Ch 1
Lily and I were at Comic-con she was dressed as Merry Nightmare, wall I am dressed as Subject Delta with some upgrades in my helmet.
“Come on Big Bro you said you had something for me so what is it.” Lily said as I was looking through my bag for it.
“HOLD your horses I know what I said it is just hard to find it, holding my bag with one hand and there you are you little bugger!” I stated in a victory of finding the box.
“SO what you get me I know you said it was something you were holding for me for my birthday but what is it?” Lily said as she was trying to look over my order.
I smiled under my helmet and held it out to her the look on her face was so worth the wait it was a new laptop custom made with my sis favorite show mlp pony Fluttershy colors and cutie mark.
She was the biggest pegasister and had a room for nothing but mlp so this was my present to her and with the monster bear hug, she was the second strongest girl I know.
“Thank you Thank you Thank you this is the best gift I have gotten in all my life thank you, Big Bro.” Lily said as she was holding her laptop like her own baby in her arm’s.
“Good, I'm going over there to see if they have something to go with my armor ok.” I said to Lily as I pointed to the far end all she did was wave at me.
“Ok, Kaiyo all see you soon.” Lily said as she was heading to a stand with more mlp for sale.
As I was going there the stand I found one that had good items a black tankikal, a magic music box and a keyblade but what had my attention was the Adam jar that had the infinity symbol the back.
“I see you have your eye on the Adam Delta do you wish to buy it there is a special on it buy it and get this skill guide for weapons upgrades to ammo manufacturer and ability from Bioshock one, two and three.” Said the man behind the stand I got a good look at him and was creeped out he look old and out horror game don’t know what game but he had this creepy smiled on him.
“How much is it.” I ask wall looking at him I don’t know why but I had a strong vibe that said to me to leave soon.
“Wall how about 35 dollars I have to sell it by today so what do you say.” He said with that creepy smile.
I pull out a 50 and let him keep the change as I left I saw him arguing with something in the back and he was pointing at me I get looked for my Lily to get the hell away from them.
I found Lily eating some food waving for me to come. I was not ten feet when I started to feel sick out of nowhere, but that was not the worst of it. I heard my sis screaming out to me calling my name but I was slowly blacking out the last thing I see is Lily run to me and crying out with tears in her eyes then nothing.
My head hurts what happened the last thing I saw was Lily Crying. With that thought, my mind was back up and I where'd about my sis. I looked around to find myself at the edge of a forest and in front of me is a desert.
“What the hell I--- WHAT is wrong with my voice it sounds all deep and rugged.” I said freaking out about my voice but stopped as I hired something that sounded like a chainsaw I look around but found none but then I hired it again next to my right arm I look to see my arm with a drill spin around with Ice and static around it.
“O hell don’t tell me.” I said as I tried the trigger that my finger was on and the drill started to spin..?
“Ok so my drill is real now my Voice has changed and now that I look at it I can see that I’m 10 feet tall now….. what the hell did I get myself into?” I said but my that's where introspect as I hired screaming I look the desert and I see the in the air what look like a lion with a scorpion tail attacking something that looked like a pony like an insect it had holes in it hoof’s and was blasting the best with green beans from it horn. Pulling the drill from my right arm, I started to come up with a plan, a really reckless plan.
“I don’t know what is going on but I won’t sit here and let that bug died in front of me.” I said as I pulled out the jar of the atom and opened it before I pulled a plasmid needle from... somewhere, jabbing the steel needle into the bottle and then filling it with the swirling colors. Taking a deep breath, I injected the life, and DNA, changing Adam into my arm. time slow down, my vision blurred and every part of my body felt like I was dipped in molten or before suddenly shifting back to normal, all the powers from the game showed up in my vision like the HUD from Bioshock 2.
“All right kitty time to be put down!” I said as I blast it with Incinerate! 1 it was now on fire and landed down 6 feet away it got back up and growled at me and I started up my drill as it spins around Ice and a spark begun to coat it. Then we run at one another it scorpion tail jammed into my helmet. But the strong metal black it I thrust my drill into the lion as it made contact with the front pow the drill started to tear it apart and it let out a roar of pain as I heard bone crack and flea tear of it pow. The drill dug deeper into it and the next thing I see the Pow come flying off.
