• Published 18th Sep 2015
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Doctor Whooves and the Auton Invasion of Equestria - The Minister of Scones



The Doctor, newly regenerated and rather helpless, is shocked to discover that his place of exile isn't quite as safe as he thought. An old enemy has returned to Equestria, and only the Doctor and his new 'friends' stand in its way... Oh, crumbs.

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Part 7: A New True Friend

Miles away, in the city of Canterlot, hundreds of Autons stood in silence. They were obviously waiting, but for what? An order? A signal? An action? Surrounding them, most of the available forces of UNIT and the Solar Guard were sat, weapons at the ready. The stallions looked at each other nervously. There had been fighting before, until the guns sent in had ceased to take effect, as though the Autons had learned how to resist them.

Colonel Benton was not used to this sort of thing. He had been fighting with UNIT for the best part of his life, and in his experience, when something was invincible to your attack, it took advantage of it; and yet, here were these Autons, standing perfectly still – just watching. He didn't like it.

A black box on his belt began to emit a persistent, high-pitched bleep. This was his special-issue long distance communications device, linked by a magic-corridor to a similar device, carried by his commanding officer. Cursing, he picked it up, punched a couple of buttons, and put it to his ear. Crystal clear came the voice of General Lethbridge-Stewart: “Greyhound to Trap 1. Come in please.”

“Trap 1 responding.”

“Benton! Good news. Shining Armour is coming down from the Crystal Empire in person to oversee the Solar Guard.”

Benton groaned. Although normally he was subordinate to Shining Armour, in times of alien incursion – and this was not for public ears, as officially there had been no alien incursions to date – UNIT officers were taken as universally superior. Shining Armour, however, had a habit of forgetting this.

“Yes, sir. Wonderful news.”

“Anything at your end?”

“Still no movement, sir. But Celestia's just checked her mail for the first time in days, and it seems she's had a slew of letters from Princess Twilight. Apparently Princess Luna and the Doctor are in Ponyville, trying to cut the thing off at its source.”

“Good Lady! The Doctor?”

“That's right, sir.”

“My word. Haven't heard from him for years. Thought we'd seen the last of him.”

“You don't sound very pleased, sir.”

“I don't know, Benton. In my experience, the Doctor turning up just means we're out of our depth.”

“Well, sir, we've never managed to fight off Autons without him.”

“I was rather hoping we'd advanced to the extent at which we could manage it. Ah, well. It'll be good to see him again. Wonder which one it'll be?”

“Hard to say, sir.”

“Well, whichever it is, I hope he knows what he's doing.”

“Don't worry, Princess Sparkle, I know exactly what I'm doing.”

“But… I mean, just marching in? Unarmed? We still can't use the Elements of Harmony.”

“Unarmed? Oh, no, no, no. I'm not a complete fool. If my calculations are right, the Autons should be more or less immune to those guns the UNIT lot brought, but if I soup them up with my sonic screwdriver-”

“What is that thing, anyway? I'd like a chance to study it, if-”

“Much as it pains me to break your heart, I can't possibly allow your race to go discovering technology centuries before it knows how to handle it. What if the ancient ponies had created the Alicorn Amulet before they discovered fire? They'd have wiped each other out in seconds.”

A disappointed look crossed Twilight's face, but she quickly reminded herself of the urgency of their situation.

“Anyway,” the Doctor concluded, “if we can deal with the Autons guarding the Intelligence, I can destroy it with the anti-plastic. We just need to make it think we're going to try using the Elements.”

“But… surely that's murder?”

“Hardly. That's only a tiny piece of the full Nestene Intelligence. It's less killing something, more… giving it a hair cut. The Intelligence on this planet is nothing it can't regrow in time.”

“Okay, if you're sure it's our only chance.”

“Good girl. Could you pop down to the basement and fetch the Elements? I'll tell the others and sort out the guns. I don't like weapons at the best of times, but needs must, I suppose.”

Luna's arrival in Canterlot was not a tidy one. She had not slept for nearly twenty-four hours, now, and was therefore not in the best of health. As she glided down over the cobbles and tiles of her home city, she noticed her concentration was wavering. She mentally slapped herself. This was no time to lose control. With a smile, she thought back to her formative years, when Celestia was teaching her how to fly. Her big sister had not been known for her maturity, and she had decided that the best way to teach Luna would be to throw her off a clock tower and hope for the best. Luna slapped herself again. Horseshoes! She had to stop reminiscing – she felt like falling asleep in mid air. Finally she landed gracefully in the deserted streets. Deserted? Then she remembered where she was supposed to be going, cursed her concentration, and took off again.

