Abandoned Memories

by Mika

IV. Interpretation

It seems wherever you went, you could not escape. Not by land nor by air. Water was, perhaps, the only place you could escape to, but unfortunately, you weren't a fishlike-pony. And unlike you had hoped, you retained the memory of the conversation you had with the cyan pegasus yesterday. Your sprained hoof was a reminder of that. Figures. The one time you were glad to have anterograde amnesia, and it didn't help. It was as if there was some supernatural force at work, making your life a constant torment, choosing key moments that you hated, and making you forget any pleasurable ones. And the few times you had to be alone, dawn and dusk, had only lasted so long. It was dawn right now, and you couldn't even enjoy this moment. Why? Because there was a pony, right behind you, asking if you were all right. You prayed to everything royal in Equestria, that it was anypony, but the cyan one. It didn't sound like her, but how could you be so sure? The only specifics you did remember from the event were her crashing into you, proceeding with you injuring yourself, her blaming you, then showing concern, which then lead to you yelling at her, her retorting, and finally flying away. What you both had said was beyond you.

By letting your thoughts flow, you had forgotten about that pony behind you. Your heartbeat increased, not as drastically as when you had flown, but to a significant amount. You slowly turned your head towards the pony, and focused your eyes. You let out a sigh.

The pony behind you was, thankfully, not the cyan one. Instead, she was a yellow one, with a simple pink mane. Her eyes, however, were cyan, but that did not bother you. You were just relieved to know that it was not the cyan one. And as you turned to look at her facial expression, you had remembered she had asked you a question. You froze up, you had no idea how to respond, let alone what the question was that she had asked. And yet, the cyan pegasus was still on your mind.

"Do you need help?"

Her voice was soothing, not aggressive or demanding. The difference had little effect on you, or so you thought. You were less reluctant to respond to her. However, you weren't sure how she would respond to your blatant expression. You had no choice but to respond.

"No."

She seemed to be disturbed by your response, as you could tell by her facial expression.

"Was it my response? Or was it my tone that disturbs her?" you contemplated.

Whether or not she was disturbed, it did not matter to you. The only thing that did matter was that she would leave. However, she did not.

"Are you sure? You look very injured." she replied.

Just as you feared. Persistent. You were about to respond without any hesitation that you didn't need any help, but before you did, you looked at your hoof. You were in no condition to be going anywhere, and you wouldn't travel by air, simply because of the cyan pegasus. Again, the thought of living in the water came back as a viable option, but you quickly discarded that idea. You knew that you needed medical attention, and soon, before the condition of your hoof worsened. It was now that you realized that the situation you are in right now, was much worse than the dilemma with the cyan pegasus. With the cyan-pegasus, you had no need for her. She was just a nuisance. However, now, you needed help, something you'd never admit. This is when your heart began to race. And yet, the cyan pegasus was still on your mind.

This would be the hardest thing you'd ever do to date. With all your conditions, which, again consisted of, according to your case file; major depressive disorder, retrograde and anterograde amnesia, suicidal tendencies, low-self esteem, aggressiveness, trust issues, psychosis, and paranoia; how could you ask somepony for help? Anypony with the slightest idea of these mental disorders would know that suicide would be an easier option. But suicide was not something you were about to do... Yet. You had to accept her offer, even if it would kill you, and it just might.

You slowly opened your mouth. With your heart racing, and every single part of your mind telling you to say, "No" you uttered the words...

"Yes, I need help."

You immediately regret your statement. Whatever pain you would have to experience with your hoof, and the rest of your body, would never come close to the agony of uttering those words. The situation you had just put yourself in would surely prove to be worse than the cyan pegasus. You analyzed her facial expression again, and see that she seemed glad that you had accepted her help. And yet, the cyan pegasus was still on your mind.

"All right, then. I wish I could do something to keep you off your hoof, but unfortunately, I have to carry these apples." she responded as she motioned to a basket of apples on the ground in front of her.

"Do you think you can stay off your hoof up to my cottage?" as she then motioned to the same cottage you had seen the previous night.

It was a relief to you that the cottage had been hers. This would mean that a trip to the town would be unnecessary. And now, you had to respond again. You couldn't talk. How could you? You just accepted the help of a pony you had never met, even with all your trust issues. You simply nodded your head, but really, it was more of a nervous twitch you had managed to shape into a nod.

