Excuses... Excuses...

by pertelote345

What Dreams May Come?

"What was I thinking!" I shouted, clamping my hooves over my head.

Cadence stared at me, her hair frazzled. "What were you thinking? What was I thinking? I really thought it was a good idea to go through the trash of my sister's girlfriend and now we know a crazy secret that we can't un-know!"

Then it hit me. "Cadence that's it! I'll burn the paperwork and then you can wipe our memories!" It was just a mistake. We could un-do this!

Cadence threw up her hooves. "How am I supposed to do that!"

"I don't know! You're a princess! Use a spell or something!"

"Shining, I don't know that kind of spell!" she cried. "Plus it sounds like the kind of thing that could give a pony a lobotomy."

There goes that option... I started pacing. "Oh crap, oh crap... We've seriously stepped in it this time! Celestia's going to hate us... Twilight's going to loathe us!"

Suddenly Cadence perked up. She grabbed me by the shoulders. "Shining, that's it! No one else has to know!"

I gaped at her. "What are you talking about! We can't keep this a secret from Twilight. I'd explode! Plus, the longer we wait to come clean the worse it's going to get."

She held up a hoof. "Shining, think about it. What will telling Twilight and Applejack that we dug up her gender history actually do? Because all I think it's going to do is make Applejack sad and self conscious around us and Twilight despise us... But in reality, nothing's changed. We haven't hurt anyone! If we just clam up and act like nothing happens neither of those two ponies will be sad."

I gave her a troubled look. "Cadence... That's the kind of thing criminals say to avoid confessing their crimes..."

She looked me in the eye. "Seriously, would we be telling them for them or for us so we can feel better?"

I tried to process that. "I... Honestly I'm not sure... But it feels wrong."

Cadence looked down. "Dang... I was really hoping that argument would fly."

I sighed... This was getting us nowhere. "Look, you're right about one thing. We don't have to decide what to do tonight... Why don't we just get some sleep? I know this is a huge mess, but we should be able to process all of this a lot better in the morning."

Cadence nodded. "Okay..."

I took her in my arms and held her tight. I didn't feel perfect, but I felt at least a little better. Wrapped around a mare this beautiful who wouldn't.

"Shining?"

"Yes Cady?"

"I like Applejack... And I really don't want to screw this up for Twilight."

I breathed in the sweet scent of her mane. "Me too Cady, me too."

#

My wife stared at the Princess of the Night. "Okay, I really didn't think we'd be discovered this quickly."

The male version of Applejack patted my shoulder. "Dude, that's harsh."

Luna rubbed her forehead and let out a groan that scared off a small herd of plantain like creatures. "Cadence, Shining Armor... What on Earth were you thinking?"

Dream Applejack stood in front of me. "Hey! Don't be mean to Shining! He's just a bro lookin' out for his little sister ya' know homie?"

Luna gave me the look my subconscious deserved... Then she summoned up a pitfall and my dream Applejack dropped out of sight.

She had already disposed of Cadence's dream AJ. Hers was more... visibly male.

"Now," Luna began. "Let us discuss how we are going to resolve this matter." She summoned up an easy chair and a sofa. and placed them onto the puffy clouds that made up our dreamscape.

Cadence and I shamefully walked over to our seats. Luna placed herself in front of us. "So... What are your plans?"

Cady and I exchanged a look. "Uh... Aren't you going to punish us?" Cady asked.

Luna snorted. "Punishment is only useful when it's educational. I learned that the hard way."

I blinked. "Uh... Actually punishment serves another important role, Princess. It's a rational alternative to mob justice."

Luna raised an eyebrow. "I see no reason to encourage ponies viewing vengeful urges as positive or just in any way, but there are some who disagree with me on that. Nevertheless I cannot imagine your sister or her marefriend wanting your blood in recompense for this offense. At worst, I would suspect a serious loss of respect for you two and possibly a cessation of communication for no more than five years, depending on how merciful they're feeling."

We twitched.

"However," Luna continued. "That is the absolute worst case scenario. If you would like to hear my opinion on how to resolve this I would be happy to provide it."

