joined 6th Oct, 2015 ·
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Meh...not really a bad start but...I don't think anyone could pull a 180 on DT like that no matter how surprised they were by a sudden request. And bitch or no, she should have had some kind of reaction to the cursing. Outside of that the whole I was found by fluttershy and the only ones I know are the mane 6 thing is really overdone. Might I recommend he be companions with somepony different and under used? Maybe Roseluck or even Zecora? This all of course is up to you. Sorry if this comment upsets you in anyway, all I wish to attempt to do is help your story stand out. I did like the intro paragraph but the rest seamed a bit...dull and the cursing was in my opinion a little too much. (Not sure anyone could live with Shy for that long and still cuss that much. Much less to a filly) also you can flesh out your chapters by adding more detail to certain events like fluttershy's dress. I'm trying to be helpful but this review seems more a-holeish...sorry about that.
you have my attention.
not a bad start so far
So far pretty good, a few mistakes here and there but nothing too bad.
Looking forward to more chapters :)
Ok then
http://weknowmemes.com/generator/uploads/generated/g1325733801329294146.jpg
Until next time ZERONI AWAAAAAAAY
(P.s. keep this up... That's comein from a guy how has never written a story... Yeaaaah I'm gonna go now ok... K)
MORE!!!!!! I NEED MORE!!!!!!!!
Your doing good, take your time to make the story you want ok.
WOW! I was not even off for 12 hours and see so much positivity!
I will continue. And if anyone wants to make any suggestions on another story i can make, dont be afraid to message me! I dont bite :)
6500063 no not at all :) it doesnt upset me! And i was thinking of addind zecore later with along with discord but i forgot to tag =3
Wow, anon. Wot a playa.
There's only one song to describe how I feel about this story
IM LOVIN IT
(P.s. this it the "start" of something BEAUTIFUL... I'm just gonna, yeah)
6504918 I'm glad you enjoy it!
Obviously we don't know anon's name... But, after this chapter, I going to nickname him G.S.
......What?
I love this.. So much...
Hehe.. Sun butt..
6507146 Ok now I'm curious. Why G.S?
6505070 I'm glad that your glad that I'm glad...
I'm just gonna lie down now
"WHERE IS SHE?!?!?!?"
Batman~
Good job here sir.
This is now my fave chpt so far...
Simpley because of THIS PART
(P.s. think of my laugh as the jokers
Daaaaaaw Soooo sweeeeeet
(Also only 23 views... What happened to the guys who read the first few cpts... Motherbuckers)
And before anyone asks, this was Silvers POV of last chapter, just clarifying
Nice, GJ so far!
. . . Discord and Anon in the same room oh boy
(This should go smoothly)
Dude as much as i love this story dont over exert yourself if you need rest then rest
6519124 Thank you but its not that. I need to get more sleeping pills for my insomnia. The authors note was there to damn insomnia to hell XD
6519377 GOD DAMMIT INSOMNIAAAAAAAAAAAA (i get it too, it sucks a biiiiiiiiiig hydra D***)
NUUUUUU WHY U DO DIS
ILL GO MAD FROM THE SUSPENCE... or am I already mad?
Good luck on your quiz
6525366 thank you so much!
6526174 GO ME AMIGO U GOT DIS BRATTA
do you think you passed the test I think you did and this is a really nice story you should right more after this if you want to that is
6528602 Hmm... lets see... I slept through half of it and woke up just in time to get everything finished.... Yea, I think I aced it (No joke, being serious)
And I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far!
Anon is requested to castle by Celestia ..... Luna says hi then leaves to said castle without offering to take him with her....... just saying dick move Luna
6528969 SOMEONE FINALLY GOT THE PUNCHLINE, THANK YOU!
Ahhhh, the plot like my Christmas gravy thickens...
Awww...there's nothing left to read...
Whelp! Looks like I'm going to have to actually do something productive!
*tries to write next chapter for a story but ends up watching funny cat videos*
Crap...
6541925 give me one more day and Ill finish it off.
Eh, I think I'll leave this here for now. You write pretty well, and I do love the premise, but sometimes the storytelling and characterization is very.. juvenile i suppose is the right word. So much so that it breaks the immersion.
For example when Silver explains why they act the way they do, or how minor conflicts are resolved on a dime, or how the protagonist seems to be a bit if a Gary stu.
Not giving it a dislike, mind. And I hope you continue writing and continue to improve.
I'm going to have to say this...
Don't stop the story and write a sequel, that's a horrible decision. You haven't developed Sils and Anons relationship beyond the point of friendship, and I know that you're going to leave it off with them getting together, DONT DO THAT! This is not me wanting you to just continue this story, I'm warning you of a huge cliché when it comes to fics like this, no one likes that.
And if you did make a sequel it wouldn't get any attention, you are better sticking with this story, maybe take a month or two to think about where it is going and how you can develop their relationship.
Your story advertises a romantic relationship between Sliver Spoon and a human yet you haven't developed that beyond the point of crushes.
This comment is a warning, don't go down the path of a sequel, it will only have a negative outcome.
6563231 This input really does help me. I made a mistake, mainly because I was stressed while writing the chapter and felt like this story just downright sucks...
Thank you again for your input, I will think hard about what you said while writing chapter 15.
EDIT: Not gonna end it yet. Gonna let this play out.
6564268 glad I could help
And hey, you (presumably) haven't been writing for that long.
And I know what it feels like to think a story sucks and get stressed out about it. If you're stressed take a bit of time off from writing or find something like a stress ball, trust me it helps
And by the way, if it helps, I find this story to be one of the best stories I've read in awhile
Another, great chapter, keep it up!
Uh... Isn't Silver Spoon about twelve at best? Or this story placed in future?
DAAAAM