Your Own Worst Enemy

by Distaff Pope

11. Brilliant Disguise

The weekend was as fun as it was short, and an hour before dawn Monday morning, I was trotting to the train station with my Mom and Twilight, while Scootaloo slept in bed. She’d gone to sleep a few hours ago. So had Twilight, but she’d gotten right back up like she had a full night’s sleep. She was a few hooves in front of us while Mom and I dragged behind, and behind that were the hotel porters carrying all their luggage

“You know, we don’t have to leave,” Mom said for the hundredth time that weekend. My yawn hid my eye roll. “It’s…” She had her own yawn. “Simple enough to postpone the announcement, and the suite is still reserved for visiting royalty only.”

“It’s fine,” I said, eyelids heavy. Last night had been about whatever I wanted, and what I wanted was to go out and see a show. Not a Bridleway show – I’d had enough of those – but a lounge thing. Something quiet and intimate with just a singer, a microphone, a stage, and a room full of ponies. That was the dream, wasn’t it? To just be able to get on stage and sing, and not have to worry about anything. I adjusted the black sweater I’d spent the last day wearing, making sure it wasn’t bunching anywhere. “It’s not like it’s a real goodbye or anything. I’ll be visiting all the time, and you’ll be visiting, and it won’t be anything like before.”

A dark cloud obscured the setting moon. “No, I know it won’t be,” Mom said, trotting next to me, as I glanced at our reflection in an empty storefront. “Obviously, if I seriously doubted your recovery, I wouldn’t be leaving, but… I suppose my mind is prone to worrying.” She smiled and tilted my beret so the edge of it almost flopped into vision. “And if you’re going to insist on wearing that, you should wear it properly. Remember, Sweetie, always go with style. A well-dressed mare has the keys to the proverbial kingdom.”

“So, what, you’re saying nothing else matters as long as I look good?” I asked, grinning at her.

My mom ‘tsked.’ “You know it’s not, Sweetie, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t twist my comments so. No, obviously, you should always strive to embody virtue, that goes without saying – but if you’re going to dress up, do it properly. Treat your clothes with care, take the time to style yourself, and remember that so much of it is about presentation. It’s amazing how much a good ensemble can boost your mood.”

“Really?” I asked, tilting my head. We turned the corner, and a few more ponies joined us on the sidewalk as we approached the train station.

“Don’t tell me you think otherwise, Sweetie,” Mom said, shaking her head and magically adjusting her mane. “I’ve seen you coyly glancing sideways at your own reflection when you thought I was looking elsewhere. There’s something empowering about being well-dressed. It makes you feel almost invincible, like a suit of armor fashioned entirely out of whole cloth.” She laughed at a joke I didn’t get. I just shrugged while she continued. “And it’s even more important in Manehattan. In Ponyville, it’s generally acceptable to go without unless it’s a special occasion, but here – in the circles you want access to – being well-dressed can tip the scales in your favor.”

I shook my head, chasing off another yawn and looking back at the several porters following behind us before glancing at Mom’s saddlebags and the glints of gems poking out. They’d be earning their tips this morning. “Could we maybe not make our last talk about fashion? I get it; I think you’ve raised me pretty well when it comes to couture or whatever.”

She just laughed. “The fact that you add ‘or whatever’ after it shows how massively I failed. There’s a whole world of clothing and style out there that you haven’t even scratched the surface of.”

“Yeah, but that’s your world,” I said. “It’s not mine. Like, you care about the type of stitch used in making a dress. I just care that it’s stitched. But I can look at a palette wheel and point out mauve, and I know a lot of stuff about silk.” My lips twitched up. Maybe even some things she didn’t. “That’s a lot more than most ponies, and I bet I know more about music and Bridleway than you do. Like, can you tell me where you’d find heptatonic and octatonic scales?”

“Uhmm… No,” Mom said, shaking her head. “And perhaps you’re right, you know more about fashion by far than the laypony and should be able to navigate the uppercrusts of society without embarrassing yourself.”

“Yeah, but I really don’t want to do that uppercrust stuff. That’s more a ‘you’ thing. I’ll just be happy if I can carve out a place for myself in the arthouse coffee-shop scene,” I said, looking up above and seeing the moon as the cloud cleared it. What was Luna up to tonight? Hopefully, she didn’t miss me. We’d probably have at least an hour together once I got back to the suite and crashed.

Mom looked at me, a smile tugging up at her lips. “Sweetie Belle, the Bohaymian. You’ve certainly got the look for it, and I suppose the style fits you well enough.” A nod. “Yes, I can see you doing well in the coffee shops around here. Just…” We reached the station and Twilight held the door open for us. “Promise me you won’t fall back into that lifestyle. I know such things can be seen as avant garde in those circles, but that’s no reason for you to relapse and undo all your progress.”

“Don’t worry,” I said, looking back over my shoulder. “I really don’t want to wake up in a hospital again.” Or almost jump out a window. Or freeze to death, maybe. “I’m done with all that.” Except for drinking a little, but if I said that, she’d never leave. Not that I wanted her to leave, exactly. I just needed her to.

“Behold, Sweetie Belle, the Master Manipulator as she works her craft. Look how she bends loved ones to her whims,” Bright Lights barked on top of the ticket booth, dressed up like a showmare. Apparently, my subconscious was getting in on the costume stuff too. “Marvel at her skill for deception and total disregard for–” My horn pulsed and she puffed into nothing. I was not up for that this morning.

“I’m pleased to hear that,” Mom said, frowning as we moved down to her platform where the train sat, waiting for the top of the hour. “Just promise me you won’t do anything foolish, and please keep Scootaloo close to you.”

I smiled and hugged her. “You know me,” I said as the hug ended.

Mom just looked at me. “I do,” she said. “I know how much you wish to do good, but I also know…” She looked at the train. “No, that metaphor is entirely in bad taste, considering the setting.” She returned the hug, and I caught a whiff of her perfume mixed with the cold smell of leaving. “Please, write frequently, and I’ll try to visit as often as I can.”

“I’ll do the same,” I said, looking at her while Twilight led the porters to their car. There was a long silence as we each tried to think up something to say. I reached across and wrapped my forelegs around her in a second hug. There didn’t need to be anything else.

The seconds kept ticking and the hug continued, neither of us wanting to be the first to end it. “It’s almost time,” Twilight said, causing us to pull apart. “Sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt, but we also don’t want to miss our train.” She reached into her saddlebag and pulled out an orb and necklace. “And this is for you, Sweetie.”

“What is it?” I asked, looking at the necklace. When I touched it with my magic, I felt a web of spells wrapped around it and the orb. More than just jewelry.

“The necklace has a recall spell attached to it, and the orb is a signalling device. Just cast a color cantrip on the orb, and its twin will change color too. Then, I’ll activate the recall spell, and bring you to Ponyville.” She smiled. “In case you ever need to get home in a hurry. Oh, and you should probably be wearing the necklace once you activate the orb.”

“That was very sweet of you, Twilight,” Mom said, nuzzling at Twilight’s neck. She looked at me. “It would be silly of me to say ‘be good,’ wouldn’t it?”

I made tiny nods. “You know I will be,” I said. “Maybe not perfect, but good. Definitely good.”

She smiled. “And if you aren’t, Scootaloo will tell me, and then… well, I don’t know what I’ll do when I’m cross with you, Sweetie, but I’m sure neither of us will enjoy it. Perhaps issue a royal decree confining you to our castle, which, as of Wednesday, I’ll be able to do.” She laughed the crazy laugh that said her imagination was fully in control. “So many decrees. I’ll start with outlawing galoshes, but I think we’ll be making the phrase ‘crimes against fashion’ rather literal.” Twilight and I exchanged glances.

Mom took a breath her eyes regained their focus. “Sorry, dears, I’m afraid I ran off into my own head a bit.” It ran in the family, then. “Ah, yes, well, Sweetie, I’ll write you a letter as soon as I’m back in Ponyville, and I want a report about your first show, do you understand me, young lady?” I nodded.

“Very good, well…” She frowned as the whistle sounded. “I’m not really sure what to say here, since this isn’t a goodbye. Just a–”

“See you later,” I said, perking up and bouncing to the tips of my hooves. “I’ll see you later.”

Mom smiled as Twilight headed to their car. “Yes, I will see you later, Sweetie. Around the start of summer, I think.” It wasn’t a question or request. It was a command, with no room for arguing.

“Sounds great,” I said, giving her another quick hug.

