Chapter 2
“Thou hast my word, Doctor, I’ll not leave without permission again…” Barrier commented as the doctor from the previous day continued to wrap bandages around him. Thus far the stallion had half-casts around one of his forelegs and one of his hind-legs, as well as bandages around the majority of his hips, shoulders, and barrel. The stallion felt like a mummy.
“How did you even break bones in this manner?” Doctor Horse asked idly as he tied off the last of the bandages.
“A vile spirit had decided to defenestrate me. The kindly earth needed a fair amount of time before it could breaketh my fall,” Barrier deadpanned, “And despite their svelte appearances, alicorns weigh as if they were far more corpulent.”
“Is this treatment not somewhat extravagant?” Barrier shifted, flailing the casts around awkwardly.
“Well, you put your armor on and left the hospital yesterday,” the Doctor explained, “and when Miss Sparkle drug you back in you’d turned several of your fractures,” the doctor vaguely motioned towards Barrier’s hoofs, eyes mostly focusing on a clipboard, “into proper breaks. And since you refused admission to the hospital...” Doctor Horse pulled the door open with his magic, “well, here we are. Anyways, you’re free to go, Mr. Barrier, just come back in two weeks to have the casts removed.”
***
“And the princesses? What were they like?”
Barrier’s eye twitched unstably as Twilight asked yet another question despite them having been ‘done’ fifteen questions ago. “The princesses were most fair creatures, no matter how unforgiving they were to their foes,” he stated, “and now I believe I shall depart for a brisk walk!” Barrier stated as Twilight’s mouth opened yet again.
“Your legs are in a cast,” Twilight deadpanned.
“I need to maintain my strength, even with this miniscule exercise!” Barrier stated as he awkwardly lugged himself towards the door.
“The doctor said you should be on bedrest…” the mare continued,
“I am a stallion who is several years thy senior! I am capable of making mine own judgments, and I judge that I shall depart!” Barrier tugged the library door open in his magic.
“It’s raining out…” Twilight gave the stallion a flat stare, hoof pointing towards the window and the soft patter of rain outside.
“Perfect for thinking!” Barrier stated as he dragged himself from the library and into the rain, tugging the door shut behind him.
“You’re not supposed to get your casts,” Twilight tugged the door open with her magic, frowning when she saw the stallion had vanished, “wet…”
***
“Faust and Zacherle above, that wretched mare truly is the descendant of Radiant…” Barrier commented idly as he sat atop a hill on the outskirts of Ponyville, eyes closed as the rain dripped slowly off of his body. “I ponder on how swiftly that mare shall realise…” Barrier’s eyes drifted towards the his flanks and the bandages covering them, a melancholic smile finding its way onto his visage. Just as his thoughts began to drift away, his body alerted him that the rain had stopped and somepony was calling out to him. Mind snapping back to reality, he found himself face to face with Rainbow Dash.
“…out of your mind! You’ll be sick hangin’ out in weather like this!” The mare in question had opened a small hole in the clouds above him, stopping the rainfall and letting a ray of sunlight filter onto him.
“Thou hast made this downpour cease,” Barrier replied absentmindedly, “Why wouldst thou cease the rain?”
“You wanna sit in the rain?” the pegasus asked, drawing back slightly. “You’re nuts!”
“If I had wanted to escape from this shower, I would have simply risen above the layer of clouds,” Barrier replied with a deadpan.
“Wait, what? I thought only pegasi could stand on clouds?” The prismatic mare had drifted down towards the stallion, idly flapping her wings.
“The mystic arts,” Barrier replied simply, “I believe this explanation sufficient enough.”
“If you say so,” Rainbow Dash flew lazily around the stallion, “so what’re you doing hanging out in the rain?”
“I was pondering,” Until a certain somepony interrupted me… “Gods know I’ve plenty to ponder about.”
“Waddaya mean?” Dash asked, wings halting as she touched down on the damp soil.
