Part 9
Derpyball
By The Rated Ponystar
Edited by Clavier
Artwork done by Tzelly (http://tzelly-el.deviantart.com/ )
***
Not for the first time in her life did Gilda ask herself how did everything come to this. Despite the overwhelming hostility that she was getting from the nurses who were taking care of her wounds, Gilda wisely was keeping her mouth shut for once. Mostly because her head was plagued with what had just happened in less than a day.
All she wanted was to show up Dash for what she had done to her, choosing those dweebs over her best friend. But a filly got hurt, she got beaten up by the very team she bribed with her own inheritance money, and now she looked pathetic by being taken care of like she was a baby.
It wasn’t even helping that the last conversation she had with Rainbow Dash didn’t make her feel any better...
***
“Thanks for helping out, Nurse Redheart,” said Rainbow Dash, nodding to the nurse as she finished bandaging Gilda’s wing. “How’s Dinky?”
“Doctor Stable is looking at her right now. I’ll go check on her for you if you want,” said Nurse Redheart, getting up and making for the door that lead to the other medical wing. “Are you sure I can leave you two alone?”
“It’s fine,” said Rainbow Dash, never keeping her eyes off Gilda who, in turn, did the same.
Nurse Redheart looked at both of them before shaking her head and leaving. It was only when she left that Gilda said, “Is there a reason why you're here? Don’t you have some stupid baked goodies to save so your new friends don’t starve.”
“For Celestia’s sake, Gilda, would it kill you to drop the fricken attitude already?” growled Rainbow Dash. “Can I ask you something? What was the point of all this? To show me up? To get back at me? Don’t you feel at any regret whatsoever about all the harm you’ve done to a bunch of innocent ponies?!”
“I told you! I didn’t order the brat to get hit!” yelled Gilda, wincing at the pain of her wounds.
“She has a name, it’s Dinky,” said Dash, coldly. “And second of all, I’m talking about the rest of us you’ve hurt. The rest of us who did nothing to you. My friends and the town. Was all this just for the sake of your pride? ‘Cause that’s just low, Gilda. Really low.”
“Oh really?” said Gilda, huffing. “I used to remember a pegasus who did some pretty low things of her own. A pegasus who was cool to hang out with and did everything without a care about rules or other ponies’ feelings. She was my best friend who had my back and when I came back to see her years later she had become a dweeb. Hanging out with losers she would have made fun of back in our school days. You may have become a loser who betrays those that should matter to her, but at least I stayed cool.”
Gilda smirked as Rainbow Dash didn’t say anything, just stare at her with a emotionless look in her eyes. Finally, Dash sighed and shook her head. “No, Gilda. I didn’t become a loser. I grew up.”
Gilda blinked as Dash continued, “Yeah that use to be me. Hay, I’ll admit that maybe six or eight years ago I would be no different from you. But I grew up from being a punk, Gilda. I learned that there was more to life than being cool or and making fun of others who aren't. I learned that we all have to grow up at some point. I had to learn that lesson the hard way, more than once, but I became a better pony because of those lessons. And I didn’t face those lessons alone. I had my best friends, those so called losers, go out of their way to help me out no matter what. I’m happy with the life I have thanks to them. You? I don’t think you are happy. You’ve spent all this on a simple misunderstanding and grudge instead of being the grown up and admitting your mistake or getting over it. The truth is Gilda, I’m the adult. You’re still the kid who thinks that getting detention is gonna earn her popularity points when all that doesn’t matter anymore.”
Dash slowly turned away. “Even if you had beaten us in this game, Gilda, what then? What would you accomplish? I know I’m a better individual then you, everypony in Ponyville knows that. Nopony would like you, apologize to you, or anything. They would hate you, more so than they do now. Ten years from now Gilda, I’ll still be happy with my friends and my dreams of being a Wonderbolt, but where will you be? Do you even have a job? Other friends? Or even a life besides being, by your definition, cool?”
Gilda’s beak opened, but no words came out. She tried to think of something, anything, to counter Rainbow Dash’s words, but each question held no answer. Or an answer she didn't’ want to admit.
