Portals. Portals Everywhere!

by Piece Bot

Chapter 3 - A Normal Walk

“Atchoo!!” Joseph sneezed as the purple dust assaulted his nostrils. He coughed and staggered out of the cloud, hitting the bookshelf with his back, causing most of the books to fall off of the shelf.

“I just got those sorted!” Joseph heard Twilight complain as the smoke cleared, not noticing that her friends seemed fine as he bent over, trying to keep himself from coughing.

“Why are you coughing? There’s nothing here to even make you cough.” Twilight said confusedly, watching her friends give her a wave and leave as a group.

“Crikey, sheila! Can’t you see it’s because of that blasted smoke you use!?” Crikey said rather infuriatingly. Joseph covered the eye on the potato battery and collapsed down on to the floor. “This seems as good a *cough* place as any to crash. Night.” Joseph said between bouts of coughing as his eyes closed.

Twilight was stunned at the apparent knock-out the teleportation had on him. “Okay, seems like teleportation knocks out his species.” Twilight muttered, writing the observation down on her notepad before covering him up with a blanket. After that, she checked on Spike to see if he was still sleeping, and seeing that he was, she went to bed for the night, mulling over what happened in the past few hours.

---

The next morning, Spike woke up and went to pick a book to read while he waited for Twilight to wake. Seeing a sleeping mass snoring under a blanket and on a pile of books he helped Twilight sort out a few days before, Spike walked up to it and cautiously poked it with his tail. The mass just grumbled and shifted to its other side. Walking around the mass, he noticed a device and cautiously picked it up, wondering what it was and why it had a potato stuck on one end.

“Oi! Dragon thing!” The potato blinked as it spoke, causing Spike to drop it on top of the mass in the blankets. To Spike’s horror, the mass rose up and as it did, the blanket fell off of it. Walking around to what he assumed was the face, he waved a claw in front of it as it rubbed the sleep out of its eyes.

Opening his eyes slowly, Joseph looked at the claw waving in front of his face and then to the body attached to said claw. Once he fully grasped that what he was seeing was real by repeatedly touching the claw and feeling the scales, he let out a scream. The dragon screamed as well and once they both realised they were screaming, they screamed in unison. The both backed away from each other quickly with Joseph hitting his head on the bookshelf again.

Pointing a finger accusingly at the lizard, he said, “Y-y-you’re a dragon! They’re not meant to exist!”

“And Unicorns and Pegasus do?” Crikey asked Joseph incredulously. He ignored Crikey in favor of staring wide-eyed at the dragon. He glanced up as he heard Twilight walk down the stairs and begin talking the dragon.

“Spike, what is with all the screaming?” Twilight questioned and looked toward Joseph, then back at Spike. “Oh. I see you met each other. That takes the awkwardness to a whole new level.” Twilight said with a nervous chuckle. In order to relieve the tension somewhat, she asked Spike to see if he could cook breakfast. With a bit of arguing and Joseph swivelling his head from one to the other like he was at a tennis match, Spike relented and went to the kitchen.

“Sorry about that. Newcomers aren’t usually greeted with screams.” Twilight apologised and watched him get up. Joseph grabbed his gun and walked slowly to the kitchen. Looking inside, he found Spike quietly humming to himself as he prepared whatever they were going to have for breakfast.

“This … is not normal.” He muttered and glanced back and forth between Twilight and Spike. “What happens if he burns down the house with his fire breath?” Joseph asked suddenly, jabbing a thumb in Spike’s direction.

“He can’t. He’s just a baby, and if he did, then I would just put it out with an extinguishing spell. I take it dragons aren’t present in your world?” Twilight responded, taking out the same notepad and quill as the night before.

