Cleaning House
Chapter 17: Cleaning House
Celestia found herself regretting the abruptness of her declaration the next day. She'd wanted to wait until the business of processing all the cultist prisoners had been dealt with before making that declaration. However, Duke Periwinkle had forced her hoof. Before the day was half over, the news of Periwinkle's arrest, along with the Celestia's declaration, had been carried to every corner of the city. Naturally, there was plenty of unrest amongst the nobles who hadn't already been put under house arrest, save for a scant few that had followed the cues of Blueblood and Fancy Pants, both of whom were doing their best to help contain the situation.
Several members of the Noble Court began to muster their forces. Even though the mercenaries that Elderflower and his coconspirators had been mustering had been slaughtered, the remaining members of the Noble Court still had plenty of ponies to muster in the form of their mares-at-arms, one of the primary reasons Celestia had been so careful with them in the past. If they rallied their collective forces and marched against the Palace, the Royal Guard would have to meet them, the result of which would then threaten the lives and homes of the rest of the city's inhabitants.
"I really wish you hadn't done that," said Shining Armor as he met Celestia outside of the throne room, the Day Court having been suspended for lunch, "My ponies on patrol have already been picking up signs of trouble. They've been spotting runners and messengers all day. They've even seen armed ponies assembling on the noble estates."
"I wish things could have happened differently," said Celestia, "But Periwinkle made that impossible. Any concession I made to avoid conflict would have set a dangerous precedent and risked undoing everything that Twilight and her friends have suffered for."
"I agree," said Shining, "But we need to find a way to contain this before it gets really out of hoof. If the nobles rally their forces and try to march against us, I'll be forced to pull the guards away from enforcing the house arrest on Elderflower's allies. Even if we ultimately win, I'd bet bits to bridles that Elderflower's cronies'll use the opportunity to skip town, if they don't throw their own forces behind the revolt."
"Then why not let them?" asked a chipper voice from behind Celestia and Shining. The two of them whirled around to see another pony standing there with an impish grin on his face.
"Swift Stride," said Celestia, a feeling of relief washing over her, "I am glad to see you back."
The khaki earth pony laughed as he regarded the Princess and her Captain of the Guard with eyes so squinted that they might as well have been closed. "Sorry it took me so long to get back here," he said, "Some things came up."
"I'm sure they did," Shining Armor muttered under his breath. Unlike Celestia, he wasn't quite so happy to see the most infamously (at least, insomuch as her Knights could be infamous) eccentric of the Celestial Knights, a pony who had a reputation as a liar and a thief to the point that not even his peers, the other Celestial Knights, trusted him wholly. His squinty eyes and perpetual grin always gave Shining the impression of a scheming fox, an impression that the smooth, brush-like shape of Swift's white tail only heightened further. The sight of the Swift's spiky mane unnerved Shining as he was reminded that Swift's black clad outfit concealed innumerable explosives and poisons, possibly enough to bring down the entire Palace if the stallion was of a mind to.
The tiniest twitch of Swift's right ear was all the acknowledgment he gave Shining's remark. Instead, he kept his attention on Celestia. "From what I've been hearing, things have been getting interesting here."
"A little too interesting for my taste," said Celestia with a sigh, "What you said a moment ago...Are you suggesting I should let Elderflower's allies flee?”
Swift nodded. "If there's any kind of real fight between the nobles and the Royal Guard, the Royal Guard is going to come out on top. Elderflower picked his allies for their pragmatism and their ability to see the reality of the situation...to a certain extent. They probably realize that an open fight against you is going to end in disaster, however bloody it ends up being. Knowing that, they'll take the opportunity to flee. But if they want to take advantage of a revolt to escape, that means they'll have to move fast and travel light. They won't be able to drag their guards and staff along with them and they'll probably even lend their forces to the rest of the Noble Court to help buy them more time.
"As for where they'll run to; they'll most likely head for their home estates in the cities and provinces they hail from. Ponies like them are always unwilling to give up the trappings of their positions after all. If they can't be nobles in Canterlot, they'll run to some place where they can still be nobles, even if it's only in their heads. And even if a few of them actually manage to get creative, all you have to do is have the SES tail them to find out where they're running to. Then, after everything is settled in Canterlot, you'll be able to round up the runners easily enough. They'll be bereft of protection, having left their guards behind to escape, and you can have them detained by the Guards in the locales they flee to, which will add insult to injury. And...on top of everything else, you'll have another crime to charge them with."
"That sounds lovely," said Shining sarcastically, "But I'm missing the part where allowing the nobles to start a revolt is a good thing."
Swift's grin widened. "Starting a revolt isn't a big problem. The tricky part is how you put it down. It'll also put the nobles' greed and arrogance on display for the whole of Equestria, completely unifying ponies against them. You can bet that the staff tending to the runners' home estates won't be so loyal to them when they learn that they're harboring fugitives against the state. You'll have cause to seize the nobles' assets, which will cut off their ability to interfere economically with Equestrian affairs. You'll also have an excuse to detain the whole lot of them at once and wrap up everything nice and neat."
