• Published 13th Oct 2015
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Utaan - Imploding Colon



Rainbow Dash endures many trials to reach the edge of the world.

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Just a Routine Stop, Right?

Pegasi, griffons, and unicorns stood anxiously on the decks of three steam ships anchored side by side in choppy waters. The sailors lined up along the starboard sides, squirming in the shadows of dozens of armored guardians.

Chandler squatted in his chariot, overlooking the three vessels down below. No less than six pegasi were employed in holding his vehicle aloft in mid-air with able-bodied hooves. Starlight glinted off his bulky armor plates as the Defense Minister continued staring at the trading ships down below. In the meantime, squadrons of the Central Guard flew in broad circles around the scene, carefully observing both the east and west horizons of the twilight seas.

Commander Keris hovered alongside the center-most vessel alongside Windburst. After a shuddering breath, he glanced at the ship's bow.

Seraphimus perched, patiently and calmly observing the scene. At one point, her headcrest pulled back with interest.

Keris followed the path of her vision just in time to catch Sergeants Raptr and Starstorm emerging from the central vessel's lower deck, accompanied by several marching members of the Central Guard.

"See?!" a grizzled unicorn in a captain's hat exclaimed, waving his forelimbs with a smug grin. "What did I tell you?! Waste of everypony's good time—"

"Silence!" Seraphimus hissed, causing the ship's Captain and his subordinates to flinch.

Keris cleared his throat. Floating over, he approached Starstorm and Raptr. "Report."

"We checked everywhere, sir," Starstorm said. "It's the same as in the other two vessels." She glanced at the captain of the trading vessel. "Not a single soul's hidden down there. They were telling the truth when they said that all crew members were accounted for above deck."

Chandler's voice cried over the rumbling thunder: "What about any hidden panels?! Loose hull plating?"

"Pffft! What do you take me for, eh?!" The ship's captain shrugged again. "We're just performing a normal run-of-the-mill delivery to the northeast outposts! We've got nothing to hide, soldiers!"

Keris tried to hide his exasperation. He gazed patiently at his Sergeants.

Raptr swallowed and said, "We examined all of the metal panels we saw. Not a single one of them is hollow."

"He's right." Starstorm nodded. "And even if any of those panels could afford hidden spaces, none of them are large enough to hold a full-sized equine or griffon."

"Commander?" Chandler's voice echoed.

Keris took a breath and turned to face the Defense Minister above them. "The Rainbow Rogue's posse aren't to be found here, sir. These sailors are clean."

"I really don't think it'd be like the Rainbow Rogue to hide away on a trade ship anyways," Windburst said.

"Yeah! Exactly!" The captain nodded up at the Talon member and turned to face Chandler high above. "Look, Mr. Soldier-Dude—"

"Defense Minister Brye Chandler..." The stallion's brow furrowed. "You've not heard of our current expedition?"

"Uhhhh... I know that the Queen's dead and we've got frost-shitting Wendigoes flying all over the place—"

"Verlaxion's demise is a tragedy of the highest calibre," Seraphimus said in a cold tone. Her charcoal eyes glinted. "We will not have you speak of it so flippantly."

"Right. Whatever." The captain waved a hoof. "Look. The price for thermal sea bass is the highest it's ever been—what with the continentals freezing their flanks off and whatnot." He smirked. "Right now, you're interrupting a once-in-a-lifetime chance to capitalize on that. Just two more deliveries and all of my crew get to return home to their family for years off of the fortune to be had! Now... y'all are Rohbredden defenders and jazz... so why are you up in my grill making life hard? Huh?" His grizzled jaw clenched. "I've no clue who this Rainbow Rogue is. An Enemy of the State? Pfffft... not worth my time. And neither is this. So can we cut the pretense and let us go already?"

"Awfully quick to be rid of us, buddy," Windburst said.

"Yo..." The captain gestured. "It's the end of the world. Wouldn't you wanna get shit done too?"

Chandler sighed, rubbing his muzzle.

"Defense Minister..." Keris flew up to him. "The Rainbow Rogue isn't the type of character to get innocent ponies like this tangled up in her business. I firmly believe there's nothing of importance for us here. If we want to catch up with our target, we should move up."

"Funny..." Chandler muttered. He raised his hoof just long enough to glare at the Talon leader. "As of late, you've seen awfully keen to delay us enough as it is."

Starstorm and Raptr fidgeted.

Keris stared at him blankly. "Sir...?"

Chandler took a breath. "Something's funny here. Three trade ships? Cruising so close together in these twilight waters?"

"You haven't had much rest, sir," Keris said. "Perhaps you're imagining scenarios where there aren't any."

