Chapter 36
I wonder how many other obstacle courses there are around Canterlot? Maybe Rainbow can take me again; that would be fun. Shame none of my friends would like it—hmm maybe Bulwark! Yeah, Bulwark...
“—understand what I’m saying, right?”
“Oh, yes,” I lied to the pushy gray stallion as I made minimal effort to conform my body language.
“I just think the bridge would benefit everypony, and the investment would be minimal. Wouldn't you agree, young princess?”
I had tried objecting to the title several times, but it had never sunk in, so I had given up. It only occurred to me later that it said out of ignorance, but of flattery.
I stole a glance at Celestia, who was amusedly observing, as if thinking “better you than me.”
“—30,000 bits over a month, and projecting over two years that would be…”
“We’ll think about it,” Celestia finally interjected. “In fact, I think the HoP is working on something similar.”
“W—wonderful…” the stallion stammered. Looking behind himself, he suddenly grew self-conscious about the line of ponies waiting impatiently behind him. “I suppose my turn is up. Sorry…”
With that, a painful half-hour of boredom came to an end—the big grandfather clock may have said it was only eight minutes, but I was skeptical. And that hadn’t even been the least pleasant conversation I had had!
Looking around a bit, I took in the sights of ponies dressed to impress. Had I just arrived in Equestria I might have been led to assume that clothes were the norm. For as colorful as ponies were, the garments were rather bland. Jewelry, fresh flowers, strong perfume, and even the occasional monocle were among the more prominent features present. At the front of the room, a live band was playing the most inoffensive, generic classical music—that is, if it couldn’t be classified outright as elevator music. Maids and butlers weaved masterfully through the crowd to deliver cocktails and appetizers to ponies who didn’t give them a second thought. In a word, the atmosphere was “refined.”
I hated it.
As big as the ballroom was, it was quite a feat that every table was filled to capacity with ponies talking about their ancestry, their enterprises, the state of Canterlot politics, the hoofball draft, and —worst of all—me.
“Hello, young princess,” said the next stallion. He was of a charcoal color which made his suit blend into his coat. He grabbed and shook my forehoof, uninvited may I add. “Tie Tycoon, Canterlot Clotherie Corporation at your service. Third son of Fine Tie, twenty-third Duke of Canterlot.”
I froze. I had tried every approach. Act interested and they would yak even more. Let boredom shine through, and they would try all the harder.
“River Glade,” I said, indifferently, as I extended a hoof. Benign politeness seemed to be the lesser evil, but I hated every forced second I had to maintain that facade. The conversation should have died right then, but it was never that easy.
“But enough about me,” the stallion said in faux modesty. “I’d like you to meet my son!”
Not again…
“Hi,” the young maroon and gray stallion behind him said timidly.
Tie Tycoon slapped his son on the back. “This is my son, Tyke Tycoon! I’ll have you know he is independently wealthy, handsome—as you can clearly see—and very much single!”
I knew it....
“Perhaps the two of you can… mingle sometime?” He insinuated with the subtlety of a freight train.
Despite my better judgment I chose not to stay silent.
“B—but he’s got decades on me!”
“Um… yes, I’m eighty-four,” the “young” stallion said bashfully, almost as a question.
The father patted his son on the back, increasingly harder, urging him to say something. It got to the point where I started to feel bad for Tyke.
“Okay, umm… what do you do?” I forced myself to ask.
“Oh, nothing much—oof!”
Tie laughed after the not-so-subtle jab to his son’s ribcage. “Pardon, Princess. He can have trouble singing his own praises at times. He is currently, as the young’uns say, finding himself. He was a retail ambassador at a local confectionary, managed his own theater troupe, and most recently, he was hired as a media executive!”
“Really?” I asked, immediately regretting the implication I’d reconsider my position even in the slightest with this new information.
“Actually I’m just an intern—”
“AHAHAHA, my son ever the modest one!” Tie bowed and pushed Tyke’s head down. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Princess River. I’m sure we’ll meet again.”
A hundred years would be too soon.
The next pony immediately took his turn, a bit too eager to meet me.
“Hello, young princess. My name is Guiding Light, House of Ponies twenty-third district. How are you?”