Shining grimaced. "And how do you suggest we put down this revolt?"
With a chuckle, Swift's grin widened even further, to a degree that Shining was truly beginning to feel disconcerted. "I'm glad you asked. You're thinking like a soldier, that you have to face these ponies like enemies on a battlefield. But there's no need for that..."
"Inhale," said Dr. Stable, holding the stethoscope up against Dawn's wing, "Hold it...good...let it out slowly." He moved the instrument to Dawn's other wing and repeated the instructions.
Dawn followed them without protest, holding perfectly still as the doctor moved from his wings to Dawn's back and then along his barrel. Finally, after several repetitions, Stable put the stethoscope away. "Well now...I believe I can grant you a clean bill of health. Your body is recovering nicely."
"And my magic?" asked Dawn.
"As long as you don't perform anything strenuous with it for the next two weeks, you should be fine," said Stable, "You can fly and I think this wind-sense of yours you've told me about won't strain you. However, I must caution you against any sort of flight-related exercise or strenuous training. Running through your forms is fine, but only if you're not using your magic while doing so."
"Thank you," said Dawn, looking relieved.
Dr. Stable chuckled. "I can honestly say right now that, however much I might like you, I would much prefer it if I didn't have to see you again for a little while. Please try to make it so that the next time I see you is for a routine physical and not a trip to the emergency room."
"I'll try my best," said Dawn, "But I can't make any promises."
Stable sighed. "I suppose that's the best I can hope for."
With a giggle, Fluttershy rested a wing across Dawn's back and guided him out of the doctor's office. The two of them made their way out into the waiting room, where Scootaloo was still sitting, having been given a brief reprieve from her grounding to accompany Dawn and Fluttershy to the physical.
"How'd it go?" asked the filly, getting off her seat.
"I'm getting better," said Dawn, "But the doctor said to take it easy for a little while longer."
"Aww," groaned Scootaloo, "I was hoping we could start sparring."
"Two more weeks or so," said Dawn, "But we can still do your regular training in the meantime."
"Why don't you walk Scootaloo home," suggested Fluttershy to Dawn, "I did promise Melon that I would send her straight back after we finished your physical. We don't want her to get in trouble after all."
"Do I have to?" complained Scootaloo, her body practically wilting from the idea.
"I'm sorry," said Fluttershy with an apologetic smile, "But you don't want your mother to think you need a longer punishment...not with your birthday coming up."
There was a note of panic in Scootaloo's eyes at Fluttershy's words, but she quickly relaxed. "Yeah, you're right."
Dawn smiled and rested a wing across Scootaloo's back. "Let's go," he said. Leaning over, he whispered into her ear, "Your mother said to bring you back. She never said we had to be quick about it."
Scootaloo found herself nodding as she and Dawn strolled off at a sedate pace, enjoying the spring day as Fluttershy waved at them from behind. "I'll see you at home," she called out to Dawn before turning to head back to the cottage.
Dawn and Scootaloo stayed pressed together as they strolled down the streets of Ponyville. As they went, they could see the fruits of the reconstruction efforts. New houses were being built all around them, cracks and crevices in the streets were being filled in. Slowly, but steadily, Ponyville was beginning to pull itself back together.
"Ms. Cheerilee says that the school will be rebuilt in another week," said Dawn as they turned a corner, "We won't have to head out to Sweet Apple Acres for class anymore."
"That's good," said Scootaloo, "I didn't mind too much, but I bet you were getting tired of walking there every day."
"A little," said Dawn, "But that's no longer an issue. I just hope that everypony's homes are rebuilt by then. Otherwise, it would be a fairly long walk from the tents to the school."
"Yeah," agreed Scootaloo.
For a little while, they walked in a comfortable silence. However, as Scootaloo's home came into view, she thought of something. "Hey Dawn..."
"Yes?"
“What do you want to do for Hearts and Hooves Day?”
Dawn blinked. “Um…”
Pausing, Scootaloo looked at him in confusion. “Is this another holiday you don’t know about?”
“...Would it make you angry if I said yes?”
It took a moment, but Scootaloo finally released her frustration with a sigh. “I should’a figured…another thing your Master didn’t bother to teach you about.”
Dawn shrugged. “No one pony could teach everything. What and when is this Hearts and Hooves Day?”
“Well…” It took a few minutes for Scootaloo to explain the nature of the holiday as they went along. The date was a little over a week away.
“So…that’s it,” said Dawn, thinking about what it entailed. An entire day devoted to romance and relationships, something that confused him. He wasn’t sure exactly what celebrating a holiday like that would be like for him and Scootaloo. Given how close they were already, there didn’t seem to be anything particularly special they could do that would be outside the norm for them…save for certain actions that were most certainly not to be carried out by ponies their age.
“What do you want to do?” asked Scootaloo.