“Gilda, I’ll never forget those fun days we had. But those days are over. The Dash of the old is over and I see now that we’ll never have the same connection we had,” muttered Rainbow Dash as she made her way to the door, only bothering to look at Gilda when she was halfway out. “Maybe someday, Gilda, you’ll grow up too. But until then I want you to know I don’t hate you anymore... I simply pity you.”
And just like that, Dash was gone. Gilda just stared at the door of a pony who simply put it plain and simple that she didn’t think anything anymore of her. There was no hatred. No joy or sorrow. Just... a goodbye.
And for some reason that hurt more than the betrayal at the party.
***
“Where are you going?” asked Redheart as Gilda got out of bed.
“I’m leaving. This town, everypony, Equestria even. I’m just getting out of here and I’m never coming back,” muttered Gilda. “I’m tired of everything and I just want to be alone.”
“So you're just gonna run from everything? All that you're responsible for?” demanded the nurse stomping her hoof.
Gilda shrugged before she left the hospital wing, making her way towards the exit in the stadium. Why not? It’s all I’m good at anyway...
***
Although the music had stopped, and the referee had gotten things under control, there was nopony in the area that wasn’t cheering and hollering for the newest addition to the Ponyville team. Reporters were writing down all the action and taking pictures as fast as they could, trying to catch every second they could see no matter how miniscule. Everypony, from the professional players who came to see, to the griffins who came from far away, to the representatives were cheering for them.
Stone Cold was trying to argue with the referee about Derpy’s late entrance as a substitute, but she wasn’t worried. Her actions were completely legal, the griffin was just wasting his time. Time that she was going to use to plan with her new teammates. Already in her head, she was calculating their strengths and weaknesses with strategies coming to her like lightning bolts to the brain. All three of them were waiting eagerly for a plan, hoping gleaming from their eyes.
Derpy looked at them both her eyes going back and forth before she closed them and sighed. “There is a way to beat them, but it’s gonna be tough. Just as long as we don’t lose no more than two ponies, we’ll be fine.”
“Don’t worry, I have no intention of getting out before I knock all their heads off,” declared Rainbow Dash, smirking.
“Whatever ya need from us, Derpy, will do it,” said Applejack.
“Eeyup.”
Derpy smiled, “Okay, then listen carefully, because this has to be done right...” She leaned in and started to whisper her plan. Her teammates nodded, occasionally shaking their head or looking at each other with a raised eyebrow but no more. It was only at the last part did each of them gasp and stare at Derpy with wide eyes.
“But... but Derpy, y’all be..” whispered Applejack.
Derpy nodded. “It’s the best plan. Trust me. Are you guys readys?” The three of them looked at each other in silence before nodding. “Good, let’s go win one for Ponyville.” Derpy looked over her shoulder and glared at the frustrated griffins, obviously upset that their challenge to get rid of her failed. Her eyes narrowed into a frightening leer that made some of them step back, shivering. “And for Dinky.”
The four ponies lined up on their back line, as did the griffins on theirs. The crowd was now silent as everypony could feel the tension heating up everywhere. A meteor could have crashed nearby and nopony would have turned away from the center of the stadium. Eight set of avian eyes glare at four sets of equine ones, all ready to rip each other apart as the dodgeballs were lined up on the center line once more.
The referee looked at both side and sighed before stepping back, knowing that things were about to get heated up. “Ready?! Dodgeball!”
Rainbow Dash and Derpy charged forth while Macintosh and Applejack waited in the back. Being the fastest, Rainbow Dash was able to fly to the center and knock three balls towards their side before the griffins got the rest. With her first job done, Rainbow Dash retreated towards the back while Derpy continued galloping forward. Jackknife and Viper threw their dodgeballs at the same time, both of them heading straight towards Derpy, who was smirking.
Her eyes quickly analyzed the point of impact each of the dodgeballs would have on her and jumped into the air, flipping forward which allowed her to narrowly miss both dodgeballs that passed under her harmlessly. She landed and charged forward again, this time with her wings spread out. Snapping out of his stupor, Viper picked up another dodgeball and this time threw it over head with both claws.