“Everyone and everything I ever held dear is long-dead and gone and, I’m alone in a time far from my own,” Barrier deadpanned, “I have no career, no sense of security, and no means to comfortably attain either. Mine only skill lies in…” Barrier hesitated slightly, “being a guard, and my time in the Royal Guard is long past… I’m at a loss as to where to go next. I’ll not live with my niece forever, if I can help it.”
“Huh,” Dash stated dumbly as her mind worked to process the explanation, “I don’t know much about that. I always live one day a time; if I was busy worrying about tomorrow, I wouldn’t get anything done today. I figure that living in the moment is the way to do it. Hmm… how did that movie Fluttershy saw put it… The past is history, tomorrow’s a mystery, but today’s a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.”
Barrier felt a familiar thought drift into his mind as the mare spoke, Waste not fresh tears over old griefs… something his father, Magus Stone, had told him when he was younger. “Perhaps you’re right, Mistress Dash,” Barrier’s eyes drifted to the slowly closing clouds.
“Of course I’m right! I’m me!” The mare grinned. “Anyways, you should probably get inside. It’s scheduled to rain for the rest of the night and I can’t really keep a hole in the clouds open.”
“Gramercy, Mistress Dash. I’ll return to my lodgings shortly.”
“Sure thing! See ya’ around, Magic!” Dash commented, bending her legs slightly before bounding into the clouds with a surprising amount of speed and grace.
“Ever the sun traceth its path from horizon to horizon, and ever the moon followeth, and ever the days roll past without care for the lives they grind away, one by one…” Magic Barrier recited to himself as he made his way back towards town, mostly absorbed in his thoughts.
***
“What is it I have truly lost?” Barrier asked himself as he passed by the outskirts of Ponyville. “I lost the opportunity to see my niece become a fine young mare…” What was he really so upset about? “Nothing…” he sighed out. “My entire life and being became my duty to the guard. Things such as family and whatnot all became an afterthought…” That is what troubles thee so greatly, Barrier’s mind explained, Thou had not had a chance to bid farewell or mend things for thy distance or-- the voice halted. “Thou hast ceased the rain…” Barrier’s eye twitched slightly as his inner-thoughts were once more cut short, this time by an ornate purple umbrella floating above his head.
“Well of course I did, darling, you’ll catch a cold in this weather!” Rarity stated, “Come inside before you get your casts even wetter!” Even as she said that she was carefully levitating the stallion inside one of the most offensive-looking buildings he’d seen to date.
Calm yourself, Barrier. She has noble intentions in her heart… his inner mind stated.
“What ever were you doing out in that dreadful downpour?” Rarity levitated a towel over to the stallion, depositing it in his magic.
You ponies are nosy… Barrier sighed and roughly dried himself off. “I was pondering what I have lost, as well as how I shall proceed. I find myself at a bit of a loss.”
“I’m not certain how to help with what you’ve lost,” Rarity confessed, briefly departing to the kitchen where Barrier heard her rummaging around for a moment before she returned with a steaming teapot and a pair of cups floating in her magic. “But I may be able to help you decide where to go,” she sat everything down on a small table, “tea darling? You look dreadfully cold.”
Considering the offer for a brief moment, Barrier nodded, realizing he was in fact, shivering. “Tea would be most lovely. Many good thanks for thy kindness and generosity, kind mistress.” Barrier bowed his head in thanks before joining the mare at the table.
Pouring two even cups of the tea and placing a small bowl of sugar cubes on the table, Rarity carefully pressed her forehooves together. “Now then, Captain, stop me if I stray here, but am I correct in assuming that you’re worried about where you’ll go from here in the occupational and financial sense of the statement?”
Barrier nodded yes but remained otherwise silent.
“Well darling, have you ever considered modelling?”
“...modelling?” Barrier raised an eyebrow before carefully sipping the still-steaming tea, forgoing sugar. “I’m afraid I’m not familiar with the term, at least in the occupational sense. Pray tell, what exactly dictates being a model?”
Rarity’s eyes twinkled as she opened her mouth to explain…
***
“Do be careful on your way home, the rain is really picking up,” Rarity called to Barrier from the door of the boutique.