"Well then, follow me, and I'll patch you up." she said before she picked up the basket of apples with her mouth.

You picked yourself up of the ground, being careful with your left hoof, and proceeded to follow her.

"Her voice... is... not demanding, even in the slightest bit. And just like the cyan pegasus, she offered me help. But, unlike the cyan pegasus, she has done nothing to me. Unless she had done something to me in my sleep, she shouldn't feel obligated to do so. She is just like, Sigmund... Wanting to help me... I thought Sigmund was the only of his kind." you pondered. And yet, the cyan pegasus was still on your mind.

From letting your thoughts flow, you didn't realize that you had arrived at her cottage. She placed the basket down, and began to open the door. Once again, you feared what lied ahead. You had never been inside any other home. The hospital had become what you learned to call, "home." You expected to see white, everywhere. That's how the hospital was. And you also expected to see beds, attached to the walls, windows with bars, doors with security locks. She opened the door, walked inside, expecting you to follow.

You hesitated for a moment, before walking inside. You had no choice, but to do so. You walked in, and when you observed your surroundings, you could not believe your eyes. There were no hospital beds, there were no bars in the window, other than the ones in the frame, and not a hint of white. The fears you held from coming into the cottage were gone. There was nothing to fear. It was quite inside. Peaceful. You stood still. You were in shock. You had never expected anypony's home to be like this. And again, just like in the air, you felt at peace.

"Now, let me take a look at your hoof."

And, as if it were déjà vu, you were suddenly ripped from the peaceful serenity you had been experiencing. Even though she had acted like Sigmund, it would take much more than a peaceful home and kindheartedness to earn your trust. It had taken Sigmund years to earn that from you, so you kept your guard. Slowly, she proceeded closer to you. If this was anything like the hospital, you weren't going to enjoy this. She sat in front of you, and motioned for your hoof. You resisted.

"Please, I need to see your hoof if you want me to help."

There it was again. Help. Was it really possible that this pony genuinely wanted to help? And yet, the cyan pegasus was still on your mind.

"Well, I've come this far. No sense in stopping now." you thought to yourself.

You slowly raised your left hoof to her, even though everything told you not to. She, too, slowly raised her hooves to meet yours. Gingerly, you held your hoof, and proceeded to wrap it in a cloth. So many thoughts were racing through your mind.

"Why am I letting her do this to me? I trust Sigmund more than I trust her, and yet, here I am, letting her 'help' me. And most of all, how is it possible that the cyan pegasus is still on my mind, even through all of this!? What significance does she have? Whatever the significance is, it must be stronger than this yellow pony. It has to be. Even in my moment of fear, she had still been on my mind." you thought to yourself.

"There. All done." whispered the yellow pony.

You were suddenly brought back into reality. The yellow pony had finished, and you raised your hoof to your face. It was wrapped in gauze, and had a small, metal clip holding it together. You attempted to get up, but the yellow pony urges you not too.

"Oh no no no! You simply must not walk on your left hoof just yet! It will take some time before you'll be able to use it again." she assured you.

"Perfect. Just what I needed. To spend anymore time around with another pony. I don't care if she helped me. I just want to leave." you reassured yourself in your thoughts.

And again, when you returned to your thoughts, the cyan pegasus had been waiting for you. Just like before.

"I haven't seen you around here. You're not from Ponyville, are you?" questioned the yellow mare.

"Ponyville. So that is the name of the town." you thought to yourself. You had hoped that she would let you leave. And what was stopping you? The door is right there. Something was stopping you, though. You just couldn't tell what it was. You needed to respond, somehow, to her question. You simply shook your head, as you still couldn't form words.

"Oh, well, are you from Cloudsdale?"

Your thoughts began racing in your mind. "Cloudsdale. How does she know that I'm from Cloudsdale. Did she know that I'm from from Cloudsdale? Or was she guessing? The only way she could know was-"

And that's when you noticed that she was a pegasus as well.