Cadence raised a hoof.

Luna turned to her. "Yes, my niece?"

My wife looked down. "I... I don't know if it's a good idea to use this, but does all of this fall under dream counselor privilege?"

Luna nodded. "You are not hurting yourself and you have no plans to hurt anyone else, so yes. The information I've gathered from your dreams shall not be shared without your permission, just as I did not share information about Applejack's trans status."

I... Actually I was never aware of that rule. "Wait, Princess, you're not saying that you routinely converse with murderers, rapists and thieves, and never tell the guard about them, right?"

To my complete shock, Luna nodded. "That is correct, provided they have no plans to commit further crimes. I would much rather get such ponies treatment than punish them. I have filled more than a few psychological hospitals in my time here. And emptied more than a few prisons."

I stared at her, but she just shrugged. "The recidivism rate is much lower, and my sins are sufficiently dark that I would be lying if I did not feel some sympathy for others who've sinned, but we're not here to talk about that. In this circumstance I would definitely suggest telling at least Applejack."

"Wait, why!" Cadence interjected, completely ignoring the fact that Luna was routinely obstructing justice. "I know my argument for not telling her works in my favor, but it's not wrong! Twilight and AJ don't need to know about this to live happy awesome lives, just like Celestia didn't need to tell Shining about how he was investigated!"

I turned to my wife. "Wait... Cady, you knew about that?"

Cadence blanched.

Luna eyed the exchange with a nervous look. "Perhaps I should-"

"I'm sorry!" My wife cried. She looked down at her hooves, shaking. "I... I'd just gotten to know you and I was really into you and I didn't want to drive you away over someone else doing something stupid... And I didn't even want to drive you away from Celestia, because she's a great pony and... I just..."

She looked terrified, like she was on the verge of sobbing. "Please... Please don't..."

I stared at her. I stared at my beautiful wife. The wife that had betrayed me...

The mare who saved my life, who made me soup when I was sick... Who carried my child.

I took that mare and hugged her close. "I forgive you."

She looked up at me. "R-really?"

I nodded. "You think I care if you knew about my ballet lessons? Sweetie, we're stronger than that."

She gazed into my eyes, her expression filled with joy and wonder. "Whatever I did to deserve you it couldn't possibly be enough."

I kissed her, holding her close and tight. "I'm the one who's lucky."

The mare I loved giggled, kissing me back. "No, I'm the one who's lucky!"

I shook my head and kissed her again. "No, I'm-"

Luna coughed, giving us the sternest expression she could muster under the circumstances. We let go of each other and stood at attention.

"In any case," The Alicorn of the Moon continued, "I think our course of action is obvious."

I blinked. "It is?"

Luna nodded, a smile curling on her lips. "Your saccharine display of affection was quite inspiring. I think I've got a solid way to preserve everyone's relationships."

#

They were the kind of words that destroyed relationships.

I stared at Twilight, dropping my book to the floor. "Can... Can y'all repeat that?"

She tilted her head, confused. "What? I just said maybe we should skip dinner." She blushed. "I mean... It would let us get... Intimate a bit sooner wouldn't it?"

I felt a pleasant tingle go down my spine... But unfortunately her next revelation terrified me so much my libido plummeted right into the dirt.

"Besides, it's not like I eat dinner every night anyway."

My jaw dropped low enough to make Pinkie jealous. "Wha- wha? What?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "I don't eat dinner all the time, what's the big deal?"

"Oh boy..." Said the tiny dragon behind me.

I started. "Land's sake Spike! When did y'all show up?"

He rolled his eyes. "Like two seconds ago, sheesh. Don't worry, I didn't hear whatever gross kissy thing you were talking about. What I did hear about was Twilight trying to skip dinner again."

My fillyfriend rolled her eyes. "Spike, I had a solid lunch and I've just been up here reading with AJ all day. It's not like I burnt too many calories."

Spike groaned. "Twilight, a daisy sandwich and a glass of water is not a solid lu- urp!"

