Your Own Worst Enemy

by Distaff Pope

14. If She Knew What She Wants

I lifted my head up from the sheet, blinking my eyes as the music faded away. “Does this look good to you?” I asked, passing the sheet to my new ‘executive assistant’.

Page Turner frowned. “You know I really don’t feel qualified to judge,” she said, shaking her head. “If you want me to look for thematic elements or plot structure, I could do that, but rhymes and internal meter? It might as well all be Saddle Arabian.” She pointed a hoof at the bars above the lyrics. “This just looks like complete nonsense.”

“It’s musical notation, it shows how you’re supposed to sing the words and–”

She waved a hoof. “Yes, I know what musical notation is, Sweetie, I just don’t understand how to read it. Why are some of the circles with sticks on them empty and others are full, and some have tails that connect to other notes, and… Just because I know what something is, doesn’t mean I know how to read it.”

“Oh,” I said, nodding my head and pointing a hoof at one of the notes. “So, this is a whole note. You hold it twice as long as as this one, which is a half note, and then these are quarter notes, and this is an–”

“Eighth note?” she asked, tilting her head. I laughed.

“See, you get it,” I said, smiling and looking back at my flank. “It’s also my favorite note, for reasons you can probably guess. Anyways, if a note has two tails on it, then it’s a sixteenth note, and it kind of goes from there, but I think I should have started by explaining the bars and–”

“Sweetie, instead of trying to teach me musical notation, why don’t you just sing it?” she asked. That would… I shook my head. It would work a lot faster than trying to teach somepony how to read sheet music.”

“Alright,” I said, grabbing my notes and tapping the bottom of the page against my desk. “So that verse is kind of supposed to sound like this…”

“I’m sitting on the dock,

grey gathers overhead,

and wind begins to howl.

The salt stings at my eyes, and my mane

whips around the air.

“From way up above,

I see these specks flying around

beneath me.

As the thunder cracks,

all that keeps me safe

is this tiny pane of glass.

A howl comes from outside,

a crash and then a cry,

and the wind comes inside to

meet me.

I stopped and looked down at the thing I’d spent the last hours working on. “Oh my gosh, it’s awful.” My pen slashed through lines freely between writing notes in the margins. “How could you let me write that?”

“I thought it sounded nice,” she said, frowning as a tornado hit my desk, scattering papers to the wind. “But then, I don’t actually hear music much. Mostly, I just read lyrics in books and try to imagine what the song they go with sounds like.”

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked, testing out new lines. “That’s, like, the worst way to experience music. You’re supposed to listen to it, not read it.”

“Well, I like listening to orchestra pieces when I’m reading sometimes,” she said. Did she think about things outside of books? She had to. “But songs with lyrics get distracting.”

“Alright,” I said, settling down as I finished my immediate notes. “But what did you think? Beyond its terribleness.”

“I liked it,” she said, shrugging. “It was less angry and more… contemplative? Sad? It was nice having a song that didn’t sound like it was about her.”

“Yeah,” I said, rubbing the back of my head and laughing as I removed the whole fourth verse. “That’s… you actually thought it was good? Really?”

She paused, looking at the sheet music. “I’ve heard worse songs. It’s very easy to listen to, but the lyrics could be improved upon.” She started reorganizing my writing desk. “Also…” She trailed off, something on her mind she didn’t want to ask about. I decided to throw her a distraction.

“Thanks for agreeing to help me,” I said. “It’s been nice having somepony around the last few days so Scootaloo can practice.”

“No need to thank me,” she said, looking at me and smiling. “You’re paying better than my old job did, and the work gives me more free time. I should be thanking you for your generosity.” It really wasn’t that generous. It gave Scootaloo and me more free time than if we hadn’t hired her, and it was the only way I might be able to slip out of Scootaloo’s sight while we were in Hoofington.

“Hey, you can keep my secrets, right? You don’t have to tell Scootaloo everything I do?” I asked, getting to my hooves. Speaking of Hoofington, it was time to get ready.

“As long as you aren’t drinking or doing anything else that might be hazardous to your health,” she said. “Which I think means you’re about to ask me to overlook you doing something dangerous.”

“Not really,” I said, shaking my head and gesturing for her to follow me into the bedroom so we could start packing up. “I just want to meet someone in Hoofington, and I kind of don’t want Scootaloo to find out about it.” Because if she found out, then Mom would find out, and that wouldn’t be fun for anypony, but especially me. And him, I guess.

She magically pushed a loose strand of mane back behind her ears as she trotted after me. “I can’t promise anything. My ultimate responsibility is to your well-being.” There was a pause. “Plus, I’d rather not get on a princess’s bad side.”

That was… “I don’t think Mom will do anything bad to you,” I said, trotting into the bathroom. “As far as I know, she hasn’t done anything to Bright Lights, so I think you’ll be fine. Probably. Getting fired by a princess probably doesn’t look very good on a resume, though.”

“Yes, that’s exactly my wor–” She paused as we both realized what I’d said. The public might’ve known my mom was royalty, but they didn’t know she was my– “Your mother’s a princess too? I thought there was a debate over whether the title skipped over her directly to your sister or not.”

“Uhmm… yeah, about that,” I said throwing my bottles of medicine into a bag. “So, see, the funny thing is Rarity isn’t actually my sister, she’s my mom, but it’s kind of a secret for now.”

Page Turner just stared at me from the threshold to the bathroom. “Yes, okay, did I stumble into a book, because this is… we live drastically different lives.”

I flattened my ears against my head. Did I do something wrong? “I’m sorry?” I said, frowning, bag still floating in my magic.

“Don’t apologize,” she said, shaking her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just not used to… You’re descended from a lost line of royalty, and you grew up thinking your mother was your sister. That doesn’t seem fantastically strange to you? Like the sort of fodder for lowbrow adventure stories?”

“Well…” I tilted my head. “I guess it is kind of weird when you put it like that, but you didn’t grow up in Ponyville, so we probably have really different ideas of what’s weird.” I finished packing my kit and trotted out of the bathroom.

“What does living or not living in Ponyville have to do with anything?” she asked, following behind me as I pulled a suitcase out of my closet. “And I’m pretty sure the largest city in Equestria has more ‘weirdness’ than Ponyville.”

“You could definitely think that,” I said, nodding my head. “You’d be wrong, but you could totally think that. How many time loops did you get stuck in growing up?”

