Song of Ice and Latrines
"So, uhm..." Raptr's armor rattled as he marched along with the group. "We're just leaving Evil Miss Unicrazy back in Braum?"
"Affirmative," Seraphimus said. She led the Talon through the snow and towards the southern gates of Steamfall. "I intend for us to question the supervisors of the facility on their knowledge of the Rainbow Rogue. When and only when it becomes advantageous to expose a weakpoint in their testimony, we'll announce our possession of the mare who burned down the tavern."
"A fine plan, Commander," Sarda said, accompanying the group on hoof. "That way, you can use her as a bargaining chip."
"That is not my intent," Seraphimus growled ever so slightly. "She is to be brought to Frostknife and tried for her crimes. The Talon is above taking hostages to exploit a suspicious party, Mr. Sarda."
"Still..." Windburst smirked. "It wouldn't hurt."
Starstorm chuckled.
After a deep breath, Seraphimus muttered, "I suppose that—if she has associates here in Steamfall, associates that even remotely respect her—then the knowledge of her capture just might provoke them into a confession."
"A confession to what?" Raptr inquired.
"Willful harm committed against the citizenry," Windburst remarked. "Seems cut and dry to me."
"If only our job was ever that simple," Starstorm droned.
"Mr Sarda," Lieutenant Keris spoke. "How do you normally approach the ponies of Steamfall for amicable negotiation?"
"I don't," Sarda grunted.
Keris sighed. "In all seriousness, sir..."
"My apologies." Sarda cleared his throat. "When I have to, I approach the guards at the southern gates up ahead." He pointed at the distant barrier. "Kayman and his two associates would have done the same."
"In their absence, I wonder, would they be expecting the leader of Braum to arrive?" Keris remarked.
"What are you getting at, guardian?"
"Yes, Lieutenant," Seraphimus murmured. "Do fill us in."
"The ponies of Steamfall likely know that we have arrived in Braum. What they do not know is that we have any reason to approach them." Keris glanced at the others. "I suggest we capitalize on that possibility."
Seraphimus and the other members of the Talon scuffled to a stop.
"You mean take them by surprise?" Windburst remarked. "Show up unannounced?"
"That... could be beneficial in exposing their true motives," Starstorm said. "The element of surprise works wonders."
"But how would we even set that up?" Raptr remarked, squinting in the morning light. "They already know we're in Ivory Prefecture."
Keris looked over at Sarda. "Mister Sarda. I know you've been through a great many tribulations as of late. However—for the good of our mutual investigation—would you be willing to exercise one final act of courage and faith?"
Sarda nodded. "You should know by now that I'm willing to do anything that will settle the score here with the Consortium. And they are scum. You must believe me."
"We may or may not find proof of that, provided we approach this the right way." Keris turned towards Seraphimus. "Commander? With your permission?"
"Please..." Seraphimus took a calm step back, gesturing. "...by all means."
"Hmmmmmmmmm..." Pinkie Pie tapped her chin, squinting into the morning light. "'Remna'... 'Remna'... 'Remna...'" Her ears twitched. "Where have I heard that name before...?"
"Stop stressing over it, Pinkie Pie," Rarity said as she and the other girls floated after Rainbow. "So perhaps we've heard the name before. What of it? It's a small world."
"Actually, no," Rainbow droned. "It isn't."
"Well, you know what I mean."
"Rainbow, what are you doing?" Twilight asked.
"I'm... uh..." Rainbow Dash shuffled in a zig-zag direction as she approached the southeast warehouses of Braum. "...flailing casually."
"Well stop flailing and start trotting normally," Twilight insisted. "You'll blow your cover before you even have it!"
"But I-I just can't tell which direction I'm supposed to approach the streets of this place from!" Rainbow grumbled, eyeing the complexes and bunkers as they drew closer. "What if—like—I'm expected to be on a scheduled patrol or at a specific post or—?"
"If I were you, Dashie, I'd learn to stop worrying and love the uniform!" Pinkie waved a dainty hoof, smirking. "It looks super snazzy on you!"
"You wear this stupid friggin' cloth sarcophagus around your flank and neck and you tell me how 'snazzy' it feels."
"Shhhhhh!" Fluttershy hissed. "A pair of ponies are coming around the corner!" She pointed up ahead and towards the left. "Workers! Just like you!"
"Okay, everypony," Twilight Sparkle spoke. "Let's be quiet. Give Rainbow Dash some air to concentrate and talk herself through this."