“Fine.”
How do you think I’m doing? I’m stuck wasting a perfectly good Saturday night at this stupid party!
“That’s a lovely blouse I must say.”
“Thanks.”
After extensive debate, I was able to talk Celestia down from forcing me into a dress. I realized she was right about everypony being dressed up, but I still didn’t have to like it. I think I came out pretty well all things considered. I personally didn’t know how a lavender garment went with my colors, but it was mercifully fairly plain, aside than a pair of puffy frills. But at least they were in such a position that I could pretend to myself that they were drawstrings.
Huh… I’m getting a bit of deja vu. I think I had a dream with that filly—Auburn, was it? She was trying to get me to wear a dress, too.
I guess you wouldn’t listen to what a mere filly has to say, she had said.
What a stupid comment. Whether it’s a filly, a colt, or a princess who’s asking, I’m not about to acquiesce to looking pretty.
“—include the Banking, Infrastructure and Civil Discipline committees.” He smiled in a condescending manner. “But I guess you aren’t old enough to understand these things. In that case, perhaps you would like to meet my daughter?”
“I—”
“Fluffy Puppy! Come here for a moment!” Guiding called out.
A familiar filly with a purplish blue coat that matched my blouse came trotting up. She was wearing a white top and a checkered skirt.
“Dad, I told you not to call me that in public!” She turned in place and smiled. “Hi, River!”
“Oh, hey, Stardust, I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Yeah, kind of silly for me to meet you here, huh? I see you every day at school!”
“Stardust, you mean to tell me that the new alicorn goes to your school?” the politician asked in disbelief.
“Yep!”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he chided.
“You didn’t ask!” the filly replied playfully. “Say, River, I was dancing with some friends over there. Want to join us?”
“Well, I can’t dan—”
Stardust winked and gestured to the long line of ponies still queued to meet me.
I was instantly convinced and turned to Celestia. “I’m going to dance with my friends. Is that okay?”
“No worries, little one. I’ll handle things here,” said the elder princess.
I didn’t hesitate and cantered off with Stardust, leaving a line of disappointed ponies behind. Taking a moment to recollect myself, I looked around the ballroom a bit more. I could have sworn that even the wallpaper and flooring were significantly more glitzy than usual.
Stardust’s friends gasped as I approached their corner and started whispering amongst themselves. I didn’t know why I warranted such a surprised reaction considering I was billed as the star attraction, but ponies were silly like that. There was, however, something far more conspicuous.
“Hello, Jill, how are you doing?” I greeted.
“Hi, River, I’m alright. I suppose it’s been a while, huh?”
I was about to point out what I thought was obvious, but upon reflection I had not spoken to Jill since sprouting wings.
“Yeah, these days there is usually a line to talk to me. I saw you haven’t been part of that gaggle. Thank you for that. It’s refreshing to have someone who hasn’t changed how they deal with me.”
“You’re welcome. I kinda thought you got enough of that already, and besides, I thought there was, and is, a lot of your mind,” said the minotaur girl.
Stardust jumped in. “Come on, River, I haven’t bothered you as much either. Where’s my praise?”
I forced an awkward laugh. She wasn’t wrong. “More importantly, who are your friends?”
“Right. This is Cheesecake and that is Peach Blossom,” Stardust provided, gesturing to them.
“Nice to meet you!” Cheesecake said.
“Yeah, what she said,” added Peach. “So what’s it like being a princess?”
I sighed.
“I’m not a princess yet. A coronation ceremony is still needed. Oh, I have to pass a test too.” The latter wasn’t true anymore, but they didn’t have to know that. “The answer is that it’s a lot of attention. I still don’t understand this whole thing.”
“Have you flown yet?” Cheesecake asked.
“I haven’t had the time, really,” I replied. “It takes pegasi a while to learn to fly, and I know a colt older than I am who still can’t. Plus, alicorn wings are different from what I understand. Say, Jill, I noticed you’re talking normally to these ponies.”
It was somewhat brusque to change the subject, but their questions weren’t much better than what I had just escaped.
“Well, Stardust already knows why I talk like that, so I figured it would be okay. These fillies are nice. I guess I was just afraid that ponies would treat me differently in a bad way no matter what I did, so I kind of protected myself.”
