• Published 13th Oct 2015
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Utaan - Imploding Colon



Rainbow Dash endures many trials to reach the edge of the world.

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Of Mines, Bards, and Breakfast

"Sergeant Windburst."

Windburst finished speaking with a gaggle of villagers. He turned around and gazed across the snowy heart of Braum.

"Yes—" His hawkeyes twitched and his beak rattled. "...Commander?"

Seraphimus marched towards him. She wasn't alone. Stumbling in front of her on wobbly hooves was a very dazed, very pale Longaze.

"Please proceed with escorting our prisoner to Frostknife," Seraphimus calmly said. "And once she's locked away in the Frozen Shelves, rendezvous with Lieutenant Keris and await further instructions."

"But of course, Commander. Uhmm..." Windburst squinted at Longaze.

Copper streaks of dried blood stained the unicorn's face and neck on all sides. She had her head hung, gazing down into the snow with shrunken pupils.

Windburst blinked.

Seraphimus raised an eyecrest. "Is there something wrong, Sergeant?"

The subordinate cleared his feathered throat. "Erm... n-no, Commander." He shifted the weight of his crossbow. "I'll take her to the heart of Rohbredden speedily."

"Very well. Be sure to alert the Lieutenant that I will be at least two days behind you."

Windburst did a double-take. "You're not coming with me?"

Seraphimus shook her head. "I have business with the Consortium south of here, along the Central Harbors."

"The Central Harbors?" Windburst blinked. "Why... that's just below Osmanthus Prefecture!" His beak hung agape. "Since when did you have a reason to backtrack that far?"

"Since I pledged my life and my spirit to the protection of all Rohbredden's interests." Seraphimus glared. "As have you."

"Erm... r-right." Windburst walked over to Longaze's side and held her tightly by her manacles. "And I know better than to question that."

"Indeed you do." Seraphimus spread her wings. "Be speedy in your flight, Sergeant. There are deeper... darker things at work in this kingdom. Verlaxion willing, I'm about to get to the bottom of it." FWOOOOSH! And she soared southward at such a blazing speed that it turned the heads of milling villagers all across Braum.

Windburst watched her turn into a silver speck. He sighed. "I thought giving up on the Rainbow Rogue would mean something." He gulped. "But this whole situation just keeps getting screwier and screwier."

Longaze shuddered. "Please t-take me to Frostknife n-now," she murmured.

"Yeah yeah..."


"For realsies, Twi!" Rainbow Dash cackled as she climbed to the top of a vertical shaft. Using the ruby pendant to guide her path, she carefully stepped out onto another tunnel and began spelunking down a long passage. "What's your big beef with Bard and Wildcard?"

"I'm not trying to come down on them, Rainbow! How many times do I have to keep telling you that?!" The ghostly unicorn beside her sighed. A blink. "Also, what's 'beef?'"

Rainbow winced. "Errr... n-never mind." Clearing her throat, she spoke while trotting through the mine. "Seriously, though, can't you see that the Desperadoes are doing me a favor?"

"Of course I do—!"

"Then why are you ramping the pessimism gear into overdrive?"

Twilight tossed her forelimbs. "I don't know, Rainbow. Guess it's just what I'm good at."

"Relax, Twi," Rainbow muttered. "I'm glad that you're trying to look after me, but... come onnnnnn... they're my friends!"

"Correction... they were your friends," Twilight muttered. "You shoved them off back in the Quade pretty emphatically."

Rainbow winced in mid-trot. "Rub it in, why don't you."

"And—you have to admit—Wildcard came off as... a bit mercenary in his calculated means of yanking you out of Braum."

"Well, the dude's thorough, Twi."

"Need I even start on how stand-offish Bard was?!" Twilight blinked. "He didn't even want to be there! It's just that..." She sighed. "Nothing about what they're doing seems personal. It's almost as if they're painting by the numbers just to make this whole arrangement happen."

"Well, Bard did say that Wildcard was doing it out of some sort of sense of duty or dedication or something."

"Did Bard say that or did Wildcard through Bard?"

"Wildcard did. Er... I mean Bard did. I mean they both did. I mean... rrrgggh!" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Now you're confusing me again! Dang it, Twi! Why do you always gotta do this?!"

Twilight winced. "Sorry..."

"Maybe they just... y'know... rolled into Braum and saved my skin to prove that they're both the better pony... griffon. Whatever." Rainbow sighed into the dark confines of the place. "Wouldn't be the first time I messed up big time and somehow miraculously won my friends back."

Twilight looked at Rainbow. Her ears drooped slightly as she said, "You have a large bounty on your head, Rainbow. And they are telling you to go opposite of east... into the company of a vaguely intimidating bounty hunter named 'Remna,' no less."

"What are you suggesting now?" Rainbow grumbled. "That they're trying to double-cross me?"

"Just how much do we know about them in the grand scheme of things?" Twilight remarked. "I mean really."

Rainbow clenched her jaw shut.

"The first time you ever met them, you fought to a stand-still in Rust," Twilight continued. "They only agreed to work with you in taking down the Syndicate when it was convenient for them. And the same thing went for Shoggoth."

"I see where you're going with this, Twilight," Rainbow said.

"Do you?"

"But remember." Rainbow Dash remarked. "As soon as they realized how big I bucked things up in the Luminards' sanctuary, they still went out of their way to fish me out of there."

Twilight exhaled sharply. "That is true..."