I look back to see the lion on the ground panting in pain and blood all over the ground as the desert sand drink it up I went to the beast as it attack me with it tail but I sat it on fire and the tail dropped to the ground and stopped moving I but my drill up in the air and brought it down onto the beast and smash it face in.
That was a good workout and I looks like I have all of the first plasma powers I will need to power them up later, for now, I thought as I looked at the little pony-bug bleeding some feet away staring at me like it saw the devil himself.
As I got closer, it started to back away from me with a tear in its eyes, as fear came into it. But what I was not expecting was for it to talk to a wall as it to be a she.
“P-please don’t kill me I don't want to die!” She said as bleed was coming out of her it was green…? That is a new one.
I look at the blood and now she was going to die if I did not act now I move to her and pulled out a red needle from my back. I hope this works like my drill did. I grind at her and brought the needle to her, she fought me, but I was stronger and stabbed her leg that was bleeding at first it did nothing. But soon the bleeding stopped. Next all the cuts and bruises she had were gone. I looked at her as her mouth hung open and eye’s wide.
“Ha, do you feel better now no more pain?” I ask as I got a good look at her she was black with holes in her hoofs, her eyes were blue and she had dragonfly wings.
“W-what You but how and what did you just give me I feel good and my bleeding has stopped?” she asks as she got a good look at herself to find all her cut and bruises were gone.
“Good to see you ok I was not going to let that thing hurt you now what are you I have thing nagging feeling that I have seen your kind before but I can’t put off what?” I ask as I had my hand on her head stroking her like I used to do for my sis wan we were little.
She was so into it that I heard her chirping coming from her. It was so cute I was about to die from the cuteness.
“I’m a changeling we shapeshift to look like anyone so we can feed off the love from them but all die soon, so it doesn't matter.” She said as a tear started to fall from her eye’s.
“What are you talking about you look ok I don’t see how you are going to die?” I ask she look ok why would she say that?
“I will die my hive as exiled me and most critters out there hate my kind plus I’m only a child and can’t get food by myself all die in a few day at most!” She yells out as she started to cry.
Ok what do I do I don’t know where I am, I have the ability Delta and now I have a small changeling that is going to die from starvation… LIKE HELL ALL LATE THAT HAPPEN!
“You need to feed on love is that all you can eat or is there something else?” I ask the small changeling was now in my lap and I was rubbing her belly and getting some chirp from her.
She looks at me and put a hoof to her head to think… It was so cute! When she was done she looks back up to me and said. “The only thing that I can eat is happiness,gladness or joy most thing that are of positive or pleasant emotions but almost all the critters on the plant fear or hate us so now one give out something like that.” she said as I was now holding her in my left arm and going into the forest.
“So if I gave you positive or pleasant emotions you would be ok and not die right?” I ask as I broke down some tree branches in my way.
“... Yes, it would but why would you do that I’m a monster, and I would be feeding off of you!” She said with a tear in her eye.
“One you are no monster I would know I have seen monsters before they are not adorable little bug-ponies that look so cute, second you are a child and no child I see with live without a Daddy in they live so I have to ask do you want to be my Daughter?” I ask as I cut down some branches and lite them and fire.
The little changeling and stop crying and was looking at me with her mouth hung open.
“Y-You wants me to be your Daughter but I’m a nobuggy and I'm little that is why my hive exiled me do you still want me as your daughter!” She yells out as she was crying and hiding her face with her hoof, I pick her up from the ground and gave her a big hug she let out a small squeak.
“Do or Don’t from now on you are my Daughter and any that I find so do you have a name or do I have to name you now?” I ask as I wept the tears on her face.
“I don’t have a name I bin threw out the day they saw how big I was so nobuggy gave me a name.” she said as she got comfortable in my lamp.
“Ok, so you need a name you look like someone I was close to back home so how about I name you Chrissy she was the strongest girl back home and was the smallest too.” I said as I was now wrapping my arms around her.
She looked up at me and smiled. “I like it so from now on my name is Chrissy the strong!” she said as she was now atop of my helmet, I chuckled at how silly it was and grabbed her and put her back into my arms. She let out a yawn and slowly went to sleep in my arms with me right behind her.
sisters look.
edit by gamer4cod.
Stats
Page generated in 0.094 seconds
Total duration
900 users online
338,083 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Oi! Vey dem spelling errors ,grammatical errors , , makes this so hard to read
Good story premis tho , no to many bioshock themed displaced fics ...
