Of Mines, Bards, and Breakfast
"Sergeant Windburst."
Windburst finished speaking with a gaggle of villagers. He turned around and gazed across the snowy heart of Braum.
"Yes—" His hawkeyes twitched and his beak rattled. "...Commander?"
Seraphimus marched towards him. She wasn't alone. Stumbling in front of her on wobbly hooves was a very dazed, very pale Longaze.
"Please proceed with escorting our prisoner to Frostknife," Seraphimus calmly said. "And once she's locked away in the Frozen Shelves, rendezvous with Lieutenant Keris and await further instructions."
"But of course, Commander. Uhmm..." Windburst squinted at Longaze.
Copper streaks of dried blood stained the unicorn's face and neck on all sides. She had her head hung, gazing down into the snow with shrunken pupils.
Windburst blinked.
Seraphimus raised an eyecrest. "Is there something wrong, Sergeant?"
The subordinate cleared his feathered throat. "Erm... n-no, Commander." He shifted the weight of his crossbow. "I'll take her to the heart of Rohbredden speedily."
"Very well. Be sure to alert the Lieutenant that I will be at least two days behind you."
Windburst did a double-take. "You're not coming with me?"
Seraphimus shook her head. "I have business with the Consortium south of here, along the Central Harbors."
"The Central Harbors?" Windburst blinked. "Why... that's just below Osmanthus Prefecture!" His beak hung agape. "Since when did you have a reason to backtrack that far?"
"Since I pledged my life and my spirit to the protection of all Rohbredden's interests." Seraphimus glared. "As have you."
"Erm... r-right." Windburst walked over to Longaze's side and held her tightly by her manacles. "And I know better than to question that."
"Indeed you do." Seraphimus spread her wings. "Be speedy in your flight, Sergeant. There are deeper... darker things at work in this kingdom. Verlaxion willing, I'm about to get to the bottom of it." FWOOOOSH! And she soared southward at such a blazing speed that it turned the heads of milling villagers all across Braum.
Windburst watched her turn into a silver speck. He sighed. "I thought giving up on the Rainbow Rogue would mean something." He gulped. "But this whole situation just keeps getting screwier and screwier."
Longaze shuddered. "Please t-take me to Frostknife n-now," she murmured.
"Yeah yeah..."
"For realsies, Twi!" Rainbow Dash cackled as she climbed to the top of a vertical shaft. Using the ruby pendant to guide her path, she carefully stepped out onto another tunnel and began spelunking down a long passage. "What's your big beef with Bard and Wildcard?"
"I'm not trying to come down on them, Rainbow! How many times do I have to keep telling you that?!" The ghostly unicorn beside her sighed. A blink. "Also, what's 'beef?'"
Rainbow winced. "Errr... n-never mind." Clearing her throat, she spoke while trotting through the mine. "Seriously, though, can't you see that the Desperadoes are doing me a favor?"
"Of course I do—!"
"Then why are you ramping the pessimism gear into overdrive?"
Twilight tossed her forelimbs. "I don't know, Rainbow. Guess it's just what I'm good at."
"Relax, Twi," Rainbow muttered. "I'm glad that you're trying to look after me, but... come onnnnnn... they're my friends!"
"Correction... they were your friends," Twilight muttered. "You shoved them off back in the Quade pretty emphatically."
Rainbow winced in mid-trot. "Rub it in, why don't you."
"And—you have to admit—Wildcard came off as... a bit mercenary in his calculated means of yanking you out of Braum."
"Well, the dude's thorough, Twi."
"Need I even start on how stand-offish Bard was?!" Twilight blinked. "He didn't even want to be there! It's just that..." She sighed. "Nothing about what they're doing seems personal. It's almost as if they're painting by the numbers just to make this whole arrangement happen."
"Well, Bard did say that Wildcard was doing it out of some sort of sense of duty or dedication or something."
"Did Bard say that or did Wildcard through Bard?"
"Wildcard did. Er... I mean Bard did. I mean they both did. I mean... rrrgggh!" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Now you're confusing me again! Dang it, Twi! Why do you always gotta do this?!"
Twilight winced. "Sorry..."
"Maybe they just... y'know... rolled into Braum and saved my skin to prove that they're both the better pony... griffon. Whatever." Rainbow sighed into the dark confines of the place. "Wouldn't be the first time I messed up big time and somehow miraculously won my friends back."