When she finally arrived at the castle, Celestia was standing over a map of Canterlot, which was covered in lines and pins, deep in discussion with an unfamiliar moustachioed beige pegasus stallion in a dark green military uniform.

“Ah, Luna,” said Celestia, looking up. Her face was a mask of weariness, but she tried to put on a smile for her sister.

“Celestia.” They approached each other and shared a brief hug. “I should apologise, my sister. I should have told you sooner about-”

“Later, Luna. We have more pressing matters at hoof.” The kindness in Celestia's voice did much to put Luna at her ease. “I believe you have not yet met Brig- I'm sorry, General Lethbridge-Stewart, ex-commander-in-chief of UNIT?”

“The Princess and I have never met in person,” admitted the Brigadier, “but I have heard much of you.” Although his words were ambiguous, the warmth of his voice was unmistakable. He seemed all at once kindly, understanding and polite, yet also dangerous, as if to make an enemy of him would be one's last mistake. She felt safe around him, somehow, despite the fact that he was technically one of her subjects, and therefore entitled to her protection.

“And I of you. Without you, UNIT would probably have never even have lasted a year. It is an honour, sir.”

“Likewise.” They shook hands, almost like old friends, Lethbridge-Stewart smiling behind his moustache.

“But I understood you were fully retired?”

“Ah, well-”

“The Brigadier has been brought out of retirement specially,” interrupted Celestia, “in recognition of his expert knowledge of the Nestene threat. It was he who supplied the plans for the anti-Auton guns we've been using – though unfortunately they seem to have lost their effect.”

“I do apologise, your majesty. They are simply the tinkerings of an old stallion in his retirement.”

“Brigadier- I'm sorry, I mean General, they are works of technological genius.”

“I've had time to study that sort of thing in my old age – and occasionally one of my old associates will drop by and give me a helping hoof. They essentially extract so much of the hydrogen that the plastic loses its stability, leaving it highly flammable. Unfortunately, they seem to have altered their formula, so it's back to the drawing board. And please, your majesty, call me Brigadier if it comes more easily to you. Most of the staff at UNIT still know me as 'the Brigadier'. I regard it as flattery that I have acquired my own title.”

Luna looked puzzled. “But surely, you are not an old stallion? You do not look any older than forty.”

“That, ma'am, is another story for another day. Suffice it to say that the Doctor was involved on that occasion, as well.”

“It seems that the Doctor has played quite some part in all our lives.” Celestia looked stern, despite her obvious exhaustion. “But now, we cannot put our faith entirely in him. Brigadier, do you have any further weaponry?”

“Well… no. Never thought it would be any use, to tell the truth. It never occurred to me to develop more. We might be able to hold off those Autons a little while, but when it comes down to it, it all depends on the Doctor. Wherever he is, I just hope he knows what he's doing.”

“Don't worry,” the Doctor was saying, “I know exactly what I'm doing.”

“What's that?”

“I said I know exactly what I'm doing, Miss Fluttershy.”

“No, um, what is it that you're doing?”

The Doctor, Twilight, Fluttershy, Spike, Pinkie, Rainbow, Applejack and a dozen assorted UNIT soldiers were, contrary to most of their expectations, simply strolling up to the Carousel Boutique. Ponyville's streets were completely deserted, as most ponies had taken the earlier attack of four Autons as a cue to stay inside for a bit. However, the fact that Ponyville's ponies were at least a little accustomed to monster attacks was quite clear, and ponies would repeatedly poke their heads out of upstairs windows, much to the Doctor's annoyance. The group was accompanied by Rarity's double, her weaponry disabled by Twilight at the Doctor's suggestion. The idea was that this would keep her out of trouble, as Twilight needed to keep her around to maintain her paralysis spell; but the Nestene spent so much time crowing about her inevitable victory that they were beginning to wish they'd just left her behind and had done with it. Luna had flown back to Canterlot to help Celestia control the menace, and Professor Crater Mass had headed back to the camp to order it struck. He was really too old for all that excitement.