“Uhh…. ponies are staring at us,” Cheesecake pointed out.
“Yeah, that’s my life these days,” I lamented.
“Actually, some of them look kind of annoyed.” Peach added.
“Oops. I guess we should actually do some dancing,” Stardust said through giggles, figuring it out before I did. “Let’s dance then!”
I froze as it occurred to me that I was still no wiser as to how to dance as a pony. I was about to point this out while watching Jill sway side-to-side; however, I quickly noticed the ponies weren’t doing anything remarkable or interesting. It looked like they were merely rhythmically walking in place. I had no difficulty imitating them—or so I hoped. From what I could glean from the ponies closest to us, I apparently had four left hooves.
Four forelegs? Something like that.
The two filly friends whispered their surprise that a princess wouldn’t be able to dance in a formal setting.
Stardust approached me with a smile. “Care to dance?”
“Isn’t that what I’m doing?” I asked, continuing my awkward shuffle.
“No, I mean together!”
“Well, I— “ I hesitated, judgmental eyes still trained on me. “Sure…”
She approached me and led me through the motions. At first I didn’t think we were doing anything more than what I was doing on my own, but the looks of disapproval slowly disappeared. Feeling the bounce of my hooves on floor, I had to admit there was a certain cadence to it.
Stardust is pretty nice. She doesn’t seem to be doing this just because of the alicorn thing. I kind of feel bad for letting her think we’re actual friends.
I examined the smile on the unicorn filly’s face. It seemed genuine, which made me feel worse for leading her on.
Well, it’s not just her; I don’t really have any real friends.
To an outsider it may have seemed like I had plenty, but I would disagree.
Squirt was probably the closest “friend” I had. Our relationship was mostly a shared skepticism of general pony silliness and whimsy. I had a good time a few occasions, but I couldn’t pretend to share his passion for gaming.
Thaumaturgical was the next closest. I was surprised at times that he didn’t annoy me more, but he occasionally had interesting things to say. I didn’t share any common interests with him— especially not bugs. I sort of let him hang around me as a courtesy.
As for Beakington III? He was more of a friend of a friend. To his credit, he gave me that feather oath thing, and I supposed I owed him for not telling the others I was a filly.
And that’s all the colts I know... They may be only 42% of the population, but still. Maybe I wouldn’t be hurtling into fillyhood so quickly if I had made it more of a point to hang with the guys.
I tuned back into reality and regarded my dance partner. Stardust was okay, as was her frequent companion, Sunny Style. Stardust was calm, kind and intelligent. I understood why Squirt liked her. We bonded a little bit at the sleepover, but she ruined it by throwing me into the deep end of a han-thingy mahjong match with only the briefest of primers.
Iron Jill? There was a connection there I had to admit.
I furrowed my brow. Or maybe I just pitied her and helped her make friends. I supposed that was more likely. She was stronger than she looked, and now she had Stardust and Style. My work was done.
Zephyr Zap was friends with everypony, so that didn’t count.
And then there were the exchange ponies.
Pink Diamond apparently thought I was her best friend, and if I didn’t lower my exposure I feared our relationship might start to resemble the one I had with Thaumaturgical.
Monocle was a nice filly that just wanted to be liked. To her credit, of all my acquaintances she was probably the least demanding of my friendship.
Cake Slice was shy, and that was about it. I did promise to let her piggyback on my camp activities. It was a bother, but there was just something about her that made me want to protect her.
I guess I do have to get her my activity choices sooner rather than later.
And that was it.
I miss Bulwark. It’s a shame she won’t talk to me anymore.
“Ah-hem!”
I jolted and turned around in surprise coming face to knee with some haughty looking mare. I studied the green and purple noble before concluding, based on her resting nag face, that this wasn’t going to be pleasant. I could feel my rising mood deflate, taking my expression with it until I was left giving this newest pain in the flank a deadpan look.
“Do I know you?” I asked tactlessly.
“You should. I’m only the editor for Canterlot’s top pony interest column.”
So a tabloid…
“That’s not a name,” I supplied helpfully.