Twilight looked at Rainbow. Her ears drooped slightly as she said, "You have a large bounty on your head, Rainbow. And they are telling you to go opposite of east... into the company of a vaguely intimidating bounty hunter named 'Remna,' no less."
"What are you suggesting now?" Rainbow grumbled. "That they're trying to double-cross me?"
"Just how much do we know about them in the grand scheme of things?" Twilight remarked. "I mean really."
Rainbow clenched her jaw shut.
"The first time you ever met them, you fought to a stand-still in Rust," Twilight continued. "They only agreed to work with you in taking down the Syndicate when it was convenient for them. And the same thing went for Shoggoth."
"I see where you're going with this, Twilight," Rainbow said.
"Do you?"
"But remember." Rainbow Dash remarked. "As soon as they realized how big I bucked things up in the Luminards' sanctuary, they still went out of their way to fish me out of there."
Twilight exhaled sharply. "That is true..."
"And if they wanted to make big on my bounty, they had their opportunity back in Steamfall." Rainbow squinted. "Why go through all the effort to help me get my flank on a train and arrange for me to get to Wyvern Point?"
"I... I don't really know, Rainbow."
"Could it be that there really is some... I dunno... all-important team that Wildcard is wrangling together?"
"I wish they could have given us more information to go on," Twilight grumbled. "Just who is this infernal 'Job Squad?'"
"Some very, very important ponies, I'm guessing."
"Yet another part of Wildcard's charming mystique," yawned Rarity.
Twilight and Rainbow glanced back.
"Rares!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!"
Rarity fully materialized, rubbing her ghostly eyes. "I beg your pardon?"
Rainbow winced. "Er... sorry. Something Ebon Mane used to say." Clearing her throat, she looked ahead. "Anyways, I dunno about that. Something about the phrase 'Job Squad' just screams 'Bard.'"
"A more important subject matter to discuss." Rarity folded her forelimbs with a frown. "Just why have you taken it upon yourselves to proceed through these mines without my assistance."
"It's cool, Rares. We've got this."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. Twilight's been scouting ahead of me when necessary. And I already figured out that I generally need to be going... y'know... up, soooo..."
"Hmmmf!" Rarity tilted her nose up in a pout. "As if it's really that simple!"
"Heh..." Rainbow smirked. "You don't say."
"You never know if there might be any structural weaknesses that could escape the naked eye! Or the ghostly eye!" Rarity waved her forelimbs. "Or what if there's a passage sealed off by a door that could provide us an even shorter route to our destin—?"
"Hey Rainbow." Twilight floated closer. "There's a door just to the left. A large cavern lies on the other side."
"... ... ..." Rarity sighed, then proceeded to recline defeatedly in mid-air. "I should have just stuck to vanilla dreaming."
Flash! Pinkie Pie materialized with a grin. "Did somepony say 'vanilla?!'"
"Pinkie, you were just there!" Twilight exclaimed.
"Oh..." Pinkie blinked. "Well, I'm awake now, so let's talk about vanilla anyways!"
"Goddess..." Rarity rolled her eyes, suppressing a moan. "What I wouldn't give for a sinful treat for the taste buds these days!"
"Yeah!" Pinkie nodded, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Like a tall chocolate sundae!"
"Or hunger to begin with," Twilight droned.
Rarity and Pinkie blinked at her. "Well, when you put it that way," Rarity muttered. "Yeesh, how existential."
"Girls." Rainbow pointed at the metal barricade. "The door."
"Oh yeah!" Pinkie squinted. "Looks super rusty!"
"Now, I know you wish to open it, Rainbow," Rarity said. "But I suggest caution. There's no telling how badly the hinges might be—"
CLANGGG! Rainbow kicked the door down with a mighty kick. She waved the dust out of her muzzle and stuck her head through the frame. "Hmmm... was expecting it to be louder."
"Ugghh..." Rarity face-hoofed, but swiftly composed herself. "If that's the case, then I shudder to think what explosions your poor ears have endured in the past, darling."
"Oh, girl..." Rainbow smirked. "I could write a book. Twelve of them, in fact!"
"I think you used that joke already, Dashie."
Rainbow blinked at Pinkie. "Since when?"
"Mrmmmfff..." Fluttershy materialized, rubbing her eyes.
"Hey! Flutter's here too!" Pinkie smiled. "Say Flutters! What do you like on a chocolate sundae?"
"Uhm..." Fluttershy bit her lip, rubbing her eyes some more. "...fresh air and plenty of sunlight." She squinted at the rusted doorframe. "Where are we?"