Exactly what was going on was unclear to everypony, except, the party thought, the Doctor; so when he responded to Fluttershy's question with a blank stare, they really began to worry.

“Right...” He pulled out his sonic screwdriver, and scanned the Boutique, of which they were only just in sight. “Only four Autons on guard? That must be all they've had time to make.”

“So… that's good, right?” Rainbow Dash's hopeful look really shook the Doctor. He had thought of her as a hard-line, no-nonsense pony, and was really not quite prepared for the sheer cuteness behind it. Fortunately, he didn't have to disappoint her.

“Ah… yes, very fortunate. I say… I never quite realised how magenta your eyes were… Do you think you could stop it? It's very distracting.”

“Uh, what?”

“Actually, I don't suppose that would work, would it? Nothing… ah, you lot!” He turned to address the soldiers, who stopped chatting and listened, fully aware that the Doctor was still technically a member of UNIT, and still technically outranked them. “Four Autons… you – guns! Savvy?” A few nods were all he needed as confirmation. “Jolly Dee. Off you go.”

While the Doctor and his new-found friends – and the Nestene Invasion Subordinate too, of course – crouched in the undergrowth, the soldiers dispatched the Autons in a matter of seconds.

“Right, well done, leave.”

“Pardon, sir?” The Captain had a puzzled expression on his face.

“Leave! I'm going to try and reason with it first. I don't expect it to work, but it's worth a try. I don't want you lot traipsing around with guns. Thank you for your work, you have my commendations, leave. You're needed in Canterlot. If I should fail...” He shook his head, “just go.”

“Yes sir.” The Captain led his stallions off in the direction of the train station. The whole platoon looked rather bewildered, and who can blame them?

“Right, other lot. All got your Elements?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Who's got Rarity's?”

Spike raised a claw, signifying that he was clutching Rarity's Element in the other.

“Good-o.”

“Doctor?”

“Twilight.”

“Why hasn't the Intelligence sent anyone out? It must know its guards have been destroyed.”

“Think, Twilight. Those were its only guards. Besides, it knows perfectly well that I'll try and reason with it.”

“How does it know?” piped up Pinkie.

“Because I always do.”

“Does it ever work?” Rainbow looked sceptical.

“Not in so many words.”

“Is that a no?”

“Yes.”

“It's a yes?”

“Yes… I mean no.”

“Uh- what?”

“It's never worked. It just makes me feel better about what I have to do next.”

“Which is?”

Twilight came to the Doctor's rescue: “Giving it a haircut?”

“Precisely,” said a grateful Doctor.

“What?” said a confused Rainbow.

“I'll explain later.” He smiled. “I love saying that.” Walking smartly over to the Boutique's entrance, taking care to avoid the smouldering lumps of Auton, he rapped on the door. “Coming, ready or not!” He opened the door and walked through, followed by his friends – though some of them were a little more cautious. Rainbow Dash, however, flew in over his head, and looked around the room defiantly.

Surprisingly, it hadn't changed much. The only addition was a large glass tank in the middle, cylindrical in shape, which stretched up to the ceiling. In it was suspended a bubbling yellow-orange fluid in which could be clearly seen the outline of a face, eyes closed in deep concentration. On a metal table, stretched out, asleep, was Rarity – the real one this time. She had a few wires attached to her head, which lead off to the tank. The room was also full of floating magical images, much like the one Rarity had shown them before. Most showed Canterlot, full of Autons – presumably these were what some of the Autons there could see. A few showed only static – the view of the guards, now destroyed.

Immediately she entered, before the Doctor could stop her, Rainbow dashed over to Rarity, pulling the wires off her head – they were, thank Celestia, only attached with sucker-cups – and shaking her gently. She was followed by a concerned Applejack. Rarity coughed a little, then sat up, opening her eyes.

“R- Rainbow? Applejack?”

“Rarity!” Rainbow flung her forelegs round Rarity, then realised she had quite a large audience, and unflung them.

“Um, hello.” The Doctor was saying to no one in particular. “Is anypony listening? I'm not sure this is a particularly good idea.” But the others had already crossed to Rarity.

“Don't worry, sugar cube. We've got ya.”

“But- but- the Nestenes! They're going to...”

“Don't worry about a thing, Rarity!” Applejack knelt down and whispered conspiratorially “The Doctor's brought some 'anti-plastic' stuff, but don't tell the Intelligence. It's a secret.”

