Portals. Portals Everywhere!

by Piece Bot

Chapter 2 - Questions, Questions and More Questions

Walking out the other side, Joseph sighed and fizzled out the portal before any of the coloured ponies followed. Looking around quickly, he saw a couple of winged ponies with … horns. One was white with a green and pink flowing mane, the other was blue with a darker blue starry mane. He glanced at his gun, then moved his gaze towards the potato battery which seemed to have gone to sleep for the day and then back to the ponies. They both cocked their heads to the side and regarded him quizzically.

Joseph smiled at the winged, horn-wearing pony … things and waved. “G’Day. I’m trying to find a place to sleep. Can you suggest somewhere?” He asked casually, thinking it an everyday occurrence.

The tall white horse, for lack of a better word, walked slowly towards the human. “My name is Princess Celestia. What me and my sister were wondering is how you came to be here. Ponies don’t just walk out of walls.” Celestia avoided the question and instead, walked back to her sister, waiting for him to answer.

He sighed and sat down against the wall. “I bought a portal gun from this wanker by name of the Merchant.” He gestured to the gun at his feet. Before he could react, the blue pony captured it in her magic and levitated it closer.

“This is an unusual contraption. How does it work?” The blue princess asked, looking at Joseph quizzically. Before he could get up and demonstrate, an obnoxious voice chirped out from the potato.

“Will you put me down alipony!? I don’t LIKE BEING YAMHANDLED!” Crikey desperately shouted in an effort to get away, which was useless as he was stuck on the device itself.

“That would be Crikey. An AI of sorts.” Joseph introduced Crikey and walked to the device with a smile. “Inside the device is a miniature black hole. This helps in maintaining portals between two points of space and possibly time. Haven’t figured the time one out yet.” Joseph explained, pointing to what was inside the white covering. “These tubes determine which is the exit portal, and which is the entrance portal but it can go both ways. An entrance portal can be an exit portal and vise versa.” Joseph gestured to the tubes and turned the device around in the princess’s magic.

“Quit that spinning! I’ll get dizzy!” Crikey complained, now facing the blue pony. “Oh bloody he-” He fizzled out mid-sentence, giving Joseph some reprieve.

“Now for the handle. There are two buttons and a switch. For simplicity’s sake, the switch changes which colour is shot out of the device. Orange and blue. One of the buttons-” He was cut short as the princess fired off a blue portal.

“Yes! We have succeeded in creating a portal!” The blue princess shouted cheerfully. Joseph gave the pony a blank stare and looked at Celestia.

“What’s her name and is she always like this?” Joseph asked, giving the blue princess a frown.

“Her name is Luna. She is my sister and yes. She is always like this.” Celestia sighed at the last part. Luna was too busy going through an infinity loop to listen to their conversation.

“PUT. ME. DOWN. RIGHT. THIS. SECOND. SHEILA!!” Crikey wailed as he was pulled through the loop with Luna. Both of them watched Luna endlessly go through the two portals when they were interrupted by a flash and a bang. Blinking and coughing, Joseph recoiled and looked at the noise. Out of some purple smoke came the purple pony and her friends.

“Okay, I didn’t expect that to happen. I didn’t even know …. you’re a Unicorn. Of course you are.” Joseph facepalmed himself for forgetting something so obvious. “The ones with wings are Pegasus and the ones with both of them are …. what? Never encountered their kind in legends before.” Joseph said out loud, much to the surprise of Twilight and the others. It even stopped Luna from free-falling and landing upright on her hooves. She felt rather dizzy though and nearly fell back through the portal, although Celestia caught her with her magic.

“I think you would want this back and explain to all of us how you know about Unicorns and Pegasi even though you are clearly new to Equstria.” Joseph accepted his gun back graciously and nodded to the princess. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Twilight take out a pad and quill, ready to write something down.

“What’s the pad and quill for?” Joseph asked. Twilight stammered a bit before finally saying that it was for research notes. He only raised an eyebrow at that and grinned. “If it’s for research then that’s grand sheila. Now. What questions do you want to ask of me and my companion?” Joseph asked, pointing the gun towards his head. Seeing their shocked faces, he chuckled. “I don’t even know what would happen if I shot myself and I’d rather not try it. Anyway, what questions do you want to ask?”

“First off, put the … device down and we can all adjourn to the throne room. It’s more spacious and it would be less crowded than here.” Celestia responded. Joseph complied and followed the others.

“Pssst. Wasn’t it already spacious in there?” Crikey asked in a very loud whisper to Joseph. He just shrugged and followed the others.

---

“I stand corrected. This is much more spacious.” Crikey said in awe before Joseph turned around and faced the eight ponies present. Once they all settled comfortably, Twilight asked the first question.

“How did you get here?” Twilight asked simply, quill poised in her magic.