“Oh, and before I forget – apparently, the perks of being royalty include an almost embarrassingly large amount of discretionary income, so I’ll be wiring a monthly stipend to you and Scootaloo. Consider it one of the fringe benefits of being a... duchess? Yes, I think that’s right.. Or possibly a marchioness...? No, I’m fairly sure it’s duchess.... ” she mused as she trotted towards the train, before looking back and giving me a wave.

“Have a nice trip,” I said, waving after her as she boarded the train. “And I’ll see you this summer.”

“And I will eagerly await your arrival,” she said as the door slid shut. A second later, there was another whistle and the wheels of the train slowly turned. She gave another wave through the window, and I waved back, while the train rolled away, although I didn’t do the movie thing by running to keep pace with the train. Instead, I just watched until the train disappeared, picked up the orb and necklace (and cursed myself for not bringing saddlebags), and trotted back to the suite before diving into the pillows. I don’t think I’d even settled in before falling asleep.

***

“Come on,” Scootaloo said, flicking her wings. “Can we please do something?” After waking up at the suite, we’d packed up our things, given the hotel our room keys, and headed to her apartment. It was… small. No big spacious living rooms, definitely no private gyms; just two bedrooms that were slightly larger than a shoebox when combined, a living room you could maybe cram three ponies into, a closet that pretended it was a kitchen, and one bathroom for everyone to share.

“I am doing something,” I said, rolling eyes and looking back at my reflection. “Come on, you can do this. You used to do it all the time, how hard is it to just sing?”

“You did it for me all the time,” Bright Lights said, sitting on the bed. A twin bed, and why do they call them twin beds if you can only fit one pony on them comfortably?

“Ugh, I know that’s the problem.” I swirled around to face my hallucination. “You stole it! You stole my voice, and now I can’t sing without thinking about…” I shuddered. “Why do you have to ruin everything you touch?!”

“Sweetie, calm down,” Scootaloo said, jumping between me and her. “You know it’s not real, just… take a few breaths.”

“No!” I shouted at her. I paused. It wasn’t her fault everything was ruined. I took a breath, but it didn’t calm me. “I just… I need to do this, Scootaloo. I’m going on stage tomorrow night, and I still can’t sing.”

Scootaloo flared her wings and stood her ground. We weren’t in play mode now, this was just regular arguing mode. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t go on stage then. That’s why you did the open mic thing, right? So you could cancel. Well, this sounds like a really good reason not to be there. We can try again next week.”

“But that’s not Mom’s plan,” I said, running a hoof through my mane. “We had this whole thing planned out, and now I can’t do it, and it’s all because of her!” I pointed the same hoof at Bright Lights. “She… She ruined everything.”

“Yeah, Bright Lights did some awful stuff, but you can’t just… you need to calm down,” Scootaloo said.

“Calm down?!” I yelled, spinning around so my flank and cutie mark were in her face. “Do you see this? Do you know what it means? It means I sing. It means that’s what I’m best at, that’s what brings me happiness, and I can’t do it!” My ears folded down. “I can’t do it, she broke me, and you’re telling me to calm down?” I turned back to face her and glared at Bright Lights. “And she’s so happy about it.”

Scootaloo rubbed her forehead. “That’s… Okay, first, she’s–” She pointed a hoof at the bed where Bright Lights was still sitting. “–not real.”

I rolled my eyes and snorted. “I’m not stupid,” I said. “I didn’t just start hallucinating yesterday. I get she’s some part of me, or whatever, but she’s a part of me, and she’s happy about it. Some part of me’s happy that I’m broken, and I just…” I growled. “I want to rip her out of my head and stomp on her until she can’t talk anymore.”

“Okay, well, second, you’re not broken. You’re getting better. You just… it takes time to recover after all the crazy stuff that happened to you.” All the crazy stuff you did. I sighed. There they were, going soft on me like always. Couldn’t I just have one pony stand up and yell at me, so I could yell back at them without feeling bad? Well, I got Scootaloo yelling at me earlier, so that was something, I guess.

“Yeah, okay,” I said, turning back to the mirror. “Thanks for the help, now can you go or be quiet so I can get back to practicing?”

“Come on, Sweetie,” she said from behind me. “You’ve been looking at that mirror for hours. Can’t we go and do something fun? It’ll be good to get your mind off this for a bit.”

I closed my eyes and willed the vision of Bright Lights away. Something told me we’d be needing the bed soon. She wanted to have fun, and maybe it wouldn’t kill me to relax a bit, but our usual games left me to do all the work while she enjoyed herself. A flashbulb went off in my head as an idea walked down the red carpet. That could work. “Kiss my horn.”

“What?” Scootaloo asked, taking a step back. “That’s not… It’s not…” Oh, right, it was something normal ponies did in a relationship and not humiliating. Shoot, I’d hoped it would be close enough to something she liked that she’d go along with it. Well, if that’s what she wanted… I tried to remember the name of her roommate. Socket? Racket?

“Rusty!” I shouted, moving to flop down on Scootaloo’s bed, leaving my horn accessible. “Can you please come in here?”

A brown unicorn stallion appeared in the door, his dull-red mane threatening to get in his eyes as it parted around his horn. Perfect, he’d get the significance right away, no need to explain anything. “Uh… yeah? Sweetie, right?”

“Please stay in the room and watch, and feel free to make yourself comfortable.” I looked at Scootaloo. “You may continue.”

“Sweetie, this is…” Scootaloo trailed off, cheeks burning red. I didn’t hear the word Rainbow Dash, though. I sat up and tilted my head.

“Exactly what you wanted,” I said, gazing levelly at her. “I asked you to do a very simple thing, Scootaloo. If you’re worried about Rusty, don’t. He’s a stallion, so I’m sure he’ll enjoy it.”

“Uh… enjoy what?” he asked, confusion written on his face in big bold markers. I rolled my eyes and moved back to lay down.

“You’ll see, and Scootaloo, don’t stop until I say so. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll like it, kissing a horn is kind of like su–”

“Wait, she’s going to kiss your horn?! In front of me?” Socket– Rusty said.

I tilted my head. “Of course, that’s what she likes, being humiliated and degraded and shamed in front of everypony.” I looked at my marefriend, cheeks burning as she slunk close to the wall. I smiled, the great and indomitable Scootaloo silent and cowed. She was probably going to go crazy thinking about this–

“She didn’t with me,” Rusty said, staring at me like I was some kind of bug monster.

“Well,” I said, folding my lips until they were just a line, “aren’t you special. Scootaloo, I’m tired of talking.” I laid down on my stomach.

“Geeze,” he said, turning away. “I thought the papers were exaggerating about you being out of your mind. You two have fun, but I’m not going to watch this.”

“Why not?” I asked, getting up and trotting after him. “I thought that was every stallion’s fantasy: watching two mares together. Or is it that you’re not involved? I could have her kiss your horn as well. I suppose you’d deserve some reward for being such a good participant.”

He shook his head. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you such–”

“Nothing’s wrong with me,” I said, staring at him and closing the door to our room with my magic. Well, lots of things were, but he didn’t need to hear about that. “I’m exactly what she wants me to be. What she asked me to be.” I tried to smile for him. “Now, she’d really appreciate it if you’d watch the two of us, and I know you’d like it, so what’s the problem? Is it weird watching her with another mare? Were you two close? I suppose I could understand that.” Kind of. I didn’t like having to watch Bright Lights with two stallions at once, but that was mostly because I didn’t like stallions. Besides, this was way tamer than that. It was basically just kissing. You know that’s a lie.

I laughed. Maybe a little. More an exaggeration than a lie.

“Wow.” He ran a hoof through his mane. “So, I’m just gonna go to my room and put on a sound spell. You two have fun, just feel free to do whatever crazy stuff you want.” He trotted to the threshold of his room and stopped to look back at me. “Although… Just so you know, she didn’t want any of that crazy stuff when we were together. Why does she need it with you?”

He closed the door, and I stared at it, eye twitching. Everything tensed up in me for a minute before I burst into moving all at once. Barrelling into the room and slamming the door shut with magic, I planted my hooves in front of Scootaloo and glared. “Do you love me?”

“What? Yeah,” Scootaloo said, looking at me like I’d completely lost my mind. “You know I do, what’s going on?”

“Kiss my horn,” I said, still staring at her. “Don’t say anything else, just kiss my horn.”