She just stared at me, spending a few seconds trying to understand what I’d said. “Or did you ever have to deal with your own dark side? And I mean, like, an actual pony made out of all your repressed urges and stuff. Ooh! Or did you ever bake something so awful it almost destroyed the town? That one was in the time loop, so the two weird things kind of took care of each other. And basically every big bad thing that wants to destroy Equestria stops by Ponyville for the big showdown. Also, a lot of citizens are kind of friendly with Discord, and… I did spend another Nightmare Night as my costume, I can’t remember that one well, but I guess that was kind of odd too.”

“That’s… What? How?” Page Turner stammered. I went back to packing up my stuff. “You just… time loop?”

I nodded. “I actually got my cutie mark in it. I gave everypony their perfect day, got my cutie mark, and then the loop started over again.” My smile faded. “Do you know what it’s like? To do something wonderful for everypony you care about and then not have them remember it? I spent months planning it, and then – poof! – all gone, and before I could do it again, the loop ended.”

Page Turner took a breath while I floated dresses into the suitcase. How many of Scootaloo’s outfits did I want to bring with me? Some, obviously, but – I sighed – it wouldn’t be terrible to have a kind of normal vacation, would it? Maybe go a whole day without having to humiliate her or degrade her or dress her up in a super-revealing costume… Well, maybe not the last one. “No, I suppose I don’t,” Page said. “And that’s what I mean when I say we lead drastically different lives. For me, any one of those things would be absolutely unbelievable. For you, the unbelievable’s mundane.”

“That’s not…” I frowned. “Okay, maybe I did some unusual things – I know not everypony had my penthouse experience – but it’s not like my life is completely different from everypony else’s. I’m just a regular mare who did some really dumb things.”

“And how many other ponies do you think had to face their own shadow?” she asked, still stuck on the few tiny odd things I did in my life.

“Uhmm… all of Ponyville?” I said, tilting my head. “I’m not sure how wide Discord’s spell was, but I guess not that wide because I stopped getting affected by his Nightmare Night games when I left.”

“And how many ponies do you think get stuck in a time loop?” she asked.

I nodded my head as I closed my suitcase and zipped it up. “I know two other ponies did, but that’s it. Maybe there’ve been others, but I didn’t hear about them. Still, that was just one thing. Everypony has at least one strange thing about them.”

“Sweetie, there’s funny-coincidence strange and there’s breaking-the-laws-of-physics strange, and that’s on top of you being descended from a lost noble house,” Page said, looking around the room. “Is there anything else you want to pack?”

I pointed to the armoire. “Makeup,” I said. “And alright, maybe… my life isn’t that crazy, is it?” Once you get past all the actual crazy like the voices in my head. Before that, it’s definitely pretty nutty.

“It… It sounds like something I’d read in some bit novel,” she said, floating the makeup over to my bed so I could pack it up. “But that’s my entire point: We live different lives and your mundane strains my credulity.” She smiled. “Not that I’m complaining, I’ll take being assistant to a princess-in-waiting over binding books any day.”

“Really?” I asked, tilting my head. “But being my assistant isn’t your special talent.”

“Binding books isn’t, either,” she said, shrugging. “It’s related, but my love is reading, and it’s not like I can make a living just by doing that. I’d have to write reviews or something, and that’s not really interesting to me.”

“So… you have a talent but you can’t make a living off it?” I asked, staring at her. “Is that even possible?”

She stared at me until I realized what I’d said. “Sorry,” I said.

“It’s fine,” she said, closing the suitcase and zipping it up. “And yes, it’s possible. I… I like writing well enough, but I don’t think anyone wants to read it.”

“I’m sure you’re great at it,” I said, floating my luggage behind me. With four ponies going on the trip and considering how much we each packed, it’d probably be easier to get a cart once we were at the station. Speaking of which… “How many books are you bringing with you on the trip?”

“Hmm… Thirty, I think? At least twenty, but I’ll probably buy some more at the train station or in Hoofington. Hoofington has a bookstore, doesn’t it?” she said, looking at me with actual fear in her eyes. Were most Manehattanites this clueless about what other towns had? Like, if it wasn’t a major city was it just a tiny rustic village to them? According to Mom, Twilight was the same way when she first got to Ponyville, though she wasn’t a Manehattanite, so maybe it was just a city pony thing?

“Yes, Hoofington has a bookstore. It hosts one of the largest races in the country; it’s not some one-horse town,” I said, rolling my eyes and trotting to the door.

“I just wanted to make sure,” Page said, following behind me. “Do you have everything?”

Clothes? Check. Toiletries? Check. Makeup? Check. Medicine? Check and check. If I needed to write music, I had the bits to buy quill and paper there. I floated my saddlebags onto my back. “Yep,” I said. “Do you think I can borrow of a couple of your books on the train ride if need them?”

“Are you sure?” she asked. I turned back to see her frowning. “What if you’ve read all my books? We can stop by the–”

“I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine mooching off you. Not counting my time in the hospital, I don’t think I’ve read a single book since I left school,” I said, opening the door and hearing the expected gasp of horror from her. I might as well have said I ate foals for breakfast.

“How could you… How did you not go crazy?” she said. There was a pause as her words caught up to her.

“It’s fine,” I said before she could apologize. “And I didn’t go crazy because reading’s not my special talent. It’s not the thing that gives me a burning itch in the back of my head if I forget to do it for a few days.” Or if I couldn’t do it for a few days. Or weeks. Not that that was a problem anymore.

“I know,” she said trotting after me as I closed the door to the penthouse and locked it. “Intellectually, of course, I understand it, but… Three years and not even a single book?”

“Nope,” I said, shaking my head and pushing the elevator button. “Or, if I did, I don’t remember it, which is actually totally possible. Like, I’m still not a hundred percent convinced I almost froze to death, and you’d think that’d be something I’d remember really well.”

She sighed and got that look in her eyes that said I really shouldn’t have just casually mentioned almost dying. It kind of freaked most ponies out for… pretty good reason. “It’s fine,” I said, sighing as the door dinged open and I trotted in, setting my luggage down on the floor. “It might or might not’ve happened, and either way, I’m here, so I’ll chalk that up as pretty great. Better than not, right?”