“Ah, anti-plastic?” Rarity got to her hooves, and walked slowly over to the Doctor. “I might have guessed.” She grabbed the Doctor from behind, holding him in a vice-like grip, both standing on their rear hooves. She snatched the test-tube of anti-plastic from him, waving it in the air.

“Said it was a bad idea,” muttered the Doctor.

“Intelligence! I have it!”

The eyes of of swirling fluid inside the tank snapped open. “Ah, congratulations, Invasion Director.” Its voice was truly repulsive, like the sound of boiling fat stretched into words. “You have done well. Uncloak.”

Rarity's features melted away, revealing a formless pony, a yellow mass of plastic in a vaguely pony-like shape. Its eyes were just black pits, and it spoke with a voice like an icy wind. “Thank you, Intelligence.”

Rarity's friends were apoplectic with rage.

“Ah- ah- ah don't believe it!”

“What have you done with the real Rarity?”

“Bring us Rarity at once! If- if that's okay with you...”

“You traitor!”

At this last remark, all faces turned to its originator: the Nestene Rarity.

“Uh, sugarcube? She did the same thing you did.”

“Oh… yes, sorry.”

The Intelligence turned to face her, the face in the tank moving round the outside so that its eyes bored into hers. “Ah, Invasion Subordinate. I regret to inform you that you are no longer necessary.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You have become too much of a liability. You will be destroyed shortly – but fear not. I will absorb your essence once more. Of you shall be born a new Nestene – an untainted one.”

“Untainted? How dare you? What in the world do you mean?”

“I think I can answer that.” Twilight stepped forward.

The Intelligence looked surprised, but somehow amused. “Very well, pony. Share your theories.”

“Rarity… that is, the duplicate, told us that it was easier to maintain a copy of a pony if you kept her alive. She also said that it gave her access to the pony's memories.” She glanced over at the Doctor, who nodded encouragingly – then winced as the Invasion Director tightened its grip.

“I think that the prolonged connection to Rarity, not to mention spending time with Rarity's friends, made her – at some level, at least – actually begin to think of herself as Rarity.” All eyes turned to the duplicate, who hung her head. “There were plenty of clues,” Twilight continued, her confidence building, “to begin with, after we unmasked her, she went on talking like Rarity – just like her. At first I assumed it was habit, but later, even when we severed her connection to you, she maintained her form, even though it must have been difficult, as she was no longer connected to the real Rarity. It must have been a conscious effort, despite the fact that we all knew she was an imposter. If anything, she acted more like Rarity once she had left your influence. The only reason she could have had for keeping Rarity's form was personal preference.” She wiped her forehead, and the Intelligence made to speak, but Twilight ploughed on.

“Also, she apologised to Pinkie for upsetting her, which I think she genuinely meant. Despite her best efforts, she's become attached to all of us, including Rarity; so she's no use as an invasion accessory.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Only Twilight would speak with a semi-comma,” she whispered to Fluttershy.

“That's 'semi-colon'” Fluttershy corrected.

“Whatever.”

“Well, alicorn, it seems you are correct!” The Intelligence sounded quite pleased, despite himself. “It was always a risk, and I was expecting to have to destroy her sooner or later.”

Rarity looked understandably horrified: her eyes were wide open, her mouth tight shut; a pink flush had begun to creep across her face.

“Nestene Invasion Subordinate,” proclaimed the Intelligence, “do you deny that you are a failed Nestene, a traitor and a danger to the invasion plan?”

Rarity hung her head. A fat tear rolled down her cheek. “I cannot deny the least syllable of your condemnation.”

“See what I mean?” Twilight looked very pleased with herself.

“Why is no one talking to me?” shouted the Doctor, still a captive of the Invasion Director, and not looking best pleased about it. “I'm the one who suggested we come here!”

“Ah, Doctor, we meet again!”

“Hello, Intelligence.”

“Are you going to try and reason with me?”

“Well, I was, but I think now you've said it it might lose some of its effect.”

“You haven't many other options. We have your only weapon.”

“Yes, that's true. Thank you, Miss Applejack.”

Applejack's cheeks turned as red as the apples on her flank. “Oops. Ah done goofed.”

“You done indeed.”