Joseph emphatically shook his head and sat on the floor in front of one of the other bookshelves in the room. “Nope. They went extinct after the first Ice Age I believe. Most likely too cold for them.” He saw her write down his answer and then his gaze drifted back to Spike. Why are there dragons in a world of Unicorns, Pegasi and whatever the princesses are? Why am I even questioning that? Joseph thought with a huff. “Unicorns and Pegasus are myths and legends where I come from.” He said suddenly. “One of the more well-known legends about the Pegasus is the one where it got turned into a constellation by Zeus. It was captured by someone named Bellorophon to help defeat a Chimera. He defeats it but falls off his back trying to get to Mt. Olympus, the home of all the Greek Gods when they were being worshipped. As for the Unicorn, well, it’s littered all throughout history but even then, it’s hard to pin down as something that was real.” Joseph said, explaining why he knew about unicorns and pegasi. He looked around as Twilight speedily wrote down what he said and wondered how the tree could still live while having all these books inside it. Magic probably. If it’s used for teleportation, then why can’t it be used to keep a tree alive? Makes perfect sense to him.

“Crikey, did you say something about me being paid back for buying you off that merchant?” He asked the potato.

“Check your pockets.” Crikey said simply. Joseph checked his pants pockets and seeing nothing there, put the rest of his orange jumpsuit on to check the front pockets. Feeling the money, he felt good about himself. Zipping it up, he saw Twilight stare intently at something on him.

“What’s up sheila?” He saw Twilight point to whatever she was looking and his finger followed her hoof to the Aperture Science logo on his jumpsuit. “Oh that. This may be hard to explain.” Joseph took a breath and was about to explain it when Spike called them in for breakfast. Walking into the kitchen, he sat down and found pancakes. “I didn’t think ponies and dragons ate pancakes. But then again, I didn’t think a lot of things were real until I ended up here.” Joseph remarked. He ate a bite and found them to be grand. “Wow. These are good. Good job Spike.” Spike felt proud that the stranger thought his pancakes were good and sat down to eat some himself. Twilight was just content to eat quietly as she thought about the logo she found on the jumpsuit.

---

“I’ve taken plenty of notes but I still haven’t found out what your species are called.” Twilight said as the two of them walked towards Sugarcube Corner to pick up Pinkie.

“Oh that’s an easy one. Humans. Or Homo Sapiens if you want to get scientific and I still haven’t found out what species the princesses are or why you use smoke to teleport.” Joseph replied and looked around at all the different coloured ponies.

“They’re called Alicorns. They have the strength of an Earth pony, the magic of a Unicorn and the flight of a Pegasus. I don’t use smoke to teleport. I use magic.” Twilight answered and opened the door to Sugarcube Corner. Seeing he was still walking, Twilight used her magic to bring him back and through the door. Everypony in the bakery stopped what they were doing and stared at the human.

Joseph looked around and saw the grey pony family from the day before and just groaned. “Oh no. I’ll meet you and your friends at the entrance to the forest. I have to … leave.” Joseph said hurriedly. He looked at the open door, then back at the family. One of them yelled charge and began to run towards him.

“RUN YOU FOOL!” Crikey yelled at him and his flight instinct kicked in.

Running out the door and charging away, he hoped to outrun them but seeing as they have four legs, he had to resort to portals. Placing one on a cottage in the distance, he then placed the other on the house directly in front of him. Soon as he ran through, he cancelled them and kept running until he reached the edge of the forest, trying to catch his breath. “That particular family may drive me to drink.”

Pinkie and Twilight watched in stunned silence as Derpy’s family began to chase the human out of the shop, only for him to disappear. “Well that was something. What’s up Twilight?” Pinkie said after the mob ran out of the store. “You want me to gather up the girls and meet you at the Everfree? Okie-dokie!” Pinkie was enthusiastic and without another word, she left the shop and zipped off to Fluttershy’s.

Twilight just shook her head, having learned at this point not to question anything Pinkie Pie does. After giving a wave and a smile to the Cakes, she headed out after Pinkie and made her way to the entrance of the forest.

Comments

[Piece Bot]

6493183
How are you NOT thinking with portals!?

[Fictional Fanatic]

6493199 Personally, I'm thinking with Displaced.

[The Slending Angel]

6493199 AND THEN I'D SUCK MY OWN, DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

*gets punched by his friend*

Aww...

[Xenolis]

Wait, he cosplayed as chell. Then got displaced. Is he female now? And if he is, how has s/he not noticed?