“Um…won’t you still be grounded?” Dawn pointed out.
“Yeah,” said Scootaloo, “But I think Mom might lift my grounding for just one day if I behave myself.”
“So…you’ll still be grounded.”
“Hey!” shouted Scootaloo, bristling at the joke as Dawn smirked at her, coughing slightly to hide his chuckles.
“Very funny,” she muttered, giving him a light punch to the shoulder, though she couldn’t quite keep a smile from her own face. “In all seriousness, we should probably go on a date.”
“A date?”
“Yeah,” said Scootaloo, “You know, like we did during the Harvest Festival. We’ll go out and get a meal somewhere, have some fun…enjoy each other’s company…”
“Um…how is that different from what we usually do?” asked Dawn. After all, they frequently shared meals, whether at Scootaloo’s home or Dawn’s. He supposed going out to a restaurant or something might constitute something a little different, but it still seemed like the same thing to him.
“Maybe we don’t need to really do anything different,” Scootaloo pointed out, “Yeah, the day is special, but we should just try to have fun with each other.”
“I’m always open to that,” said Dawn with a smile as he opened the gate for her.
“And…because it’s a special sappy, romantic, lovey-dovey day, I’ll…” Scootaloo froze in place, turning her head away from Dawn in a futile effort to conceal her blush.
“You’ll what?” asked Dawn, genuinely curious.
“I’ll…” Scootaloo’s voice dropped down to nearly inaudible levels. “…wear a dress.”
Thinking about how Scootaloo looked in her dress made Dawn blush as well. “That would certainly be special,” he admitted, “In that case, I’d love to go with you…assuming you can behave.”
A snort escaped Scootaloo’s nose as she playfully punched Dawn again. “I’ll show you!” she exclaimed, “It’s a date then.”
As they arrived at the door, Dawn stood back as Scootaloo opened it. "I'll see you tomorrow," she said over her shoulder.
Leaning forward, Dawn placed a quick kiss on her lips. "Tomorrow then," he said. Turning around, Dawn stepped out into the yard before trying to spread his wings. He took to the air for the first time since his fight with Terra Heart. The initial liftoff was a little awkward, but he quickly managed to balance himself out before he was making his way, at a sedate pace, to his own home. Scootaloo watched him go with a smile on her face, not going inside until he was out of sight.
The air in Canterlot hummed with tension, almost as though a premonition of disaster had fallen upon the city. The streets were empty, all homes and businesses closed up tight. Members of the Royal Guard still patrolled through the public districts in pairs, their eyes wary as they scanned every nook and cranny for any kind of threat. However, their patrols all carefully skirted the edge of the Noble District, home to the elaborate estates of the members of the Noble Court. Within those places, the only Guards to be found were those watching the homes of the nobles that Princess Celestia had placed under house arrest. Those Guards stood at rigid attention, their hooves resting near their weapons, ready to draw and defend themselves at a moment's notice.
Within the Noble District, there was a large plaza at the convergence of several streets, which spread out through the district like the spokes of a wheel. It was a beautiful space, the white tiles reflecting the light of the sun off the street, making the place fairly seem to glow in the daylight. At the center was a fountain of a rearing unicorn, steams of water spraying out of the tip of its horn in all directions into a pool at its base. Around the pool was a low bench that could be used by pedestrians to rest their hooves after walking around the city.
Normally, this plaza was a favorite spot for tourists, who took advantage of its position to get a picturesque view of the looming estates that surrounded it. It was used as an assembly area for tour groups and even a space for the occasional festival. On rare occasions, it was also used for outdoor ceremonies conducted by the Noble Court, usually related to some arcane function buried deep in their lore of tradition and history.
Today, however, the plaza was an assembly space for an army.
They arrived in trickles at first, grim-faced ponies, clad in polished armor, their eyes and faces hard as they marched down the streets and began to line up in front of the fountain. These were the mares-at-arms belonging to various noble families. Some were hired hooves, recruited for their skill at combat and protecting their charges, whilst others were knights and vassals who had served their particular family for generations. Some of these ponies had taken up arms against each other in the past for some reason or another during the course of numerous conflicts that had played out between the various nobles. But today, they assembled with a sense of common purpose, their previous conflicts forgotten as they stood shoulder to shoulder with one another.
Along with the guards came their masters, nobles of every stripe and rank, unicorns all. They were the members of the Noble Court, descendants from the same noble families that had once ruled under the auspices of the House of Platinum during the times of the Unicornian Kingdom. In the distant past, their families had controlled entire provinces of Equestria, ruling over the commoners, earth ponies and pegasi, who were little more than serfs. Over the centuries, that had changed. Their powers had lessened, their authority had waned as Princess Celestia slowly stole it away from them without them even realizing it. The ponies assembling in the plaza today were but a shadow of the Noble Court's former glory. All they had left now was their vast wealth and the few lands that they hadn't sold off generations ago, including their estates in Canterlot.
