Prelude
"Ugh! Son of a biscuit! What the heck kind of dragon makes that loud of a roar!?" exclaimed a young stallion while he tried to regain his bearings in the late summer evening.
His name is Dark Flame, a blazing-orange unicorn with blue eyes, a long, blond mane, and a goatee. He worked as the blacksmith in the village of Stonewall due to his knack of fire magic and the strength in his forelegs when wielding a forge hammer. Despite being a blacksmith and the upside-down crescent moon-shaped scar on the front of his right shoulder that added to is tough look, Dark was a naturally kind and gentle-natured pony with a good sense of humor. He's also polite to mares, and has a soft spot for foals and small animals. However, despite him having these positive traits, his lack of a cutie mark was what hurt him the most, earning him little to no respect from the other villagers. However, over time Dark took up a second job. When he wasn't forging weapons, armor, or repairing tools for the villagers, he served as the village's greatest defense against dragons.
After eight years of acting as the village guardian, Dark was granted the title of Dragon Slayer, for defeating every dragon that came to destroy his village for the gems and ore that filled its mines. But... this time was different. The dragon that came this time wasn't at all like the hundred or so dragons he'd faced before. While most dragons stood tall at forty feet, their leader, King Inferno, stood a bit taller at seventy feet. However, this monster was far greater then what anypony could have imagined. This beast of a dragon stood even taller than the Dragon King at over one hundred feet tall while on all fours.
As Dark's eyes focused again, he was able to completely make out the figure looming over the village like a manticore to a mouse. Upon seeing it, Dark could only think of one species of dragon that would come even close to fitting what was here. But that was only in the old books and stories passed from their ancestors two hundred years ago when this village first became isolated from Equestria, though being in the mountain range didn't help much either. It was a Scaleless Dragon. A race of dragons said to be nothing more than a myth, but were obviously not.
Despite not having scales, this wasn't a liability for them as their hide was twice as strong as a dragon's scales. And there were only six named Scaleless Dragons in the old book that Dark remembered. Aques, the blue Scaleless Water Dragon. Fissure, the brown Scaleless Earth Dragon. Aero, the white Scaleless Air Dragon. Pyre, the red Scaleless Fire Dragon. Aurora, the ethereal Scaleless Dragon of Light and Life. And lastly was the dragon that stood glaring down at the village he had set ablaze.
"Nocturne, the black Scaleless Dragon of Shadow and Death," Dark whispered, more out of astonishment that this was actually happening than of fear for facing the incarnation of death itself.
The dragon must have heard Dark, because the muscles on his slim, muscular chest tensed and flexed. Slowly, the dragon lowered his head to look at the stallion that spoke his name. After getting a good look at Dark, the dragon smirked, a glint reflecting in his golden eyes as he found his reason for coming to his village.
Pfft, show off, Dark thought to himself while rolling his eyes after seeing the dragon's muscles flex.
"So, you know of my name, little pony", Nocturne said with a booming voice that made the ground tremble. "I'm surprised that a pony as young as you knows of my existence, though it matters little. I take it, however, that you are the one they call, Dark Flame, the 'Dragon Slayer'?" he asked, flexing his claws when he quoted the name Dragon Slayer.
Dark didn't answer at first, surprised that a being as ancient as Nocturne knew of Dark's name. Which begged the biggest question that was on his mind since this whole thing started.
I just hope this isn't going were I think it's going, or else I'm so screwed. Oh, and the village too, he thought before calmly addressing the dragon. "What is it that you're doing here exactly? An ancient dragon such as yourself surely has better things to do than drop in on a village way out in the middle of nowhere. That, and the shadows you created are sorta blocking my view, so I can't see squat besides a few feet around me, and you for obvious reasons."
Nocturne gave a low chuckle. "Amusing, but you should know of why I have come. I am Death Incarnate, and though I don't care about King Inferno and his complaints towards you, I have taken notice of all of the dragons that you've slain. All that death in one spot, it drew me here like a moth to the flame. So, color me surprised to find out that the rumors of the one responsible for killing so many of my kin, was from a single pony."
Dark looked down, sighing inwardly. Times like this I wish I was wrong. Besides, it's not my fault those dragons were stupidly single-minded and kept trying to barbecue me every time. He looked back up to return Nocturne's gaze and finally asked the question he didn't want to ask. "So, now that you're here, what is your plan exactly? Were you just wanting to chat with me, avenge those fallen dragons, or did Inferno send you after me by making you an offer you couldn't refuse?"