“Yes, of course, how can you even ask that?” she asked, stepping into the elevator after me. “I just… you’re so calm about it. How can you be so calm about it?”

I shrugged and pressed the button for ground floor. “Like, I was really freaked out about it for a while. It’s not something I’m completely comfortable with, knowing that if I’d been just a little less lucky, I wouldn’t be here.” Or if Smartie me hadn’t planned for it, speaking of… “Ooh! I also drank a potion and became omniscient.”

“What?” she asked, turning to look at me as we started our drop. “You… What does that even–”

“Oh,” I said bobbing my head to the melody composing inside me. “You were asking about all the weird stuff that happened in Ponyville, and I completely forgot about when I became omniscient. Actually, that probably saved my life.” Although why she let me get that bad in the first place was beyond me.

There was silence for a long time as we continued falling. “You know,” Page finally said after giving a sigh of defeat. “I think I’m just… I’m just going to give up trying to understand how and why these things happen to you and just go along with it.”

“That’s what I’m trying to say!” I said as the elevator stopped moving. “You can’t just get hung up thinking about how you almost died, because nothing you ever do will change the fact that you almost fell to your death or froze solid. It’s just… you can’t escape it, so eventually, you have to accept it.”

“That’s…” She paused. “I suppose that’s true about a lot of unpleasant things. Is that why you’ve been in such a good mood the last few days?”

“What?” I asked, tilting my head and frowning. Page opened her mouth and I held up a hoof. “I heard what you said, I just… Let me think about it a second.” Okay, I had been in a pretty good mood the last few days, and… actually, it’d started around the same time we hired her. Did I like hanging around her that much? I looked at her. She was cute and nice enough to talk to, but I didn’t want to sleep with her anymore than usual. Yeah, it would be fun and nice, but we were both in relationships, and I didn’t want to mess mine up. Like I hadn’t messed it up already.

“I don’t know,” I finally answered. “Maybe it’s just because I’ve finally gotten back to singing? You know, you get that itch if you don’t do your talent, and I had that itch burning back in my head for almost a season.” Of course, you were crazy before that, too.

“Yeah, sure, but that doesn’t count, it was Bright Lights’ fault.” I blinked and caught the look from Page as the door opened. It took a long time, didn’t it? That was an out-loud thought, wasn’t it? I couldn’t have out-loud thoughts around ponies. “Sorry,” I said, smiling at Page. “It’s…”

“I’m used to it,” she said, hiding a frown. “It’s just a little quirk of Sweetie Belle, right?” It was a crazy-pony quirk, but… it was a me-quirk now, too.

“Anyways,” I said, shaking the thought out and heading through the door. “Pick up your things, and then train station?” She nodded.

♪♪♪

“Hey, are you excited?” I asked, trotting to my marefriend and throwing my hooves around her in an embrace. She stiffened and I withdrew. Right. How could I forget?

“Sure am,” she said, smiling at me. I just stared at her. “Are you alright? You look upset.”

“Are you questioning me?” I asked, looking between her and Roller and flicking my tail. Humiliate her in front of him? If that’s what it took.

She frowned. “I was asking if you were okay because you looked ticked off.” She turned to Page, who’s saddlebags were threatening to burst from their load. She was carrying it pretty well. “Did anything happen today?”

Page looked between the two of us for a second. “No, today was good. She wrote a few songs, and they sound very nice. You should have her sing them some time.” Ha, not until I fixed the lyrics first. And the meter. And… they needed a few more edits before they were even close to good.

“Yeah, maybe,” Scootaloo said, shaking her head. “Although I’m not sure how I feel about you writing songs about Bright Lights. Isn’t that just giving her more power? ”

“Because it helps me,” I said, standing ground and not mentioning that the newest song wasn’t about her. That wasn’t the point. “It lets me get my thoughts out. Let’s me… It’s helping me work out my issues. I’m not just going to forget about it, no matter how awful it was.” We tried forgetting. Forgetting didn’t work.

“Okay, if you two want to get into another argument and miss your train, that’s cool, but we’re going in,” Roller said, interrupting us before Scootaloo could give her comeback. “Page?”

Page looked at Scootaloo for permission. There was a nod and a sigh. “Yeah, I guess we should be going, too,” Scootaloo said, trotting to our car and pulling our tickets out of her saddlebags.

“Hey, did you bring your scooter?” I asked, looking at Scootaloo and Roller and noticing their absence. Scootaloo laughed.

“Yeah, I remembered my scooter, Sweetie, it’s in the luggage compartment. I’m not going to lug it around on my back the whole time we’re on the train,” she said. My ears flattened. Oh, that made sense. Of course it did. Why did I even bother trying to help?

“We’ve got our own cabin, right?” I asked, stepping past her and hopping onto the carriage, grabbing our tickets with my magic.

“You know we do,” Scootaloo said from behind me. “So why are you asking?” Just making sure what I remembered was what actually happened.

“Just wanted to make sure,” I said, smiling and flashing our tickets at the conductor. “I’m going to go get set up, the rest of you have fun.”

“Set up for…” Scootaloo trailed off as she put it together. “Really? Here?”

“Uh-huh,” I said before looking to the conductor. “Hey, so, where exactly is our room?”

He pointed a hoof. “Three cars down, second door on your left. Do you need any help with your baggage, ma’am?”

“Nope, I’ve got it, thanks for the help,” I said, trotting away and leaving my friends behind. “You all have fun, I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“Sweetie!” Scootaloo called out after me. I whipped my head back at her.

“I don’t want to hear it, Scootaloo, and if I do, you know what’ll happen.” I grinned. “Actually, you don’t, but I bet you can guess.” We stared at each other, daring the other to back down first. I won and Scootaloo took a step away from the edge.

“Just… try not to take too long?” she asked. I gave the tiniest nod before turning away and going to our room. It wasn’t very big. You could barely have two ponies sleep comfortably in it, but I suppose that made it bigger than her bedroom. I opened the suitcase and sat down, staring at the bag I’d used to store my tools. I needed to think of something she’d love, something that’d top what I’d done the night before in our continual escalation. More and more and more and more and maybe she wouldn’t tense at my touch. I just hadn’t thought of the right thing yet. I rested my head against the compartment wall and thought.