"Does... Does she know me? Prior to the death of my parents? That would explain her knowledge of me being from Cloudsdale. Did she know where I was sent to? Maybe that's why she wasn't so forceful towards me. Then that would mean she knows the condition I'm in. Is that why she was so willing to help me? To help me build a trust in her? Did Sigmund put her up to this? That would be the only way he could keep on eye on me from his office in Manehattan. And her wings, that would mean that she could easily fly over to Sigmund and report on me. Then that would mean that Sigmund knew that I would go towards Ponycity, or whatever that town is called. But what if I had originally traveled by air? Maybe that's why the cyan pegasus was there. If I had gone in a different direction, she would have directed me towards this yellow mare's home. The fact that she had blatantly crashed into me and then blamed me for it was a bit suspicious. But then why did he not have the cyan pegasus build a trust with me? Maybe so it wouldn't have been obvious, at least then, that Sigmund was behind this. But if that is true, how did Sigmund know I would have been injured, requiring medical attention from this yellow pegasus?"

Your mind tried to grasp the convoluted plan that Sigmund was behind. You trusted Sigmund, so you had assumed that Sigmund had trusted you. Why would he do this? He vowed to leave you alone when you were not meeting with him. He had broken this vow. You had to confront Sigmund about this, now. You didn't care that he had requested for monthly visits. You had requested to be left alone, and he didn't respect that. This infuriated you. You made it evident to the yellow pegasus when you flared your nostrils.

"Oh... Um, is something wrong?" she questioned.

You didn't respond. You were about to become very angry, and you were planning on taking that anger out on Sigmund. He was responsible for this, not the two pegasi. And yet, even through all this critical, elaborate thinking you spent much of your brain power on...

The cyan pegasus was still on your mind. You couldn't stand this confusion any longer, you stood up, avoiding to use your, now bandaged, left hoof.

"Wait. You mustn't use your left hoof. I think it would be best if you stayed off it." she contested.

You ignored her. The more she wanted to interact, the more the anger bubbled to the surface.

"I don't think it's the best idea to leave just yet. I have some herbal remedies to help ease some of the pain in your hoof."

Again, the anger only increased. You needed to respond to her.

"I'm leaving."

"B-but... B-but..." she whimpered.

Why did she keep trying to provoke you to stay? She knew the condition you were in. You would think that she would be more careful of your situation. This time, you said nothing. You simply walked towards the door.

"I'm going to fly to Sigmund. I don't care if I run into that cyan pegasus. It would be much faster and simpler than running all the way to Manehattan." you concluded.

You knew that Sigmund would be surprised to meet you, just two days after leaving the hospital. But weren't you surprised to find out that Sigmund was behind everything that's happen to you these past two days? You were right at the door. You looked back at the yellow pegasus, and sighed. "Just when I thought I could trust somepony." you told yourself in your thoughts.

"Please... don't go. You're still hurt."

Before you found out Sigmund's plans, you admit that her voice was somewhat soothing. Now, it was the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. You couldn't stand it anymore. You needed to leave, before you said anything you would regret. You would hate to express your anger on an innocent pawn in Sigmund's plan. How innocent was she really? You decided to contemplate how innocent she was later. First, you had to get to Sigmund. And nothing is going to stop you. You open the door. And even through all of this...

"What the?! What are YOU doing here!?"

That cyan pegasus was still on your mind.

Comments

[viperxix]

me refreshing my page was just a clever plot to get me to read your story, wasn't it!
great story.hope to see more in the future

[Bright Glow]

Well it seems things are becoming more intresting. I just found your story but I really like it. can't wait to read more.

[SureFreeD]

Sentrygogodownandupanddamnitgottammovethatgear. Thisthingaintonautopilotdamnitgottammovethatgear.
Holditspahdonttouchthatsentrydamnitgottammovethatgear.

[Mossy Mare]

Yay Freud! And Fluttershy!!!
Now to actually read the chapter.

[Magical Trevor]

Alright, this is VERY different from other 2nd person PoV stories I've read! Insta fave and thumbs up! *keeps reading at 12:30 in the morning*

[Therizzen]

Okay, I really liked the repetition of the phrase "She was still on your mind". That's really neat, and it was great how you ended the chapter with it.

Anywho, Rainbow is most likely someone from his past, and the protagonist really needs to get over his paranoia. I don't see that happening anytime soon, but still, it'd be a step up.

[Bookmaster]

Well he certainly shares my social interactions and my personality

[Flame-LoneWolf]

1335749 Heh, same. Minus the paranoia at least.