The dragon said nothing, his only answer was a wicked smirk on his face as he breathed in the shadowy mist, revealing the village and villagers... or what was left of them. All around, Dark could see the stone buildings either on fire, crumbling to the ground, or both. The villagers however, were nothing more than skeletons littering the streets. He continued to look around in shock at what had become of his fellow villagers, but his heart dropped when he saw the skeletal remains of his dad, Brick Set, his mom, Swift Wing, and his sister, Lilly, over by their house.
"I came here to see for myself if the rumor of you being a pony were true, and to see if your strength matched up to what Inferno told me... however." Nocturne gave a wide, sinister grin that showed off his mawfull of massive dark-gray fangs with red tips, one of which appeared to be missing. "I didn't want any interruptions during our fight, so I decided to-"
But he didn't get to finish his sentence as a fireball as big as the dragon's head hit him square in the face, causing his head to whiplash. He turned to direction it came from and saw a very pissed-off Dark who was syphoning the fire from the burning buildings into his mane and tail, which were now literally on fire.
"You want to know how I managed to beat those newts you call dragons?!" Dark shouted at the large dragon, who was now glaring at the lone pony who attacked him head-on. "I possess a unique ability called Amplify, which lets me draw in any element that I specialize in to increase my magic output!"
Dark roared as he launched another fireball at Nocturne's head, only for the dragon to dodge it. Although he was very big and a much easier target, Nocturne was by no means slow.
Dark didn't pay any mind to the missed spell as he took low, aggressive stance and began channeling the fire he'd collected in his mane and tail, sprouting multiple tendrils of fire from each spot. All twenty of them were easily long and wide enough that they could restrain the ancient dragon, and Nocturne knew it. Slowly, he started to understand why those other dragons fell so easily to this pony and decided to finish it quick with his shadow breath. The same one that he used to silence the villagers when he first arrived, though was mildly curious as to why Dark was untouched.
After taking in a deep breath, Nocturne released his shadow breath, completely covering the ground and buildings in shadows again, leaving the only light source being from the full moon up above... and a fiery glow quickly circling him. Turning his head, Nocturne saw Dark using his fire tendrils to hold him just above the dark mist. Nocturne raised his right claw, taking a swipe at Dark in hopes of either slashing through him, or causing him to fall into the shadows. Just before the claws made contact, Dark launched himself up above the dragon, firing a barrage of fireballs at his face. Nocturne didn't pay much mind to the fiery projectiles as he drew his wings out in front of him and using them as shields. Although they barely hurt at all, Nocturne did notice the number of projectiles that hit him.
Thirty-six fireballs and one firebomb within ten seconds, Nocturne mentally noted. And each having enough force to blow through a stone wall. Rather impressive for a single unicorn.
Feeling the assault cease, Nocturne separated his wings and was preparing to breathe out another torrent of darkness, but found his maw forcefully snapped shut. Upon revealing his head, Dark launched his tendrils towards the dragon, restraining him before he could act. Now thoroughly annoyed with the stallion, Nocturne started swinging both of his claws, trying to swat him out of the air. But each strike missed its target as Dark used some of his other tendrils to bind around Nocturne's wrists, slightly guiding each swing to just barely miss him. Now with a hold on Nocturne's maw and claws, Dark decided to try and end it as best as he could think. Sending his remaining tendrils out, Dark wrapped them around the dragon's legs, wings, and tail. With two tendrils per limb, Dark used his last four to wrap around Nocturne's mid-section as an anchor, firmly securing himself on his back.
With Nocturne now immobilized, Dark then began to pull on each limb-bound tendril, bending them awkwardly and causing the dragon to roar in pain and frustration. At this point, Nocturne knew he was in serious trouble and decided to take Dark as serious as he could. As his body began turning into living shadows, Nocturne let out a low chuckle as he merged with the shadows covering the ground.
Upon losing his target, Dark quickly planted a few tendrils into the ground, propping himself up in mid-air while the rest retreat back towards Dark and took a defensive position, like a pit of snakes ready to lash out.
Or like the snakes on the head of a gorgon, he thought, shuddered at the memory of facing against that living nightmare. Worst. Night. Ever.
That moment of thinking, though brief as it was, was enough for the black dragon to re-emerge out of the blanket of darkness as he lunged towards the young stallion. Dark saw it at the last second and tried to avoid the rows of razor-sharp fangs, but was too slow as the dragon tore off his left foreleg, causing him to lose his focus and cry out in agony as he fell. Though it hurt like a mother, he was able to regain his focus, and with nineteen of his tendrils, he began twirling them like a fan and cleared out the shadows, revealing solid ground while his last one began to cauterize the wound. He lost a decent amount of blood and started to feel a little light-headed, but the adrenaline kept him awake.