“I shall, fare thee well, Miss Rarity.” Barrier bowed forward slightly, mind registering the heavy patter of rain on his borrowed umbrella, which the mare insisted he take. Barrier turned, hearing the boutique door close behind him; once more he found himself walking along, this time towards the library, frown perched on his face as his mind continued to go over the possibilities. As seemed to be routine, another interruption surfaced, cutting his thoughts off before they could really begin. This one came in the form of a soaking-wet and bouncing wad of cotton-candy in the shape of a pony.
“Hi there, I’m Pinkie Pie and we didn’t get to meet until now because everything’s been really busy and I haven’t gotten to meet you until now and when I tried to meet you in the hospital they said I wasn’t allowed in the hospital because this one time I tried to throw a party for a bunch of sick ponies and…”
By this point Barrier’s instinctive mental-defense kicked in and his brain filtered the chatter out. For nearly five minutes, he slowly walked towards the library, the pink bundle of energy bouncing along behind him. As the library came into view her voice once more penetrated his inner ears.
“And I love to make ponies smile but you weren’t smiling so I thought,” the mare stopped and gasped animatedly, “I could make Barrier smile because he’s all sad and sad ponies make me sad, so I thought...”
“Have a pleasant evening, Miss Pie,” Barrier stated blandly,
“Oh, night!” Pinkie waved heartily as Barrier departed into the library and turned to bounce away as if nothing had happened.
***
Barrier folded the umbrella with a flick of his horn and glanced at the empty dark library, eyes settling on a clock mounted on the wall - Twilight had given him an explanation on how they worked his first day home when asked - and sighed. When had it gotten so late? With tired strides, Barrier drug himself towards the couch and plopped down on it, paying no mind to his damp coat, focusing only on not lying on his casts. “I shall not awaken Twilight by dragging myself up the stairs…” Barrier muttered to himself as he once more drifted into his thoughts, thankfully uninterrupted this time. Rarity had given him several ideas on what to do for a living, from the local spa that was looking for assistants - why they needed help in a town this small was beyond him - to helping the Apple family who was getting ready to start their harvest in only a couple of weeks, to modeling for her and a line of clothing. She had been particularly hopeful for the last suggestion, it seemed. He supposed he should try all of the above as soon as his cast was off.
With a final tired sigh, the stallion’s eyes slowly shut, sleep being quick to take him, as were the nightmares.
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I like this version of Magic Barrier. He seems more authentic, considering where/when he came from.
Confound these meddlesome mares! Doth they not know Barrier seeks to perform Shakespeare in the Rain?
Poor guy. Everyone has the same question too.
I very much liked the original of the story, and I'm enjoying the reset as well. I have to say though, the early modern English needs some work. If you intend to keep using it, I would be happy to polish it for you--as you seem to have everything else well polished for the most part. Also, here's a link for a decent reference: It's fairly simple, but it covers much.
Now then, I have a few error corrections:
Thou haveth my word, Doctor
The 'haveth' is with thou, thus should be 'hast'. Also, if he respects the doctor at all, Barrier would address him as you as was common practice. In context of the time, he's basically belittling the doctor (who is currently of higher station than Barrier himself). Written the way it is, as I know not whether it was your intention, it makes Barrier basically a dick.
several years your senior!
Judging from the fact he says 'mine own' in the next sentence, Barrier would say 'thy' as Twilight is both on familiar terms with him and his minor.
own judgments and I judge
A sentence over, you forgot the comma. I almost missed it myself.
Note! The words meaning true were much more varied. 'Sooth' was another word for truth (as in soothsayer). If you wish to vary it that is.
Thou hath made this
Again, the 'hath' should be 'hast'.
and gone and I’m alone in
Again, you left out a comma between 'and' and 'I'm'. Completely missed this time the first time through
My only skill lies in
While not technically wrong, 'My' is in front of a vowel and would typically be 'Mine'. However, it does sound strange. I'll admit.