The mare looked down at me with disdain. “It is that sort of behavior that I’m here to address. As ill-suited you may be for the position, you have stumbled your way into the top of the social hierarchy.” She bowed half-heartedly. “I am Grapevine and I am here to offer my expertise to aid you. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
“Were you in line?” I asked bluntly.
“I was next! Did you not notice?” she admonished.
“Sorry,” I apologized weakly. “I just needed a breather.”
“You simply must work on your apologies,”
This mare seemed like she was determined to pick a fight. I looked back to my friends for support or at least to make sure I wasn’t the only one picking up on the hostility. Sadly they seemed to be intimidated by the adult.
“I’m dancing with my friends,” I said, hoping to defuse the situation.
“Well!”
“Come now, Grape she’s just a foal,” another mare said, approaching with a gaggle of ponies.
Grapevine forced a laugh. “I suppose so. I guess the wings suggested wisdom despite her youth. I suppose I overstepped myself by assuming her maturity.”
I still didn’t like this pony. Fortunately her friends took over.
“So why are you so underdressed?” One mare asked. “Do you not have a formal wardrobe?”
This comment touched a nerve, which I had become increasingly bad at hiding.
“If you want, I could be your fashion consultant. Give you a tour of the hottest clotheries in Canterlot. There’s a new boutique that’s all the rage.”
“No thanks, I can dress myself,” I replied bluntly.
“Well, the offer’s there if you change your mind. I mean you have a lot of eyes on you now. You simply must uphold your image!”
“I haven’t even had these things for 72 hours yet. What could I have possibly messed up in that time?”
Grapevine jumped back into the fray. “Don’t think you’re starting with a clean slate. Information about everything about you is in high demand. It’s certainly making me a pretty penny.”
I probably would have been even more annoyed if I had pondered what digging up that information must have entailed.
“They say you wrestled a villain to the ground instead of leaving it to the guards. Hardly befitting of a lady,” a mare with a high-pitched voice chided.
“But the guards—”
“Speaking of guards, The Junior Royal Guards? How can you be part of a club about protecting the princesses when you are one. That aside, foals beating up one another? I don’t know what Princess Celestia is thinking!” A very plump lady chided. I doubted she ever had exercised. Probably would have chipped the lacquer on her hooves.
“It must be a generational thing,” one of the tagalongs stage whispered.
“It’s more than that!” I pleaded
“Oh, and then there’s the deceit of running around with a fake cutie mark! Hardly befitting of a paragon of honesty.” Yet another of them chimed in, apparently eager to pick my integrity apart.
I’m supposed to be a “paragon of honesty!?”
Thinking for a moment, I decided to try a new tact. “Well, I’m certainly deficient in that category,” I agreed, hoping that would get them to listen. “I just didn’t want—”
“The fake cutie mark, dyeing your mane and tail, pretending to be a colt… I’d be quite interested in your explanation. What was that all about?” yet another mare critiqued.
I rolled my eyes. “It’s a long story,” I said weakly.
“Well go on, tell us! We’ve got time now that you’re no longer greeting guests.”
“But I—”
My deepest secrets were none of their business. I wondered if there was anything in my life that was off-limits at this point.
“Your mane is also unkempt and gnarled,” Grapevine said, nastiness returning. “And honestly, a tail that long—are you trying to mop the floor?”
Well now she’s being a jerk again. Great.
Out of curiosity, I looked and saw that she was essentially right. Regardless, I was even more loathe to let the castle’s salon give me the princess treatment.
I grinned. “You make a good point. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish mopping the floor.”
“Don’t take it personally, honey. Sometimes the hardest things to say are the most important. You’ll thank us one day!”
You don’t seem to be losing any sleep over making these comments, though…
These mares reminded me of a small army of Rarities—if Rarity had no charm or other redeeming qualities.
I took a deep breath, prepared to try again. “Well thank you all for your advice, but I simply must be going,” I explained, doing my best to imitate their speech.. After all, me and my friends were going to—”
I quickly glanced at Stardust and the others, looking for an assist.
“We were going to style her tail,” Peach provided.
“Uhh… yeah, that,” I mumbled weakly after spending a second pondering the irony.