Dark, with his tendrils at the ready again, turned to face the dragon, who just returned the stare... smiling.
"You're far better than what I had expected. I was starting to believe that you were actually about to dislocate, or even break something. However, though you may specialize with fire magic and can draw in flames from wherever, I can choose to use either my fire breath, or my shadow breath," The dragon then chuckled. "Unlike the other dragons, you hold no power over me. I am the Embodiment of Death," he roared as he dove a claw into the shadows, only for it to reappear from the darkness surrounding Dark and creating two long gashes on either side of his mid-upper spine.
"I am the Bringer of Darkness!" Roaring again, he withdrew his claw, just to thrust it back into the shadows and have it reappearing beside Dark, severing his right foreleg this time and causing him to fall forward on his muzzle.
"And you, mortal," Nocturne spat, rage now made evidently clear in his voice while his draconic eyes turned from gold to a blood-red. "ARE NOTHING!"
With that declaration, Nocturne again withdrew his claw, this time backhanding the stallion, lopping off his tail near the base and causing its tendrils to dissolved. Slumping to the ground after being knocked into the side of a nearby house, Dark's body had all but reached its limits as his fiery tendrils receded back into his mane, which returned to its normal, blond state. Barely conscious and still losing blood from the two wounds on his back, his tail stub, and missing right foreleg, Dark used his back legs to sit up on his haunches. Looking tiredly at the great dragon, with the last of his magic, he decided that if he was going to die, then he'd do it fighting until his last breath.
Dark sighed tiredly as he decided to attempting his last ditch plan. It may not kill his opponent, but it should at least leave a nice wound at the very least.
I know I promised mom and dad that I wouldn't use this type of magic, and I know it's considered taboo, but morals be damned! It's not like anypony can do anything more to me, Dark thought grimly. Especially since I'm gonna be dead within the next minute.
With the last of his strength, he gathered his remaining magic to cast one last spell. His eyes started growing heavy, but could see his horn's magical aura turn from a grayish-blue, to black as he cast his last spell. As the spell was released, Dark's eyes closed from exhaustion and he fell to his stomach.
Hehe, that was a lot easier to cast than I thought it would, he thought as he was quickly losing consciousness.
However, he was able to hear a pained grunt, followed by something that sounded like running water, and a low voice telling him, "Well played, little pony... well... played."
*Beep... Beep... Beep*
Ugh, stupid heart monitors. If I never hear another one again of those, it'll be too soon, Dark mentally groaned, thinking back to when he had surgery on his shoulder. While fighting that gorgon was easily the worst night ever, the day I had to get that stupid surgery was easily the worst- He paused in mid-thought, realizing something that should not be. By Celestia's Ethereal Mane, how did I get into this hospital? And more importantly, why am I still alive... and what the hay is on my back?! It's poking is irritating as heck, and I can't scratch it thanks to Mister I'm-Going-To-Take-Your-Forelegs! I mean seriously! I'm starting to feel like the Black Knight from that one Montneigh Cobra story.
Knowing that he was now somehow alive, he tried opening his eyes. It was slow at first, but he eventually opened up his eyes to see another set of green, draconic eyes looking back mere inches away from his. What came next was pretty obvious.
"AAHHHH!" they both screamed, one trying to force himself back further into his bed, while the other stumbled backwards, rolling off of the foot of the bed and onto the floor.
Fully awake and alert now, Dark could take in his surroundings. While he couldn't bring himself to look beneath the bed sheet that covered him from the neck down and see the damage that had been done to him, he did look around the hospital room. It had sanitized white floor and a matching curtain to give his area privacy. To his left was a window with ugly, green window blinds, the door to his room on his right, and a nightstand with a lamp on the right side of his bed. Trying to lean forward a bit, he was able to see a baby dragon with purple scales and green spines that matched his eyes.
"Uhh, hey there," the little dragon greeted awkwardly while getting back up to his feet. "Sorry about scaring you like that. I was told to keep an eye on you while the others went to grab some lunch."
Dark didn't know what to make of this. Here in front of his was a dragon, a baby dragon maybe, but a dragon nonetheless, who was talking to him and not wanting to kill him. He was so used to fighting every dragon that saw him that his brain had to take a moment to catch up with this new turn of events.
