- Member Since 27th May, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 19th, 2018
kooarbiter
If I call you a mudpony, ain't nuthin' to it, my little pony made me do it
kooarbiter
Joined 27th May, 2012 ·
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- kooarbiter · 1.8k words · 19 3 · 836 views
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So, this is my first story, kinda nervous because I've seen stories that are really good like Wheller and apocalypse pony's stories and I'm a little disappointed that I'll never make anything that good, oh well enjoy!
Not too bad for a first story. You should space it out though, so it's easier to understand.
Welcome to FimFiction!
Your premise is quite intriguing, but I would really recommend that you ask a proof-reader to go over the text for you. There's an awful lot of text there that would suit being split up into paragraphs, sorted out for spelling / grammar etc and that would really help with readability.
Holy wall of text!
I can't even read this until you fix the formatting. Spaces between paragraphs, and each pony's dialogue is it's own paragraph. I'm not down-voting, just letting you know I'll check back later.
HOLY PARAGRAPH!
well it's meh, But I can not understand it one bit with the big wall that I have to clib down.
Yeppers. I'd be happy to proofread this for you if you want.
Welcome to FimFiction, and be sure to post anything you want! It's a peaceful environment to gain criticism from your peers.
Sorry guys, I'll fix it soon, but understand this is my first ANYTHING written, except for a few reports
in school, sorry for the Derp
676307 I'll put this on my read later, but I just want you to know it's not exactly fixed yet. PLEASE make a new paragraph for each quotation you have. Then I'll let you know what I think of it.
EDIT: Yea guys I know youre tired of hearin' my voice but it is now 100% complete and if you guys find anything bigger than a typo or so I won't care because my editor and I are tired of these revisions
but I still hope you love it
alright I'll shut up now
This isn't too terribly bad, it has a nice premise, but I can help you with it a bit too if you'd like.
684158
Thanks for the offer, but I want to keep it as it is, so if in the future I look back on it and I'm a great author, I can see what my writing used to be like
but don't worry, I will get better eventually...
684272 I understand, and I didn't have any doubt in my mind you'll get better. :)
Hmm far fetching story you have here.
2840278
hmm, someone is still commenting on this old story?
I don't know what to make of this