"I think I'm just about to find out." Rainbow stepped fully through the frame.
"Careful!" Twilight exclaimed. "You don't know what's in this cavern!"
"Pffft... please..." Rainbow stroked her pendant some more, intensifying the ruby glow. "I eat big scary caves for breakfast."
"Can we please stop talking about food?!" Rarity moaned. Suddenly, her pale coat and sapphire eyes reflected a glittery sheen from all directions. "OooOooOoooh!"
"Neato keano!" Pinkie cooed, gazing at crate after crate full of shiny crystalline cylinders. "Looks like the Gemstone Convention forgot to pack up when they left!"
"I... don't think these are gemstones," Twilight said, gazing at the cylinders. She floated past dusty mining equipment to examine more crates full of the things. "In fact, they look..." She blinked. "...organic."
"Eugh..." Rarity winced. "I'm already not liking this. Can we go back into the dull, dark corridor once more?"
"Well, you tell me, Rarity." Rainbow looked over her shoulder. "What's a faster way out of this crazy labyrinth."
Rarity closed her eyes. A pulse of light emanated from her horn, and she said, "Mmmm... indeed. Onward and upwards."
Rainbow Dash tilted her head up. Using her hoof, she raised the lighting bolt of her pendant so that the ruby light rippled above her. The penumbra of the glow illuminated row after row of lattice-like platforms looming above her, affixed together by rickety ladders, ramps, and pulley systems. Somewhere—high up above at the top of the spiral—a single square dot reflected her beacon.
"That's..." Fluttershy gulped. "...th-that's a long way to climb."
"Awwwwwww..." Pinkie pouted. She looked over at Rainbow Dash, batting her eyelashes. "I don't suppose that now is a good time for your left wing to start working miraculously?"
"We'd much sooner have Verlax show up with an army of puppies."
"Oh well," Pinkie sighed. "A long... long ascending trek it is." She then brightened. "Who's for singing?!"
"Mrmmff..." Rarity moaned. "...I'd much rather talk about food again."
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At least Longaze still has her tongue attached.
I would pay to see that.
...I wonder what the heck was in those tubes they walked past.
Luminescent squidgies, perhaps?
Geez...she even has Longaze near begging right now.
A tasty carnivore-treat.
metatoodayumstrong
Nine hundred and ninenty nine rickety steps to crawl up, nine hundred and ninty nine steps, take one step NOT THAT ONE, and there nine hundred and ninety seven steps to crawl up.
Not sure if this has been posted before, but if not then here's some Talon fanart.
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/austraeoh/images/7/78/RightTalon.JPG/revision/latest?cb=20151201190907
Welp, Seraph broke Longaze. Hopefully she didn't break her horn.
She totes did the sex on her in order hone herself a bit just in case for future threesome between RD, Longaze and herself.
c1.staticflickr.com/5/4074/4814014643_b2e1da67c5.jpg
Throne, Seraphimius really did a number on Longaze!
6927128
She'll probably try to get revenge on Sera when the tables get turned later in the story. Unless she really is broken.
Too bad Rainbow Dash can't call on the services of Austraeoh Fact Checker.
...what the fuck did Seraph do to Longaze to get her like that?
And what is she planning to do back in Osmanthus.
...any one else think that Longaze could defect to East Horse now? She's broken, travelling with Dash might be what she needs to rebuild herself.
...now that Twi's brought up that possibility...
They are bounty hunters.. and Dash has a big price on her head.
..Now I'm just picturing Bard sneering at her and telling her. "If ah said this was nothin' personal, ah'd be lyin', Dubyacee and ah gotta drag our names outta the muck somehow."
-Companions have returned, inner darkness spurned. Utaan.
I wonder what Longaze spilled? The site of some Consortium supply point? Something else illicit?
And does Seraphimius know that the executive Longaze is the mare she captured yet? I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't suspect it. So many questions that can only be answered by traveling forward in time to when the story is finished. To The Lab!
Wow, in her conversation with Twilight Rainbow is simultaneously the jaded And the optimistic one. In other news old jokes are old.
This place (and those tubes) give me a baaaad feeling.
Now we're left to wonder just how much Longaze ended up telling Seraphimus. Torture via pain is usually highly unreliable as it tends to make a person say whatever the torturer wants to hear, and its possible Longaze gave false information. Regardless, I wonder how smart it is for Seraphimus to go it alone at this point? No doubt she could tear up the Consortium something fierce, but it still leaves her vulnerable both physically and mentally.