Okay, this is new. A dragon that's not trying to kill me on site... wait a second. What was that about others? Dark stiffened slightly at the thought of other dragons being nearby while he was both physically and magically weak. "When you say 'others', do you mean more dragons?"
The little dragon looked up at the stallion with a cocked eyebrow. "No, I meant 'others' as in ponies. Speaking of which, I better go get them. They were pretty worried when they found you and wanted me to get them as soon as you woke up," he explained as he ran to the door before looking back. "Oh, before I forget, my name's Spike. Nice to meet ya," he said before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.
"Huh. Well, he actually seems like a decent dragon. Maybe he really doesn't know of me and wont try to kill me after all?" Dark asked himself hopefully.
A few minutes later, Dark heard multiple sets of hooves coming closer to his door before it became engulfed in a purple aura, and opening the door was its owner, a young unicorn mare with a lavender coat and eyes, and a purple mane that had a strip of hot-pink, and dark-purple, who was carrying Spike on her back. Behind her walked in five other mares who were roughly the same age as the lavender unicorn, though he'd never ask their age. They each entered quietly and walked over to take a seat on the floor by his bed with the lavender unicorn sitting closest.
Beside her was a cyan blue pegasus with a rainbow mane and magenta eyes, a butter-yellow pegasus with a long pink mane that hid most of her face, and teal eyes, an orange earth pony with emerald eyes, a blond mane, and wearing a stetson hat, a white unicorn with a purple mane and light-blue eyes, and finally, a pink earth pony with a slightly darker pink mane, and blue eyes.
"Hello," the lavender unicorn greeted warmly. "My name is Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends: Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie. I've been told that Spike already introduced himself to you, right?"
"Yeah," Dark answered slowly. "Sorry if I seem uneasy, I'm just not used to meeting a dragon like him. He actually seems to be fairly mannered for one. At least, when compared to all of the other dragons that I've meet before."
The girls and dragon looked at him with agreement until Rarity spoke up.
"That he is," she nodded in agreement. "Our little Spike may be a dragon, but he is far from dangerous. You don't know just how much of a help he's been to not just us, but to everypony in this town." This prompted a nod from the mares.
"Huh. Whenever I saw a dragon, it was always wanting to kill me and destroy everything in sight. So meeting one who's actually acting friendly is kind of new to me," he explained.
Although they were a little put-off by that little bit of information about dragons wanting to kill him, it only rose more questions for Twilight.
"So where are you from then?" Twilight asked.
"Stonewall Village," Dark answered her.
Twilight hummed to herself in thought and started pacing alongside the bed. That's when Dark noticed something he didn't before. She had wings. Twilight was an alicorn, and his face immediately took on a look of horror upon the thought of accidentally insulting a Princess of Equestria.
Twilight noticed though, growing used to this look from other ponies she hadn't met yet, and stopped him before he could start. "Don't worry about it. I may be a princess, but that doesn't mean I like the formalities. I'd much rather prefer to be treated like any other pony."
Dark was a bit surprised by that statement, but then again, this whole hour seemed to be full of surprises. That's when he remembered he forgot to introduce himself. "I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself yet. My name is Dark Flame, former Guardian of Stonewall Village and Dragon-" He paused in mid-sentence, not wanting to talk about his title and possibly scare the mares or little dragon.
Everyone smiled at receiving his name finally, but Twilight wasn't done with her questioning.
"So, where is this 'Stonewall Village'? I've never heard of it until you showed up."
"It's up in the mountains on Equestria's south-eastern borders, near the Dragon Kingdom," Dark explained.
This left Twilight gaping in shock. "That cant be!" she exclaimed. "That's over half of Equestria away from here, and nopony can live in that area anyway. The land around those mountains is all desert for dozens of miles, the creatures there are highly poisonous, and the closest settlement down there would be Appleloosa. Nopony even goes that way anymore, let alone come back from it. Even the Native Buffalo Tribes keep away from that area of the desert."
Now it was Dark's turn to get some answers, and set some things straight. "Sorry, but I really did come from there. It was an old mining village in the mountains until, according to the village elders and some history books I read, the dragons came and blockaded the village with the ponies inside. Also, how did I get here exactly?"
Rainbow Dash spoke up this time. "I was working with Twilight on her flying lessons, since she still has a few problems flying."
"Hey, I've gotten a lot better at my flying," she objected, but was ignored as Rainbow continued.
"Anyway, we were flying when we saw you passed out in the fields, so we flew down, picked you up, and brought you to the hospital. But I've been wondering, though, what exactly are you? I mean, you look like a pony, but..." She trailed off, unable to find the right words to finish her question.