“And now I have the anti-plastic,” crowed the Invasion Director, the thin hiss of its voice swelling as much as a thin hiss of a voice can be reasonably expected to swell. “You are doomed, Doctor.”

“Ah, yes. You know, I didn't actually use an ordinary test-tube to hold that. I modified one of Twilight's slightly. It's one of my own special test-tubes, now.”

“I fail to see the relevance, Doctor.”

“They are magically imbued with a simple command. They shatter when I say the word 'shatter'. Oh, but I see you've found that out.”

As the anti-plastic seeped into its body, the Director let out a scream like no other – a high-pitched, drawn out scream, that quickly faded away into bubbling as the plastic was eaten up. In a few seconds, the only trace of the Director was a thin wisp of smoke – and soon even that was gone.

“You- you killed him!” squeaked Fluttershy.

“No. No, I don't think so. You see, he was never really alive.”

“Doctor!”

“Yes, oh great and terrible Intelligence?”

“You have lost all chance of reasoning with me. You have lost your only weapon. You are doomed.”

“Do I look like a total idiot?” The Doctor reached out, and plucked a fresh test-tube out of thin air.

“But- but how…?”

“Trans-migration of objects. Perfectly simple. You don't have to be a unicorn to be magical, you know. That was one of the first things they taught us at the Timelord Academy, right after 'don't brush your teeth with a Janis Flower.'” He glared at the Intelligence. “Now then, sir. Am I really so doomed?”

“I'm afraid so, Doctor. What do you intend to do with that?”

“Throwing it at you seemed the best course of action. That tank must be made of plastic too.”

“That is true. But you are forgetting one thing: Sweetie Belle.”

“Who?”

“Rarity's little sister. She lives here. Or did. None of you even thought about what had happened to her.”

It was true. Not one of them had spared Sweetie a thought. The Invasion Subordinate, still in the guise of Rarity, stormed forward.

“What have you done to her?”

“We duplicated her.”

“Pardon? No, we never duplicated her.”

“Oh, yes we did, Subordinate. We had to. The Invasion Director synthesised the plastic for this tank while you were at the castle. When Sweetie came home after school for some thread, we captured her and produced a Nestene duplicate. Otherwise the Invasion Director would have had to disguise itself as you and explain why there was a tank of orange and some walking tailor's dummies in the shop. Now, it seems to have paid off.” Another image larger than the others, appeared next to the tank. “Observe.”

The image was of the inside of the Cutie Mark Crusaders' clubhouse. A pile of various mismatched accoutrements was visible in the corner: thread, kitchen knives, torches. The image was obviously from Sweetie Belle's point of view, for Applebloom and Scootaloo were standing front and centre, in the middle of the Crusaders' bizarre hoofshake: “Cutie Mark Crusaders Surgeons! YAY!”

“Are those mah kitchen knives?”

“And my thread?”

“No, Rarity,” Fluttershy reminded her quietly. “It's Rarity's.”

Again, tears began to roll down Rarity's face. “I- I- I just...”

Fluttershy looked around. Nopony was watching. She leant forward and gave Rarity a quick hug. Rarity was so surprised that she stopped crying and stared.

Fluttershy placed a hoof to her lips. “Shhh. It's okay.”

Rarity smiled gratefully, and said nothing.

“So you see, Doctor,” the Intelligence was saying, “it will take at least two minutes for the anti-plastic to eat its way through the toughened casing, by which time I will have been able to send a signal ordering the Sweetie Belle Nestene to detonate, taking anypony around her with her.”

“And if she refuses?”

“She is not a fully independent Nestene. With me gone, she would die anyway, so she has nothing to lose by exploding.”

“Ah. I suppose this is stalemate, then.”

“Not quite, Doctor. I have gone on producing energy. I am now ready to-” The Intelligence closed its eyes again, and energy streamed from it into the air. The Doctor caught a whiff of ozone as the Intelligence grabbed every trace of carbon dioxide it could find and removed the carbon to form plastic. The energy began to concentrate into two streams, each one directed towards a point on the floor. At these points, plastic began to build up, seemingly appearing out of thin air. It was clearly taking the shape of two Autons. “I've also ordered the Canterlot Autons to attack.”

“I see. All right, it's checkmate, then. Blast.”

“No.” Rarity had stepped forward, no longer upset, now vengeful. “I will not allow you to treat my friends like this.”