"Right..." Rainbow gulped, cracking the joints in her neck before calmly trotting straight ahead. "...cuz that's the one thing I'm good at: talking. Not headbutting."
"Here they come!" Fluttershy whispered.
Two mares in uniform waltzed around the corner, chatting with one another.
"And so the wyvern says to the seapony, 'No! YOU have chicken mouth!'"
"Hahahahaha..." The other mare sighed through a smile. "I still don't get it."
"Girl, you never get it."
"Whoah, hold up." They both scuffled to a stop, blinking at Rainbow Dash. "Where in the heck did you come from?"
"Me?" Rainbow blinked.
"Yeah, you."
"Uhm..." Rainbow's eyebrows twitched. "The woods."
Twilight and Rarity simultaneously face-hoofed.
One mare squinted. "The woods?"
"Yeah. My... uhm..." Rainbow fidgeted on the sidewalk. "...my steam supervisor told me to go and... g-gather pinecones to decorate her office in the bunker... forrrrrrr the Month of Thawing." She shook her bag. "See?" A gulp. "And who am I to ruin the boss' holiday spirit, y'know?"
The two mares stared at Rainbow.
Fluttershy chewed on the ends of her hooves. Pinkie Pie stuck her ghostly head into the ground.
"Hmmmmm... heheh..." One mare smirked. "...yeah, right."
Rainbow winced.
"Let's be real." The mare pointed at the snowy trees in the distance. "You were out there taking a crap, weren't you?"
Rarity did a double-take.
"Ehhhh..." Rainbow Dash rubbed one leg against another. She forced herself to blush. "...you caught me, huh?"
"Hahahaha... ya poor little thing." One mare giggled. "They're still being cruel to newcomers over in Bunker Beta, huh?"
"It was a good few weeks before they allowed me access to the company latrine." The other pony shook her head. "Friggin' jokers."
Rainbow shrugged. "I just don't want to step on anypony's toes."
"Or smell up the bunker. Which is good! They'll adore you sooner than later, kid."
"Heeheehee!"
"Hey... if it helps..." One mare winked. "You can use the latrine at Bunker Alpha."
"Really?" Rainbow cracked a smile. "Oh, Verlaxion's Sheet!"
"Sleet!" Twilight hissed.
"That too!" Rainbow sighed. "I've dreamt of this opportunity. To... ahem... make waste in freedom and comfort."
"Enjoy it while it lasts. Cuz soon enough, they'll make the rookies dig the new latrine." The mares shuffled off. "So much for comfort then!"
"Hahaha!"
"Say—good job on scoring a uniform in your size, kid! It looks snazzy on you!"
"Verlaxion's blessings!"
"Errr... yeah..." Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. As the two trotted off, she looked at herself with a frown. "Like... seriously. I don't see it. Do you girls see it?" she whispered, standing up tall and straight. "I'm the same size of any other mare my age."
Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, and Rarity all floated up so that they "stood" alongside Rainbow Dash. Everypony's shoulders and ears reached undeniably higher.
"Eughhhhhh..." Glaring, Rainbow Dash slumped along. "You're all ghosts. You don't count."
"Heeheehee!" Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie giggled.
"Horses for courses, love," Rarity said.
"Okay..." Twilight gestured ahead. "Looks like it's getting busy up ahead. Let's cross this compound and find ourselves a train."
Rainbow's jaw muscles tightened. "Easier said than done..."
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Sounds like a potential case of frozen buttocks.
Especially if you work for this group.
I keep thinking Team Fortress 2 for some reason.
Hmm... So far so good for Dash...
One time, a seapony was asking a wyvern why he wanted to cross the road...
Answer: Song of Ice and Latrines
Question: What has less nudity and excrement than Game of Thrones?
Dash, stop complaining about your height, being that small means you're nimble, and really hard to spot.
-Companions have returned, inner darkness spurned. Utaan.
To put it mildly, by my calculations Rainbow has traveled about five hundred thousand miles east.
Edit: to put this in perspective, Rainbow could have flown to the Moon and back and still have to nearly fly around the world to travel the equivalent distance.
An ice region joke. Pyke. Latrines for Officers Use Only.
Somewhere, Trixie gets a feeling someone is talking about her. Then bites into her pinecone sandwich.
Smol Rainbow is Smol
Don't worry Dash everyone loves you anyway. I'm kind of surprised that WC didn't give her some kind of cover story or at least more info to make one up; however I guess he was counting on her quick wit.
What she lacks in mass, she makes up for in density.
