• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2014
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CrackedInkWell


"Inspiration does not come to the lazy. It only comes to those who call it." - P. I. Tchaikovsky

Sequels1

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While escorting Princess Celestia to Saddle Arabia, the Pegasus guard, Captain Lightning Bolt leads the entourage over a short cut in order to get to a very important summit. However, while flying over an unusual storm cloud, Bolt gets struck by lightning and falls through the storm.

In Rome, it's the beginning of Emperor Titus's reign when during a storm, a couple of his citizens came to the palace, dragging the unconscious body of a Pegasus with an interesting mark on his rump.


Once again, a huge thank you to PrinceCelestia for the cover art. As well as to Shadeol for editing this beast.

Chapters (30)
Comments ( 160 )

The transitions are a little abrupt between each scene. The part with him flying to being electrocuted being the most abrupt and needs to be expanded.
"short cut" should be corrected to shortcut
"Sargent" should be corrected to sergeant.

Overall, the chapter needs to be expanded a bit more with detail and the scene transitions could be better. It's a really neat concept and I look forward to seeing where you go with this.

The plot thickens. The dialogue between the characters feels a little too colloqial and I feel like the characters are lacking description.

6491809
6491782 Thank you so much. I promise you that I will go over these two chapters again, and see what else I could add to it. Besides, this whole story is just a thought experiment, and I'm just as curious as to see where this will go.

Well, this butterflies ANY domination of Christianity over the other Pagan religions. I'd say that after the event of this story, we'd see:

-Powerful Pagan Lithuania (Joined by marriage to possibly Finland, Hungary, or the Polanians)
-Poland very stronk! No clean toilet! :rainbowwild:
-Stronger Armenian, Nestorian churches in Asia.
-Longer-lasting Monophysites in the Levant. :pinkiegasp:
-Easier integration and 'Romanization' of Germans into the Empire (No Arianism means simple joining of Pantheons)
-No Islam (This is a huge, unfathomable point of divergence in and of itself). Powerful Jewish (specifically a Hagarite movement. Hey, An Equestrian Pegasus is here in Rome! Anything is possible now!) state based out of Yemen and Oman, with hegemony over Hedjaz, Egypt and Mecca, anyone? :rainbowhuh:
-HOWEVER, there will likely be an Arabian unification at some point, presumably kicking Rhomania out of Syria and Egypt. New/newly radicalized religion is not mandatory, but the conditions of this story's Late Antiquity will still be ripe for that. (Without Islam and its hardline stance towards "Rum", the Rhomaioi could still initiate a reconquest of that area aided by control over the Cilician Gates and Antioch)
-Goodbye United States of 'Murica. And the colonial age. Still might see a Scramble for Africa.
-Vikings still rampage. No English language as we know it will exist, though.

Any others? Feel free to tell me. Or if I'm totally wrong, correct me.

This is the greatest thing of all time

Is this a body change story?, or something else? If there s a Human that is going to be a pony suddenly, I would like it, if he stays the pony in the end, that means I would like a little spoiler about that.

6493658

Ahhh...but what of my speculations? How are those?

So I am guessing this is around 80 AD?

I am probably worried what will happen to Emperor Titus within a couple years

6496102 Oh don't worry, you'll know the exact date pretty soon... Unfortunately.

Oh yeah, Romans meet ponies! Fun times ahead! :pinkiecrazy:

I'm almost literally squirming in excitement as I read this. Almost. I have a feeling that thee will not disappoint!

MOOOOAAAAARRRR!!!! :flutterrage: I'm lovin' this! It might be quick, but it's still great to read! Keep! It! Up!

Haaaaaaaa!you used the skillful master of comedy's material.
Monty python's "The life of Brian." reference.

Yay! :yay: And how sweet, what you got goin' on there between Fortunata and Lightning Bolt... I expect to see some "discussions" between Titus and "Jupiter" on certain aspects of Roman society... :pinkiecrazy:

Pegasus in Rome... You have my attention. Let the game begins!

Well that happens. He's now the God-King of the Roman Empire as the embodiment of Jupiter, Lord of the Gods.

Bolt kept finding himself in deeper holes, the longer he stays.

Keep this rolling man! This is getting good!

“How shall we ‘Buck off’ O Lord Jupiter?”
Then, the Pegasus screamed.

HAHAH!!! I just lost it!!

6499912 We'll graciously receive the chapter.

It be pretty coolif lightning goes on to save rome and emperor titus

ust… say your prayers offer me your offerings or whatever you’re in for and just go.”
Needs some commas.

The ownage was so awesome that I literally went "oooooooh" out loud. Never have I done that.

Do you think... you could maybe consider doing longer chapters? I really get into it right about the time it ends. :fluttercry: I hate it when that happens...

6503508 My response has two answers to your question. The first being that the reason why these chapters are so short is because it's all part of a goal I have to write a minimum of a thousand words a day. But sometimes if I'm really inspired by an idea of the moment that demands to make it longer, then I will.

Which leads to the second answer: I'm not sure. On the one hand, if each chapter would be two or three thousand words, it might take me n extra day or two to write it all out. In a way, the fact you've got so invested in a short amount of time yet you still want to see more means I'm doing something right. On the other, I could write out entire series of scenes that flows would give the reader a more complete idea.

What to do?

Well, I did expected Emperor Titus to pose some sort of antagonism after Lightning used his title as "Lord Jupiter" to release the slave.

I almost cried when i found out there were not more chapters for now. :fluttercry:

6511437 Forgive me, I had priorities that needed my attention like writing an essay for one of my classes. But I promise you that once that's finished, I shall get back to work on this immediately. Besides, I'm rather excited to see Bolt's reaction spending a day at the Circus Maximus.

6513843 Don't worry. I just realized. I could be one of Lightning Bolt's relatives. LOL

He's gonna ruin the treasury making friends...

I can't wait to see Lightning Bolt's reaction to the arenas... :pinkiecrazy:

"Are you NOT entertained?!"

“There’s a battle going on right now. And the Lord Jupiter, for whatever reason, has turned himself into this form to no doubt fight against something, but was knocked right out of the sky and down to our city.”

Cue massive panic attack in four, three, two, one... :pinkiecrazy:

Yay so now they think 'Lord Jupiter has amnesia! :yay:
Poor Lightning Bolt... his name is also not helping... :rainbowlaugh:

“By the Gods, this is serious,” the Caesar got up and turned to his guards, “I have a new order, go get my finest doctors and tell them that Lord Jupiter has fallen to a sickness in the mind.”
Bolt snapped his head up, “Sickness in the mind? What does that suppose to…” it didn’t take long for the Pegasus to catch up to what he meant, “Hold on, are you seriously thinking that I have amnesia or something?”

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
When he accidentally shots a thunderbolt from a cloud that really won't help his case... :pinkiecrazy:

“That’s because it is,” Titus corrected him as they turned a corner. “For instance, as of now, I’m not exactly popular with everyone ever since a fire mountain destroyed a few towns south of here, coasting the treasury millions in relief.

“Caesar Titus, are you sure you haven’t confused him for Mars? It looks like he has his temper.”

:rainbowlaugh:
Awesome work, well done.

I sense an unfortunate event that will rock Rome

6524559 It's 80 A.D. in the Spring, and the capital is still standing, what do you think is going to happen at this moment in time?

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