Derpy waited ‘till it was close enough to start turning around while her left wing knocked it into the air perfectly straight. When her turn was completed, the ball fell down and landed in the other wing before Derpy used it as a slingshot to fire it straight at Jackknife who was too surprised to catch it and got nailed in the face, the ball rebounding back up in the air. Derpy flew up and kicked it back at Jackknife again this time he took it to the chest, sending him into the ground where he make an impact that resulted in a griffin sized crater.
Viper, with is jaw as far down as it could go, rubbed his eyes to make sure what happened was real. Not only did he get out by an incredibly skilled bump and catch, but the same mare that did it managed to get out another one of them with the same ball. All in the span of a minute.
Derpy smirked and quickly turned her attention toward Stone Cold who was flying low with two balls in each claw. He screamed and threw both of them at Derpy whose eyes watched both of them. A quick look up with her left eye and she saw Rainbow Dash up in the air, already waiting in position.
With a quick backflip Depry managed to dodge both dodgeballs at the same time, inches away from touching her mane, before she landed back on her hooves and scooped up a dodgeball on the ground with her tail. Using her tail like a whip, Derpy threw the dodgeball up into the air where Rainbow Dash was waiting. With both front hooves, she hammer punched the dodgeball straight at Stone Cold who turned his back in an effort to get away, but it slammed him into the ground, making another griffin shaped crater.
The ball bounced back towards the pony side as Derpy charged for it. The other griffins, seeing the danger of even one dodgeball in the demon’s hooves, started firing their own shots. Derpy ducked, weaved, and slid to avoid each attempt to get her out, flowing through the barrage like water. Rainbow Dash would gather them up and throw them back in an attempt to keep the pressure of Derpy, but they still continued their relentless assault.
Ponies in the stand who knew the “clumsy” mailmare couldn’t believe what they were seeing. Was this really the same Derpy who had been known to smash into trees almost everyday? The same one who ruined their town hall and made some ponies regulars at their insurance companies? It was like looking at a different pony all together.
Derpy soon reached her dodgeball and rolled just in the nick of time to avoid three dodgeballs aimed at her. She dived to the left and made an attempt to throw her dodgeball, getting the others ready for whatever attack she had coming. But then she smirked and held her throw before sticking her tongue out. “Suckers!”
Before any of the remaining griffins could react, a dodgeball slammed against the upside of Apex Killer’s lip and knocked him out. The remaining three looked and saw Big Macintosh charging forward, dodgeball in mouth, while Applejack was right behind the red tank, bucking dodgeballs as fast as she could.
“Spread out! Take out the big guy!” shouted Dragonbane as his comrades obeyed. They soon began firing their dodgeballs at Big Macintosh who batted them away with the dodgeball in his mouth.
However, one of the blows was low enough to get him in the hoof, tripping him, and getting him out. With her tank gone, Applejack jumped onto her brother’s big flank and bounced up into the air, throwing her dodgeball for one last attack. She cursed as she saw them predicting her movement with Bob throwing one towards her in the air. She threw her ball but it was easily caught by one of the griffins, allowing Viper back in. Applejack screamed in pain as the ball slammed into her, knocking saliva out of her mouth before she landed hard against the ground, wincing in pain as she held her stomach.
Rainbow Dash looked ready to help her, but a cry from Derpy alerted her to stick to the plan and dived forward, catching the griffins attention. They focused all their dodgeballs on her but Dash was able to barely dodge every single one of them, occasionally picking up one from the ground and shooting it back for cover.
However, Dash then heard a whistle and realized it was time of the next phase of the plan. She grabbed a dodgeball after it bounced off the ground and flew to the back. Dragonbane, Viper, Bob, and Bloodlust looked ready to aim at her but then soon turned towards Derpy, who was staring at them with her intimidating glare. Four dodgeballs were lined up in front of Derpy who muttered, “This is for my daughter you bastards.”