“Sweetie, you’re acting–”

“I just said ‘Don’t say anything else,’ didn’t I?” I asked, moving to sit on the bed. “Did you have a problem kissing Rusty’s horn?” My eye twitched again. “Nevermind, I don’t want to hear what you did or didn’t do, just do it. Oh, and in case you don’t know what to do, tracing your tongue down the groove works really well. And if you still want to be humiliated for some reason, just know I’m going to be really loud, and the walls are thin. Rusty’s still going to hear everything. And don’t stop until I say so.”

She hesitated, but eventually moved to wrap her lips around the tip of my horn. I sighed and rolled over on my back as my back leg kicked. More of my horn fit in her mouth, and she traced the grooves. My eyes rolled into my head, and stars exploded in my vision. Too good for a novice. My whole body relaxed, but my stupid head couldn’t stop thinking. Thinking where she learned it. Why she didn’t need all the games with Rusty. I closed my eyes and did my best to focus on the pleasure shooting down from my horn, hoping it’d eventually bury my thoughts.

I hmmed and focused my eyes on the ceiling as strands of magenta peeked into view. A minute longer, and then… “Stop,” I said when the time’d passed, or I thought it’d passed. Just like that, all the problems I’d almost forgotten came back. I looked to Scootaloo and smiled. “Thank you, I really needed that.”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo said as I let my head loll off the edge of the bed. “Wanna tell me why you started acting so crazy?”

I rolled on my stomach and lifted my head up, frowning. “Because you wanted it.” You’re such a liar. Well, it was mostly true. “Okay, I was stressed and wanted you to kiss my horn, that was me, but you wanted to make it all about me humiliating you, so I did.” And why the hey didn’t you need Rusty to humiliate you all the time? Was there something wrong with me? You know the answer.

“Alright,” Scootaloo said, shaking her head. “That’s… Could you try being a little nicer to Rusty, and maybe not using him as a prop in our games?” She took a step forward, old fire replacing shame. “That wasn’t cool, Sweetie. We’re friends, you shouldn’t just–”

“Friends?” I laughed and got to my hooves. “And I thought I had good friends. I think most ponies would say your exes count as a little more than friends.”

“We didn’t date,” Scootaloo said, staring me down. Oh, right, time for the summer heat story. “It was just summer, you know? We get along, spend a lot of time together, and when it was time for the heat… I wasn’t going to get in a real relationship while I was waiting for you. Besides, can you really say a thing after all the stuff you did? I had sex with one pony while you were gone. You had sex with, like, one thousand.”

“Oh, throw that back in my face,” I said, rolling my eyes. “First, I wasn’t waiting for you. I didn’t know I was going to be saved, and I didn’t think I needed saving; I was just enjoying myself. Second, I don’t live with everypony I ever had sex with. Also, I don’t think my number was that high. A thousand is a lot, but… I guess if I had somepony different each day, it might be close.” I frowned. “I really don’t think it was a thousand, though.”

“How can you not know?” Scootaloo said. “That’s completely… and you’re saying it like it’s an excuse. Like me having sex with someone is worse than you sleeping with everyone.”

My eye twitched again. Were we really weren’t going to get in a fight over this? I sighed. If she was going to go ahead and keep being wrong, I guess we were. “‘How can I not know?’ You go out and sleep with a hundred ponies and try and remember all their names. It wasn’t like we had anything special, it was just mindless fun sex.”

“That’s what it was with me and Rusty!” she shouted back. “I didn’t love him like I love you.”

“And I didn’t love any of them,” I said, waving a hoof. “They were just…” I laughed at the line that popped in my head. “Simple props, to occupy my time.” Now, if I could just sing it, I’d be great. Maybe spoken word songs were going to be in soon? Maybe I could make an arthouse bluff and say I was doing it to force ponies to listen to the message instead of just hearing the sound? If I wore the sweater and beret, maybe.

I blinked and looked at Scootaloo, the same thought squatting in our head. “So… why are we fighting?” we both said at once.

“That’s…” I laughed and shook my head before wrapping my arms around her and kissing her the way she liked. “Because I can be a bit crazy, sometimes?”

She smiled and rubbed the back of her neck. “I probably didn’t help much. So, back to staring at a mirror?”

“Let’s do something fun, instead,” I said, using my magic to clear the bed and pull the silk out of my specialty bag. “We could both use some.”

“Yeah,” she said, staring at the silk as I pulled out a few more tools. “Do you think you could take the lead again? It was fine kissing your horn, but I’d like it if we…”

“Sure,” I said, smiling, Rusty’s last words echoing in my ears. I’d probably need to apologize later for being so awful to him. I didn’t want to have another Dazzler on my hooves, especially if we were going to be living together. My smile turned predatory. But that could wait. I had a project to work on.

***

I stood looking down at my latest masterpiece. A melted puddle of Scootaloo threatening to run down the crack between bed and wall. Seriously, how were we going to share that bed tonight? We couldn’t fit a bigger bed in here, either, if we wanted to have silly things like room to walk. Was I going to have to sleep at the penthouse?

“You were so good,” I crooned, whispering into her ear. Well, she was a good subject. I did almost all the work. Like usual.. “Also, how do you feel about doing games in public? I was thinking while we were out some time, I could wear a hat to cover my horn, and then I’d…”

There was a vague gurgle of interest.

“Great,” I said, grinning and bending down to kiss her forehead. “I’m just gonna go talk to Rusty while you recover. I should probably apologize for being so mean to him.” Even if he’d given as good as he got. Why does she need it with you? Maybe even better.

More gurgling as she tried to roll over and get to her hooves. Not yet. She was going to be spent for a while. I hummed to myself. The papers were wrong when they called me the Queen of Kink. I was a goddess. With an ego to match.

“What is it?” I asked, trotting back to Scootaloo. “Don’t stand yet, just… take your time.” I stroked her mane.

“Rusty… should apologize for the noise,” she panted. I giggled.

“Oh, he put on a noise canceling spell,” I said, laughing. “I just told you that to see how you handled the thought of somepony overhearing you. Kind of work you into public exhibitionism. Plus, I figured the whole shame of being overheard by an ex thing would make it all the more humiliating, embarrassing, and degrading for you.”

“That’s…” she trailed off. I grinned bigger.

“Pretty genius, I know. Anyways, you’re welcome. Have fun putting yourself back together.” I gave her another quick little kiss on her lips before trotting to the door, her back leg whimpered at my touch. Goddess, indeed.

I took the half step from our room to Rusty’s door and knocked. No answer. Understandable. I knocked again. What did I expect that time? I cracked the door open and trotted over to where he was sitting at a desk (A desk? How’d he fit a desk in there?), working on some metal thing, magic around his ear. I smiled, waved, and touched his bit of metal thing with my own magic, causing it to clatter down as the magic around his ears vanished in a puff.

“Sorry,” I said, keeping my smile up for him. “I didn’t mean to barge in, I just wanted to apologize for kind of being a jerk earlier. I was in a pretty bad mood about some stuff, and kind of took it out on you.”

“And Scootaloo,” he said, waving me in.

“Okay,” I said, walking in and sitting next to him. “I wasn’t nice to anypony earlier today, but at least Scootaloo likes it when I’m not nice to her.” I sighed and waved a hoof. “And yeah, if you want to say that’s really messed up or whatever, you’re probably right. Like, I think I’d be okay if we could just drop it… I don’t know, I kind of like being in control and…” I looked at him. “Sorry, you’re not my therapist. Anyways, I wanted to apologize, and I kind of hope we can be friends even if we got off to a pretty awful start.”

He shrugged. “Sure,” he said, looking at me. “You seem… really crazy, but you might be okay, too. Besides, I had four sisters, I’m used to crazy.” Well, that was super sexist. Why was crazy limited to mares? I rolled my eyes but decided not to say anything else. Besides, he was just a stallion. What did he know about mares? He probably knows a bit about Scootaloo.

I tilted my head. That wasn’t the worst idea I had. It wasn’t even the worst idea I had, ignoring the dark years. “Could you… help me with Scootaloo?” I asked. “I know it’s probably a little crazy because the two of you used to date, and I don’t know how you feel about her now, I just…” I sighed. “I just really want this to work out for us, and if you can offer me some help, I’d be stupid to ignore it.”

“Well...” He looked up from whatever thing he had in front of him and turned to face me. “I suppose, if you really wanted to make it work, you could try growing a–”

“Something possible, please!” I said, keeping him from finishing the thought. The gross, gross thought. Seriously, why would any mare be interested in that?