♪♪♪

My next game was pretty close to brilliant, an almost perfect humiliation for Scootaloo. Not the bad type, the type she liked. The type that kept her right on the edge all day as Purrmese bells and wheels against rail played together better than I could have imagined. Occasionally, she’d lose her control, and I’d hear the faintest little gasp next to me.

“Uhmm… are you alright?” Roller asked, looking at his rival. “You seem kind of–”

“She’s fine,” I said, cutting him off. “Scootaloo, should I tell him why you’re acting so strange? I think he’ll really enjoy the story.”

“Please don’t,” Scootaloo begged. Not telling me what to do or ordering, but practically dropping to her knees and grovelling like a good mare. I smiled at her and almost nuzzled her cheek, stopping myself when I remembered how she’d react, the way she’d tense up at my love.

“Alright,” I said, humming to myself and storing the image for later. “Since you asked so nicely, I’ll–”

“Okay, what the heck’s up with you two?” Roller asked, causing all heads but Scootaloo’s to turn to him. “Do you actually like each other, or is your relationship just some…” He trailed off, struggling for the word.

“It’s complicated,” Page said, sighing. “Can I try to explain it to him?” I tilted my head and nodded, curious to see what she’d say. “They’re… I think it’s a game to them?” She looked at the two of us. “I don’t really understand it, but I think it’s their way of showing love for each other.” Maybe. Maybe that’s all it was. It was a nice interpretation, for sure.

“So… what?” Roller asked, pointing a hoof at me. “You make Scootaloo feel like dirt because she wants you to? That’s how you say ‘I love you?’” Not like she’d listen to me any other way.

“If she didn’t want me to, she’d say the word and I’d stop, right Scootaloo?” I asked, smiling at my marefriend while she stared holes into her plate.

“Uh-huh, yeah,” she said, following it up with a sharp intake of breath before going back to looking at her plate and limply stabbing a fork at her peas.

Roller still stared at me. Why did he care? They were rivals, he should just be enjoying the show. “Your crazy’s not going to mess with her ability to race, is it?” There it was. He had to beat my marefriend at her ‘best.’ I almost forgot they weren’t real rivals, just friends who played at being enemies.

“No, it won’t,” I said, staring at him. “Me humiliating her won’t mess with her ability to humiliate you.”

“Okay,” Page Turner said before her coltfriend could respond. “That… we said we were going to keep things friendly before the race. Keep the trash talk to the day of, right?”

I wasn’t ‘trash talking,’” I said, looking at him. “Just reassuring him that my games wouldn’t interfere with their cute little rivalry.” Seriously, why did the stallions in Scootaloo’s life have to get so on edge around me? I could kind of get Rusty, since he was secretly in love with her, but Roller? He already had a marefriend. Did he have some hidden fantasy about– I stopped, answering my own question. Of course, he did. Why wouldn’t he?

Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe it was some weird sexy rivalry thing. Like, being reminded that the mare he spent so long trying to dominate was still a mare made him feel weird about his relationship with Page? I grinned and bit my lip. That was it, wasn’t it? He wanted to humiliate her, to best her, he spent all his time just dreaming about it, and I was making it look so easy.

The train hit a bump and I jolted out of memories and musing and back to staring up at the ceiling while Scootaloo slept next to me, completely ignorant to my thoughts. I sighed and rolled to my side, wrapping my forehooves around her while she slept. When she was asleep, when she couldn’t tense up at my every bit of affection, we were normal. When she was asleep, I could almost feel like she loved me. I drew closer and nestled my head into her mane, watching as Equestria rolled through the dark.

♪♪♪

“Another late night?” Luna asked as I came into the Dreaming. “While I do appreciate ponies staying up late to enjoy all the myriad wonders of my nights, I find myself missing our little talks. It’s… pleasant having somepony to share my vigil with.”

“I like spending time with you, too,” I said, trotting next to her in the vortex of gems. “I just… I’ve got the waking world to deal with, too.” I shook my head. “Are you ever tempted to just abandon the outside and live entirely in the Dreaming?”

“Once, when I was much younger, I was,” Luna said. “And how many times have I told you that retreating from your problems isn’t an answer?”

“A lot,” I said, sighing and sitting down. “Another lesson from experience?”

“Indeed,” she said, nodding. “Before I fell, when the problems first started to weigh me down, I withdrew into my Dreaming to ignore them, becoming more reclusive and aloof and moving further away from the ponies whose love I craved. Running from my problems was no true solution, and only served to deepen them in time’s grand scheme.”

“That… sounds about right,” I said, rubbing the back of my head and glancing at my hooves. “But I still like spending time here with you. It’s… simpler.”

She looked at me and I prepared for what she was about to say next. We’d been over it over a hundred times in the last few days. “Your waking life could be made simpler too if you stopped complicating it. It is, as they say, what you make it.”

A few weeks ago, I probably would’ve said something about how I’d made it a complete mess. Instead I just nodded and looked ahead. Progress? “I get it, but… I can’t give up, you know? I love her, she loves me, and we’re both enjoying ourselves, kind of. Maybe not as much as either of us would like, but…”

“Do you know I can tell when you’re thinking about her?” Luna said as a copy of me appeared in front of us. I looked up at Luna.

“Is that one yours?” I asked. She nodded. “Good.”

“You hunch your shoulders and turn pensive when issues of your marefriend weigh upon you,” she said, making the me in front of her match her words. The copy’s face tensed as she tightened her lips, and something crushed her head down low.

“Then I guess I shouldn’t think about her much, right?” I said, sending the other me away. I’d seen more than enough of myself for a lifetime. “So, let’s talk about something else. Have you gotten any marefriends yet?”

“Sweetie, you have a serious issue that needs addressing. Discussing my love life won’t fix that,” Luna said, looking down at me.

“So… No, got it,” I said, humming something to myself. Just to be able to hum a few simple bars again, a few seconds of thoughtless music, it felt like… Well, I wouldn’t say it felt like sex, but it felt way better than it had any right to. I smiled at the empty music. “You know, if – if – things between Scootaloo and me don’t work out, which they totally will, we could take a Las Pegasus vacation and try and get you a marefriend.”

She glared at me, but I could see the tiny upturn in her lips and the softness hiding in her eyes. “Such a thing is completely unbecoming for a princess and a princess-in-waiting, but… if after a painful breakup, I could provide salve for your wounds by taking you to a city dedicated to idle distraction and excess decadence, well, I would be a poor friend if I didn’t. As long as I was there to keep you on your mostly-better behavior.”