Without further comment, I followed the others unthinkingly to the other side of the room. The silence persisted for a minute before Cheesecake broke the silence with an audible humming.
“What is it, CC?” asked Peach.
“Well, I was thinking, maybe being an alicorn isn’t always fun. Ponies telling you how to act and being rude.”
You’re telling me.
“Are you holding up okay, River?” Stardust asked. “Those mares were really judgmental.”
“Oh... yeah,” I replied, somewhat surprised. “It’s no big deal. It’s not like it affects me at all.”
Stardust tossed her mane in curiosity. “Well, I’ll always be there to listen if you need to vent.”
“Huh?” I blurted out, in a manner unbefitting a princess.
“What’s that?” Stardust asked.
“Oh, nothing,” I said dismissively. Truthfully I didn’t recognize the expression, but I didn’t want to profess ignorance regarding another Equestrian thing. “So, Peach, you were kidding about my tail, right?”
“No,” she insisted. “It’s so pretty!”
Ponyfeathers!
“So now you’re an alicorn!?” Bulwark had asked incredulously when paying me a visit Friday afternoon. What she dropped on me lowered my mood and set me up for a further emotional low when I found out about that snooty party.
“Yeah. It’s not as fun as it looks. Way too much attention.”
I laughed dismissively
“And somehow that’s made you shorter?” Bulwark asked, suspcicious.
“I don’t know what you’re—”
“River, please don’t lie to me! I can tell. You’ve always been on the small side, but now you’re the size of a teenager.”
It took me a second to realize how young that was by pony standards. I opened my mouth and closed it a moment later. “It’s a long story with quite a convoluted background,” I confessed.
“Is that why you told me that tall tale about being raised as a earth pony colt as the second daughter of a tribalist family?” she asked pointedly.
“What makes you suspect that?” I blurted at, immediately realizing that it wasn’t a denial.
“I was curious about what you told me about your upbringing, so I did some reading on Neighbraska. You know, unicorns aren’t exactly common there.”
“That doesn’t mean—”
“Even so, they have mandatory magical kindergarten for unicorns!”
“My parents could have not enrolled me!”
“But did they?”
I considered answering both no and yes, but I didn’t decide quickly enough.
Bulwark sighed. “River, I’m not pretending I’m some kind of detective and that I’ve busted your alibi, but it’s hard to believe you in the face of other falsehoods. Like your cutie mark…”
I flinched. “Is—is that what this is about?”
She sniffed. “I felt a kinship. That I had a friend that had the same calling as me. And the fact that you earned it by besting me in a sparring match gave me a sense of pride for helping you find a passion.”
“I’m sorry—really sorry. I wish I could have been more forthcoming. Celestia—”
“Princess Celestia told you what? To lie?”
“Well—” In that moment it dawned on me that Celestia had never told me whom I could and couldn’t tell about the whole different dimension thing. I had just assumed it would be bothersome and projected my desires onto her for justification
She looked me in the eye. “If you had a good reason, I might forgive you, River. I may be simple for not understanding the machinations of the elites, but I have my principles. And you lied to me. Apparently to everypony else too.”
“Bulwark, wait!” I called after her as she turned and trotted away.
She rose a hoof to silence me, and I let her go.
The party was just the culmination of a lousy week. Since Squirt’s roleplaying session had fallen through due to Daft Hat and Iron Press contracting lice, I had relied on soccer to lift my spirits—until I realized Lua couldn’t exactly show up with wings.
Clearly everypony wanted my attention at school, and boarding life at the castle was no different. New Moon commandeered my room for another impromptu group friendship session. Ostensibly, it was to help her interact in groups, but it turned into more of the same usual alicorn inquiries.
I had been hoping that skipping Trusty’s Saturday field trip would have given me a breather if nothing else, but everypony followed my lead and skipped the trip. It probably didn’t help that our destination was to be the Museum of Entomological Etymology.
After that stupid party, I had expected to immediately doze off as soon as my little princess head hit the pillow. When this expectation shattered I was left wide awake with something stirring inside me. My thoughts had virtually slowed to a halt, and I had no energy left for any contemplation. Yet my body would not comply, and I instead felt some phantom pulses which felt like they were sapping what little energy I had to carryover to the next day.