Derpy took the first dodgeball and kicked it into the air, all eyes focusing on it as the world seemed to slow down. Closing her eyes, Derpy turned around and flipped in the air, kicking her dodgeball which went blazing down the court so fast that many swore they saw the ball on fire. The dodgeball slammed Viper, sending the screaming griffin towards the other end the court, getting sent through the wall.
Everypony screamed at the sight as the announcer shouted, “Mah gosh! Mah gosh! She killed him! I swear he’s broken in half!”
Medics immediately went to the rubble and pulled out a bleeding Viper, alive but horribly injured. Everypony was slowly staring at Derpy with fear in her eyes, now knowing why she was called the Crossed-Eyed Demon. The three remaining ones turned from the site towards a glaring Derpy, determined to still win the whole thing.
The only major problem here is Bob. He’s the most skilled and toughest. He’s not as fast as me, but up close and he’s got greater strength. I guess I’ll have to outsmart him with that plan after all, thought Derpy who calmly took the the next two dodgeballs in each hoof and charged forward with her wings.
The three remaining griffins scattered as Derpy threw both dodgeballs at Bloodlust and Dragonbane. Bob, however, with dodgeball in claw, managed to throw his dodgeball perfectly so that it hit the closest on coming dodgeball and knock it out of it’s targeted path. The collision was strong enough to also force it to change directions and knock out the other one as well, thus both griffins were saved.
Derpy cursed as she turned one of her eyes towards a roaring Bob. “Bob protect comrades from demon!”
Bob took a dodgeball and threw it at Derpy jumped back and let the ball hit the ground, but soon it rebounded straight up and almost hit her her in the chin. She had managed to just barely move her head back to avoid getting hit, but soon found herself staring into the eyes of another dodgeball ready to pound her, thrown by a sneaky Dragonbane. Everypony gasped as Derpy’s head moved back, the sound of the dodgeball smacking into flesh echoing in the air.
Jaws were dropped as were quills from the reporters and sodas from watchers. Was that the end? Had the demon been finally hit?
Derpy’s head soon lowered itself and she opened her eyes to stare both of them at a disbelieving Dragonbane. He wasn’t the only one as the jaws dropped even further upon seeing that Derpy had caught the dodgeball with her mouth alone.
She spat out the ball and rolled it over to Dragonbane who took one look at it, then Derpy, and started to ran away screaming like a girl. He continued to run out the stadium, past a yelling Hammerhead who told him to get back and fight like a man. Bloodlust believed his fleeing comrade had the right idea and soon ripped off his jersey to follow after him. “Screw this! I’m out of here!”
But Derpy wasn’t going to have any of that. She wasn’t going to let this bastard leave unharmed. Just as he turned his back and made preparation to move, Derpy aimed at her target with the last ball she had in her tail and fired. The dodgeball shot towards the rear of the griffin before a sickening crunch was heard followed by a high pitch yell. Everypony winced in pain or closed their eyes, some even grabbing their own butts in reaction.
Derpy just watched him squirm, holding his broken coccyx as the medics took him off the field. She closed her eyes as she could feel her inner rage crying out for more blood, more satisfaction in this game. No, it’s time to end this. Time for the finale.
It was just her and Bob now. A giant vs a demon. Bob, angry that all his comrades were now gone, took his own dodgeball and screamed, “Bob don’t like demon pony!”
“Demon pony don’t like Bob,” replied Derpy, flying over to a nearby dodgeball and picked it up.
The two screamed and charged forth, just as they reached the end of their respective lines, they threw their dodgeballs at close range. The two dodgeballs collided in mid air before being pushed back into the air. Both players jumped up and kicked them in air at the same time before being forced to twist in the air to avoid getting hit. Landing on the ground the two growled and stood as still as mountains. Everypony was at the edge of their seats as they watched two titans face each other. A single dodgeball from each side rolled over towards the respective player.
Each of them took it and Bob huffed, nostrils flaring as she readied for another throw. Derpy prepared herself as well. This is it.
It was time for the unthinkable to happen. Something nopony in this stadium, especially those that knew her, would ever believe was possible. Bob gave out a warcry as he threw the dodgeball at Derpy who closed her eyes and relaxed. A small smile appeared on her lips as she felt utter peace with herself. This was a perfect end to this match. At least for her.