“That’s all I can think of,” Rusty said, going back to look at the chunk of metal he was… doing something to. Welding? “Honestly, I’m kind of impressed you’re managing to make it work at all. Scootaloo’s not exactly a switch hitter. She goes one way.”

“Obviously not,” I snorted, rolling my eyes. “She’s with me, and… once she understands all the awesome things two mares can do together, she’ll see how pointless stallions are, and everything’ll be fine.”

He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “We’re pointless now?”

I nodded. “A little. Like, I’m sure you and most stallions are nice or whatever, but we don’t really need you. There’s magical fertilization now so two mares can have a baby, but you can’t do the same thing with two stallions, and…” I trailed off, trying to remember how that worked, and one of the few thoughts that had stuck with me from the dark times. “So, every mare that gets magically fertilized, they have a mare, right? Because of genetics? So, they’re having mares, and straight couples, they’ve got a fifty percent chance of having mares, so every generation, there are more mares, fewer stallions, and eventually… If you had the chance to be born as a mare, you’d totally take it, right?”

“What?! No,” Rusty shouted. “Wow, you’re not just a lesbian, you’re like, super-ultra-mega-lesbian, or something. Can you even understand why a mare would want a stallion?”

I tilted my head and frowned. “They don’t know any better? I guess they could end up together because they’re friends and have some connection, but…”

“Okay, out,” he said, getting up and pointing a hoof at the door. “Out of my room before I do something really stupid. You can’t just barge into my room and start insulting stallions everywhere. What would you do if I said mares were only good for making foals?”

“I’d laugh in your face,” I said. “Equestria’s led by mares. The saviors of Equestria are mares. You owe your existence to mares. What do stallions do but act like jerks? No, seriously, what do they even do? Because I’ve lived my whole life and haven’t noticed anything special about you. Any reason for you to exist. We don’t need you.” My eye twitched as a vision of Mom appeared.

“Sweetie, darling, is it perhaps possible you’re taking other frustrations out on him?” Mom asked. “Considering your behavior, I think he’s been rather civil.”

Ugh, she was right. I sighed while he glared at me and pointed at the door. “Look, I’m sorry,” I said.

“Yeah, you started with that earlier, and that went real well. Are you going to end this one by saying all stallions should be sent to the moon?” he said, not budging. I had kind of screwed up my first apology, hadn’t I?

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Okay, I personally don’t get stallions. That’s me. That doesn’t mean you’re bad, and there are probably a lot of reasons mares would want to be with a stallion, I just… can’t think of one? Like, growing up, I spent more time with drakes than stallions, so…”

His glare lost some of its harshness as he raised an eyebrow. “Drake?”

“It’s…” The words stumbled in my head. “Drakes are to dragons like stallions are to ponies.” Not the shortest way to say it, but it got the point across.

“How does that even…” he mouthed some more words, and I tried not to roll my eyes.

“My mom’s getting engaged to Princess Twilight, and she has a dragon… Assistant? Son? Brother? Something like that. Anyways, I spent more time with him than any of the stallions in my life.” He opened his mouth to say the obvious thing and I cut him or. “Including my dad.” Or granddad.

My ear twitched as I imagined a stupid follow-up comment. “So, maybe between me growing up surrounded by mares and being a ‘hardcore-super-ultra-mega lesbian,’ I just… I might say stupid things about stallions sometimes, okay? Let me know when I do, and I’ll apologize.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, shrugging, and I felt a flicker of irritation. I opened up with him, and he just gave me a ‘yeah, sure’? Right, because stallions couldn’t handle emotions unless it was angry or horny or–

“Sweetie,” Mom said, giving me a look. I took a breath.

“So…” I said, smiling. “Is there any advice you can give me on how to make things work with Scootaloo?”

“Give up,” he said, sitting back down and looking at the metal thingy he was working on. “She’s never going to be attracted to you, just like you’re never going to be attracted to stallions. You can do all the trickery you want, but you’re never going to cross that gap.”

That’s… “Yes, I will,” I said, clenching my jaw. “Look, you’re nice, I think, and maybe this is rude, but there is nothing you can do to her that I can’t, and I can do it better. She turns into a puddle at my command, there’s…” I turned around and stomped off. “You’ll see. She’ll look at me like she used to look at you, and you’ll see how much she loves me.” I paused and looked back at him. “Sorry, I really do want us to be friends, though. Maybe it will go better if we talk about things that aren’t my relationship with Scootaloo?”

“Just stay out of my room,” he said, lighting up his horn and slamming the door in my face. Really? After I’d gone out of my way to be nice to him?

“That’s you being nice?” the young version of me asked, sticking her head down out of the ceiling. “When did we get so sour?”

I pulsed my horn to disappear her and made sure I was smiling when I entered Scootaloo’s room. She’d put herself back together a bit, and could actually track my movement when I entered the room. “Let’s do something fun tonight,” I said, sitting down at the foot of the bed. “What do you want to do?”

She lifted her head up off the pillow. “I actually have a race tonight,” she said, voice raspier than usual. “I was hoping it would be okay with you if I went.”

Wait, why did she care what I thought? “Of course you can,” I said, frowning. “You don’t need to ask me about it.”

“Just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t go all crazy and come up with some punishment,” she said, letting her head fall down.

“Okay, wait,” I said, trotting up next to her. “I’m not going to punish you for doing something you want to do. I think – I’m not sure, but I think – this is important to you. I’m not going to get in the way of it because of our game.” I smiled, time to be the good supportive marefriend, and show Rusty how much better I was. “I want you to be happy, I want you to do the things you love, and I’ll totally support you with this racing thing. Speaking of, tell me a bit more about it. Are there going to be bleachers where I can sit and watch you?”

She shook her head. “No, it’s… kind of not technically legal, but as long as we keep it late at night when most cabs are off the road and keep it to under ten times a season, the cops don’t care too much.”

I grinned and bounced in the air with giddiness. “Ooh, my marefriend’s an underground street racer? That’s so hot. Do you have an outfit? Something cool? Maybe faux leather? Ooh! Something like what the Wonderbolts wear.”

“That’s…” She sighed. “Yes, I have some gear I wear, okay, but it’s only because when you get going that fast, you need a little protection.” She trotted to her closet (not a walk-in) and pulled out a purple suit with a lightning bolt superimposed on top of a wing emblem on her chest, and a helmet to match. “Like it?”

“I do,” I said, leaning in to investigate it. The belly of the suit was a light pink, so the purple wing could stand out more. “Wait! You used my mane colors!”

She grinned. “Maybe. Maybe I just thought it was a cool look.” There was a pause and she laughed. “Actually, this is the third suit I got. The first one was red and black, because I thought that was just the awesomest color scheme out there. Then, I saw a bunch of other edgy teens wearing basically the same outfit and changed it.”

I laughed. “Well, I definitely like the change.” I pointed a hoof at the symbol. “Where did you come up with this?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, it just kind of felt right, you know?”

“Well, it definitely looks good,” I said, holding the suit in my hoof. “I don’t think Mom could’ve done better, although I don’t know if she works with leather – faux leather, she definitely doesn’t work with regular leather. Only griffons do that, right?”

“Do I look like I know about griffon fashion stuff? What’s the difference between real leather and faux leather, anyways?” she asked. My ears went flat and I looked away for a second.

“Oh, you don’t know?” I asked. Why would she? Most ponies didn’t deal with regular leather; everything here was faux leather for really obvious reasons. I only knew about it because I heard Mom complain about how barbarous it was that griffons still used it. “It’s… It’s tanned hide. I think it’s usually cowhide, but I’m not sure.” Scootaloo’s face went green. “But you shouldn’t have to worry about that, it’s really illegal to sell in Equestria.”

“That’s… ugh!” Scootaloo gagged and her ears went flat. “Why did ponies start wearing the stuff in the first place?”

“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging. “Maybe we thought it looked good, or maybe hundreds of years ago, we didn’t care as much. Some of those wars were really brutal, it wouldn’t be too crazy if ponies from back then wore animal skins. Then, when we civilized up, we still liked the look of it. Anyways, your suit looks good.”

“Yeah,” she said, rubbing at the suit and looking off into space. I knew that look, she was headed deep into Scootaland, which was probably way happier than Sweetieland.

“So, do you win every race?” I asked, looking up at her and changing the topic. “I bet with your wings, you can just zip circles around everypony on a scooter.”

She grinned. “Yeah, I can. It’s a good way to make a bit of extra money.” She shot her hoof off into the air and made a zipping noise. “I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty much the best racer around.”