With Longaze heading to the Frost Knife it looks like that'll be the place most the characters end up congregating. Wonder if that location will be this book's climax, or just the end of the second act?
Well Twilight...
"In 972 a crack Talon unit was sent to the Frozen Shelves by the Council for a crime they didn't commit. These individuals promtly escaped from the maximum security stockade to the Wyvern Point underground. Today, still wanted by the Rohbredden government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the Job Squad."
Seraphimius is efficient as always, I just hope she got good info out of her though.
I wonder if Rarity can conjure up a ghostly fainting couch.
Well, I guess it's a good thing Rainbow doesn't have some odd genetic muscular atrophy in her legs. Wouldn't that be awful?
Would I Make You Believe - Blind Dog
6927151
This joke has been used
once
in
Urohringr ch. 158
Thank you for using Austraeoh Fact Checker
So Longaze looks pretty thoroughly broken now. The question is exactly how much information did Seraphimus get out of her. Does anyone know where Chandler was last headed? Because I get the feeling Seraphimus has a new target.
6927151 That's it! The last Beacon must be Austraeoh Fact Checker! Now Dash can continue her journey with confidence that everything she's done can be factually checked as if it was being written about in a book, twelve of them in fact.
I just had a thought, and you guys can tell me if its an interesting one or not.
Would it not be interesting if Chandler had access to an actual cure for the dredge coal disease Seraphimus' husband and child are suffering from? The Consortium does most of its business through dredge coal, its not outside the realm of logic that either through accident or intention the Consortium discovered a cure, but Chandler has been sitting on it until he can find (or create) a way to maximize profits from it.
Now with a crazed griffin likely calling at his door in the near future it might be a neat twist if Chandler offered up such a cure to Seraphimus in exchange for turning a blind eye, or even working for him. There's a test for the Right Talon's commander if ever there was one. Is she truly devoted to Rohbredden's safety, or is she ultimately just a desperate mother and wife who'd do anything to get her child and husband back, including striking a deal with the proverbial devil that can offer her the miracle that "Verlaxion" has thus far failed to?
...Probably never happen, but it'd make for a cool scene if it did.
6927115
Agreed, it would not have ended well for Rainbow.
I am a little surprised Longaze is this broken though, I mean yes - excruciatingly painful torture would inflict serious trauma but still... Seraphimus must have pretty much crippled Longaze's horn to have that kind of effect on her 'I'm a cold professional' persona.
6927156
The only way I could see the possibility of Longaze joining Rainbow's party is if the Job Squad needs to break someone out of the prison she's going to be held in. Even then, broken or not, it would be like inviting Shell to party up and be buddies. Longaze would certainly be out for some kind of vengeance once she recovers her sanity (and professionalism). I'd say there would be a better chance of Seraphimus and Rainbow teaming up, as Seraphimus at least seems to be coming around.
6927202
While painful torture may be unreliable, it is still effective. Any information Longaze gives Seraphimus will be verified in due time and if she was lying I'm sure Seraphimus made it clear she'd get another visit. As for how smart is it for Seraphimus to go on her own? Most certainly not. While she's probably the most experienced of the Talon (and probably the most badass), numbers trump anything in most situations. I'm certainly predicting the 'good' commander will get herself into some trouble.
6927502
Element of Factual Accuracy. The pendant is just the Wikipedia logo.
6927548
While I also figure it's unlikely that Longaze would join Dash, I also don't put anything past IC either. Dash has changed a lot since Shell, hell since the Quade, and if we're to believe creatures Ike Axan and Chrysalis, who are responsible for murder on continental scales, are worthy of a second chance at redemption, then it'd be pretty hypocritical to write off Longaze as beyond hope, especially now that she's basically hit an all time low and is free to reexamine her priorities.
I do kind of hope Seraphimus' gung-ho attitude gets her tail feathers in a bind, but given Chandler isn't expecting her, she might just take him down fast and ugly. Chandler is kind of the sort who needs time to prep a response to be effective, and Longaze was his best agent. I don't even know if his regular security would even be willing to attack the Right Talon of Her Icyness. Still anything is possible.
6927586
It's not that Longaze is irredeemable or unworthy of the chance, more that she doesn't have a place in the story arc - at least not as a party member for Dash. Unless this is amounting to a 'gather everyone and take down Verlax' ending to this arc/book. The Job Squad + WC and Bard would be plenty large enough of a party to help Dash finish her goal here and get out of this area. Longaze has served her purpose in the story as the third party chasing after Rainbow but we've moved past that part of the story.