She slowly opened her eyes and then, for the first time in her life, tasted rubber slamming into her face. A unanimous gasp echoed as they watched The Crossed-Eyed Demon, one of the most feared and respected dodgeball players, get knocked back in the face by a dodgeball and land on the ground with a loud thud that echoed like a sonic rainboom.
Derpy Hooves, for the first time in her life, was out.
And yet she was smiling. It felt like freedom for her. Like all the sins she had done as a dodgeball player had finally been washed away by this one simple moment. And as she landed on the ground, she opened her eyes and watched Rainbow Dash fly past her. And checkmate...
Bob, too stunned to realize who he had gotten out, didn’t even see Rainbow Dash coming from above until it was too late. She dived down, threw the dodgeball which landed right on Bob’s face and slowly knocked the giant down. When the announcer had finally regained his focus, he shouted, “It’s over! It’s over! Ponyville has won! We won!”
The united cries of victory were so loud that they were heard in Cloudsdale. Everypony, even griffins who had come to see this event, hugged each other in celebration as tears of joy and pride soon went down their cheeks. The quills of the reporters were going so fast on their notes some caught on fire. The professionals stood up and clapped, overjoyed to have seen such a grand and amazing match.
Derpy slowly got up with the help of Rainbow Dash who was still staring at her with wide eyes. “I... I can’t believe it. Derpy, you said you’ve never been out before in your entire life and now you just ruined that streak. Why?”
“Well, it seemed like the best plan. They would be so focused on me that as long as one of you was around then you could finish them off.” Derpy sighed and looked towards the audience who were cheering her name. “And this may sound strange, but I feel like I needed to do this. To feel what it was like to get hit just like the hundred others I took out personally. Maybe... its some form of closure you know?”
“Not really, but, hey, we won so that’s all that matters,” cheered Dash, hugging Derpy. Big Macintosh and Applejack, limping, soon joined them as they waved their hooves towards the crowd.
Hammerhead, meanwhile, was staring at the disaster that had befallen his team. Even worse, he knew that there were a bunch of ponies in the audience who would be wanting his blood. He flapped his wings and started to fly, but suddenly felt a painful blow in his pelvis. Clutching it, he crash landed and slowly looked up to see the dodgeball that hit him levitate to a tiny unicorn filly with a bandaged head that glared at him.
“That’s for hitting me in the face you jerk!” shouted Dinky before hitting him in the head with the dodgeball and leaving him in the dust. Carrot Top only looked at the moaning griffin before sticking her tongue at him and rushed back to Dinky.
“Mommy!”
Derpy’s eyes straightened when she heard this and quickly turned around with tears in her eyes to see her daughter heading straight for her. “Muffin!” Dinky leaped into her mother’s embrace and they nuzzled, the crowd now clapping and “awwing” at such a sight. “I’m so glad you're okay, Dinky. I’m so sorry you got hurt! Mommy is so sorry.”
“It’s okay, Mommy! I’m fine! And you won the game for us! You’re the best!” shouted Dinky with a smile.
“Still, there has to be something I can do to fix this.”
Dinky rubbed her chin before nodding. She poked her hoof on her mother’s nose and said, “You have to teach me how to play dodgeball!”
Derpy looked at Carrot Top who nodded. “Well, I guess it runs in the family,” Derpy said, nuzzling her daughter once more.
Before anypony knew it, reporters started swarming around the mother and daughter, questions in the air.
“Ditzy Doo! Why did you return after all this time?!” Is this your comeback match?!”
“Was this your plan all along?! How do you feel about getting out for the first recorded time?!”
“Is this your daughter?! Who is the father?!”
“Will you be playing professional again?! When is your next match?!”
“QUIET!” shouted Derpy, silencing the paparazzi. Flying into the air, daughter in her hooves, Derpy said, “I can answer all your questions easily. No, this was my last match and I have no intention of returning to dodgeball. I did this for my daughter, my friends, and my for my town. I’m going to continue my mailpony job and take care of my daughter like I’ve been doing all these years. But there is something I do want to say.”