Simple things like proof reading would fix most of these problems , if you need an editor pm me I'd be glad to help
Housekeeping. Clean it up. Typos are taking over.
Wha....what the shit? Sir/madam, please. That synopsis ALONE tells me that this is a story that I want no part of. Get an editor to clean this up, but even then I'm 98% sure that I don't want to touch this story at all. I tell you, that's an accomplishment turning away readers before they even start reading. And that's not a good thing.
You know, I was in the middle of displaying a big daddy, and when I saw this I thought I'd have to cancel it. Now, now I know I have to continue it. You went way OP with you plasmids, your grammar is terrible and I can already guess who this Changling is. My Alpha has a shitload of tonics and plasmids, but not all of them, and two drills. Seriously, who needs guns when you got a maxxed out drill for one hand, and a grappling drill for the other. If you want to do this story right, go though the whole thing, fix all the obvious mistakes and consider not going OP. Heck bro, Alpha Big Daddys need a Little Sister or they go comatose and die, if not die then guaranteed insanity. My Big Daddy was displayed with his niece, I know what the ending has to be, but do you even know what your beginning is going to be?
I'm not trying to bring you down, work on your grammar, consider some things, and try pre reading your work before posting it. If you want, I can send you a PM with what I got so far, mid Ch:2, and maybe someday our Displaced can meet up.
Please explain why you think you need apostrophes in these words.
I could be of some service
6483128 yes I know that about my big daddy but we bouth know that delta in not a normal as well I don't give my chrater the unbreakable physiological bond with the little sister my chrater would have to have bin created with an unbreakable physiological bond but he was not made in rapture he is Delta but not with the physiological bone that would kill him and why would you not make you story it sounds good to me I like to read it.
chrysalis origins?
6483949 not the origins persuade but alternate universe of it so nolong the same chryslis but a new one.
6483563 ? for what???
6484465 For any writing needs
You know what needs to be done . . . .
6484531
6483603. Accept the help, I got the basic vibes of where your story is going, but I still would like to see a better, cleaned up version. Personally, I have at least five people helping me with my other Displaced fic, which is a bitch considering how much I have to explain before the story even starts. Every little bit of help, helps. Having someone to bounce ideas off of will make everything go smoothly.
6484465 for editing probably? Nice start BTW.
6484465 My Big Daddy is now displaced, check him out.
6484531 ok I need the help with the edating all send the next chpater to you and derpys muffin dealer.
6494866
I'll see to it
6495356
I hird screaming (heard you mean)
6483453 what would be your words
WHY WOULD YOU STRANGLE MY FEELINGS WITH THAT ENDING?!
*BOOM*
What was that?
*looks down at a gaping hole in chest*
Oh it's just my heart
Also, there were spelling mistakes, you spelled heard hird
I NEED A MEDIC! I'M ABOUT TO DIE!!!! AGAIN!!!!
6482986
So, after deciphering it quite a bit i thought of this.... ENGLISH MOTHERF**KER DO YOU SPEAK IT!?!?! i mean if you don't speak english and translated it with google translate or something, then i would understand, but if you don't...LEARN HOW TO WRITE! (I'm not trying to be mean, but after years of keeping the grammar nazi inside and not post a comment about this, and you had set him off with this. Again, not trying to be mean.)
xD never laughed so hard in ma life lol
Other than some small pace issues and some grammar errors its great!
If you have an editor tell them to go through the chapter again
. The chapter itself is great and I applaud you but you have so many grammer and spelling mistakes I might actually start crying in real life
. I would propose myself but I'm in the middle of GCSE exams and I'm going on holiday straight after
.
if my mother saw my sister dressed up as that she'd have a heart attack...If she saw me as delta....she'd still have a heart attack.
8182189
Yep this story TOTALLY needs an editor..... main thing that caught my eye was how they miss spelled “paw” twice...... and take no offense at this but I get the feeling this was written A: by a kid B: on a smart phone where they let autocorrect choose how they wrote things in a few places or C: English is not their first language..... and they are trying their best.... no offense to the author is meant by this.
6494866
Editing* chapter* you need to write your story in Microsoft word or in another writing program before posting it that way you can use spell check at the VERY least.
I would recommend you tear this story down, go through it thoroughly with a fine-toothed editing comb, and then repost it cause my god it is an absolute mess.
Alright, gotta say, this is an eye sore. So, I am offering to go over it and fix the mistakes for you so the others can enjoy it.