Perhaps you’re right, Miss Dash
I'm assuming you are showing the readers that Barrier has gained a lot of respect for Dash with the change to you're (which would have been 'thou art' otherwise). Also, 'Perhaps' is a fairly recent word--only around two hundred years old--thus 'Mayhaps' would be more of Barrier's era. In addition, 'Miss' is actually a shortening of 'Mistress' and was a friendly jibe in that time period toward adolescents or kids. Just a suggestion though.
Thank ye for thy concern
No. Just no. Please, pick one or the other. A person of the time period would think you drunk or a foreigner with that type of pronoun confusion. Also, ye is plural for FORMAL occasions, as in "Hear ye! Hear ye!".
sun traces its path from horizon to horizon, and ever the moon follows
While not wrong, 'traces' and 'follows' could be replaced with 'traceth' and 'followeth' for extravagance, and because it's a saying. People of the time liked to embellish their quips and poetry.
Thou ponies are nosy
'Thou' is a singular term only. 'You' would be the proper term here.
Thank thee for thy
Instead of saying simply thanks, like one would in passing, Barrier's thanks seemed more genuine. May I suggest 'Many good thanks' or 'Gramercy' (meaning in Barrier's case God's' grant you mercy)? It's something of the era. I can only imagine how rude we English-speakers are today would be to the people of back then. Also, 'm'lady' was something reserved for nobility, something--as much as she wishes--Rarity is clearly not. I would suggest 'kind mistress' or 'sweet mistress' instead.
Pray tell
Yea! Many hearty thankings unto thee for a-using that!
Sorry for that! I guess I got carried away, but alas, I wish to see you do well with the older language. I hope I helped somewhat!
-Omnicron
6572927 I appreciate the help. Truth be told, I can't old-english for the life of me. I write it out as modern-day and my editors do their best to translate it for me. Luckily by around chapter 12-15 it'll be dropping out almost completely. Will go through and correct them for this chapter before I try to figure out the next 10 or so I'll need to check. :3
Thankies sir.
Edit: Done and done, I think. :3 I appreciate the help. I can't old-english for the life of me. Tried it for a few chapters. The results left a lot to be desired. That said, if you ever decide you wanna grind along my currently unrelased chapters lemme know. Always room in the backyard for another editor/proofer. ;)
6572939
Doth sound top notch to me. Methinks I can do much to help thee in thine endeavor. Sendest me a line if thou wishest to have me review thy script.
Hehe, sorry I don't get to show off my Elizabethan much. I'll be happy to help though, and if you need any help with ideas, send me a message. I know quite a bit about how Elizabethan era people acted from studying their speech.
Also, I'll go over chapter one ... in a while, probably tonight. I don't remember anything too glaring though.
Also, you forgot the comma after Gramercy, and I liked you use of Miss with Pinkie. It shows how much he dislikes her and thinks of her as a child--not that she would notice. ;)
6573026 Tight, I'll drop you a line. :3 And that sounds about right. As far as punctuation goes comma's {followed closely by semi-colons} are by far my weakest point. I just can't seem to grasp them.
6573104
Eh, no worries. I've been tinkering with the English language as a hobby since I was in 9th grade. If I didn't know as much as I did, as well as admit I still make a lot of mistakes myself, I'd punch myself.
(The past is history, tomorrow’s a mystery, but today’s a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.) Nice kung fu panda reference.
I'm really enjoying this story. I love unique perspectives.
That quote is way older then Kung Fu Panda.
Also, 6798865
This is getting interesting...
6572939
I doubt your betas can do Old English either. Don't confuse the early modern English of Shakespeare with the Old English of half a millenia earlier, they are extremely different.
One upshot, severance for guards is probably determined by seniority...
Or he could go back to the guard and train then not to be a joke!
"Eye slowly shut" he's not blind in one eye? Or does he sleep with one eye open.
7193618 sleep with on eye open i bet
He must have been very bad captain. He is pretty impatient.
7280578 he's probably watching out for enemies in the small library in the middle of a friendly harmonious town. Ooh that shadow looks suspicious
Well he has a thousand years of back pay coming to him.
Magic, snort snort.