• Member Since 3rd Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

The Wasteland Brony


I am The Wasteland Brony! Fanfic writing is what I'm somewhat known for?

Comments ( 21 )

Constructive criticism is most welcome

Comment posted by The Wasteland Brony deleted January 12th

FYI, anew is one word.

Beginning a New

anew - again, once more
If you're going for "starting over", it would be "Beginning Anew". As you have it written, it looks like you're missing a word at the end of your title.

Following the story of young Velvet Melody

I have no idea why you're using the gerund form of the verb there.

as their sent out into Wasteland

their - belonging to them
they're - contraction for "they are"
(Also, neither one should be confused for the word "there".)

exploritory

Spellcheck wants to be your friend and help you, but it can't if you don't use it.

Un-known

There's no hyphen in the word "unknown".

Un-known to the two mares, that the journey won't be as easy as they thought.

The word "that" is unnecessary here, and makes the whole sentence awkward even if you add a phrase like "it is" to the beginning of the sentence.

I'm not interested in reading the story, but on the basis of the title and description, I'm going to recommend you try to recruit someone on the site to do some editing for you.

6439288 didn't realize everyone was going to be this harsh. I'm not the best writer and would gladly have someone be my proof reader for this. I have since fixed the title and apparently spell check doesn't want to work on my iPad.

6439308
This isn't harsh. This is wanting to see people get things right.

6439309 I know I know. I really do appreciate the criticism though

"Slandered 9mm pistol"

Should be standard, but beyond that it looks like you got everything else that's wrong here. I kinda like this honestly, the characters seem fun, besides the more and more painful connections between Velvet Melody and Velvet Remedy. I'm looking forward to more of this! :twilightsmile:

Also if your looking for an editor, i'll be happy to help!

6439882 Like I said, I'm trying my best to slightly alter Melody so she's not fully like Remedy

Yeah, there's two reasons I don't write on an iPad:applejackunsure::
1. No spellcheck
2. I don't have an iPad

I'd suggest getting an editor (of which I am in case the Looking for Editors group is still worthless).

EDIT: but seriously, this would look interesting enough to garner a track if there weren't so many FoE: Heroes-type errors.

:trollestia:

Interesting story so far. Just one little thing - stimpacks in Fallout Equestria are healing potions.

6442997 Fixed it!! I was not fully awake when I typed up the chapter and missed that, so thank you for catching that!!!

Wow I guess this story is getting mixed reviews (probably because of Melody being almost like Remedy, WHICH IM WORKING ON FIXING) But 10 dislikes *sighs*

Uh... Proofread please.
Just... Please proofread it. :ajbemused:

Although this is great, can't wait for more :trollestia:

6477220 Yes I know about the proofread part, I've just gotten a proofreader for all the chapters too come

So, after 3 hours of looking at a computer screen and wracking my brain creating a chapter that should've come out a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time ago, I like what I did. Keep an eye out for chapter 3 in the near future

8128318 I honestly don't know to take this as a compliment, insult or both. I am working hard on this story and putting forth my best effort. I'm not randomly adding in characters because I want too, I had it planned out that way.

I am trying my best here.... :fluttercry:

6439169
You should also make this comment into an author's note at the end of the first chapter too, just in case.

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