The Intelligence was not in the least bit worried: behind the bubbling of his voice he was almost chuckling. “Friends? We are your only friends, Subordinate. We are the Nestene Consciousness.”

“Friends? Who ordered my destruction? My friends are the ponies who have been kind to me, who have loved me. And I have betrayed them. Now it is time to make amends.”

“You agreed that you should be destroyed. What is this?”

“I did not. I agreed that I was a traitor. I am proud to betray you. You are evil, manipulative and cruel.”

“They are not your friends. You have known them less than a month.”

“I have years of memories of the time I have shared with them. I have known them far longer than you.” She grabbed the Element of Generosity from Spike and pulled it on. “Besides, I saw what you were doing in Canterlot. The clothes that those dummies were wearing were being ripped to shreds. If that's the world you create, I want no part of it. Ready, girls?” She looked round at the other Element Bearers. Realising what she was doing, they had formed a circle around the Nestene Intelligence's tank. “We regret that Auto Plastics is, due to circumstances beyond the management's control, going out of business.”

“Invasion Subordinate, I-”

“My – name – is – RARITY!” On her last words, the six were linked by a bright circle of rainbow light. From each of them, a beam shot forward like the spokes of a cartwheel, hitting the Intelligence. Another beam shot from the centre of the wheel, where the Intelligence was, heading towards Canterlot.

Colonel Benton couldn't believe his eyes. No sooner had the Autons armed themselves and marched forward than the sky had been bathed in rainbow light, and they had begun to topple over helplessly. As he watched, they began to melt away, running into pools of molten plastic in the streets. He recalled a similar incident, many years ago, when the Doctor had defeated the Autons at the last second. As now, they had stopped working a few seconds before they had wiped out UNIT's forces. He looked in the direction of Ponyville, and smiled. “Thank you, Doctor,” he whispered.

“Oh, Rarity! Did you know this would happen?” The Nestene they had all come to think of as Rarity was lying in Fluttershy's lap, her form slowly disintegrating. Her mane was already a shapeless purple mass, and her hooves were nothing more than stumps.

“I suspected it. He must have used his last moments to take his revenge on me by destabilising my form.”

Fluttershy was in tears, as were the others. All of them had been moved by Rarity's speech, had been reminded that they had spent three weeks calling her their friend. Only the Doctor appeared impassive.

“That was a very brave thing you did, Rarity,” he told her, “I'm very proud of you.” Although he was doing his best to hide his emotions, his cracking voice betrayed him.

“Ah- Ah'm sorry Ah was mean to ya, Rarity,” said Applejack, who wasn't crying quite so hard – at least not on the outside.

“We all are,” said Twilight, “right, girls?”

They all nodded, chorusing their agreement.

“Spike,” gasped Rarity, “there's something I should tell you about me – I mean, about the real me.”

“I'm listening, Rarity.”

“I really don't...” she broke off and coughed; her face was beginning to melt, “I don't need so many rubies. They're so last season. Emeralds would be better. If you find any more rubies when you're foraging, you can eat them.”

“Will do, Rarity.”

She sighed – “Doctor? It- it hurts. Make it stop. Please.”

“Are you sure? It's not a pleasant way out.”

“Just give me the test-tube.”

Obediently, the Doctor passed it to her. Rarity pawed helplessly at the cork, but her useless stump-hooves couldn't get a good enough grip.

“Doctor? I can't-”

“Shatter.”

It was over in seconds. Rarity's form simply dissolved, but instead of screaming, she sighed contentedly “Thank you, Doctor.”

He looked down at the purple and white pool that had been their saviour. “Thank you, Rarity,” he whispered. It's not always easy being a Doctor. The other six stared silently still weeping. They had gained and lost a friend in the space of a few minutes.

Across the Boutique, the door to the interior rooms opened.

“Doctor?” squeaked Fluttershy, “There aren't any left, are there?”

“Impossible… what could-”

“Hello?” said a familiar voice. “Oh, you're all here? I've just had the most terrible dream… darlings, what in Equestria is the matter?”

Author's Note:

Next Episode: The End of It

Just an epilogue to come. Gosh, this story's ended up more interesting than I expected! Not that that's saying much, you understand. If you have any criticisms, please let me know. I'll be ever so grateful, and not in the least offended. There's none of us so pefect we can't improve, right?