Fortunately I got to sleep in—a grand total of forty-five minutes...
“Hey, River! River! Wake up. You’ll want to hear this. I have something exciting planned!”
“Pink? What is it!? I can’t imagine anything you can come up with that’s more appealing than spending the whole day in bed,” I countered, regretting not being more rude to her, if anything.
“The little foals at the daycare center. They’re always looking for interesting ponies to talk to them,” she explained, hopeful.
“Not interested.”
If I had been actually looking at her, I probably would have seen those all-powerful sad pony eyes. Unfortunately, her tone of voice had the same effect.
“But the foals were so excited to meet you…”
I felt a tightness in my chest and then a spike of anger as I jumped to my hooves, still tangled in the sheets. “What did you do!?”
“When I told them I knew you, they begged, and I couldn’t say know, and I thought you wouldn’t mind…” she said weakly, almost apologetic in her tone.
“Well, cancel,” I hissed. I’m not feeling too well. I stayed up late basically being Celestia’s show-and-tell, and I want to be yours even less.”
“Cancel!? I can’t! It—it’s too soon,” said Pink, with all the melodramatic power at her disposal.
“When?” I asked through clenched teeth, holding out hope that maybe I could still sleep in for an hour or two more..
She looked down and away. “Fifteen minutes,” she mumbled.
I made a startled horse noise, immediately covering my muzzle with my hooves upon realizing the shame of what I had just done. Taking a minute to recompose myself, I finally asked, “why didn’t you give me more notice?”
“Well, I figured you would want to sleep in…”
Rhodish was a creole language, crafted from both terrestrial and celestial sources. A classic case really. An old joke went that we kept all the swear words from both the prestige and the base languages.
I used every single one in that moment.
“And so, Robbo Reptile said goodbye to the rest of the tadfoals. He would go around the whole ocean, but he would come back. He would always be one of them, a tadfoal. The end,” I read reluctantly.
I shut the book definitively and my audience cheered
“Thank you. You were all good listeners. I hope you enjoyed it because I’ve gotta go now..”
This time I was subjected to tear-filled pony eyes.
“Oh come on, River, you’ve still got time,” Pink Diamond insisted.
I glared at her to such a degree that her ears drooped and she went full-on submissive.
“I have a question!”
“Yes, Flower Powder!” Pink Diamond responded, immediately perking back up.
“Have you flown yet?”
The tourniquet nested in my barrel tightened further. “No. I have not flown yet.”
How can I have the time with everypony roping me into stupid things!
“Me! Me! Where do you go to school?” A scratchy-voiced colt asked.
“Hogwash Academy. It floats on top of an invisible teapot in the center of the Earth,” I fibbed.
“How does it float if it’s underground?”
“Well that is a secret we carefully guard, my little pony,” I gently explained with princessly facade.
After turning my back on the throng of foals, I practically galloped away.
Since clearly she wasn’t trying to read my mood, I heard Pink Diamond’s hoofbeats following my own. Bowing to the inevitable I let her catch up to me.
“You did great, River! You’re really good with younger foals.”
I sighed. “Yeah, I had younger siblings. Sometimes I needed to entertain them.”
“Hey, River, I was wondering…”
“Hmm?” I grunted.
Please don’t let there be a second castle daycare!
“You look like something is bothering you.” She asked with a surprising insight for as dense as she could be. That should have been a red flag to me about my state. But I was in the midst of it so of course I didn’t notice.
I let out a shrill laugh. “Something? As in One thing? One thing!? ONE THING!!!??”
Pink’s ear dropped once more. “I’m just trying to help. I heard you had to go to a meet and greet last night, so I wanted to cheer you up with something fun.”
I was torn between ridiculing her idea of fun and praising her good intentions. I was heavily leaning towards the former, and in hindsight I still don’t know why I held back.
“Say, River, what activities have you picked for camp?”
I chuckled in chagrin. “Wonderful! I had missed that question so much!”
“No, that’s not what I mean,” Pink squeaked meekly. “I was hoping to learn what you like and what makes you happy. The things I like don’t seem to excite you.