Ha, Sweetie and Luna’s Las Pegasus Vacation, the story practically wrote itself. I smiled. Not that Scootaloo and I’d break up, but it was still fun to think about. Plus, Luna really did need to get laid. She was in a dry spell that lasted longer than some civilizations. “So, you said there was a mare you had a crush on earlier? What was she like? You know, so I can get your type.”

“Serious and reserved,” Luna said, closing her eyes. “And driven. Completely dedicated to her craft when I met her. Actually, do you remember your sister–” I cleared my throat. “Excuse me, your mother’s first gala? That was the night we met, in the royal garden.”

“Ooh! Was she wearing a mask? Is that why you lost touch?” I shook my head. “No, you said she’s married, so I guess you know who she is, but still, that’s so romantic, two mares meeting in the royal gardens late at night. Oh my gosh, Mom would totally love it.”

“Perhaps she would,” Luna said, leaning her head back and letting the unfelt breeze blow her mane back. “Also, don’t think I’m overlooking your problems with Scootaloo just because I’m indulging your fantasy.”

“Yeah, I knew it wouldn’t be that easy to make you forget about that,” I said, teleporting us to the Canterlot Royal Gardens. “So, what was it like? She was cute, right?”

“I thought so,” Luna said, opening her eyes and adjusting a thousand little things about the scene, removing a lake, adding a hedge maze, changing the position of the moon. “Others seemed to think so, as well. Certainly, her wife does.”

“So, are they pretty solid or do you think there’s a chance you can sweep in with a romantic gesture after things go bad?” I asked. “Because if you’d like, we can start planning out something. I’m a bit better with sexy than romance, but I think there’s at least enough overlap between the two for me to be kind of good at romance.” I conjured a mare into being and started flicking through coat colors.

Luna laughed. “Your enthusiasm is admirable, but I can’t see anything short of the world’s end severing the bond between Vinyl and Octavia.”

I blinked. Okay, Vinyl’d been living in Ponyville since Luna returned, so that meant… “You had a crush on Headmistress Octavia? Really? Is that why you made her the head of your school and asked her to build you an orchestra?”

“No, that would be my sister trying to play matchmaker,” Luna said, taking over my model pony and changing her coat to grey, molding her after my former teacher. “Funny, I saw Octavia a few days after the birth of her daughter, and… I’ll never get used to how you all change. She was practically a foal that night, and now a scant decade later, she’s a mother, happily wed, and…” She shook her head. “Sometimes, I forget how quickly you can move.”

“Is that why you don’t date ponies?” I asked, looking up at her. “Because we’ll all–”

“No, no,” she said, smiling at her Octavia. “I dated and wed and lost before my banishment. Time’s march isn’t an alien concept to me, and it doesn’t keep me from experiencing love in the present. It just has a way of sneaking up. One day the pony you love is in the spring of youth, and the next they need your help getting out of bed.”

“So why do you keep doing it?” I asked. “Or, why did you? Because watching somepony you love die doesn’t exactly sound fun, and knowing it’s going to happen every time you start a relationship? I think I’d quit.” Luna just raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I’d still have sex, sure, but I wouldn’t get in a relationship. I wouldn’t keep getting my heart broken.”

“But that’s what love is, Sweetie. That’s what life is. An endless cycle of love and loss. Every winter has its summer, every night its day, and every love its heartbreak. To deny love because it’s destined to end is to deny the night because the sun must rise. What would the world be without night and day together?”

“That…” I frowned. “I don’t even know. Like, I want to say it’d be dark, but that’s just night, so…” Also, could she really tell me that the sun always had to rise?

“Exactly, so would you truly keep love from your heart if you knew it must one day end?” Luna asked. I rolled my eyes at that. Sure, day needed night or whatever, but that didn’t mean love needed loss.

“Uhh… yeah?” I said. “If it always has to end, what’s the point? If I had to…” I trailed off, not sure how to end the thought.

“So, I take it you’ll stop speaking with your mother, then?” Luna asked, looking down at me. “She’s older than you, and will almost certainly die before you. The only way you can keep the pain of loss from your heart is to stamp out every last trace of filial love. Or what of Twilight? As an alicorn, she’ll outlive any mere mortal. According to you, she should have never returned your mother’s affection. In fact, the very instant she became an alicorn, she should have severed all ties with her friends to insulate herself from the pain of losing them.”

“But that’s not–” She cut me off.

“And of course, you must end things with Scootaloo with the utmost haste.” As she spoke, the garden faded away, leaving behind a cold empty darkness. “If you two can somehow work past your issues and build a love to endure and stand the test of time like you wish, one of you will die before the other. One of you will feel the sting of loss. To potentially subject a pony you love to that pain is the height of cruelty. No, ‘tis truly kinder to sever all relationships. To live our lives in a vacuum, free of all feeling. With no love, there shall be no loss, and all shall be content. Is that your proposal? Lives hermetically sealed and sterile?”

“That sounds awful!” I said, popping us back to the first place I could think of and landing in the penthouse. “No, I don’t want that, I just… I don’t… I don’t…”

A force brushed my mane and I looked up to see Luna smiling down at me. “All things end, Sweetie, but the ending does not diminish the beauty of what was. To me, love’s transitory nature serves only to highlight its beauty. The ending is painful, to be sure, but ‘tis not to be feared. If love and loss are bound, then a great loss serves as the gravestone for a truly great love.”

“Yeah... I guess,” I said, staring down at my hooves in thought. My ears perked up. “Hey, are you just telling me this so I’ll dump Scootaloo?”

“Certainly not,” she said, staring intently at one of the gems floating around us. “But if that’s the lesson you choose to draw from my lecture, well, that reflects more upon you than me.”

Uh-huh, and I was royal– Wait, I actually was royalty now, wasn’t I? I needed to think up something even more crazy and outlandish. Ooh! You could say you’re a perfectly well-adjusted mare. I rolled my eyes.

“Glad to see you’re still with me, I’d hate to go a whole day without hearing my subconscious throw some lame taunt in my face,” I said, ignoring the look Luna was probably giving me. “I’m fine, just thinking out loud. Give me a minute.”

She didn’t say anything and let the time pass by in comfortable silence. “So,” finally said. “Is Miss Octavia your type?”