"That'll be up to me to decide." Chandler stood up and looked over the edge of his chariot. "My dear captain..." He spoke boldly. "...you have a remarkably large convoy here."

"Yeah? What about it?"

Chandler squinted. "Isn't that rather dangerous in midnighter territory?"

"Hah!" The captain smirked. "Funny you should say that!" He exchanged nods with his fellow crew members. "Sometime in the last twelve hours, they up and vanished!"

"Huh?" Raptr blinked.

Seraphimus cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean... 'vanished?'"

"We send seadogs out in steam skiffs to test the waters every fivelight, y'know? They drag long cables and see if anything snags. If so—then that means those bat bastards are tailing us underwater. They got a shitton of submersibles, y'know. They think they're invisible, but they're wrong."

"How curious..." Chandler blinked. "But... lately you've 'snagged' nothing?"

"Damn skippy! Over the past twelve hours, the midnighters seemed to have... sunk completely!"

"You mean... they've left this region completely?" Starstorm asked.

"Pfft! Don't be stupid!" The captain waved a hoof. "Something's got them super spooked, most likely. I mean... for a bunch of bloodthirsty pirates, they can be superstitious as Hell. Doesn't matter to me—so long as they're good and distracted." He smiled, ugly teeth glinting in the starlight. "Hell... some of my helmsmen saw their moonlights rippling through the currents... headed east."

"East?" Chandler blinked.

"Yeah! All of them! Super fast! Probably headed to their home... uhm... Bleak's Plummet, as the leafy-eared freaks call it. Proud little bastards. Do a good job of hiding their shitty underwater habitat too. If you ask me, they must be having some sort of crazy batpony convention. All the good for us, y'know?" The captain pointed at the other two ships. "So, we're taking advantage of the safe waters while we can! Heh... we don't want to be around when those bloodthirsty shitheads return with a vengeance... y'know?"

"Something... spooked them...?" Raptr remarked.

"Or..." Chandler tapped his chin in thought. "...they're amassing together for a reason." His eyes widened slowly. "...or for a rogue."

Seraphimus flashed Chandler a look. "You suggest that the Rainbow Rogue has enlisted the help of the vile Seventh Tribe?"

"Honestly... could we expect her not to?" Chandler looked at Keris. "Commander... you've witnessed her tactics before. Would she be capable of charming them?"

Keris stared back. He fumbled for words—

"The Lieutenant... the Commander has succumbed to the Blight before," Seraphimus said without looking at him. "If a loyal member of the Talon can be mind-controlled by our Goddess-killer, then truly evil deviants such as the midnighter pirates would be fair game."

"Then it's worse than I feared," Chandler muttered. "The Rainbow Rogue's posse has turned into an army."

"If... if that's so, Defense Minister," Keris calmly spoke, floating closer. "Then I fear that we are too few in number to tackle what may be at her disposal."

"It's not a question of numbers, Commander," Chandler said, gazing at the thunderous horizon. "We are equipped with the best of the best... Rohbredden's top elite." He took a breath. "However... we distinctly lack a safe platform to execute our offensive."

"Well, true." Windburst nodded. "This was only ever meant to be a quick mobile strike. But now..."

"Do..." Starstorm blinked. "...do we go back and assemble a fleet from Frostknife?"

"I doubt the windigoes have left a clear, unfrozen path from the harbor to these seas. Besides..." Chandler fumed. "It's out of the question. We're behind enough as it is."

"Look... whatever you decide, could you deliberate elsewhere?" the captain sputtered impatiently. "You've held my crew up for over an hour now. We've got deliveries to make, and with the windigoes out—we're not aiming to stick in one place for long!" He frowned. "We're lucky enough that the midnighters have screwed off to Goddess-knows-where!"

All the while, Seraphimus listened carefully. She glanced at the deck of the steam-ship... at the multiple crates covered in thick gray tarp. Taking a deep breath, she hopped down from her perch and marched icily across the deck. "Captain... your anxiousness intrigues me. Thermal sea bass—you said you were delivering?"

"That's right."

Seraphimus' charcoal eyes narrowed. "If I recall, the heat of the organs of slaughtered thermal sea bass increase exponentially over time. Like fine wine... the fish need to age before their intestines can be utilized as a heat source for nothern outposts."

"Right. Normally, I'd take that into account. But shit has hit the fan, hasn't it? On a continental level too." The captain faced Chandler. "Look, dude. Can you calm your parrot here? We really gotta draw anchor—"

"And... if I recall... sea bass—thermal or not—have a very distinct rotting smell." Seraphimus glanced up at Keris. "Isn't that right, Commander?"

Keris swallowed. "As a matter of fact, it is—"

"Look, lady..." The captain frowned. "What are you trying to get at?"

