• Member Since 10th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Muggonny


If Dr. Phil pays money to see furries pee, would it be philanthropy?

Sequels2

E

'This mare is not the mare I asked to be with me during my free time. I ask to be free of bond, and not to be force fed whatever gack they feed me. I'll escape, and I'll show them.'

Read the new sequel!

Written because of this.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 34 )

This is so ridiculously randomly funny I think it needs a random tag.

On point though:
The ending is good. Crazy, but good. It adds an extra layer to the story, and it made me laugh. :rainbowlaugh::pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

:rainbowlaugh: There's only one thing I could think of whilst reading this:
Stewie Griffin. Where's the "Damn you vile woman!" spiel? Would have been brilliant coming out of Twilight's mouth. Or mind in this case..
:pinkiehappy: Still brilliantly ridiculous though.

I think all babies are like that. As a father to a recently turned two-year-old I can attest to this attitude.

This is how all babies are. It is scientific fact.

Truly the destroyer of worlds.

And this is why my baby brother eats normal food.

Oh, now I understand!

Babies are cats.

Sequel. Let someone find the book or something.

Funny how she can write with such articulation, yet spells to wrong.

Looks like you got rid of your writer's block. :raritywink:

6465140 After nearly two years...

6463666 I had the same thought. It would've been interesting to see.

6464592 Maybe older Twilight comes across it!:derpytongue2:

6463687 Congratulations! I should probably be feeling sorry for you actually.

Thing is if this is supposed ot be garbage it's pretty good garbage.

Okay, so writing "garbage" is all well and good, but written garbage needs to be proofread before being published. There are more than a dozen grammatical errors and incorrect word choices in these 1.5k words that I picked up solely from a casual read, half of which I suspect would show up on word/google docs/whatever spell and grammar checkers.

It's a shame, too, because this was a really fun fic--I would have really really enjoyed a more polished version of it--and it was made harder to enjoy by the easily fixed errors.

Also it needs to be said: Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All!

6477531 I'd like to see those dozens of grammar errors first.

6477551

Oh okay. Sorry if I came off as antagonistic, by the way (and sorry if you actually did proofread this and just missed the errors, I kinda forget sometimes that it's hard to pick up on your own errors). I just re-read my comment and it's more strongly worded than I meant!

I wanted to make an accident into the paper bag wrapped around my flank at that moment, but at last, I didn’t have the width.

Is this supposed to be "at last" or "alas"

"Are you ready to eat your lunch Twilight?"

This doesn't follow the rule If someone is being addressed in dialogue, a comma should appear before their name.

My giggles were getting louder, and before I knew it, she shoves the spoon into my mouth and pulls away while I’m forced to swallow it.

This tense changes tense halfway through.

While all this took place, the mare was trying to comprehend on what she was supposed to do.

You can't comprehend "on" anything. On is the wrong preposition here (you don't actually need a preposition in that place anyway).

Finally, after all my kicking and screaming, she grasp me in the blue aurora of her horn and placed me upon her back.

Grasps. I grasp, she grasps.

I wondered where she would take me. I had absolutely no idea on what was going on right now, or what was going to happen to me. I began to worry as the thoughts of what she was going to do went on through my mind. I took a deep gulp but remained silent. We wandered up the stairs and into a long hallway lined with only a few doors.

Are you writing this in present tense, or past tense? You started off in present, and it's slowly devolved into a mix of the two. This error's everywhere, so if you're the kind of person who puts importance on me verifying my claim of "at least a dozen" then you can count this as four or five (though it's more than four or five tense errors I could find).

She opened one, and inside was the dungeon that I make refugee in.

You can't... make refugee. You can take refuge in, or make a home out of.

Just wait giant pink mare.

Again, addressing this sentence to "pink giant mare" requires a comma before it.

'Tis be the day that we start planning our escape.

'Tis is a contraction of "it is." Thus "'Tis the day" or "This be the day" is what you want.

For I am thy's little filly,

Thy's is not a word, and never has been. Writing thy's is like writing your's, in that you're adding extraneous letters and apostrophes to a word that already means what you want. Thy means your. If you want "yours," that's thine.

6479867
Thy, thee, and thou are words. However, it is archaic.
Edit;
Never mind. I read it wrong.:facehoof:

Hey! I'm from the Goodfic Bin, and have reviewed this fic on page six of the self submissions thread.

While I believe the 'Slice of Life' is 'aight for a one-shot fic, I felt that the comedy was a bit lacklustre, and there are a few errors to fix (Stone_Mason has a decent list of them in the comments!), so for now, this fic has been Rejected.

6704777 It's a bit late to be telling me this so I don't really mind to much. Thanks.

What a beautiful cover art:yay:

By the way, the cover art from Thy Little Filly Twi' is a cropped version of this photo:

encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT9C9pElJffCc--Wd9ZkM16r1vQuAYDDJGWJpXn5TG-FcFV4IX8gw

I like it very much i Love the comedy. Keep Being awesom:moustache::heart:

awesome read so far, excited to see the sequel

This is brilliantly random. :rainbowlaugh: Now I know why babies act like that.

Will you be doing a similar story with Shining Armor?

7836128 Turn him into an evil foal and have him fight a horrid beast? No. But he will be in the upcoming sequel!

This feels like a villain origin story with the voice she has.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!