“I like to think I don’t have a type. To limit myself to one sort of mare or stallion is to ignore the great variety life offers. There’s just as much to be said for a bold outdoorsmare as a quiet bookish stallion. Still, I suppose I have a certain fondness for artists and dreamers.”

“So…” I tilted my head. “Are you saying I’m your type? Because, okay, yes, you’re really attractive and graceful and beautiful and stuff, and I’d kill to have your body…” I blinked. “No, not that way, although… yeah, that would probably be really fun too, and I’d I think you’re fun to hang around with, and – you know – making out with a princess would definitely be something to write home about, plus, if we were together, our family’d probably get an award for most royal family in Equestria, which is fun, but I’m seeing Scootaloo, so…”

Luna stared down at me. “Are you quite finished, Sweetie? Or is there more you wish to share?”

I shook my head. “Nope, I think that’s it,” I said. “But if we were together, then I’d be dating a princess, my stepmom would be a princess, and my mom would be a princess. That’d be three direct ties to a princess. If I could just work Princess Celestia and Cadance in there, I’d have the whole set.”

“Then yes,” Luna said, drawing me back to the real– the Dreaming world. “If I hadn’t known you since you since you were a filly, and if you weren’t so confoundingly obtuse at times, I suppose you’d be my type. But since those two things are true, it’s difficult for me to see you in such a light.”

“Wait, so you won’t go out with me just because you knew me when I was a filly? But you’ve known everypony since they were a filly… Or a colt, I guess, so what’s the problem with me? Are you just not going to date anypony born after you got back, because if that’s the case, then you only have a few more years left to get out there and find somepony,” I said. Seriously? What lame excuse was that? She knew me when I was younger? She knew everypony when they were younger. “Plus! You’ve known me for almost as long as Scootaloo has, and she’s fine dating with me.” Except you know she’s not.

I managed not to shout shut up to the voice in my head. “Yes, but Scootaloo grew up with you. Your development was hers,” Luna said. “You did not mentor her. You did not take her as your ward and oversee her development. No, that would be… There’s a very good reason why students don’t date teachers. And why is the idea of our relationship suddenly so fascinating?”

“Because…” I frowned, irritated. Why did I care? “Because you didn’t want me. We’re friends, we get along great, I like spending time with you, we’ve both gone through the same stuff, us being together makes sense.”

“So if I was to drop to my knees and beg for your affection, say I couldn’t live without your love in my life, without knowing your touch, what would you say?” she asked, looking at me like Mom’s cat when she was about to pounce on one of her toys.

“Well, I’d say I’m flattered, but… you know, I’m dating Scootaloo,” I said, smiling up– No, over at her. We were… Well, she was still taller than me, but not so much I had to crane my neck up to look at her. Sometimes, it was hard to stop thinking like a filly.

“Ahh,” she said, nodding her head. “So, it’s fine to reject, but not to be rejected. Very well, I withdraw my objection regarding your age, and instead say you’re not my type because you’re still struggling to master your selfishness and vanity and failing spectacularly. If we were to date, I’d require a certain maturity that you still lack.”

That was… “I’m more mature than I was,” I said, pursing my lips and matching her stare. “I’m not the same stupid mare from the penthouse.”

“Congratulations,” she said, clapping her hooves. “You managed to clear a bar so exceedingly low they had to bury it. While I do applaud the accomplishment, I’m not going to lower my bar. However, if you do ever manage to clear that standard, I might consider the idea of us as a couple. Until then, I hope you’ll stay satisfied with my friendship.”

“Okay,” I said. What else could I say? When Luna wanted to be firm, there wasn’t any room left to argue. “But… if we were to ever… Even if I did, I’d still have to… I’m still dating Scootaloo.”

Her gaze alone punched a hole in my barely coherent response. What she said after was just for style. “Sweetie, if you and Scootaloo carry on as you are, you’ll never have to worry about meeting my standards.”

Ouch.

“Well, at least I learned a bit about your type,” I said, deciding to just drop the idea. Besides, she was right, it didn’t matter. I still had Scootaloo, so why even think of another mare? “And I think there are at least a few mares–”

“And stallions.”

Ugh, right. “And stallions in Equestria that fit the bill.” Seriously, why? I just didn’t get the appeal. “So… any ideas? Because I’m serious about the two of us just going to Las Pegasus sometime.”

She smiled, letting it rest. “Oh, I know you are, Sweetie, but if your mother ever found out I took you there, I’d live out the rest of my days in mortal terror.” Because she just had to see about everything I did. I loved her, and it was great that she cared so much, but would it kill her if I just cut loose a bit?

No, but it might kill you.

“Well, tell me what the other ponies you liked were like, because I really do want to find you somepony,” I said. After everything she’d done for me, the least I could do was end the world’s longest dry spell.

♪♪♪

The next morning, the train ground to a halt, and the four of us hopped off into Hoofington. It was… It couldn’t have been more like old-school Ponyville if it tried. Sure, the landscape was different and you couldn’t get a good view of Canter Mountain, but beyond that, total Ponyville ripoff. “Eerie, right?” I whispered to Scootaloo. She just nodded.

“Where is everything?” Page asked from my other side. The two of us were kind of in the center and our partners stayed on the edges. “It’s like every rustic backwater in every story rolled into one.”

“It’s a moderate-sized town in the heart of Equestria. They have a park, they have a theater, they have a town hall, they probably have some other nice things, and they host one of the biggest races in Equestria. They aren’t located in the middle of Podunk, Nowhere,” I said as she looked for any building taller than two stories. “Anyways, you still want to find a bookstore?”

She nodded. “Are you sure they’ll have one?” I groaned and rolled my eyes with Scootaloo. Fun being on the same wavelength for once.

“They’ll have one,” I said, fighting the urge to rest my head in my hooves. Couldn’t do that while I was walking without faceplanting. Maybe if I balanced it just right, I could do it with one hoof? Scootaloo did it pretty effortlessly, but then, she didn’t have magic to lean on, so she had to learn how to balance things. “Come on, let’s check in, then while they do their racing thing, we can look for books.” And look for somepony else on the way.

“Wait, Sweetie, don’t you want to come with us?” Scootaloo asked as we trotted off. I looked back at her.