If Dark wasn't paying attention before, he definitely was now. "What are you talking about? I am a pony. Although I did get into a bad fight with a dragon and lost both of my forelegs and tail. I mean, heck, by all rights I should be dead right now."
The looked at him confusingly until Twilight spoke up. "Um, you do have a pair of forelegs and a tail. Kinda hard to miss them."
Dark just gave her a deadpanned look. "Seriously?" he asked, as if it were a bad joke. But sure enough, he did feel something from where his forelegs used to be. Raising an eyebrow in surprise, he began to lift his right foreleg up from below the bedsheet... which he immediately regretted. Starring wide eyed in shock, he looked at his supposed leg and hoof, only to find the right arm and claw of a familiar black dragon. He then pulled out his left foreleg, and with it came the same result.
He looked at both of his new appendages and could think of only one thing to say. "How the hay...?"
Feeling his tail move, he tore off the covers and looked down at it. Like his now draconic arms, his tail was also that of the black dragon's.
Since Dark was leaning forward to look at his tail, which was now easily as long as he was from head to hoof, the girls saw his back and let out a few gasps. Dark turned his head to look at them. Confused by this, he followed their gaze towards his back where that annoying itching from earlier was. Now this was the biggest surprise of them all. On his back were a pair of black, draconic wings, each expanding the length of his entire body from his muzzle to the tip of his new tail.
That was the last straw for him. Upon seeing his new wings, his brain completely shut down from the shock, causing Dark to pass out and off the side of the bed onto the floor. This left his guests standing in place with mixed expressions of worry, alarm, confusion, and a few who were out right laughing at the sight of the stallion passing out.
Stats
Page generated in 0.035 seconds
Total duration
692 users online
815,543 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
a dragon none the less was talking to him
might want to fix that
also when something is thinking put it as a single (') not (") if that helps
and thanks the avatar link
6490536 Huh. Thought that's what I was doing, but thanks for telling me and I'll be shure to keep a closer eye on that and work on those problems. Also your welcome.
Heheh, I like the Monty Python reference. And you should let someone pre-read or edit your chapter for I found quite a few mistakes. But other than that I like it so far, I hope to see more of you.
*salutes* Private Derpy signing out!
6497915 Like I said in the author's note, this is my first fic and right now I'm trying to get by with what I can do on my own, seeing as I'm new to this site account wise and don't know anyone. However if you know of someone who would be willing to help then I'll be happy to receive it. I have a lot of plans for this story already set and it would be to sad if I had to cancel due to it not being up to standard.
6499861 you forgot to switch off the italics near the end there.
6607357 Thanks for telling me. Found the problem and fixed it.
5 things so far.
One, you're story has too much tell, not show. When it comes to the personality of a character, do not tell us like you did in the second paragraph. You may write that for yourself and put it aside somewhere for when you need to remember the personality of the character and to double check if they're acting "within character" but you should not straight up tell us.
Two, you make the same error too many authors do. It's lose not loose. Loose is like loose clothing or a loose thread. Lose is when someone has lost a game or you lose a fight.
Three, you keep mixing your tenses. You start in past tense, therefore everything except for thoughts and dialogue should be written in past tense if at all possible. Dialogue and thoughts should be in whatever tense is appropriate for the thought.
Four, this is a personal opinion but the asides that you have in parenthesis make you seem more amateurish as they seem more like snappy little comments and the comments contrast with the more clinical tone the narrator seems to have. It feels like you're breaking the fourth wall rather than building it up so that we can easily suspend our disbelief and forget we're reading a story.
Five, Rarity's reaction to Dark's comment on being used to dragons wanting to kill him doesn't make any sense. The implication of his sentence isn't that he expects Spike to kill him but rather that he's surprised there exists a dragon that doesn't want to kill him. Either you originally had him saying something else or something is wrong with the logical thinking of these people.
6786532
I must apologize. I knew after releasing them that in my haste, I messed up a lot on these first few chapters. However, it's apparent I made a lot more mistakes then I'd originally thought. Thanks for telling me this, and I'll see what I can do what I can to fix them.
You have my attention!
Dark Flame Master...
6992288 ...well, this is news to me. Looks like I have a new Anime to look check out.
6786532
Awesome advice, I'll carry some of those tips to my own writing.
Also, cool story bro.
Nice concept so far, i'll definitely keep reading
There's a few spelling errors about, but it's readable. There is one thing though; you wrote "Scaless" a bunch of times. I think that should be "Scaleless".