I grinned back and tackled her, my lips pressed against hers a second later as she collapsed back onto the bed. “You don’t need to worry about bragging to me, I like it when you’re confident. Makes it all the funner when I have you begging at my hooves.” I straddled her with my back legs and pressed my heat against her. A kiss went to her neck. “So, how come you’re not racing professionally? I know there are scooter racing leagues, and I’m pretty sure you’re good enough to join.” And beat them all senseless. Being a professional racer probably paid better than being a courier, and that meant we could maybe get a bigger apartment. Without Rusty.

Of course, you could always just go back to the penthouse. You’re still paying the mortgage. I nodded. We could do that too. I’d have to sleep there, anyways, since it had an empty bed. If I wanted to sleep here, I could either take the couch or sleep on top of Scootaloo. Actually…

“Because,” Scootaloo said. “In case you don’t remember, I had a pretty important appointment to keep, and didn’t want something that big and distracting.” My barrage of kisses finally managed to melt the tension of my touch, and she even nuzzled my neck. She must be in a good mood. She’s giving affection instead of taking it. I ignored the thought and enjoyed the touch. Progress.

“So… basically, a bunch of reasons that don’t matter anymore,” I said, grinning.

“Yeah, but we can wait. Let’s focus on getting you okay, and then I can kick all sorts of flank. We’ve got time,” she said. My lip twitched. I was trying to be a good supportive marefriend, but instead, she was being stupid and difficult and making it all about how I needed to recover. I was doing better. A lot better..

“Fine,” I said, hopping off her. “It can wait.” I turned back to the mirror. “We have a few hours until we have to leave?”

“Uhh… yeah,” she said. I could see the her on the other side of the mirror looking at me in confusion. “Are you alright?”

“No, I’m fine,” I said, looking at myself. “I just have something to do and it can’t wait.”

She sighed and got to her hooves. “Really, you’re going to get mad at me for being nice? For trying to think about you instead of just doing whatever I want? Because if I did that, I wouldn’t have been there when you needed me.”

I stomped a hoof. “Well, I don’t need you anymore.” I winced and my anger deflated. “Of course, I need you,” I said, voice softer. “And I love being with you, I just hate how you’re always so…”

“So what?” Scootaloo said, voice rising. Good, time for the second fight of the day. Maybe we could set a record for most fights in a day. “So caring about you? So not wanting you to run off and ruin your life again? Yeah, I get how you hate ponies trying to care about you. It’s awful, isn’t it?”

“It is!” I said, whirling around to stare her down. “Everyday, worrying about disappointing you and Mom. It’s this constant stupid tension in my brain. Every day, I have you two in my head telling me what I can’t do, and it’s… You know, I’m almost happy Mom’s gone, because I don’t have to worry about her judging me all the time.”

Scootaloo laughed fire. “What the actual hell, Sweetie? You think we’re judging you? We just want you to be better, and instead you get all these crazy ideas. Next, you’re going to be saying how we all secretly hate you.”

That was– I froze and took a breath. Another breath. Another. “Alright, you’re right,” I said, ears drooping low. “I’m dumb and crazy, and you’re right, and I’m sorry, I just… I don’t like that you’re not doing all the things you want because of me.” I took a step closer to her. “I want to be a good supportive marefriend.” I grinned. “You know, when I’m not bossing you around and having you play all our fun games.”

She smiled and hugged hr. She eventually returned it. “Why don’t we spend a few more weeks working on you, and then after my summer camping trip, we can…” My ears perked up.

“Camping trip?” I asked, tilting my head. “Like our old Ponyville camping trips?”

“Exactly like that,” Scootaloo said, nodding and putting her outfit back in the closet. “AB and I kept going camping after you left, and it got a lot more extreme than just going to Ponyville’s backyard. This year, we’re going to Glacier Park near the Crystal Empire. It’s going to be pretty cool.”

I giggled. “With a name like Glacier Park, it sure sounds like it will be. Can I come?”

Scootaloo looked to her closet for a second and away from me. “It’s a bit rougher than just walking through Whitetail Woods,” she said. “You know, it’s cold, and we might have to deal with some rocky passes on our hike. If you want, you can just spend some time with your Mom in Ponyville, it’ll probably be more your speed.”

“And just what does that mean?” I asked, stomping towards her. “You don’t think I can do it just because it’s outdoors-ey?”

She tilted her head and stared at me. “Well… yeah,” she said. “Nothing against you, but this is going to be tough. Apple Bloom and I spend a lot of time working out, and Life Bloom’s tougher than she looks. You spent the last three years going between a penthouse and a stage, and the closest you came to a workout was front-page news. If it wasn’t so taxing, I’d be fine with it, but we’re going to mountains on the frozen edge of Equestria. It’s not a walk in the park.”

I laughed and felt like I was about to crack. “You don’t think I’m tough enough?” I ran a hoof through my mane. “Have you seen everything I did? And I’m still here.” Thanks to her. “I’m not some porcelain doll that’ll break if you play with me too rough. You know that’s not true, so stop babying me.”

“That’s…” She shook her head and bumped the closet closed with a hoof. “It’s a different type of tough. I’m not worried about you having some breakdown or anything, I just don’t think you’ll be able to keep up with us. That’s all.”

Oh? Was that all? I narrowed my eyes and stared at her. “I’m going.”

“But–” she started.

“I’m going.” We weren’t going to have anymore stupid debates. I was going camping with her, I was going to do everything she did, and she was going to eat her stupid words by the end of the trip. I tilted my head. “It’ll be fun to see Apple Bloom again.”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes and waved a hoof. “If you want to talk with Apple Bloom, you don’t need to go camping with us. We can show up a day early, have a nice dinner with everyone, and then you can go hang out with your Mom. There’ll probably be a lot of fun stuff for you to do at the castle, and the shopping scene in Ponyville’s expanded a lot in the last few years.”

Somehow, I managed to narrow my eyes even more without closing them, leaving a tiny little crack where green and black peeked out. “I’m. Going. Got it?”

She threw her head up in exasperation. “Why the hay do you have to be so stubborn? I’m just trying to take care of you.”

“Because I don’t need taking care of. I’m not some stupid filly, and I don’t need another manager.” I paused on the edge of not spitting out my next words. “I don’t need another Bright Lights.”

“That’s…” Scootaloo stammered. “She was trying to control every bit of your life. I’m trying to help you. There’s a big difference.”

“Funny,” I said, looking at her. “She said the same thing.” I pitched my voice to sound like the living embodiment of evil. “‘Oh, Sweetie, I’m just trying to take care of you. All I want is to see you happy.’ And it’s funny, you both try to make it sound like I need you, like I’m too broken or stupid to do what’s best for me without your help. Well…” I paused and steadied myself for the next words. “Guess what? I’m not stupid, and I’m not broken like you think I am.” No, you’re broken in a different way. “Shut up.” I blinked. “Not you, the voice in my head.”

“Really? You’re not broken? Because just a few hours ago, you were saying something else,” she said, pointing an accusing hoof at my flank.

“And you said I wasn’t!” I yelled, eyes wide and snorting, looking like one of those crazy bulls in a cartoon, with imagined smoke shooting out of my nostrils. “So, which is it? Were you lying then or are you lying now?”

“I said you were getting better!” Scootaloo said, snapping back. Hopefully, Rusty had cast another noise spell on himself. He’d probably need to cast more than a few. And you’re on your third fight of the day with the only mare in Equestria who loves you enough to stand being in the same room as you. Good job. “I said you were getting better, but that doesn’t mean… You’re not perfect. You’re not indestructible. You still need help.”

“Fine, help me, whatever,” I said, turning away from her and throwing my hooves in the air. “Help your poor broken marefriend. Tell me what I can and can’t do for the rest of my life.” I hopped into her bed and kicked my way under the covers. “And just to be extra safe, I’ll stay in bed unless you tell me to go out. We wouldn’t want something bad to happen to me, would we?” I turned away from her and pressed my lips tight to hide my smile. If she wanted to fight, if she wanted to pull out all the stops and go for a stupid cheap shot like that, I’d show her the other things Bright Lights’d taught me.

“Sweetie, I…” I heard the sound of hoofsteps moving towards me, and soon a hoof was on my shoulder. “You know that’s not what I want, I just want what’s best for you.”

“Bright Lights said the same thing,” I said, pulling away from her and doing my best to sound completely shattered. Not much of a challenge for you. “Just admit it, you’ll only be happy if you can control every bit of my life. ‘For my own good,’ that’s always how she put it.”