Whelp, that's gonna come back to bit them - guaranteed. You don't leave a prisoner you know is hardened and experienced alone. It also shouldn't take the entire Talon to go scare the piss out of some Consortium thugs.
Has this name ever been brought up before in the series? Or is Pinkie being Pinkie here.
Oooh I'm sure there will be plenty of headbutting on this train ride, don't you worry Dash.
6889627 Remna was the southern hoof thug thrown out the airlock in Shoggoth after being mind controlled by Camellia.
6889680
That was a pretty speedy reply! Austraeoh Fact Checker might have some competition. Thanks for the refresher, Phoenix
6889680
Is that so? If it is the same pony I'm wondering how the hay she managed to survive.
'petite'
Okay Dash, next level up I'd suggest investing some skill points into bluff. Makes life easier. I know you've got levels in rogue, what with all the mad stealth skills you've got, so you can afford to shove a few points towards the talky end of the skill list.
6889706 Southern Hoof Remna was a stallion, not a mare like bounty hunter Remna.
Mwap.
Filler chapter is filled with crap.
Something seems odd about this line but I can't quite put an appendage on it.
6889621
Uh, you may want to check your math there.
What she lacks in height, she makes up in density
Therefore mass
... I'll see myself out
Ah, RD and her height issues.
6889621 At the front of her skull, perhaps. Hence her strategy thus far.
A. Go faster.
B. Negotiate.
C. Headbutt.
Calm chapter
6889698 It was discussed a couple days ago in the chat, so it's fresh in mind.
6889447
Well, we've got here a blue character in a fancy suit trying to blend in with the enemy for the purpose of stealing a greatly-valued asset from them, right under their noses. That SOMETIMES happens in tf2, right?
The hard part is done. Now all we need to do is steal a train.
Can someone explain to me what this is about? I keep on seeing this and it's prequels, but the descriptions are so bare it might as well be blank. What's the story so far?
6890277 the story is as the description says it's about, Rainbow Dash flying east, to say any more would spoil quite a lot.
If you're intrigued enough, read the first book, and always read the comments, that's always half the fun of a Skirts story.
If you're not bent on continuing after the first book, then you've reached a good jumping off point.
If you're drawn in enough, feel free to join the rest of us on a wild and long journey full of awesome, feels and intrigue.
6890289 That's good, because I counted the number of words for this series and it's over 2 million right now.
6890308 The first book is 1/10th of that, and this book, right here, is only 8/12.
Cutie petite Easthorse. *Pets.* Don't worry you're built for speed not size.
6890289 Couldn't have said it better myself.
Wait. It's a small world? it's a small world?! The flashbacks... the flashbacks!!
(I'll get some therapy now.)
6890153
Whoops, hah, didn't even think of searching the backlog of chat to see if it was brought up. Thanks for the reminder KMCA
6890629 No one reads the scrollback, there's just so much.
6892526
Don't think she has quite that much time left...
Assuming they've done something with Sarda's men, assuming they're expecting him to check up on them, and sending him "alone" seems unnecessarily dangerous. They're still a company, not a proven criminal organization, but if anything's afoot, it seems a tad risky to have him approach this expectant, potentially armed guards...
But hey, I'm no expert.
adaddyblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/small-world-holland-320.jpg
It's a small area of the world isolated from surrounding cultures, and thus doesn't constantly introduce new baby names by cultural trading with their neighbors as people in our globalized society do. That makes it more common for names to be repeated. If you shouted "Jeshua! Judas! Mary!" in Jerusalem of 2000 years ago, 90% of the locals would turn to you.
6890934
I do in my spare moments
There's so very much
Alternate Chapter Title:
I'm Not a Teenage Mare!!
Look at it this way, Rainbow: Maybe you're not a very small horse but a very tall bird!
Ponies of Rainbow Dash's stature and standing are in short supply.
Just keep acting busy, Rainbow. They've got no reason to suspect a thing.
6892551 Uh, you might want to read what SS&E has written on this subject in various blog posts. Just saying.
Interesting how all three pairs of identically named characters (Zetta, Terra, Remna) are of different genders. And they even rhyme! Intentional?
Not that surprising that they don't remember the previous Remna's name, as he mostly only interacted with Rainbow and co while mind controlled by Camellia. Pinkie would've only seen him briefly, after Remna was saved from drowning and testified against his former bosses. The others should definitely remember him, but may have forgotten the name.
6890629 I don't remember no fluffy cottons in the Jury chat
6896452
The mystery begins!
Poor Rainbow Dash. Maybe, one day, she'll grow to be a full-sized made.