7409421 You're right, and I thank you for pointing that out so I can fix it.
I was thinking more along the lines of Asura.
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/capcomdatabase/images/0/01/Armless_Asura.png/revision/latest?cb=20140812132523
Very rough first chapter. You missed a capitalization in the paragraph where Twilight enters the room. Aside from that, there are some other issues too. When the main character saw his parents and sister all dead (and I have NO idea how he could even identify the bodies if they were little more than burnt husks), he seemed rather bland about it. The fight scene was filled with entirely too much speaking and explaining for it to feel realistic at all. There was absolutely no feeling of suspense either.
Not a terrible Prologue, but it could have been truly badass. I will keep reading.
First off, show, don't tell. Don't just tell us he's polite to mares, have him actually be polite to mares he encounters. Don't just say he has a knack for fire magic, show him using fire magic well. Heck, don't even just tell us he fights dragons, just have him fight them. This entire section is one big info dump full of stuff that would better be introduced to us through his actions and interactions.
I'm at work, so I didn't get past this. I just felt this needed to be addressed. I'll read the rest on my break or when I get home.
Holy crap! This is your first story? It's so well written! And Dark is a very I treating character, by the way. I've never heard of an OC like this, with limbs of another species. I am definitely keeping my eye on this.
7713817 Sorry, you caught it after the rewrite...
dam you. you made me break my promise to myself to not read anymore tragedy fics. please dont make me regret this. i dont want to cry over a fic again
7724107 Sorry about the broken promise, but don't worry, you won't regret it. Also, you will cry at some point, but for a good reason.
I don't understand his respect for royalty. For one, he has no respect for dragon royalty. Of course that can be explained with the bad relations. But the other reason would be that he never met the royals of Equestria in his life. His village always had to fend for themselves. No Alicorn ever did something to help his village. I honestly thought that he would actually hate Alicorns, thinking how they abandoned his village and left the villagers to survive on their own.
As a side note, I expected him to wield a hammer, since he is a blacksmith, but the tendrils are nice too.
That was edgier than a razor blade factory and as cringeworthy as a poorly-timed Filthy Frank meme. However, it has drawn my interest.
A little weird, got some mistakes, but I can dig it.
Let me just get a shovel.
Possibly a taaad bit late for constructive criticism, but he seemed a bit too casual about his family dying. the part where he explained his talent right before attacking doesn't feel like what someone would do if they'd just seen their family's corpses. needs more rage
I am impressed
Rereading time.
6491958
gutes kapitel mein freund (German) (^_^)
Does this get better? It seems interesting, I just can't get past the first chapter any time I try to read it.
Not even at the third paragraph and I'm already wincing from the level of cringe in this.
Coming back for a reread myself, I'm here to warn everyone it DOES get better, a lot better
These first few chapters or so are just extremely rough, but bear with them
When I saw you describe Amplify, I wondered if you were ripping that straight off an rpg game. Because that is a rpg game ability like description.
'Tis but a scratch
The start of this chapter is a horrible expo dump. Too much info with no context.
I like this story, but would very highly reccomend changing this first chapter so dark spends a couple years hunting the dragon after it kills his family where the fight then proceeds as written as it would make the way he can talk about his family just fine make much more sense narriatively and would be a minor change that fixes whats wrong with how he oddly and not realistically seems ok talking about his family pretty much right after their deaths. You dont get over having your family killed in front of you right away and certainly wouldnt be able to be dealing with it in the way he is in the next chapter without having had to come to terms with it over time. Which could be solved by just having a couple sentence changes and a small addition of like a couple paragraphs of him hunting down the dragon over several years after it kills his family. Heck you could move back the dragon attack a couple years and just put in a couple paragraphs of him training over a couple years then attacking the dragon as it attacks another village and badaboom a gigantic plotissue/hole is fixed with minimal changes and effort and now his reactions are justified and make sense. Also as kovkiller said, maybe make him a bit more ragey in the fight. And one other thing I think you could change to justify him being fairly tame when he wakes up, is have and place emphasis on him sorta dying happy having beaten the dragon and then when he wakes up and he can more beliveably be like huh im still alive as hes accepted his death and is more content now that he beat the dragon, thus justifying his more tame reaction when he wakes up.
Tis but a flesh wound, sir
MC starts out with maximum stats, skills, etc. with little to no sacrifice to obtain them. There is a lot of story to go, so I’ll keep with it for a bit; but Gary Stu’s don’t hold my attention very well. I hope he can change my mind.