Despite this, those who came to the plaza walked with their heads high, wearing expressions of arrogance and pride as though it were the height of fashion. Though they no longer participated in the actual governance of Equestria, they were still assured of their superiority. Thus, Princess Celestia's proclamation was a blow to that pride. It was a wind fanning embers of resentment into the flames of outright rebellion as the nobles looked to the Royal Palace and thought of restoring their rightful rule.
Their guards assembled in tightly organized rings around the plaza's fountain, all of the armed ponies focusing their attention on the nobles who gathered there. For the sake of this glorious campaign, old relics had been pulled out of storage and dusted off. Proud banners were raised, some bearing the crests of noble houses, others showing the symbols of knightly orders that served those houses. Armor was cleaned and polished, weapons were sharpened, old spellbooks were brought out so that battle mages could brush up on their most destructive magics.
For the first hour, silence reigned over the plaza. The only sound was the clank of armor and hooves clicking against the stone streets as more and more ponies arrived. By the hour before midday, the plaza was packed with ponies.
Then the speeches began. Various nobles stepped up onto the rim of the fountain, positioning themselves so that they could be seen by the crowd of guards and knights. They shouted, the sound of their voices carrying across the assembled soldiers. They spoke of the honor and dignity of their positions, of their rights and privileges as members of the nobility, of their superiority over the common pony. They listed the slights and insults paid agains them by Princess Celestia, by Shining Armor, and by upstarts like Twilight Sparkle. Names were spoken, names like Steel Flint, Elderflower, Sweet Water, the names of ponies who had been grievously wronged by Princess Celestia and her favorites. Many of these ponies had formerly been rivals of the named, who had once sought to undermine or outmaneuver the very ponies they now sought to aid and avenge. Their previous conflicts were forgotten beneath the weight of their common cause.
Then, moving as one massive force, the combined forces of the Noble Court began their march. The armed soldiers formed into ranks and made their way up the street leading to the Palace, their hooves clopping against the ground in perfect unison, looking to all the world like a glorious army marching to war as their banners trailed through the air overhead. The nobles marched with their guards, walking at the center of their protective formations. Pegasi, earth ponies, and unicorns all moved side by side. Pegasi would not take to the air until it was time for the battle to begin, their presence in the ranks serving to add to the intimidation factor as the fighters moved as a single unit.
Their path took them past a few of the houses being guarded by the members of the Royal Guard. Those Guards in the path of the advancing nobles quickly withdrew, leaving their charges unguarded. As the nobles' mares at arms marched past those estates, the gates opened and their numbers were bolstered further by more soldiers from the imprisoned ponies. However, as those soldiers moved out through the front gate, solitary figures made their way out through the back, rushing in the direction of Canterlot's train station.
Swift Stride shaded his eyes as he looked in the direction of the Noble District. From his perch atop a clocktower in Canterlot's market district, he could easily see the mass of ponies making their way up the street to the Palace. He had to squint against the glare of the sun reflecting off of polished armor, not bothering to conceal his grimace. "Geez. Maybe we should ask Celestia to turn the sun down for a little bit. I don't know how those ponies can march together without going blind."
Beside Swift stood a nervous Flash Sentry, who swallowed hard as his eyes moved over the assembled forces of the Noble Court. "Are you sure this is going to work?" he asked.
"Pretty much," said Swift, "Look at them. Their pegasi aren't even in the air yet. They're marching up the street in broad daylight in nicely packed ranks with no room to maneuver, flying banners and flags like it's a damn parade. Those fools are using tactical manuals over a thousand years old. If you wanted, you could've set up ambush points in over half a dozen places on the way up and slaughtered them wholesale before they even got out of the district."
"But why would they do something so foolish?" asked Flash, still feeling nervous. It wasn't every day he faced an entire army of ponies.
"Well...they've never actually had reason to update those manuals," said Swift with a chuckle, "Ever since Princess Celestia took over the sun and the moon, outside nations generally came to the conclusion that invading probably wasn't worth the risk, so the nobles have never actually had to field their forces for a real war in a thousand years." Swift kept to himself that the peace was also kept by the Celestial Knights, each of whom was supposed to be an army unto herself. "Before then, the only wars nobles participated in were mostly against each other. Those conflicts usually involved lining up their forces into pretty little formations like they did today and smacking them into each other until the side that killed more of the other side's ponies became the winner. It was more about preening and posturing than it was about actual warfare." With the reforms Celestia had ultimately put into place, open, armed conflict between noble houses began to die out, thus ending the likelihood that certain nobles might get more creative in their tactics in the intervening years.
If the nobles still had access to the mercenary forces that Elderflower and his cronies had amassed, their force might have been commanded by ponies who were actually experienced in actual warfare and might have been deployed with more pragmatism, which would have made this affair bloodier and much more difficult to resolve. Although the reason behind the deaths of those mercenaries was unknown, Swift was certainly grateful that those ponies weren't in a position to make a difference now.