“You’re just going to get to know the course, right?” I asked. “Like, you said you didn’t even have a qualifying heat today, so what’s the big deal if we go and explore the town?” I grinned. Didn’t want to seem like I was keeping her away. “We were probably going to go to the spa after the bookstore, but if you want to come with us…”

Scootaloo and Roller both looked at us. Alone, they each might’ve said yes, but together? “Pass,” they said in unison.

“We’ll catch you later at the hotel,” Scootaloo said, trotting away.

“And we should probably check into the hotel, too,” I said, pulling a map from my saddlebags. We were right next to the train station and our hotel was two blocks down… “That way.” I pointed my hoof in the direction and we headed off. “Now, Ponyville… They had a hotel, but I don’t think anypony ever used it when I was younger. It was barely two stories tall and could only fit about eight guests. Most of the time, if we had a lot of guests, they roomed with residents. I remember one year where ponies had to camp out on Applejack’s lawn because it was so full, and…” I looked over to Page, who was staring at me like I’d just started speaking gibberish. “Okay, Ponyville was kind of weird for not having a real hotel, but Hoofington’s totally different. They have to deal with a lot of guests every year for the race.” And maybe because Hoofington used to be a good bit bigger than Ponyville. Then we got a princess living there and a royal academy, and what did you know? Ponyville got bigger.

“It’s…” She shook her head, following at my side. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, I’m just not used to things being so empty and quiet and small.” Not rude at all. She looked over her shoulder. “Is it always this quiet?”

“Uh-huh,” I said, nodding my head. “Unless there’s a parade or a rampaging monster or something, but yeah, generally, it’s pretty quiet.” We turned a corner and the hotel came into view. At barely four stories, it was one of the taller buildings in Hoofington and probably the shortest building Page had ever been in. Behind the hotel was a lake surrounded by little cottages. One of them was mine. “Are you sure you don’t want a cottage, too?”

“We’ll be fine in our room,” she said, brushing away my question. “I heard it has a great view of the lake and the Foa…” She trailed off as we got our first real view of the mountains just beyond town. Maybe Canter Mountain was taller, but the Foal Mountains were closer and cast the whole town in their shadow. The two of us froze as we stared, craning our necks up high.

“A bit taller than you expected?” I asked, voice a whisper.

I caught a minute nod in the corner of my eyes. Neither one of us could turn away. “You could fit all of Manehattan in just one of those mountains,” she said.

A flash of purple pulled my eyes away from the mountains and I trotted forwards. Was it him? Could it be this close? This easy? “Sweetie?”

“Huh?” I asked, blinking my eyes and whipping my head around. I was almost at the water’s edge.

“You just trotted off,” she said, making her own way to the hotel entrance now that the mountains’ spell had been broken.

I smiled apologetically. “Oh, uhmm… sorry,” I said. “I just wanted to get a better view.”

She troted over to stand closer, eyes moving from me to the mountains as she took them in. My eyes went back to the purple. “I know,” she said. “It’s a little crazy. I read about mountains, I saw pictures of mountains, but I never realized just how massive they were. Do you think we can get closer?” There was a pause. “Not now, but after I’ve been to the bookstore.”

“Sure,” I said, shrugging but keeping my eyes on the purple pony, trying to see more about them. A she. I sighed. If only I was that lucky. Instead, I shook my head and trotted to the hotel door. “Well, let’s get checked in, put our stuff down, and then we’ll go get your bookstore.”

♪♪♪

If I told Page Turner she’d died and gone to the Elysian Fields, she would have believed me. “They have a first edition of Mulysses, Sweetie. Mulysses!” She trotted over to another shelf in the store. “And autographed first-editions for the entire Daring-Do series, and…” She took a deep breath. “You can just smell all the love that’s gone into caring for these books, and…” She pointed to a collection of faux-leather chairs next to a fireplace. “Just look at that sitting area. So many bookstores don’t have good seats anymore, but I bet you could just plop down here and spend the whole day reading and nopony would care.”

“Yep, sure looks great,” I said, keeping an eye on the street for any purple stallions. “Hey, why don’t you go sit down and start reading, and I’ll just have a quick conversation with the storekeeper.”

“You know I can’t,” she said, coming back to me. I sighed. Of course, she couldn’t. That would make my life too easy, and who would want that? Definitely not me. “My job’s to keep an eye on you, and I like my job.”

“But it’s just going to be for, like, one minute – One minute! – that’s barely enough time for me to do anything,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I just want to ask a few questions.”

“Then why do you care if I’m there with you?” she asked, looking at me. “You’re not going to talk about anything…” She trailed off, gesturing for me to fill in the gaps.

“No,” I said, looking around and dropping my voice low. “I just want to…” Could I risk it? Risk telling her the big secret now? She’d have to learn eventually, she’d learn when we had our talk, but if she learned too early, if she had time to tell Scootaloo who’d have time to write a letter… “You know what, nevermind. Let’s buy your books and get out of here.”

“Sweetie,” she said, moving between me and the exit, “I know we have… I know our relationship isn’t just friendly, and I know you don’t want me to report your every movement to Scootaloo. I don’t want that either, but if I think you’re keeping secrets or are behaving oddly, I’m required to tell Scootaloo my suspicions, and I don’t want to lose this job.”

I could blackmail her. Threaten to tell Scootaloo she did a bunch of awful things when she wasn’t around, but… I saw an image of my mom appearing in the room, and she didn’t need to say anything. Besides, it would be my word against Page’s, and I wasn’t exactly known for honesty. Truth it was, then. “I need you to keep this secret, I can’t risk Scootaloo finding out, because I know she’ll write something to my mom, and… if what I tell you doesn’t involve me wanting or planning to drink, do drugs, or break the law, can you keep a secret?”

She stared at me, eyes serious. “If I’m satisfied it won’t result in you doing any of those things, then yes, you have my word.”

“Of course, she’d say the same thing to you if she was lying,” Bright Lights said. And I’d actually managed to go a while without seeing her. All good things, right? I pulsed my horn with dream magic and sent her away.

“Fine,” I said, rubbing my forehead. “You know Rarity’s my mom, right?”

She nodded. “I remember you telling me that.”

“Alright,” I said, trying to smile. “So then, what do you know about my dad?”

