• Member Since 19th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen October 17th

kman123



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Picture a world where Twilight Sparkle wasn't born a mare, but a stallion named "Dusk Shine"; now, picture Dusk Shine wasn't born a pony, but a human. This follows the re-imagined story of Dusk Shine and the Mane Five in the world of Equestria, as humans, and witness Dusk shine's growth into prosperity while dealing with the feelings of his five female friends as they try to win him over.

Warning: There are perverse Akamatsu/Takehashi/Kajishimi/Ikeda/Okuda calibur harem antics and this fanfic is a reinmagining of the original Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine created by Memeasaurus, which had been discontinued due to the author's inability to handle demands. Also, this story features humanized ponies; so, be prepared for a whole lot of boobs!

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 16 )

Excellent, always great to see someone else writing their own version of this story. Great work so far keep it up.

The chapter was great and it matches up with the comic. But you called Dusk by the name Dash once, repeated that Dusk knew about NM from the look in his eyes and that she knew from looking at his eyes (seems very redundant), and the bit with Shy explaining to Dash how Dusk saved her sounds weird (this part "to which Dash was in awe blushing deeper" sounds weird). Overall, you did an amazing job with this chapter, but you need a proofreader to deal with spelling.

6517436 yeah, sorry about that. I kind of rush ed it a bit.

Huh...Will there be amending fence? and when will you use its data? same as the show or your own timeline?

Add Moon Dancer to the whole thing and...well...it get interesting.

Nice work. There are some issues, but honestly the original had as many if not more issues. There are some grammar and wording mistakes, and your character descriptions need work, but the more anime-esque theme fits the story concept. If there were two things I'd suggest not to emulate in the slightest it'd be the overuse of Pinkimina and Meta-humor in the original, as well as the incredibly random use of Scootaloo's 3.5 form as the eldritch child of Slendermane. Meta-humor is like a spice. Use too much of it and it ruins the rest of the flavors of your story. Your story isn't about meta humor, so you shouldn't use anywhere near as much as the original did. That was always one of its biggest mistakes. That much meta humor and Pinkamina detracted from the central point of the story, and it was the same with the random Scootaloo arc.

As to your character descriptions, the initial descriptions themselves are... clustered. They don't need to be conveyed in a single sentence. By spreading them out and mixing them with actions the story will flow more smoothly and give a better idea of their personality. Right now I just read them like shopping lists.

Still, good work. I can see the potential, and its still enjoyable for the most part despite the hiccups. As long as you stay true to the initial concept you should be fine.

6522916 Don't worry, it's not going to be like the original; so, i won't emulate much of Pinkie's craziness, nor bring up Scootaloo being the daughter of an eldritch abomination. As for the character description, i apologize for the jumble; I was kind of in a hurry.

6522466 probably, in my own timeline, or maybe just like the canon; i really don't know,

Nice to see the scene with AJ.

Sorry for buging you but I was woundering if you know when you might be posting the next chaptter???

Annnnnd another great concept ruined thanks to either anthro or complete humanization.

That just goes to show, if you really want something that bad then you better just do it yourself. Which I did in 3 occasions. :ajsmug:

When I saw resurrected I was ecstatic until I realized that this is a completely different story and it's humanized, even worse so thanks raising my hope up so much, only to crush it.

Sweet story so far, and I see you brought in Spell Nexus into the story, does that mean we might be seeing a little black alicorn filly in the future that will see Dusk as her father?

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