• Member Since 23rd Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen May 24th

Diverse_Flygon


Flygon knows where you sleep, where you eat and where you live. Respect his pairings and he won't have to stalk you at night.

Comments ( 6 )

When one would look upon Sweet Apple Acres after it had set

I presume you meant, "after the Sun had set"?
Other than that, I can see a few other grammatical errors, but nothing too serious. I'd recommend pasting this fic into a Word document and running a spellcheck -- that should pick up most of any slips you made. :twilightsmile:

6454620
Thank you for that, just wondering if it was good or not, but happy to see i only have a few errors. They'll be fixed no problem

Ok, I have to admit that I haven't read this, but the name Macarena cracked me up.

Nice story, but there's some minor things you may want to edit.

She wondered how it would feel to be held in another hooves, to be love and cared for as if she was the most important thing in the world.

"another's"

Mac saw her brother, her own bloodline, her family, her two-year younger brothers sheath.

"brother's".

Mac walked forward, brushing up against Applejacks side.

"Applejack's".

Really not bad... AJ climax was a bit to composed for my liking...

Login or register to comment