"They're nearly here," he said, "Places everypony!"
Flash gulped and took to the air, flying up to a raincloud and landing on top of it. The other Guards withdrew down alleyways and into buildings, closing doors and windows tightly. Up and down the street, every opening had been carefully covered over and sealed. It almost looked like a ghost town of abandoned buildings. Swift Stride descended nimbly from his perch, his hooves finding holds on ledges most ponies would have slipped off nearly instantly as he made what looked to be a controlled fall down to street level, landing so lightly that his hooves barely made any sound against the cobblestones.
"Now for the fun part," he said to himself with a diabolical chuckle. Shining Armor had thought that the plan was ridiculous, of course, amounting to little more than a foal's prank. But Celestia had vouched for Swift's cunning, thus throwing the support of the Royal Guard behind his scheme.
From the street level, it was impossible to see the approaching host yet. However, Swift could already hear the synchronized sound of ponies marching in unison, their hooves clicking off the cobblestones all together. After a few minutes, they became visible as the leading edge of the army rounded the corner, all of them still marching rigidly. Swift could still see the pegasi in their ranks, marching just like the rest, rather than screening their comrades from the air. Undoubtedly, those pegasi would look very intimidating when they all lifted off at once. But they were next to useless right now. More importantly, they wouldn't be able to escape what was coming.
As the nobles and their soldiers approached, their eyes narrowed at the sight of the single black-garbed stallion barring their path, grinning almost manically as his foxlike tail lashed back and forth. The noblemare leading the procession stopped and held up her hoof. One by one, the ranks of soldiers behind her also came to a halt, the sound of hooves trailing off into the silence as their leader stepped forward.
"What is the meaning of this?" demanded the silvery-gray mare as she glared at Swift.
"Isn't that obvious?" asked Swift, "I'm putting an end to this little joke of yours. It's pretty funny that you think you could actually lead a rebellion against the Princesses and hope to win."
"This is no rebellion," snarled the mare, "We are taking back what is rightfully ours, what had been denied to us for generations...our right to rule."
"If I recall, it's a right that your ancestors were all too glad to give up," Swift pointed out, "And none of you ponies actually wanted to rule because it was too much work and you're far too important for that. It seems to me that the nation has been running itself just fine without your stewardship for the past few centuries, even better in fact.
"But I suppose that's beside the point. You morons thought you could march an army up to the Princesses' doorstep and just have them give everything back to you. You lot must be stupid if you think that's going to work."
"Peasant," spat the mare, "I do not have time to bandy words with you. You are lucky we have more pressing matters or I would have you imprisoned so that you can be reminded of your place at our leisure. However, if you do not move yourself from our path, I will simply have you killed and we will march over your corpse."
Swift fell silent, the smile falling from his face, suddenly replaced by a much more pensive expression. The mare thought that he was realizing the folly of his position. However, instead, Swift started talking to her again. ""Um...Just checking, but...you're that Duchess, right? What was your name again...Fluffle Puff-"
"It's Thistledown!" the mare nearly screamed, her face twisted in a grimace of indignation.
"So I was close," said Swift with a relaxed smile.
"You weren't even remotely close!" yelled Thistledown.
"Oh well," said Swift with a shrug, "Just wanted to make sure of who I was talking to. The fact that you're at the front means you have the most status out of all you noble goons right now."
Taking a second to recover her composure, Thistledown schooled her face back into an expression of measured scorn. "That is correct. By both rank and seniority, I am the most distinguished member of the Noble Court."
"Thought so," said Swift, his grin returning, "That explains why you're at the front and why all those lesser nobles are following along behind you. After all, once the fur begins to fly, who do you think is going to fall first?"
That remark took a chip out of Thistledown's facade as she took an uncertain step back.
"I mean," continued Swift, "It certainly makes sense for those girls to follow behind you. When you fall heroically in battle, they will gladly avenge your death and then one of them will be in a position to rise to the top. Or maybe they're thinking that your death doesn't need to be nearly so heroic, so long as everypony else thinks it is."
Thistledown cast an uncertain glance over her shoulder at the army behind her and the other nobles standing back throughout its line.
"I mean, just because you have a common cause for grievance against the Princesses doesn't mean that you aren't all going to have to settle out who's really in charge once the dust settles," said Swift, "It certainly makes sense to make sure that the top candidate is out of the way first."
"That's...r-ridiculous," stammered Thistledown, nervously shifting her weight back and forth, her expression indicating her lack of belief in her own words.
"If that's what helps you sleep at night," said Swift, "Though, I don't think you'll have to worry about sleeping tonight anyway."
From behind Thistledown, Swift could hear the sound of ponies' hooves shuffling as the soldiers behind the Duchess began to shift their positions. A similar sound was beginning to drift up from farther back amongst the enemy formations. It was the sound of the ponies in the rear ranks starting to move up as they failed to understand what the holdup at the front was.