She laughed and moved to sit down. “You know that’s not what I want, okay? I like you strong and assertive. I want you to be you. I’m just worried about you going on the trip, that’s all.”

The silence dragged as I chose my words, the next part was tricky, it was the reversal, and nothing else mattered if I couldn’t pull it off. “But I’ll have you with me on the trip, right? You’re not planning on leaving me alone in the woods?”

“Well, if you went, of course, I’d stay close to you, but…”

I grinned and spoke before she could refocus. “So, I’d have you with me the whole time, and it’s not like I’m afraid of dirt like my mom is. I can spend some time roughing it.” I’m spending time in your apartment, aren’t I? “If my Mom could do Rainbow Falls, I can do Glacier Park.”

“Yeah, but it’s a lot rougher than–” I rolled over and kissed her before she could see my grin, wrapping my arms tight around her.

“I can rough it.” I giggled for her. “In fact, I bet you’d agree that I’m pretty good at roughing it.” I stroked her with a hoof, and she tensed again.

“You’d have to sleep in an actual tent, not that thing your Mom used on her trip. It’ll just be some fabric, a cushion, and your sleeping bag between you and the dirt,” she said, resistance crumbling, before shaking her head. “And… it’s actually dangerous. Cold, and there’s wildlife, and the terrain isn’t going to be anything like around Ponyville. It’s going to be rocky. We might have to do some rock climbing.”

“Yeah, but I’ll have you, and you can take care of me, right? Or were you lying? Because if you just say you don’t think you can keep me safe on a little camping trip, then I won’t bring it up again,” I said, nuzzling her neck so she couldn’t see my smirk. She pulled her head back, and my face switched back to looking sad.

“Of course, I can take care of you,” she said, radiating confidence. “That’s not the problem–”

“Then what is?” I asked, tilting my head. “If I can handle roughing it, and you won’t have a problem keeping me safe, why are you so worried?”

She sighed and crumbled, defeated. “Fine, you can go, but you have to do everything I say, got it?”

I grinned at her. “Everything?” I stretched the word out to encompass forever, so she could get all the implications.

“Everything that has to do with survival,” she added. “But you’ve gotta promise me that, alright?”

“Deal!” I said, beaming and hugging her tight and pressing my lips up against hers in a quick kiss before she could flinch away.

“There,” I said when it finally broke. “We sealed it with a kiss, so that means neither of us can back out. We’ve both got to honor our ends of the bargain.”

“Sweetie, I don’t think that’s an actual thing,” she said, shaking her head. “Did you just make that up?”

“Maybe,” I said, laughing. “But we can make it a thing. If you want. Or we can think of other ways to seal the deal.” I purred to let her know the direction my mind bent in. It always worked best if you did it that way. How many times did Bright Lights throw me a party after I agreed to go along with her? Something big and decadent to make me forget I ever disagreed with her in the first place.

“Sweetie Belle, what did you just think?” my mother asked, storming through the door. I sighed.

“One minute,” I said, getting to my hooves and trotting passed my mom towards the door, leaving Scootaloo behind. “I need to think some things out.” I waved a hoof at Mom. “Come on, I’m sure she’ll be popping out any time, so we can have a big talk.” In a really tiny bathroom. At least they weren’t going to take up actual space.

“Sweetie!” Scootaloo said following after me. “Are you alright?”

I stopped and rolled my eyes so hard, they could have burst out of their socket. Wasn’t she supposed to be smarter than me? I definitely remember her being smarter than me when I was younger. At least she realized what she’d said a minute later, and tacked on some explanation. “You know what I mean. Can you talk to me about what’s bugging you instead of locking yourself up?”

“Nope,” I said, grabbing the bathroom door handle and looking back at her. “I can’t talk to you about something until I know what I think about it, so I have to sort that out first. I promise, it’s nothing that big, I just need to think.” Liar. Well, it sounded better than ‘I’m worried our relationship is turning me into Bright Lights.’ She probably wouldn’t take that well, especially since I just accused her of being Bright Lights.

“It’s good to see I made such an impression on your psyche,” Bright Lights said, sitting triumphantly in the bathtub. Look, Scootaloo’s bathroom is really small, and my hallucination had to make do with what she had. At least she wasn’t sitting on the bathroom’s throne, that would be awkward for a conversation. “A bit insulting to see what pale imitations my successors are, but they can’t all live up to my standard of excellence. At least, you’re making me proud.”

“Do I have to say anything?” Mom asked, trotting through me into the bathroom and making sure the toilet lid was closed. “If you have her approval, what more proof do you need that you’re acting in error?”

“Yeah, okay,” I said, kicking the bathroom door closed. “Sorry, Scootaloo! Just ignore me, and get ready for your race tonight. I promise I’ll be good by then.” I listened for a response. She didn’t say anything, which meant she agreed with me but hated to admit it. I turned back to Mom, who was doing her best to make herself sit comfortably on the set. “I get your point. I understand what you’re saying, but I’m doing what Scootaloo wants.”

“Really?” Mom asked, tilting her head. “So, Scootaloo wants you to manipulate her? She asked you to steal Bright Lights’ playbook to win your arguments? Arguments, I add, which are becoming alarmingly frequent.”

I shrugged at that. “You heard what she said. I wasn’t going to let her just tell me what to do! I had enough of that for a lifetime.” I paused, dropping my voice to a whisper in case somepony was tricking me and listening outside the door. I wouldn’t put it past her. Because she cares about you. And who asked you? “She called me broken.”

“And she clarified what she meant. It’s not like she has a monopoly on saying things in the heat of the moment,” Mom said, staring at me with wide compassionate eyes, while Bright Lights just sat there, smirking. That was… Yeah, I’d said some things I’d need to apologize for, too, even if we weren’t counting how I’d twisted her around like she was my puppet.

“And to be fair,” Bright Lights said...

“You are broken,” we both finished. I tilted my head and looked at her. “I think you need to get newer material. I’ve kind of heard it all, now. Which, I guess considering I wrote it all, makes sense. Still, could you maybe mix it up a bit?”

“I’m here to offer my moral support, for once,” Bright Lights said, waving a hoof. “I just couldn’t pass up the low-hanging fruit when it presented itself. Call it force of habit.” And my self-loathing was agreeing with me. Or maybe she wasn’t my self-loathing. Was she something else? Like my evil side? What would my evil side look like? Look in the mirror.

The mare in the mirror rolled her eyes. “Sorry, I don’t think hating everything you’ve ever done counts as evil, considering you ruined our lives. I’m the good Sweetie.” My horn pulsed, and at least one hallucination went away. Out of all my hallucinations, she was the one I liked least. And what does that say about you? Nothing. Shut up. Also, thanks for reminding me that she’s my second least favorite.

“Where were we?” I asked, shaking my head and looking at Mom.

“You were trying to justify your actions, while Bright Lights showered you with praise,” Mom said, waving a hoof at the mare sitting in the tub.

“And you’re that much better?” I asked, turning on her. “Just because you’re in the perfect little relationship now, you think you can judge everypony else? I bet you lied to Applejack all the time.”

Mom laughed and shook her head. “And that shows just how little you understood about our dynamic. No, Applejack and I were always honest with each other. Brutally honest to the point of bordering on sadism, perhaps, but honest.”

“Great, well since I don’t want to spend forever fighting with Scootaloo, I think I’ll just stick with lying when she gets dumb,” I said, keeping my voice low and turning the fan on. The fan in my bathroom was almost silent. Scootaloo’s wasn’t. I guess there was an upside to her apartment.

“Absolutely right,” Bright Lights said, summoning a drink in her hooves. “I knew that Element of Honesty was overrated. Maybe you can see about introducing the Element of White Lies.”

“Could you please shut up?” I asked, looking at her. “I’m trying to convince my mom that I’m right, and you’re kind of not helping.”

“You mean you’re trying to convince yourself,” Mom said. “If you didn’t have doubts, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?” I asked, shaking my head. What? She just wanted me to let Scootaloo keep being wrong and dumb? I ended our fight, and wasn’t that you were supposed to do with them? “Not try to persuade them? Because I don’t see a difference between what I do and what you’re trying to do. We’re both trying to manipulate ponies for our own benefit, but when you do it, it’s supposed to be okay.”

“Sweetie, I know you can understand the difference between manipulating somepony and having an honest discussion to try and explain yourself,” Mom said, staring at me. “I know it, because I know it.”