Turning her eyes to the side of the professionals, who had walked down as well, she addressed them and said, “I’m sorry for everything. I wasn’t a good dodgeball player. Sure, I never got out, I took more players down then anypony in history, and I won tons of championships.” Biting her lip, Derpy continued, “But I lost as a real sports pony. I hurt those against me and on my own team. I didn’t care about anypony and slowly lost my heart and love of the sport. It took me a long time to finally realize the monster I had become and how much damage I did to you and others. I just want you all to know I’m sorry for everything.”
None of the professionals said anything, but they slowly smiled and nodded. There was no fear in their eyes, no hatred, just acceptance. Red Star, leading them all, was the only one who spoke. “Hey, the past is the past. And if you're willing to apologize, we’re willing to take it.”
“Sounds like everypony learned something today.”
They all turned around to see Twilight, her remaining friends, accompanying the representatives Sunny and Lulu. Sunny stepped forward and said, “That was quite a performance Derpy Hooves. And your match has easily made this the best and most entertaining charity event I’ve ever seen.”
“Indeed, young Derpy Hooves!” shouted Lulu, “Thou hast shown great skill in thy ball handling. ‘Tis a shame that we shall not see such greatness again!”
Derpy nodded and bowed before the representatives.
“This was great! Not only did we raise enough money, but we managed to keep our baked goodies and we still have the other half of the tournament to go through! But after that we’re gonna have one big, huge, giant, party to celebrate!” shouted Pinkie Pie, jumping with joy. “I’m so excited that I’m going to need a party bomb to get everything ready!”
“As exciting as that sounds, Pinkie, I’m afraid me and Dinky are gonna have to decline,” said Derpy, raising her hoof.
“Aw, but why?!” said both Dinky and Pinkie.
“My daughter is still hurt, and I’ve stretched muscles that haven't had a good workout in years. I’m tired and could really use a nice bed to rest in,” explained Derpy as she lifted her daughter up and placed her on her back. “You guys can celebrate without us, but right now I’m going to go home with my daughter. That’s the best award I can get.”
The crowd watched as Derpy flew towards the exit with Dinky waving everypony goodbye. Although Pinkie frowned for a second, she quickly smiled and said, “Oh well, we can always have that party later!”
“This is cool and all, but I have to get going,” said Rainbow Dash, getting her own wings ready. “I left Gilda in the hospital wing and I should go check up on her.”
Twilight sighed before stepping towards her friend. “Dash? Gilda’s gone. I went to find her for you, but the nurse said she left and wasn’t coming back.”
Dash was silent as she looked at Twilight with wide eyes. “S-she’s really gone?”
“Yeah, and it sounds like she won’t be coming back to Equestria again,” said Twilight.
Dash opened her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. Sighing, she lifted herself up into the air. “I... I need to be alone a bit guys...”
Before anypony could stop her, Rainbow Dash flew off into the sky until she was a speck. Rarity tilted her head. “I’d thought she would be glad that brute is gone for good this time.”
“Sometimes, Rarity, even broken bonds are hard to let go,” muttered Sunny before walking away.
Up in the sky, high above in the clouds, a rainbow maned pegasus was alone and tired. Her mind was lost in memories long ago as she stared into the sinking sun, but her heart was slowly saying goodbye for good to somepony she once cherished, but knew no longer.
***
Derpy and Dinky had just exited the stadium when the former spotted Starfall waiting for her with a smile on her face. Landing on the ground, the two old friends hugged each other, much to Dinky’s confusion.
“You did great. I’d never thought you would use yourself as bait in the last moment,” said Starfall.
“You can’t argue with results,” replied Derpy.
“Mommy, who is this?” asked Dinky.
Starfall winked at Dinky and replied, “I’m Starfall, an old friend of your mother’s. I just wanted to say my goodbyes before I left for home.”
“Wait,” said Derpy, grabbing Starfall by the hoof. She looked into her eyes and smiled. “Why don’t you come home with us? We can talk about old times? Try to... rebuild what we lost all those years ago?”
