This story is a sequel to A Game of Screwball
When the Barn and Bailey Circus is coming to Ponyville, Cosgrove starts having bad memories that only his friends both at the circus and Ponyville could answer.
In the Human World, Sunset Shimmer begins her long journey to regaining the trust of the school. At Applejack's advice, she decides to start small. Along the way, Sunset finds that one of the classmates she's apologizing has additional problems.
Occurs exclusively in the Old Timeline near the end of Season 4.
Chapters (9)
I'm honestly not really sure what this story is about. The main character, Cosgrove, used to be part of a circus but he's not anymore. Also Sunset Shimmer is sad because nobody likes her, which isn't surprising. But other than that I'm confused.
Sometimes they're humans, sometimes they're ponies. When they're which isn't clear.
You're going off the assumption that the reader already knows about all the characters (including Cosgrove), and even though it's mostly true you should describe more... Everything.
Prance would be a country, not a city, as it's the ponified version of France.
What are the Sleipner, why are they there? I suppose having a couple merponies makes enough sense. And what's the difference here between horses and ponies?
You need a lot more description, and an editor. I noticed several grammar mistakes, and you should always write numbers out in the narration and dialogue (sixty-six instead of 66 and so on)
Also, something that's not such a big deal, but you should make longer chapters, 1000 word chapters are a bit short, less than that is super short.
This would be a much better story if the writing was more coherent, I've read about half (chapter three seems to be missing) and I'm not sure what this is supposed to be about yet, you want your readers to know what it's about in the first chapter or very least second chapter.
I hope this helps.
(Commence Comments review)
7325498
Thank you for taking the time to read one of my earliest works. I should edit the chapter list as well, the mentioning of a lack of chapter 3 maybe due to an oversight on my part.