The soldiers directly behind Thistledown parted to admit two other unicorns, both of whom carried themselves with a similar degree of arrogance to the Duchess. As they came to a stop, they both noticed Swift's presence and turned to glare at Thistledown.
"You have stalled our advance at such a crucial time for one earth pony. What is the meaning of this?" demanded the stallion who now stood at Thistledown's left.
"I will take care of the matter," snapped the Duchess, clearly annoyed by the distraction.
"If that were true, you would have already," replied the mare who'd settled in on her right, "And yet it seems that our glorious leader has hesitated for some crucial reason. Weren't you supposed to lead us into the heart of the Royal Palace and reclaim our glory?”
"You'd like that, wouldn't you," snarled Thistledown, startling both ponies, "You'd like for me to go at the front while the rest of you follow behind, all nice and safe behind your ranks of soldiers, just waiting for some 'unfortunate accident' to befall me so that you don't have to worry about me being at the top when everything is over."
"What are you talking about?" demanded the stallion, "Do you really think that we would plot to betray you in the midst of such a glorious enterprise? We need unity now."
"Unity!" snapped Thistledown, "You speak of unity, Regal, when you were the one plotting to undermine my work three months ago?"
"You're bringing that up now?" asked the stallion, glaring at Thistledown.
"Not that I'm surprised that Regal would do such a thing," said the other mare cooly, "but could we settle this later?"
"Shut up!" Regal nearly shouted, "You're one to talk after trying to slip drugs into my drink during the last gala I hosted."
"Oh please," said the mare with a roll of her eyes, "Now who's the one bringing up old grievances?"
Swift looked on as the three of them continued to argue and squabble, noting the sounds of growing unrest in the ranks behind them. The soldiers and guards the nobles had assembled looked on with growing irritation and impatience as their leaders, who had previously spoken of unity and the honor of their cause continued to bait and agitate one another. Swift wouldn't have been surprised if many of the other nobles farther back in the ranks were making their way to the front now. I think things are going as well as we could hope for, he thought before clapping his hooves sharply together. The sound snapped the three bickering nobleponies out of their argument as they turned to glare at Swift once again.
"Actually, I was lying about your allies plotting your death," Swift said with a grin a Thistledown, who bristled with anger, "I just wanted to hold you up a bit longer."
"You will pay for defying us, you wretch," growled Regal, stepping forward.
"You see," said Swift, ignoring the stallion, "It doesn't matter whether or not your allies are plotting against you, because I've decided to kill you all here."
"What?" gasped the other mare, her eyes going wide.
Swift curled one forehoof about a cord that none of the nobles or their soldiers had noticed before. The cord lay between the cobbles, running down the street until it reached one of the marehole covers that led to Canterlot's sewer system. Several such covers were in the street at regular intervals, a natural part of Canterlot's scenery. The soldiers and their leaders hadn't given them a second through as they marched over them.
Swift gave the cord a sharp yank. From the sewer entrance it ran into, there was a loud sound, almost like a large pony coughing. That sound repeated itself several times, running all the way down the street. At the same time, there was an explosion of pale-blue dust that burst out through the holes of the cover. More of the dust exploded out from every gutter running down the street, flooding the entire area with a blue cloud of swirling particles that completely enveloped the host of ponies before they could react.
Got 'em all, thought Swift with a chuckle as the dust washed over him as well.
"What...what is...this...?" gasped Thistledown in between hacking coughs as her eyes and skin began to burn. Her throat felt as though it was on fire.
"Oh this," said Swift, seemingly unbothered by the cloud, even though he was standing amidst it, "This is poison made from the blue spider lotus flower. It kills you slowly and painfully over the course of about fifteen minutes. It leaves a burning sensation wherever it touches and it'll even seep in through your skin if you manage to hold your breath."
"You...fool!" shouted Regal between coughs, his voice already becoming hoarse, "You'll die too!" The cloud was beginning to disperse, the heavy dust not spreading all that far on a windless day.
"Nah, I'll be fine," said Swift, raising a hoof to his lips and giving a piercing whistle.
That was the signal for Flash Sentry on the raincloud up above. Upon receiving Swift's signal, Flash began to hop up and down on the cloud, prompting a downpour that washed over Swift completely, just large enough to thoroughly soak his entire body.
"The nice thing about this poison is that it can be neutralized if you dilute it with water...lots of water." Turning his head up, Swift opened his mouth and began catching some of the rain there and gargling it before spitting it back out on the street. Raising a hoof, he signaled for Flash to stop. "There," he said, "Good as new."
"Water! We need water!" shouted Thistledown, her rasping voice still managing to convey the panic she felt.
"Conjure it, you fool!" snapped the other mare, already lighting her horn. However, even as she tried, her horn sparked feebly and fizzled out.
"One of the reasons I picked this poison is that it disrupts and ultimately shuts down all forms of pony magic," said Swift with a laugh, "I'm afraid you're not gonna get any water from magic. And even if your pegasi had clouds on hoof, they couldn't make it rain to save their lives."