Starfall looked at the hoof with wide eyes before they started to leak tears as she smiled. “I would love to, Ditzy.”
“Great!” shouted Derpy, as she flew towards the direction of her house. “Let’s go! I still have some leftover muffins from last night and-”
“Mommy! The tree!”
“Huh?”
WHAM!
Starfall winced as Derpy slowly peeled herself off the tree while Dinky held on. Shaking her head, Derpy muttered. “Oops, my bad.”
Still the same old Ditzy, thought Starfall with a laugh.
The End
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Derpy being hardcore, I love it. I expected the author to reveal that the bubbles in her cutie mark were actually speeding dodgeballs - not that it matters. (Also, search "The Red Ball" on Youtube for a kickball match with a very similar vibe.)
*slow clap*
Wow...this was, well...perfect.
Though, I can say the ending between Dash and Gilda is going to be divided between readers, and I personally feel the closure between Dash and Gilda was a very deep and pro decision, but many of us can agree that we wish Dash and Gilda would get along in the end.
Beautiful story. Congratulations
^What he said. Slow clap indeed. I thoroughly enjoyed this story, although I'm glad you've finally brought Derpy closure.
RD's self-righteous speech irked be a bit, but she's really not known for her humility, so it works.
Good end to a good story.
Nice job.
Derpy is awesome, and she has become a true sportspony
Wow! That all I can say...wow. That series was fantastic. I mean...wow. Excellent work!
3605047
Building on what Siiver7 said, I definitely like what you did with Dash and Gilda at the end, yet at the same time it feels like there could be more in a way. Like a sequal could be made on Dash's journey finding Gilda in a horrible state, and taking her under her wing to reform Gilda. Just my own twist to it though, and I'm sure whatever you do Rated Ponystar, it'll be great.
Wonderful story, I love how you developed Derpy's character and her
discentiondissentiondissentdescent into a demon. Definitely one of the more unique stories I've read on FimFic. Great job.Legends over eh? Shit, your stories really make writers like myself strive to be like you one day and I been writing for seven years, damn, the ending was a bit of a boring happy ending but I was never one for happy endings to began with, to cheesy and unrealistic.
Anyway just wanted to say I very much enjoyed this troy, proves to me one does not always need to do adult themes like smoking, drinking, swearing and sex to make a good story, does not mean I'm going to stop, I can't it's real and should be known as such, they are adults after all but I see no reason to tone it down, thank you
Think it's a bit sad for Gilda to feel as though she can never be redeemed, but some creatures don't want to be the hero, I can understand that.
That was awesome. I suspected she would get out. Awesome.
3605143 To some, it was self-righteous. To others, they understand where she's coming from, and isn't so much "self-righteous" as "You gonna take what I said, and grow up already?"
3.bp.blogspot.com/-FwYTwDmbbBQ/URltMPC3AKI/AAAAAAAAKFg/-3AgbvW3ST0/s1600/fap-to-this.gif
Never going to tell you how though,
In all seriousness though, Great story, had me atleast two inches from my screen before I realised that I was going to fall off of my chair. Here jave a Celestial Stache
MY GOD... IT WAS BEAUTIFUL... WORDS DON'T DESCRIBE ITS AMAZINGNESS (YES ITS A WORD). NOT EVEN CAPSLOCK CAN DEFINE THIS SO I WILL TRY MY BEST TO DO SO OTHERWISE
BY MY COMPLETE LACK OF POWER I DO HEREBY DECLARE THIS STORY LEGENDARY!!!!!!! *endless cheering*
well i hope that wasn't overkill
3605492
...yes it was.
3605492 Over kill... What's that?
Checked out videos how come noone is animating this yet
3605453
Yeah, I can see that it's pitched as a "grow up speech" meant to take her down a peg, but it feels like a Reason You Suck Speech that only serves to feed Rainbow's ego by tearing down Gilda's (Gilda already being both badly injured and rather destitute by this point, so this is almost insult to injury).
