Freelance editor. If you have a story that needs editing, shoot me a message, and we'll work something out.
After the Friendship Games and Twilight Sparkle's subsequent transfer to Canterlot High, Twilight's life is turning for the better. However, a chance meeting in her favorite coffee shop will allow her to not only reach some closure with her past but make a new friend, as well.
A big thanks to CoastBrumby for taking a look at my story and helping me make it flow a bit more!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm curious as to why you chose Lemon Zest specifically for this apology story. If anyone, it should be Sour Sweet having this heart-to-heart with Twilight. Out of all of the Shadowbolts, she's the one who gave Twilight the hardest time. The scene still works, and it would probably work with any of the Shadowbolts. But I dunno, choosing Lemon Zest seems a bit arbitrary.
With that aside, this was a nice story, and I'd personally like to see more of this concept. The Crystal Prep Shadowbolts are characters in desperate need of fleshing out, and having them express their remorse for pressuring Twilight into unleashing her magic is a good jumping off point.
Sequel! Sequel! Sequel! Sequel! Sequel! Sequel! Sequel!
Please. And with the other Shadowbolts.
6485229 Sour Sweet was a close second to Lemon Zest. When I was thinking this up, I don't know, I kept going to Lemon Zest. Sour Sweet did give Twilight the hardest time from what we've seen, it's true. I think that's why I didn't go with her; it seemed like after all the post-disaster jitters left, she'd have a more difficult time coming right out and apologizing, especially during a chance encounter, of all things. Lemon Zest, on the other hand, didn't seem to hold too much resentment to Twilight, and so would have an easier time apologizing. It just seemed more natural to me. Plus, I don't think I'm quite good enough yet at writing to tackle Sour Sweet's personality without botching it. I hope that all makes sense, and I'm glad you like the story
.
6485231 I was only planning on this being a one-shot, but I might come back to it if the mood takes me. I'm glad you liked it
!
Nice little story.
If you'e interested in some feedback, I have some.
I'd redommend two things above all else: self-edit if you aren't already and also find someone else too. That'll help root occasional typos. Fortunately, I didn't see too many in here as is.
The other thing would be the classic case of show v. tell. For example, instead of saying "she was crying now," try describing it. Say what her face looked like, or if a tear rolled down her cheek, or if she broke down suddenly or just cried silently. Things like that always help out a story.
And Lemon Zest is zestiest pony! I added this story to her group by the way,
6485692 Thanks greatly for the feedback. I'll keep it in mind for future stories I'll go back through and iron out them typos. I'll do a bit of editing as well, trying to take care of the show v. tell thing. Also, I don't mind at all that you added it to the group. I'm glad you did!
6485713 Anytime!
6485720 Man, I'm glad you told me about those typos. There were more than I thought! I'll have to pay more attention next time
. I also altered a bit of the text to try to show more and tell less. I hope it reads better now.
6485737 There seems to be something wrong with the image. It's not showing when I click the link or open it in a new tab. I get a 404 error.
Vinyl and Lemon could be great friends:)
6486061 Naturally.
6486114 Nice
6485846
Here. A picture of the most awesome duo.
i.imgur.com/BYDknqu.png
6486162 Okay, that image works. I do like Indigo Zap. I wish the Shadowbolts in general got more screentime.
6486175
Yeah. Don't forget about Lemon Zest and Sour Sweet.
6486179 Oh, I'm sure I remember Lemon Zest and Sour Sweet.
I loved it!!!
It was really sweet.
I hope there might be a continuation some day.
Very nice little story that I would really like to see more of.
6487487 6487306 Thanks, you two! I might end up doing more stories in this continuum (where Lemon is friends with Twilight and her friends).
6487551
I'd read it
6487551 YEESSS!!!!!!
Will the other Shadowbolts make an appearance?
6487852 If I go along with more stories? In all likelihood, they'd appear. Not sure if I'd add them to the "friends list" right away, or work more on building the relationships between Lemon and the main cast first, though.
6487895 I think that sound like a good idea to focus on one friend at a time.
6488041 Good to know. I figured it would be, as well. If I rush all the redemptions, they start to lose their emotional impact.
6488047 Exactly!
Nice story, though I'm a little confused as to why you chose Lemon Zest over the other Shadowbolts, like Sour Sweet?
6488047 I'll be hoping for a sequel!
6488448 Thanks! I explained my reasoning in an earlier comment, but to wit: she seemed to make the most sense to me, since she was the lightest on Twilight in the movie. It seemed she'd be more willing to come right out and apologize than the others would be.