The three nobles exchanged horrified glances. Already, the news of what had just hit everypony was filtering back through the lines, along with what was needed to neutralize the poison. The sounds of panic were beginning to spread as they tried to figure out a source of water that could save their lives. Unfortunately, it was a clear day in Canterlot, with no rainstorms scheduled. To make maters worse, while there were municipal sources of water all around, they mostly amounted to sinks and fountains, nothing that could serve to completely drench a pony, certainly not an entire army of ponies before the poison ran its course.
It was Thistledown who hit upon the solution, her bloodshot eyes lighting up as she recalled a large source of water just close enough that the nobles and their entire army could wash the poison away before it killed them. "The reservoir!" she shouted, already wheeling to one side and bounding off down a side street.
Canterlot's reservoir, the primary source of water for the city's citizenry did indeed lay a few blocks away, a large artificial lake that caught runoff from the rainfall and recycled water from the city itself, actually generating a picturesque waterfall that spilled over its edges and plummeted down to a river below. It was a favorite destination for families and foals on hot summer days, as it could be used as the city's swimming hole among other things. It was certainly large enough to hold the entirety of the nobles' army as they washed the poison dust off their bodies.
Thistledown's words triggered a stampede as the pain-maddened ponies charged off down any lane available to them, desperate to make it to the reservoir before their lives were forfeit. Within three minutes, the entire street had been cleared out, the horde of armed ponies having all abandoned their formations to rush to their salvation, everypony fighting bodily to get there first, as every minute, indeed, every second counted. The nobles galloped amongst them, fighting just as fiercely, their dignity and pride forgotten as they sought to save their sorry hides. Not one of them sought to organize matters to better coordinate the process, all of them too worried about preserving their own lives.
"And that's that," said Swift, clapping his hooves together as though brushing off more of the dust. He shook his body vigorously, sending water spraying everywhere and tossing the ends of his white sash about. He couldn't completely remove the water form his body, but he no longer looked like a half-drowned dog.
"Now what?" asked Flash.
"Your ponies in position at the reservoir?" asked Swift.
"Yes."
"Then I doubt they'll even need your instructions to know what to do," said Swift with a grin. Reaching into his clothes, he produced a fairly large sack, from which he extracted what looked like a small pill, which he tossed carelessly into his mouth and swallowed down. Raising the sack, Swift hoofed it over to Flash. "When your Guards finish rounding up that sorry lot, make sure the rest of this goes into the reservoir...Oh! And use some rainclouds to wash down the street and houses around here before you let anypony use the place."
"That powder wasn't actually poison, was it?" asked Flash. He'd been leery of allowing Swift to use a massive, poison-based weapon in the middle of Canterlot, but had relented due to Celestia's reassurances.
"Nah," said Swift, "That was three parts itching powder, two parts pure capsaicin, and one part weak poison joke extract."
"Poison joke!" exclaimed Flash, looking at the streets nervously.
"Like I said, it's weak," said Swift, "I figured out how to reduce poison joke's potency a while ago and made it into a powder. In its weakened state, it can shut down a pony's magic, but won't do much else. Couldn't have those fools conjuring water when there was such a convenient source nearby, now could I?”
"I guess not," admitted Flash with an uneasy shrug.
"That's what those pills are for," explained Swift, pointing at the bag, "They'll neutralize the poison joke dust in the reservoir when those ponies wash it off and keep the rest of the city from being affected." When the weather team washed down the streets, the runoff would also end up in the reservoir and would be rendered safe as well.
"Okay..." said Flash, feeling a bit strange about the whole situation. Still, Swift had managed to arrange things so that the situation had come to a neat end without any bloodshed. As he was about to fly away to do the rest of his part, he paused and turned to hover a short distance above Swift Stride. "By the way, why did you bother with that whole thing with the Duchess, telling her her allies were planning to betray her?"
"It might have been true," said Swift with a shrug, "But the point was to make sure that I didn't miss anypony. For all that they might have been marching together really well, those ponies weren't a real army. They're just a collection of various house guards and knightly orders affiliated with different nobles. Those idiots basically scraped together all the ponies they could find and marched them out. They didn't bother with logistics and lines of communication. So when things stopped at the front, ponies in the back were clueless as to why. When they didn't start moving right away, the ponies at the back would start moving up to try and get the ones ahead of them moving and so on. Because of that, they all grouped together nice and tight. It also made it harder for the pegasi to take off so that they could escape the powder or generate some wind to blow it away."
Flash blinked, stunned by Swift Stride's insight and planning. As the stallion slated to be the next Captain of the Royal Guard, Flash had been briefed about the Knights of the Celestial Order. However, aside from a brief meeting with Arkenstone when the blind stallion had been at the Palace a few days prior, Flash had never been introduced to them before. He'd heard of the Knights before then, of course, been told stories of their incredible power and prowess. However, he'd always believed the Knights to be fairy tales. And yet, here was a pony who had routed an entire army without shedding a drop of blood or killing anypony. In its own right, that was every bit as impressive, if not more so, than any demonstration of martial skill.