Of course, I'm not the one writing the story so I could be totally wrong and Longaze will become a party member to learn the meaning of friendship and harmony. If so, I'll be plenty surprised and curious to see how IC handles the potential conflicts and juggling all those characters.
It would be neat if Seraphimus getting into trouble somehow results in Rainbow saving her flank and thus further cementing the doubts that she has about everything.
6927620
I don't necessarily disagree, but this series doesn't always follow conventional story arcs either, and IC has been known to make use of characters previously thought to be out of the story at some surprising future juncture. Like I'm still thinking Antsan will crop up again. While I doubt Longaze would be a party member, I could see her playing some role in events when Dash ends up at the Frostknife. And personally I'm an eternal optimist who likes to see characters do better and at least try for some redeeming action, so I remain rooting for Longaze no matter how battered she gets.
As for Seraphimus, I'm calling it now, Chandler's got the ol' rope attached to a pit trap in his office. Totally foolproof, can't fail.
scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xlf1/v/t1.0-9/12705589_10153432041431693_8482561228567676754_n.jpg?oh=2d4e251051ffa57f79483a74fe84ed5c&oe=576151E7
Damn, Sera is on a war path!
And organic gemstone thingies doesn't sound fun
betcha those 'organic crystals' are eggs
Yes, it would be more than weird if Wildcard betrayed Rainbow now. Honestly, with all her latent vulnerability to nervous breakdowns and bad abilities at reading people, it still surprises me Twilight would even get that idea.
6927502 Suddenly it all makes sense!
6927530 That is indeed a thought.
6927118
don't hope too much,
ICverlax might send an army of diamond dog after dash6927139
maybe she'll join the rainbow express after spending a little time in prison. fact checker, is echo also in frostknife or is he in another prison?
6927202 They were The Job Squad ("One black, one white, one blonde"), the hippest and first young undercover cops on TV. Each of these characters represented mainstream culture's principal fears regarding youth in the era: Long-haired rebel Pete Cochran was evicted from his wealthy parents's Beverly Hills home, then arrested and put on probation after he stole a car; Lincoln Hayes, who came from a family of 13 children, was arrested in the Watts riots, one of the longest and most violent actual riots in Los Angeles history; flower child Julie Barnes, the "canary with a broken wing," was arrested for vagrancy after running away from her prostitute mother's San Francisco home; and Captain Adam Greer was a tough but sympathetic mentor and father figure who convinced them to form the squad.
6927530 Indeed an interesting thought. However, if Seraphimus had even a suspicion that Chandler had such a cure, I don't think he could stop her from taking it. We've just seen that she's willing to brutally interrogate Longaze for information, and all she did was try to kill a few ponies. Chandler would be responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocents if he had withheld a cure, so I don't think there's much Sera wouldn't do to him.
I wonder if Longaze even told Seraphimus the truth.
6927687
Those frost rods/fossilised windigo hearts Nana, I'd say. Probably low hatching potential.
6927814
Without a geas, I'd say most of the shebang that she was clued in on as well as maybe some personal reasons we don't know about yet. Longaze didn't seem like the type to maintain her patience or resolve in recent chapters, so Sera should have gotten a morsel of truth out of her.
Eggs eggs eggs eggs. I'm betting my bacon on those being eggs.
What taste buds? Wish for some taste buds first.
Ah, there's the monster of this cave! Thank goodness we found it, I was getting worried.
Food...
SHoot, now I'm hungry.
Organic? I smell trouble.
6927814 She might've told her just the words to upset her the most. Make her make some irrational decision like flying off after Chandler.
Or in this case a naked ghost's eye!
To be fair, if Verlax came at me with an army of puppies, I'd totally join her side.
Twelve books overall, and the joke Dash told has only been said twice. I'd say that's a pretty good spread. It might not be too funny next time, though.
6927128
That's not Austraeoh fanart, that's just a cropped picture of Gilda in armour. Got me excited an everything, for no good reason. img11.deviantart.net/08c1/i/2013/294/9/6/gilda_portrait___armoured__by_dimfann-d6rc9cc.png
Huh. I suppose that could mean they grew on plants, but otherwise... that sounds like it was either made by an animal, or it hatches into an animal, or an animal might get angry at you for coming near it. Or all three, really; they tend to go together.
Unfortunately for her, Verlax is NOT willing, and in fact wants this chaos to spread.
08/20/2017
15:51 UTC