"And if they wanted to make big on my bounty, they had their opportunity back in Steamfall." Rainbow squinted. "Why go through all the effort to help me get my flank on a train and arrange for me to get to Wyvern Point?"

"I... I don't really know, Rainbow."

"Could it be that there really is some... I dunno... all-important team that Wildcard is wrangling together?"

"I wish they could have given us more information to go on," Twilight grumbled. "Just who is this infernal 'Job Squad?'"

"Some very, very important ponies, I'm guessing."

"Yet another part of Wildcard's charming mystique," yawned Rarity.

Twilight and Rainbow glanced back.

"Rares!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!"

Rarity fully materialized, rubbing her ghostly eyes. "I beg your pardon?"

Rainbow winced. "Er... sorry. Something Ebon Mane used to say." Clearing her throat, she looked ahead. "Anyways, I dunno about that. Something about the phrase 'Job Squad' just screams 'Bard.'"

"A more important subject matter to discuss." Rarity folded her forelimbs with a frown. "Just why have you taken it upon yourselves to proceed through these mines without my assistance."

"It's cool, Rares. We've got this."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Twilight's been scouting ahead of me when necessary. And I already figured out that I generally need to be going... y'know... up, soooo..."

"Hmmmf!" Rarity tilted her nose up in a pout. "As if it's really that simple!"

"Heh..." Rainbow smirked. "You don't say."

"You never know if there might be any structural weaknesses that could escape the naked eye! Or the ghostly eye!" Rarity waved her forelimbs. "Or what if there's a passage sealed off by a door that could provide us an even shorter route to our destin—?"

"Hey Rainbow." Twilight floated closer. "There's a door just to the left. A large cavern lies on the other side."

"... ... ..." Rarity sighed, then proceeded to recline defeatedly in mid-air. "I should have just stuck to vanilla dreaming."

Flash! Pinkie Pie materialized with a grin. "Did somepony say 'vanilla?!'"

"Pinkie, you were just there!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Oh..." Pinkie blinked. "Well, I'm awake now, so let's talk about vanilla anyways!"

"Goddess..." Rarity rolled her eyes, suppressing a moan. "What I wouldn't give for a sinful treat for the taste buds these days!"

"Yeah!" Pinkie nodded, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Like a tall chocolate sundae!"

"Or hunger to begin with," Twilight droned.

Rarity and Pinkie blinked at her. "Well, when you put it that way," Rarity muttered. "Yeesh, how existential."

"Girls." Rainbow pointed at the metal barricade. "The door."

"Oh yeah!" Pinkie squinted. "Looks super rusty!"

"Now, I know you wish to open it, Rainbow," Rarity said. "But I suggest caution. There's no telling how badly the hinges might be—"

CLANGGG! Rainbow kicked the door down with a mighty kick. She waved the dust out of her muzzle and stuck her head through the frame. "Hmmm... was expecting it to be louder."

"Ugghh..." Rarity face-hoofed, but swiftly composed herself. "If that's the case, then I shudder to think what explosions your poor ears have endured in the past, darling."

"Oh, girl..." Rainbow smirked. "I could write a book. Twelve of them, in fact!"

"I think you used that joke already, Dashie."

Rainbow blinked at Pinkie. "Since when?"

"Mrmmmfff..." Fluttershy materialized, rubbing her eyes.

"Hey! Flutter's here too!" Pinkie smiled. "Say Flutters! What do you like on a chocolate sundae?"

"Uhm..." Fluttershy bit her lip, rubbing her eyes some more. "...fresh air and plenty of sunlight." She squinted at the rusted doorframe. "Where are we?"

"I think I'm just about to find out." Rainbow stepped fully through the frame.

"Careful!" Twilight exclaimed. "You don't know what's in this cavern!"

"Pffft... please..." Rainbow stroked her pendant some more, intensifying the ruby glow. "I eat big scary caves for breakfast."

"Can we please stop talking about food?!" Rarity moaned. Suddenly, her pale coat and sapphire eyes reflected a glittery sheen from all directions. "OooOooOoooh!"

"Neato keano!" Pinkie cooed, gazing at crate after crate full of shiny crystalline cylinders. "Looks like the Gemstone Convention forgot to pack up when they left!"

"I... don't think these are gemstones," Twilight said, gazing at the cylinders. She floated past dusty mining equipment to examine more crates full of the things. "In fact, they look..." She blinked. "...organic."

"Eugh..." Rarity winced. "I'm already not liking this. Can we go back into the dull, dark corridor once more?"

"Well, you tell me, Rarity." Rainbow looked over her shoulder. "What's a faster way out of this crazy labyrinth."

Rarity closed her eyes. A pulse of light emanated from her horn, and she said, "Mmmm... indeed. Onward and upwards."

Rainbow Dash tilted her head up. Using her hoof, she raised the lighting bolt of her pendant so that the ruby light rippled above her. The penumbra of the glow illuminated row after row of lattice-like platforms looming above her, affixed together by rickety ladders, ramps, and pulley systems. Somewhere—high up above at the top of the spiral—a single square dot reflected her beacon.

"That's..." Fluttershy gulped. "...th-that's a long way to climb."

"Awwwwwww..." Pinkie pouted. She looked over at Rainbow Dash, batting her eyelashes. "I don't suppose that now is a good time for your left wing to start working miraculously?"

"We'd much sooner have Verlax show up with an army of puppies."

"Oh well," Pinkie sighed. "A long... long ascending trek it is." She then brightened. "Who's for singing?!"

"Mrmmff..." Rarity moaned. "...I'd much rather talk about food again."

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