With a shudder, Flash turned and flew to the reservoir to help with the capture of the Noble Court's forces.
In the end, Swift Stride's plan had worked beautifully. The nobles and their guards had rushed to Canterlot's reservoir in a panicked crush, throwing themselves into the water with abandon. Those ponies who managed to maintain a sufficient amount of reason stripped off their armor and weapons before throwing themselves in. Those that were too panicked to remember quickly had to remove their armor before it dragged them down to a watery death.
As the packed mass of ponies continued their headlong plunge into the water, those who had arrived first only found themselves pushed out further as their comrades pressed in behind them, preventing the first arrivals from getting out. Once the last ponies of the nobles' once-grand army had charged into the lake, the Royal Guard came in behind them, quickly moving to secure the discarded armor and weapons before anypony could get out to reclaim them. When all was said and done, the Royal Guard easily managed to round up and detain the entire bedraggled mass of sodden ponies. Though they had rinsed away the itching powder and capsaicin, the poison joke powder had already taken affect, rendering it impossible for any of the prisoners to use their magic.
Once again, the Royal Guard found themselves weighed down with a large number of prisoners, which, however magicless and bedraggled their condition might be, proved to be a challenge in and of itself. The prison was already full to bursting with apprehended cultists. Nopony in Canterlot had ever considered the logistics behind capturing and imprisoning an entire army before.
Fortunately, Celestia, Luna, Swift Stride, and Shining Armor had already taken that problem into consideration and had decided to use the nobles' own schemes against them. The captured army and their leaders were herded down into the Crystal Caverns to be detained in the very same massive cave that Elderflower and his allies had used as a rallying point for their assembled mercenary forces. Thanks to the notes seized from their investigation of Elderflower's estate, the Royal Guard knew every entrance and exit to the place, which made confining the would-be rebels all the easier. According to Swift, the poison joke would wear off after three days, which would give the Royal Guard time to ensure that all the prisoners were properly restrained before they could regain use of their magic.
Thus, the Noble Court's rebellion against the Royal Diarchy was crushed before it could even begin.
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To me Swift Stride went form being an *sshole to awesome to an awesome *sshole.
And i love it.
Three cheers for Flaming Pants!
GREAT chapter long has trickery been used in military conflict.. This time no one was hurt on either side unless you want to count their pride
I am still rolling around on the floor this is just so funny.
a greater chapter.
*applause*
Swifty is now my second fave character in the series. :)
Ok, that was brilliant. Gloriously brilliant.
Swift, you sly fox... I approve your ingenius planning of trickery.
did you mean 'myself'?
___________
6848710
Who's your first?
Swift Stride seems to have reached that level of mastery where he doesn't need to use brute force to win.
I thought it was just poison joke at first. Still would have been funny and effective, although in canon it does take a little while to take affect, so I can understand why this was done instead.
i love tricksters, they're awesome
6849158
Well he was trained by Granny Smith... who also trained Arkenstone, Dawn Lighting (psuedolly) and (regrettably) Terra Heart
A story that will surely go down in the history books.
Cheerilee : Class, please write an essay about the causes and effects of the collapse of the Noble Court. Please have 500 words due by Monday.
Class : *groans*
A kindred spirit at last!
Hahahahaha! Swift Stride, that was awesome...
...though still should've made the streets run red.
I would have preferred a mass slaughter of the Idiot--ahem, I mean "Noble"--Court, but this way was a lot better: the Knights stay secret, the nobles are exposed for the fools that they are, and no one had to die.
Pure capsaicin? That's just sadistic, though, I guess it had to feel like poison somehow...
The most dangerous enemy is one who wins a battle before it starts, for you only realize when it is too late that you have lost.
Damn. Swift Stride is good. Scary good. At first, I honestly thought he was planning to turn them against each other when he started talking. The bluff with the poison was so well planned and executed I didn't even see it coming.
I can see why he is called the strongest of the Knights... A title well deserved, to be sure.
I wonder if Swift Stride even knows any advanced magical martial arts. Considering how good he is at solving problems without any force whatsoever, he might not have bothered to learn.
swift stride is like batman, loki and deadpool all mixed to together into one pony
7718781
Yep
:-/ Again, more throwing shade on someone more concerned about keeping his charge alive. It gets really grating to read after a while.
Meanwhile, the crazy awesome character continues to be hilariously fun to read.
While I get why Dawn's Master didn't teach him about holidays, it was kind of a jerk thing not to celebrate his birthday.
That whole thing with Swift Stride and the Nobles reminds me of Sam Vimes from the Discworld series. In that, knowing how to fight is one thing. Knowing how to fight like the bastard you are really levels the playing field.
Fitting
I wish we had more fics where the main character was this clever.