“But she’s so good at it,” Bright Lights said, her drink having turned into a pendant with my cutie mark emblazoned on it. “She can convince anypony of anything, and she can convince herself even faster.” Her eyes glinted, and she cackled. “Maybe that’s what her mark means. It’s a siren’s song, luring ponies into her clutches. She did get it for manipulating all her friends into having the perfect day. How many lies did she tell that day?”

“That’s…” I turned from Mom to her. “I didn’t lie to them. Don’t you dare try to take that day away from me. To turn it into another awful thing I did. I’m so…” I sat down on the bathroom floor and tried not to think of when was the last time it was cleaned. “That’s one of the few things I’m still proud of.”

“And you should be,” Bright Lights said, nodding her head. “You brought happiness to your friends and all of Ponyville. You arranged a perfect day for everypony you loved, and I won’t fault you for that, but don’t delude yourself into thinking you achieved that end through honest means. You lied to and manipulated them just as surely as you’re manipulating Scootaloo now.” She smirked. “Or did you tell them just how you learned what they wanted?”

“That’s not…” I looked back to Mom for support. “It was different, right?”

“Why do you care?” Mom asked, tilting her head. “If talking with a pony’s the same as lying to them, then why does the idea that you might have manipulated your friends concern you? You knew what was best for them and gave it to them, just like you know what’s best for Scootaloo now.”

The world tilted as something stabbed into my head. It was right, wasn’t it? I did kind of manipulate them then, and I was doing the same thing now, and it was definitely okay then, right? Like, I got my cutie mark for it, so it had to be, and if it was…

Bright Lights laughed while Mom’s eyes went wide. “I win,” she gloated to my Mom. “One more point for me, please, putting the score at… How many points am I winning by?”

“Sweetie,” Mom said, fading away. “That wasn’t what I was trying to get you to realize. Think of the motive. Think of–” I couldn’t hear her anymore. Everything I’d done was a manipulation. How many times had Bright Lights told me that to convince me how selfish and bad I was, but maybe it was my talent, or at least part of it. Even singing was kind of a manipulation, wasn’t it? My songs could make them stomp and cheer or break their hearts, depending on what I wanted.

I want.

The phrase rang in my ears. “You must be the most selfish pony in Equestria,” Bright Lights said, repeating the words she told me to make me fall and forget myself. I wanted and I knew how to get what I wanted. It was part of the talent stamped on my flank, but not all of it. That was the key. There was more. I got it for making ponies happy, too. For giving them what I wanted. I blinked. Giving them what they wanted.

Ugh, and Bright Lights made me realize the hidden half of my cutie mark – not just the singer, but the manipulator. Well, if that’s what I was. I sat up straight and looked at my reflection. She nodded her approval. I stood and left the bathroom, trotting to where Scootaloo was doing one-hoofed push ups in our bedroom. She got to her hooves and turned to me, I wrapped her in a hug. “Sorry for being a little crazy today,” I said, smiling, calm seeping into me as a laugh bubbled up. “Or a lot of days, I guess. I think I’m better, though. Anyways, starting today, I’m going to make up for all the terrible stuff I put you through.”

“Sweetie, you don’t have to make anything up to me, just be happy,” Scootaloo said, annoyingly selfless. Between her and Mom, couldn’t they just want something so I could give it to them? You know, something beyond just me being happy.

“I know,” I said, flicker of annoyance passing in a second as the calm stifled it, easy smile making itself home on my face. “And I appreciate it, but I want you to get what you want. I want you to do more with your life than just play my caretaker. You deserve everything you want.” Sure, Bright Lights told me the same thing, but I meant it. That was the difference, and that made all the difference.

Scootaloo studied me, looking for anything off, any sign I was about to become Bad Sweetie again. Or maybe that I was trying to hide Crazy Sweetie. She wouldn’t find either, anymore. “You’re sure you’re alright?” she asked. I just nodded and tried not to laugh. Was seeing me calm that weird it made her think something was wrong. I blinked. Actually, it probably was.

“Alright,” Scootaloo said slowly, keeping her eyes on me like I’d turn into some monster or disappear in a puff of smoke if she looked away for a second. “So, I guess you had a good talk with yourself?”

“Yes,” I said, nodding my head. “And I have this funny little feeling that it might be the last one.” I laughed. “I could be wrong, but I feel really good right now. Like I figured out something important.”

“And what was that?” Scootaloo said, look softening and taking a step towards me as her worries and fears melted away. She was happy. I was making her happy, giving her what she needed to hear. What was nicer than that?

“Who I’m supposed to be,” I said, nuzzling her neck. She tensed at the touch. Of course, she did. She didn’t want soft and tender, she wanted dominant and forceful. My lip twitched. She’d get what she wanted. I drew away. “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I think I finally have an answer.”

“Yeah, cool,” she said, rubbing her head. “Any chance you want to tell me just who that is?”

“Sweetie Belle,” I said, still smiling at her. “That’s all I really can be, right? Just, a different type of Sweetie. Not the one who twisted herself into being happy all the time, and definitely not the one who lived in the penthouse, but somewhere in between.” A Sweetie who views ponies as toys to be manipulated. Oh, good, the voice in my head was already back. Guess that made me even more of a liar. “I think that’s a good thing to be.”

“Uhmm… Sweetie,” Scootaloo said. “That doesn’t actually tell me anything.”

I laughed. “Then I guess you’ll have to see for yourself.” I gave the confident grin I knew electrified her. The one that could push her to the boundary of her subspace by itself. She had to go where she wouldn’t question me. “I promise you’ll like it.” She has to.

“Sweetie Belle,” Mom’s voice rang in my ears. “This isn’t a new bold direction you’re heading off in, it’s a disastrous repetition, and you know it.”

“No, it’s not,” I said in my head, keeping half my mind on Mom and half on Scootaloo. To keep her distracted, I pressed my lips up against hers and backed her into the wall. “It’s… I’m doing what she wants. I’m making her happy.” I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t. Laughing and making out didn’t go well at all. “It’s what I’m best at, and… and seeing her like putty in my hooves, that makes me happy, too. What’s wrong if we’re both happy?”

She sighed as Scootaloo sighed for a different reason. “Sweetie Belle, just… be honest with yourself. Promise me you won’t delude yourself like you did before,” Mom said, exasperation obvious in her voice.

I mentally agreed. That was… Yeah, maybe part of my talent was lying to other ponies, but I’d done lying to myself, and that wasn’t so fun. “So, you’re willing to acknowledge that by lying to and manipulating Scootaloo to make her happy, you’re functionally doing the same thing to her that Bright Lights did to you?”

“If it makes her happy, I guess I am,” I said in my head. “It gives us both what we want, right? And it’s not like Bright Lights, where–”

“Allow me to stop you there, Sweetie,” Mom’s voice said while my hoof ran down to Scootaloo’s flank. Okay, talking with my mom while making out with Scootaloo… I searched for another voice to fill the role, and finally found one that would do okay.

“It’s worth noting you’re judging yourself by your intentions, but Bright Lights solely by her actions,” Life Bloom said in my head. “And judged solely by your actions, the two of you are behaving identically, both manipulating your partner to your own ends under the guise of benefitting them.”

Okay, maybe using a pony known for her brutal honesty wasn’t my best idea. Still… “One minute,” I purred into Scootaloo’s ear. “I think I’ve given you more than enough today, and I wouldn’t want to distract you before your race.”

“Oh, yeah,” Scootaloo said, blinking her eyes as her head cleared. She let herself slump against me. “Good call.”

“Of course, it is,” I said, trotting away from her. “But don’t worry, I’ve got something in mind for when we get back, although…” I made a show of looking around. “Nevermind, I think this room is just a bit too small. Forget I said anything.”

“Wait!” she said, taking a step after me. “We could always go back to your penthouse tonight. It’d probably be better if we did that, anyways. We’ll be getting back kind of late, and I wouldn’t want to wake up Rusty.”

I looked away from the mirror so Scootaloo couldn’t see my smile and I couldn’t see her judgment. This is what I was good at. It was my talent. I had to do my talent, and it could make Scootaloo happy. That wasn’t bad? That wasn’t bad.

“If you’re sure,” I said, exhaling my doubts for a second. “I wouldn’t want to tell you what to do.” I swished my tail. “Well, except for when I do.”

“No, it’s fine,” Scootaloo said while I headed to the door to go… somewhere? Outside of her room. “Although, I probably should start getting ready and see if Rusty’ll give my scooter one last check.” My eye twitched. She was going to see Rusty without me. What did they talk about? What was he going to tell her? Why had I trusted him?