There was a lull as she looked at me, putting the pieces together. “You mentioned wanting to meet somepony in Hoofington yesterday, you don’t want your mom to find out what you’re doing, and are missing your father… I think I figured out the next chapter in the dime novel that is your life.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I guess you were at least a little right yesterday, so… are you not going to tell Scootaloo what I’m trying to do here?”

“No, it doesn’t sound dangerous, and I’d hate to miss the resolution, but...” She stepped forward and dropped her voice to a whisper. “I think you’re going about this the wrong way.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. She just found out what I was trying to do and was already giving me advice? I took a breath and kept my smile up. She meant well. Probably.

“Well, your father used to live in Ponyville, right? I don’t think I remember reading anything about your Mom being from here, but I could be wrong,” she said. I trotted over to one of the seats next to the empty fireplace.

“Yeah, but he moved here when he found out… Well… You can guess, I bet,” I said, taking the seat and making sure nopony else was in the room with us for the twentieth time.

“And I’m guessing he knows something about you. You were in all the papers, he knows you’re related to the pregnant mare he left eighteen years ago, and since the stories don’t mention her having any foals, it’s probably not too hard for him to figure out who you really are.” I stared at her. I’d kind of had similar thoughts over the past few weeks, but none that were that to the point.

“What?” she asked as she sat down. “It’s not that hard to put together once you have enough puzzle pieces.” I kept staring at her. “Plus, I like reading mysteries. Anyways, what do you think’s going to happen if you ask the storekeeper about your father?”

“Uhmm… he’ll tell me where he is?” I asked. Wait, no, there was something else I was missing. Whenever there was a newcomer in Ponyville, we always heard about them. Right now, I was just one of the tourists coming to town for the race, but if I stood out… “And he’ll tell my dad somepony from out of town’s looking for him.”

She nodded. “And the one thing we know for sure about your dad is that he left town when he found out your mom was pregnant. If he knows you’re coming, he might run off again.”

“But he has a family now,” said. A nice happy perfect family with a wife and a couple of daughters.

“How do you know that?” Page asked, tilting her head. Well, I used my Dreaming powers to track him down and look into his head to see what he was like. No, probably shouldn’t say that. It definitely wouldn’t help with her idea that my life was a soap opera. Plus, maybe some ponies would get creeped out by the idea that I could just look around in their dreams if I wanted.

“I hired a private investigator?” I said. That made sense. Kind of. “He let me know a bit about him and what he looked like and–”

“But the investigator didn’t tell you where your father lives?” she asked, frowning and furrowing her brow. Yeah, that was actually a really good question. What was the answer?

“He… wasn’t very good? He didn’t have a lot of time, and that was all he was able to get. You know, he had to start from Ponyville and only had a few days to work. All I know is kind of what he looks like, that he has a family, and that he lives in Hoofington,” I said, looking at Page, hoping she swallowed the story. She stared back at me and slowly nodded.

“I suppose that’s… I would have thought finding an address would be trivially easy, but then, everything I know about private investigators comes from books,” she said, buying my lie while I inspected the stonework in the fireplace.

“Yeah, it’s not as easy as it looks in books, I guess,” I said, making sure to look back at her and keep eye contact as I spoke. “Anyways, if I shouldn’t just ask around for him, what should I do?”

“Well, we could hire another PI to do the rest of the sleuthing for us, but I don’t know if Hoofington has one, and if it doesn’t…” She trailed off, thinking about something. “I know this is going to sound completely awful, and it almost certainly is, but if we’re going to go track down your father, I think we should get invested in the part. Why hire somepony when we can do it ourselves?”

“Because I’m still really recognizable?” I said, tilting my head. “Of course, I also know how to disguise myself a bit, plus… Who would expect to see me in Hoofington?”

“Right,” she said, “and tracking down your long-lost father in a sleepy farm town yourself? It just seems so…” Dramatic. Apparently, she’d completely embraced the idea of my life being a soap opera, and to be fair, she kind of made a good case. Yeah, if we were going to do this, we were going to do it right.

“Alright,” I said, nodding my head. “We get disguises, we canvas the town, we keep an eye out for any purple ponies with a pink heart for a cutie mark, and when we find him, we back him into a corner so I can say hi. How hard can it be?"

Author's Note:

So, Sweetie and Luna's Las Pegasus Vacation: It sounds like a wacky little comedy, but knowing me, if I were to write it it would have some sort of angst to it.

Also, Luna has some great lines in this chapter. She's probably one of my favorite characters to read/write.

Comments

[Peachy Keen]

Dang, Sweetie's really opening up to Page Turner, isn't she. Good thing she seems like a very nice and trustworthy pony, otherwise half of Sweetie Belle's dark secrets would be out there for the world to see!

I have to agree with you about Luna, with how you write her she's a delight to read. Of course I'm always a sucker for what I can only describe as wise characters. The smart helpful friend, the psychiatrist, the village elder, the one with all the answers. Those types! Anyway, your Luna is wise, but she is also personable whenever she's not in correction mode. A well rounded personality with great advice!

I didn't even think about the fact that Sweetie's father is in Hoofington when she was talking about meeting some stallion there! It took me far longer than it should've to figure out just who it was she wanted to see. Next chapter is certainly going to be interesting with Sweetie and Page taking things into their own hooves!

Great chapter!

[Seether00]

Nothing can go wrong with this plan. Nothing.

[Thought Prism]

The meta references are real in this chapter.

[Skarsnik]

Damn, you managed to drive away my excitement of seeing the flaws on SB/Scoot to the incoming drama with Sweetie dad.

[Distaff Pope]

7496005 Meta references? I have no idea what you're talking about.

7495912 You always know where things stand with Princess Luna. She won't force you to do something, but she will tell you exactly why she thinks you're wrong, and she doesn't pull punches. Still, I think she's pretty good at knowing when to pressure Sweetie and when to back off.

And yeah, I didn't really try to hide the fact Sweetie's looking for her father. As soon as she learns he lives in Hoofington, she starts trying to ferret information out about him, and once she gets an idea of what he looks like, she really starts doing her best to get well enough that Rarity will give her some space. One of her big unstated goals for the last few chapters has been to find a way to get to Hoofington and meet him. I just didn't want to be obvious about what she was doing.

Still, the absolute dearth of stallions in Sweetie's life should have made it obvious just what pony she was looking for.

7496015 You'll get to see some of that, too.

[fallen starr]

Still weaving a masterful take my friend.