"Maybe you're not transporting dead fish at all," Seraphimus said. Schiiing! She bore her claws. "In fact... maybe you're lying through your teeth!" That said, she spun and slammed her tallon through a stack of crates.

Smassssh! Scraps of tarp and chunks of wood went flying. Sailors and guards flinched... then watched as several chunks of faintly-glowing rock formations glowed in the starlight.

"By the Blight..." Chandler exhaled.

"Hmmm... thermal sea bass, captain?" Seraphimus picked up a brittle sample of porous, glowing rock. "Looks an awful lot like hallucinogenic sea coral to me." Her glaring eyes pivoted until they reflected the captain's visibly shaking figure. "Not only would you lie straight to the muzzle of the Defense Minister... disrespectfully so... but you would harbor highly illegal contraband? Just how many pounds—or I daresay—tons of this material do you have stowed away in these containers?"

"Uhhhhh..." The captain's teeth chattered. "Uhmmmm..."

"Run out of excuses?" Seraphimus tossed the material away, shattering it to flakey bits. "How fascinating. For I've run out of patience." She marched towards him, claws dragging—scraping.

"Okay... okay!" The captain backed away from her, bumping into a smokestack. "Look! Even if windigoes weren't ravaging the continent, the collapse of the Syndicate changed the game up! And... well... think about it!" He gulped. "Now—more than ever—there are ponies out there willing to pay top bits just to escape the current situation, y'know?"

"Our Goddess is dead. Evil is at large." Seraphimus stared him down. "And you would resort to the exploitation of our besieged citizens?! Do you know the punishment for distributing hallucinogenic coral in the eyes the Council of Verlaxion?"

"Uhm... I... er..."

"Up to a lifetime of imprisonment in the Frosted Shelves," Keris murmured. "But—"

"But the Frosted Shelves are currently being used to defend the innocent populace of Frostknife!" Seraphimus exclaimed. "And—for the interim—the Council of Verlaxion has declared martial law, with supreme authority granted to that stallion up there! Defense Minister Brye Chandler!" She spun to face the pony in his chariot. "Dear Minister—can we afford to take these drug-peddlers back to Central Rohbredden?"

"As a matter of fact..." Chandler took a deep breath. "...we cannot." He raised an eyebrow. "We can, however, dispense with a swift and merciful execution."

The sailors gasped and wheezed.

"Now w-wait a s-second—!" The Captain rushed forward. Schiiiing! A serrated talon held him up to the smokestack's foundation. He froze in place, trembling in Seraphimus' grasp.

"Defense Minister!" Keris sputtered. He gazed firmly at the stallion. "Is now really the time to be causing unnecessary bloodshed?"

"Commander, these criminals are the ones who caused trouble the very moment they saw it fit to take advantage of our Goddess' most unfortunate passing." Chandler then took a breath, folding his forelimbs. "However... it would be a most heinous waste of time and resources." He glanced down. "Seraphimus... you're experienced with working in the field. Might I ask for your advice in this matter?"

The Captain nervously looked at Seraphimus.

Seraphimus calmly blinked. "Well, the contraband will have to be destroyed... and the tools of these criminals would necessarily be reappropriated by the government of Rohbredden. And seeing as we're the acting arm of the law out in these waters..."

"You've... g-got to be kidding..." The Captain wheezed. "You expect us to g-give up our ships?!"

"You, of course, will be given the means to make your way to dry land," Seraphimus said. "I do believe you have enough life rafts on board these vessels to accomplish such a task."

"Oh, lick my ass!" The Captain snarled. "If you expect us to just hoof these ships over and row our way dozens of miles to shore, you've got another thing coming!"

"Mmmm... a point well made." Seraphimus looked up at the chariot. "Defense Minister?"

"Right." The stallion gestured. "Step back, Seraphimus." He shouted to the soldiers. "Central Guard! Execute these criminals!"

Schiiiiiiiing! Multiple pegasi and griffons brandished their swords.

"Wait! Wait!" The Captain flailed his forelimbs as his crew members ducked. "Take... t-take them! Please! Just... j-just spare our lives!"

"Ah... very well." Chandler nodded. "Consider this an act of mercy, my good stallion. Make your way to shore and start a new life. Goddess knows we could use all the help we can get on the mainland. That includes sober souls." He turned towards Seraphimus. "You may proceed with the extraction."

"I... do not possess the authority, sir," Seraphimus droned.

"Quite true." Chandler looked at Keris. "Commander? If you would kindly give the command."

"... ... ..." Keris looked back at Chandler. He glanced at the shivering crew members. At last, after a deep breath, he grumbled: "Central Guard. Dump the contraband into the sea... and escort these sailors into the life rafts. If any of them resist you... then toss them overboard. That is an order."

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