A gout of fire poured from Spike's mouth and a message rolled out. The stamp was Luna blue.

Twilight picked up the message and raised an eyebrow at what she saw. "Huh... That's strange."

I leaned in. "What is it sugarcube?"

She turned to me. "Apparently the Princesses want to see us."

"Should I get the other girls?" I asked.

Twi shook her head. "No, they want to come here... To see the two of us?"

I blinked. I couldn't say that was expected. "Huh... They're alright with us right? I thought they sent us a message earlier."

Twilight shrugged. "I guess they want to say hi? They explicitly said they'd be available in like a week or two and they'd be okay waiting longer if there was a time that worked for us."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Not an emergency summons then. I guess we could spruce this place up in a week. What do you think Spike?"

The dragon saluted. "Not a problem. This place is pretty clean anyway."

I smiled. "Great, now back to the more important matter. I've been workin' on the farm and I need some dang pizza."

The little dragon's eyes lit up. "Oooh, ooh! Can I make fried rice instead?"

Twi rolled her eyes. "Seriously, you're a couple of gluttons..."

Comments

[bjorn2345]

Would it be possible to de-tag Rarity and add a mane 6 tag (along with the other characters you've since added?)

Or at least mention the pairing in the summary

[pertelote345]

6671404

I admit, I try to stay pretty light on tags, and I tend to be a bit of a gardener writing these things, so honestly I was as surprised as you that Shining and Cadence became so important. Did it really bother you that much?

[bjorn2345]

6671670

I generally filter my stuff to read by the Rarity tag, and I really have no other way to flag this as 'Romantic tag with Rarity tag but having nothing to do with Rarity' other than downvoting it (which I do not want to do as I don't dislike this story I'm just not interested in it)

If the site had a way (like ff.net does) to flag characters as 'involved in ship' then it'd be fine, but it doesn't.

[Hillbe]

Fried rice? you don't look like a Chinese dragon
exchange student taught me

img02.deviantart.net/52fa/i/2015/329/e/d/skate_dump_by_hillbe-d9i1wi9.jpg

[Ms_Fruit_Bat]

Luna is doing good work...with the criminals and stuff, but I'm worried about what she's doing.
At least, AJ and Spike will keep Twilight fed.

[pertelote345]

6777661

What at in particular?

[pertelote345]

6777709

Where did I write that Luna was a surrogate mother?

Also, hi, I'm trans. I realize from your profile that you are a recreational a-hole, but I'm going to ask that you tone it down if you want your comments to remain displayed on my story.

[pertelote345]

6779522

It's okay. There are a lot of people who treat Granny Smith like she would be intolerant or a slave driver, but we've never really seen her as that. On the contrary, she seems more willing to learn about other cultures than Applejack and she's a seasoned explorer.

[Wendy A Crescent]

6779675

Yeah, i totally agree with that. to be honest she's been portrayed as more of a fun loving and wild old woman.

Also i really loved the story i went through it *blushes* in one go.. like its early morning here now xD

[The Raisin Spazz]

6778284 are you FtM or MtF?
If I may ask that then.

[The Raisin Spazz]

What's weird about Twilight skipping dinner?
I don't see anything wrong with it at least.

[Atom Smash]

Props for Luna in this chapter. An interesting take on her.

I sighed... This was getting us nowhere. "Look, you're right about one thing. We don't have to decide what to do tonight ... Why don't we just get some sleep? I know this is a huge mess, but we should be able to process all of this a lot better in the morning."

Another smart guy.

Dream Applejack stood in front of me. "Hey! Don't be mean to Shining! He's just a bro lookin' out for his little sister ya' know homie?"

Could you be more stereotypical.

[FluffyPaddedFossie]

Ooh boy...I don't like the Twilight skipping dinner bit...I have a feeling that's gonna be an interesting thing we see later in the story. Honestly that's the first time I've seen something like that (if it turns out to be that) incorporated into a mlp fanfic. Although...stuff happens.

[FluffyPaddedFossie]

6854876
To me it seeming like it's a common occurrence and that Twilight may have an eating disorder.