“Because you were trying to be honest after deception almost destroyed your life,” Mom said, popping into existence right in front of me.

“Not fair,” I whispered under my breath, while Scootaloo went to get her scooter. I took another step to the bathroom. “I’m just doing what I’m good at. It’s not my fault I have a special talent that’s all about lying.” How come my good mood only lasted for a few minutes? Now the voices were back in full force, and this time, it was my mom leading the charge against me, while Bright Lights was completely quiet. And what does that tell you? I groaned.

Mom just stared me as I walked through her and back into the bathroom. “It’s not my fault,” I said, kicking the door shut. “It’s my talent, isn’t it? I know how to get a pony to do what I want. I know what buttons to press on Scootaloo to make her happy, and isn’t that my talent? Manipulating them into being happy? Why do you have to make me feel awful about it?”

“Because a part of you does feel awful about it,” she said, waving a hoof as she followed me into the bathroom. I stepped into the tub so we could both stand without stepping through each other. Bathrooms probably weren’t the best place for long talks with myself, but I wasn’t going to let Scootaloo hear them. And I thought I’d solved the voices in my head. “I don’t spring from nothing, Sweetie Belle. The rush of epiphany’s faded, and doubt returns to chip away at it. In this instance, I’m all for doubt.”

“But… I’m not hurting anypony,” I said, taking a seat. And spots in the tub were still wet. Gross. “I’m making her happy, aren’t I?”

“So did Bright Lights,” Mom said. “How many times did she assure you that she was working for your own good? It doesn’t change the fact she stripped away your will and turned you into…” She waved a hoof, and sent me back to the mess the penthouse was after my breakdown. “That thing. Is that what you wish for Scootaloo?”

“No…” I said, ears flat against my head. “I wouldn’t hurt her, I’m just doing what she wants, it’s not my fault, and it feels so good to…” I trailed off as Mom raised her eyebrows.

“I believe we reach the core of the dilemma beneath all the justifications,” she said.

“Well, duh,” Bright Lights said, standing on the sink counter. “It’s all about what Sweetie wants. It always has been, but it’s fun seeing how she justifies it to herself. You know, I was right when I told you what a terrible pony you were. Doesn’t this prove it? Even after all the love you soaked up and absorbed, you still fall back into manipulation and deception.” She looked at my flank. “But what can you expect when you’ve got a siren’s mark on your side, leading good ponies to their doom.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “I thought you were–” I stopped before I could say “trying to help me.” Not that I needed to say it for them to know.

Bright Lights laughed. “But, Sweetie, I am trying to help you. Just, not towards good. I’m helping you accept your vile loathsomeness. To accept the fact that you’re a monster who manipulates ponies as easily as normal ponies breathe. Bludgeon your conscience and embrace yourself. There’s no point suffering anymore.”

“Please tell me you aren’t listening to a single one of her poisoned words,” Mom said, glaring at Bright Lights. “Sweetie, you’re better than her. You’re a good pony, no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise.”

“Am I?” I asked, tilting my head. “I don’t do good things, do I? And I like controlling Scootaloo, seeing her so helpless and bound and enthralled and…” I trailed off, fidgeting uncomfortably. “I do, but if it makes me like her–” I pointed a hoof at Bright Lights. “–Then maybe that’s what I am.”

“I know you don’t believe that,” Mom said, shaking her head and stepping forward to caress my cheek. “If you did, you wouldn’t have brought me here. Your heart knows the truth of it.”

“Alright,” Bright Lights said, shrugging her shoulders. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe you are good. Then give it up. Give up the only little thing that’s brought you happiness since you woke up. Give up that control.” She smirked. “But if you don’t give her what she wants, how long do you think Scootaloo will stay with you? What will you do when she begs you to dominate her? Resist?”

“Mom?” I asked, looking at her for some support. She had to know something that would help me. Instead, she just looked at me.

“It pains me to admit it, but perhaps she’s right, Sweetie,” Mom said before adding, “Not about you being a monster, but… perhaps it would be better for everypony if you and Scootaloo went back to just being friends.”

No.

I clenched my jaw and took a breath, drawing the two of them back into me where they belonged. That wasn’t going to happen. I wasn’t going to. Scootaloo loved me. I owed my life to her. I couldn’t hurt her. I took another breath as I felt Mom kick around in my head before she calmed down. I closed my eyes and slumped against the wall.

“It’s fine, Sweetie,” I said to myself. “It’s fine, it’s fine. We like it, she likes it. Everypony’s happy. Everypony’s happy, and nopony’s getting hurt. Nopony at all.” I laughed and my voice dropped to a whisper. “Nopony at all.” I got to my hooves. “And now, we’re going to be there for her, be the best marefriend we can, she’s going to absolutely love it, and we’ll both be so happy we can barely stand it.” My smile flickered like a dying fire. “And to show her just how much I love her, I’m going to plan something really… just great for her after the race.” Like maybe trying out one of my whips… or putting her in that one outfit I got.

“Oh, Scootaloo,” I said, trotting out of the bathroom. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

Author's Note:

Expect a chapter at least twice a month from here on out. I'll have the next bit out right before BronyCon.

Comments

[FillyD]

I'm still really enjoying the story, but the more I read, the more I just want to throttle Scootaloo. She just keeps making progressively worse decisions and I really do not understand what could be going through her head to get her here from where she was at the beginning of the story. Of course, I know she's not the main character, and Sweetie's obviously not going to ask her what she's actually thinking, but I'm personally struggling to understand Scootaloo's motivations and reactions here.

On an editorial note, this sentence seems to have gotten garbled:

She smiled and hugged hr.

[Distaff Pope]

7319021 I mean, Sweetie kind of wants to throttle Scootaloo too, so I like to think that means I'm doing an okay job making you empathize with her.

As for what's going on in Scoitaloo's head, I don't think she 100% knows. She knows she loves Sweetie, she knows she's physically attracted to stallions, and she knows that Sweetie can do things to her that cause the wiring in her head to blow out. It's like a drug for her, and she doesn't even know she's hooked.

Unfortunately, Scootaloo doesn't know the effect she's having on Sweetie. She doesn't even know she's doing anything wrong, because this type of relationship is virgin territory to her, and as discussed earlier, her thoughts are currently an exploded Pollock painting: a confused jumbled mess of meaning that defy normal explanation.

[Innocent shypony]

Well well... This will lead to a disaster and to a horrible breakup. I can see it. Or maybe Scoots will cheat on her and Sweetie will find out.
Or at least a veeeeeeerry heated arguement that will cause both side too much damage to handle.
I just hope you planned some kind of better ending unlike the Last story.

[Peachy Keen]

Oh no, Sweetie's turning into Bright Lights 2.0! That epiphany really rocked her perception of who she is. Now even I'M wondering if her special talent is both manipulation and singing. If it's really true and not just a trick of her own mind, she's going to have a heck of a time resisting being a manipulator (to the point of CAN she even resist). She has never not been a manipulator. Even when she was under Bright Lights control, Sweetie still felt like she was in control because she still got whatever she wanted. It was two manipulators manipulating each other, but Bright Lights was always the one with the power and control, the master manipulator.
Will Sweetie Belle find a way to suppress her possible true nature? Is it healthy to resist ones cutie mark like that? Will she find a way use manipulation to benefit everyone around her? Well, she's kinda trying to do that now, and it's not really working out too well.
Oh Sweetie, this is quite the mess you're in, but I hope in the end you end up in a good place and are happy.

I'm happy to see this story back and to hear about the twice monthly updates! *Sigh* This story always stabs me in the heart with every chapter, and yet I praise it for doing so every time! Well done Distaff.

[Distaff Pope]

7321196 Thanks. Sweetie's not entering a good place. She has to explore her own dark side to determine what she wants to reject and what she wants to keep, and she has to choose to explore that side of herself willingly.

Glad you're still staying invested in Sweetie Belle's Wild Ride.

[fallen starr]

Oh, these two...this just isn't going to work out, I feel. Maybe it could have, if they had waited, but Scoots is that straight and Sweetie...well, it just doesn't look good.

[Arcanum -Phantasy]

This is going to end in a sea of flames with blood rain poring onto the land. Yeah, this can only go so well.

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

“Oh, and before I forget – apparently, the perks of being royalty include an almost embarrassingly large amount of discretionary income, so I’ll be wiring a monthly stipend to you and Scootaloo. .....

If my phone could post links
"Baby Girl" by Sugarland