Gilda gets driven away in shame with not even a modicum of redemption and they both feel hurt about it. It turns a triumphant ending rather bittersweet, which I'm not thrilled about. I can see why it was done, and it makes sense given the sequence of events. I just wish RD had tried to extend an olive branch, because whatever rickety bridge might have remained... it's been burned now.
3605621 if you want to see something similar look up Recess Eldiablo or Recess Dodgeball.
This was a really good one.
You did a great job all the way.
Yes. This ending is full of yes. I thought so. I enjoyed this greatly.
Good show.
Well, Rainbow Dash might have fumbled the ball a little but at least someone has finally made peace with the past. This version of her would probably have an interesting take on events in another story of yours.
I always said derpy or ditzy doo must have a bad life and that's why she does no care about her eyes but this story takes that to the max!
3605482 wtf?!?!
id like to know something before reading this why is it gore ????
I love this story. It was a fantastic journey, well written, and kept me on the edge of my seat. I have not a singular complaint, and wish you the best with future works.
So finally the the conclusion of Derpyball is out ...
AND IT IS GREAT
The whole story was a great read, with a nice pacing that never left me bored.
As for the theme of the story, I haven't seen recess so I can't say anything about the amount of inspiration you took from that but I simply loved the story.
The most interesting part for me was the back story of ditzy doo, which was well done and would qualify for some interesting head canon ... and the feels man THE FEELS
As for the last chapter, well I had somehow wished for Gilda getting her atonement but that is just a minor complaint, so yeah great story loved it very much and the amount of griffon blood at the end satisfied my bloodlust after what they did to dinky
BlizKriegBob over and out
3606335
Well I think it is tagged gore because ... dodge balls in the hooves of a certain pony become terrifying weapons of bone destruction
Good ol' JR.
3606883
Finally, somebody gets that one
typo alert didn't’, the last ' is unnessesary.
3606888
It'll be even funnier if he yelled "Somebody, stop the damn match!".
3606888
Double negative in the last sentence. Either change don't to do, or remove the no after it.
The first paragraph says she hit Jackknife twice, but the second paragraph makes it sound like she got two griffons out.
Missing the "s" after the apostrophe on Gilda.
A good story with a great ending, I hope you write more of similar nature and quality in the future.
3606948
She did get two giffins out. Viper's ball was caught (Making him out) and Jackknife was hit twice
this story was freaking AWESOME! there ought to be a sequel about dinkies future as a dodgeball prodigy.
Magnificent story. Wonderful.
All of my YEAH! (there needs to be a Snowflake emote)
img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com/2b7bdbb111990bf37974221ec2c8b5bd/http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh107/CoyoteAllyson/Yeah_Snowflake.jpg
3605482 Oh GOSH! that is the creepiest gif I have ever seen!
3606957
Okay. That little mention of Viper getting back in didn't catch with me, so it seemed as if he was never out.
holy shit that was a good ass story if i say so my self and that would be cool if there was a new story for Dinky becoming a Dodge ball legend like her mother and show her mother Derpy or Dootzy training her daughter Dinky
bad grammar check?
"The ball bounced back towards the pony side as Derpy charged for it. The other griffins, seeing the danger of even one dodgeball in the demon’s hooves, started firing their own shots. Derpy ducked, weaved, and slid to avoid each attempt to get her out, flowing through the barrage like water. Rainbow Dash would gather them up and throw them back in an attempt to keep the pressure of Derpy, but they still continued their relentless assault. "
did you mean:
"Rainbow Dash would gather them up and throw them back in an attempt to keep the pressure off Derpy, but they still continued their relentless assault. "
You know that awkward moment when you have finished a story and you are like'What now?'
That is how I feel right now.
Well, that was amazing. Who would have thought such depth would have been found in a story about dodgeball? 5/5 from me.
This reminds me of a South Park Episode with Butters being a surprising dance sensation. For that reason and because it looks good, I will download it and give you a better review.
Plus: Who can go wrong with Derpy?
I liked this fic, but it seemed to run a little long, and seems like it could have been better paced.
Satisfying end though.
Touching
flipped
I think you are missing a word... up? get?
Did Dragonbane get hit?
3613660 really it reminds me more of the Recess episode dodge ball city