6488684 Ahh, okay.
6488684 I agree, out of all of them, Lemon was the one who didn't seem to bother with Twilight.
Out of all of them, Lemon Zest was the one who was nicest to Twilight. From what I recall of the movie Sunny Flare didn't interact with Twilight at all as an individual. Sugar Coat and Sour Sweet had the most interaction with her and they were pretty horrible (granted, it seemed that they were like that with everyone). Indigo Zap seemed to try an get Twilight excited for the games on the bus, but due to her "lack of team spirit", as the official bios go, she may have just wanted everyone to give their all so she could win. Though the ending established that Cinch was a poisonous influence on both them and the entire school, as well as the fact that the Shadowbolts took responsibility for their actions that lead to Midnight Sparkle.
6492074 I agree that she was overall the nicest of the five, which was one of the reasons I chose her. There were some assumptions I made, such as her joining the crowd when they started pushing Twilight around. After all, it was shown that no one was backing Twilight in any of her events. That said, Lemon's attitude seemed like she'd have the easiest time apologizing out of the blue like this. Sorry if I rambled, but I wasn't sure if you were giving an argument about how Lemon Zest didn't make much sense in the story or if you were giving a general comment
. One of the problems with technological communication.
6492527
It was a bit of both. I can see them all eventually apologizing to Twilight, once they've had time to process everything that happened, but it does make sense that Lemon Zest would do it first.
6493930 I felt the same way. I'm not sure if I should do a chapter on the get-together at Pinkie's or handle it via flashback in future stories. It probably wouldn't be good for its own story, given how it follows immediately after this story, and I think the story ended nicely enough that continuing with a second chapter may be an injustice. I'm probably going to allude to the hangout in future stories via flashback, since the girls' interactions with Lemon are pretty important. What do you think?
6494041
I think it best to do it in a separate story. You are correct that this story ended on a good note and does not need a second chapter.
6494172 I appreciate your comment. If anything, I'd first do a sequel dealing with the hangout. Not sure if it'll be the start (or second story) of a series of one-shots or a larger story. Quite frankly, I'd prefer a series of one-shots. That way, I can write what comes to mind when it comes to mind.
I wish all the rest of the shadowbolt could apologize to twilight for the way they treated her
6498420 It depends on whether or not I want to continue this train, really. I'm actually leaning toward doing so, and have been trying to think of how to handle the get-together mentioned in this story. I'd like to develop Lemon's relationship with the girls before getting the other Shadowbolts involved.
That was cute in a friendship way.. Dunno about human Celestia letting Twilight off with her studies that easy though. if she's anything like Princess Celestia... She's find lots of ways to challenge human Twilight...
6503542 The curriculum is the curriculum. Twilight could still be in the Honors classes, but I don't think it'd be too far a stretch to say those would be easy for someone as studious as Twilight. I'm glad you liked the story!
6503918 Trrue but she might find it harder than she thinking..
Mmm... delicious zesty goodness. I do so love it when people are willing to add character to the Shadowbolts, something which the movie seemed a bit lacking in. Good read, and I'd be most interested in seeing how the two schools get on from here.
6526979 Thanks very much! I'm also bummed that the movies really didn't give much character to the Shadowbolts. I'm thinking about doing a few stories following this up, but I'd like to wait a bit before publishing them so that 1) it doesn't seem like I'm just churning out stories, and 2) so I can give each story the work it needs to stand out.
A sweet tale, and I understand your reasoning for having Lemon Zest be the first to offer an olive branch. I agree, however, any follow-ups should take the slow path with it; have Lemon interact with the girls at CHS and get to know them, and maybe through her, gradually bring in the rest of the Crystal Prep Five.
I'd argue that Indigo Zap should be the next to try and make amends, though, but that's just me.
6622677 Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you feel the same way I do regarding the pacing of future stories. To be honest, I really don't know which Shadowbolt to go with next. I'll have to think about that bridge when I get close, though. I have the next story planned, and I have to get throught that, first.
6622818 I understand, and can appreciate it. Sorta wish my mind worked like that, but alas, once one idea gets started, six or seven more spring up alongside it.
6622869 I totally get what you mean. I have to force myself to think linearly.
6622893 Join the club. When I try working on tabletop rpgs, I always seem to get ideas for campaigns I'm not running. I've found having a text file to write the extra ideas down for another day helps...
Nice fic. Love to see the sequels. I could see Indigo's story having something to do with bumping into Dash while on a run and the two getting competitive to the point of exhaustion...
Just thought of the weird juxtaposition of Twilight's and Sunset's situations. At Crystal Prep, you had the student body oppressing one student. At CHS, you had one student oppressing the whole student body...
6624631 Glad you liked the story. I never noticed that juxtaposition. That's really interesting.