“I got here by stepping through a portal and bouncing into the ground.” Joseph said simply, sitting down and placing the gun next to him.

“Ooh! Did you bounce up and down like it was a trampoline!?” Pinkie asked excitedly, looking like she was about to bounce into orbit herself.

“Sort of like that. It only lasted for a few seconds but it felt strange. Also it was plaid if that helps with anything.” Joseph shrugged and leaned back on his hands, waiting for the next question.

“It was plaid? Must have been when we turned Discord back into stone. He’s a draconequus. Something made up of mismatched animals. My next question is, what is your device called?” Twilight asked another question and Joseph was only happy to oblige.

“The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. Or ASHPD for short. I just refer to it as a portal gun. Rolls off the tongue better mate.” He looked as they had shocked looks on their faces. Again.

“What did I say this time? All I seem to do is shock you!” Joseph said with a groan as he peered intently at their faces.

“You said Aperture. That lab hasn’t been in operation for over 500 years.” Celestia said as she started to pace. “Aperture Science was charged with furthering research in technology, to hopefully allow us to either reach the stars, or explore the deepest parts of the ocean. Something went terribly wrong though. A rogue robot by the name of GLaDOS. From what I remember, she had flooded the labs with a deadly neurotoxin, killing all innocent ponies inside. After that, nothing came in or out of the labs so Faust knows what’s happening there now, if anything.” Celestia took a breath and stopped walking. The scratching of a quill on paper was the only sound in the room.

“Hold on a second. You’re saying that Aperture Science is real? That this and these,” Joseph pointed to the gun and boots in turn, “are real? What am I saying? Of course these are real! I’ve jumped through portals-” He was interrupted by the potato on his gun.

“Actually you were kicked through a portal mate.” Crikey interjected.

“Eh, details.” Joseph waved a hand dismissively and continued on his rant. “I’ve jumped through portals and I’ve managed to survive a hundred-foot drop. Of course Aperture would be real! Why wouldn’t it be?” Joseph said, his voice sounding rather high-pitched at the end. He tried to get his breath back as he had animatedly waved his hands about while talking. Crikey tried to pat his friend on the back but remembered that he had no hands so he just quietly hummed to himself instead.

Celestia sighed and looked at the human. “I’m going to ask you this once and once only. Aperture doesn’t exist in the minds of today’s ponies. It’s all part of a deleted history. In fact, judging by the faces of Twilight and her friends, I’d say this is news to them. What I want you to do, is go to Aperture Science and figure out what is going on in there. The neurotoxin should have dissipated by now.” Celestia said finally, garnering some more shocked looks.

“Will you stop with the shocked looks? Do it anymore and they’ll be permanently stuck on your faces sheilas.” Crikey said with a slight chuckle.

“Well then. Seems like I have to go to Aperture Science. Where is it?” Joseph said calmly. Suprisingly, Pinkie put her hoof up. Joseph looked at Pinkie in surprise and waited for to say something. “What is it Pinkie?”

“Aperture Science is in the Everfree Forest where Princess Celestia and Princess Luna’s old castle is!” She beamed and looked rather happy with herself.

“Well then that’s where I’m going. I’ll see you sheilas later.” Joseph waved and walked out the throne room door before turning around on his foot and headed back. “Where is that old castle you mentioned?” Joseph asked.

“I’ll show you tomorrow. If the Princess allows it, you could stay with me for the night. I would love to know more about your culture and where you come from.” Twlight suggested, looking at the Princess. She nodded and Twilight smiled. “Great! Not sure how your species handle teleportation.” Twilight said and not waiting for a response she teleported herself, Joseph as well as her friends back to Ponyville.

Comments

[Fictional Fanatic]

OMG... this could so crossover with one of my stories that I haven't uploaded yet... I would have to make a few minor changes, but... PM me if you are interested to listening to me about that.

[Greatazuredragon]

Kinda of rushed isn't it?
Teleporting unknown space monkey appears... send him in a quest to unknown mystery location!

[codybob]

You gotta love how twilight just says fuck it "let's teleport him with out knowing what it could do to him"

[Piece Bot]

6507195
She figured it would be the best way to find out.

[StarChaser01]

Other than the extremely fast pace that this story is going (seriously, alien appears, nobody blinks an eye)

[rikusorasephiroth]

I've just started on this fic, and have to ask about the single biggest tie between Portal and Half-life: The Borealis.
Will it be making an appearance? It was built by Aperture and equipped with an experimental positional displacement device
...
What would the acronym for that even be?
Aperture Science High Mass Locational Reposition System?
ASHMLRS

[wlam]

I don’t LIKE BEING YAMHANDLED!

I am already foreseeing so many goddamn potato puns. And the main character is so Awstroilian, he probably eats eucalyptus and shits drop bears.

[Winter Rosario]

6603392 Yep, it will be a mash of puns!