“Oh,” I said bashfully. “What I like. Hmm….”
“Oh! You like tag!” Pink blurted out.
“Not exactly. Annuity always cheats. I just like to exercise.” I couldn’t exactly tell her that I looked down on games for foals. “What are your favorite things?”
Pink Diamond smiled and took a deep breath. At the same instant a whimsical tune started playing.
“I gottago byePink!” I blurted out before breaking into a mad dash away from the crystal filly.
Satisfied that she wasn’t on my tail this time, I sat down at the bottom of a stairwell and took a few deep breaths. I would have to find lunch and plan out the rest of my day, but at that moment I just needed to recover. Some quiet time seemed like the sort of antidote I needed. The pressure slowly eased in my body, as if pockets of air were slowly leaking out through imperceptible pores in my skin.
I was at peace for a moment.
I wonder how long it will be before I’m in that daycare myself?
I re-inflated.
Monday would have normally been horrible as it stood. However, I had the misfortune of having to avoid ponies all afternoon on Sunday. While successful, it proved a pyrrhic victory, as I was nearly sound asleep in my bed before remembering I had homework to do. Granted, it wasn’t particularly long or hard homework, but it set the tone for the whole week.
Slouching back in my desk, I lazily looked over the small throng of ponies at school that had gathered to hear me make pronouncements.
“I get where you’re coming from Gilded. You want to stand out more, like Annuity, but still be friends with her. Maybe to go your own way, you can start hanging out with different ponies outside of school.”
That way I won’t have to be there to help you figure it out.
Gilded Acres smiled. “Good ideas, River. Thank you!”
“Sure”
No, please, keep laboring under the impression that I’m suddenly brimming with wisdom on pony things now that I’ve got these misshapen feather dusters on my flank.
I tuned back in to see a bunch of hooves raised, clamoring for my advice on stupid things.
“All right, Pestle. What fascinating matter do you want to submit for my pseudo-royal contemplation?”
Pestle inched closer, wearing a hungry smile. “Can we make this a private conversation?”
I blinked slowly, drained. Private? Yeah that would be nice, less ponies currently equaled better. “I’m fine with that.”
The ponies behind us moaned and griped as Pestle and I left to wander in search of a private place. This was harder than planned, as I had the feeling somepony was watching me, so we had no privacy. After all, it isn’t paranoia if they really are out for you. Pestle was surprisingly patient throughout this process. Altogether, we spent half an hour looking before most of our classmates lost interest and left. Even so, we needed to split up and meet again in the fillies’ restroom to have our conversation. As a precaution, I double-checked all the stalls for hooves to guarantee we were finally free of eavesdroppers.
I then turned to Pestle. “Ok, I think we’re finally good. What kind of advice did you need?”
“I don’t have anything I need advice on. I’m just curious about something.”
She let those words hang on the air for effect.
“That’s good, right?”
Pestle didn’t answer, instead turning away from me.
“There’s always been something about you that I couldn’t place. Something fascinating that called out to me. I didn’t like it at first, but now I know I want to be by your side. To understand you and your feelings...”
“If you’re confessing your love for me, yours is only the second lamest I’ve heard in the last week.”
Pestle turned and rolled her eyes with disdain and confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, Thank Celestia!” I cheered, exhaling.
“It’s more important than that,” Pestle insisted, tossing her purple mane as she shook her head.
“I’ve certainly had my share of important conversations this week, and it’s only Monday.”
“You suddenly joining the class immediately raised my suspicions. As you may not know, the Canterlot school system has something known as a staggered curriculum. As ponies become old enough for secondary school, they have their choice of schools. Each school will cycle through the same topics in history, science, Equish and the like. It’s like a train going in a circle. You can get on at any station, but once you’ve done a full loop you’ll have seen everything. Math is like a axis that forms the two-dimensional plane of learning on which a pony’s schooling takes place. If you transfer from a different city you just choose a school that is at the most similar point in the curriculum and that is teaching math at the same level.”
I nodded, intrigued. Nopony had explained that to me. “Nice analogy, but it seems a bit of a non-sequitur given your opening line. So why did you go on a long tangent about the school curriculum? It seems unprompted and pointless in the context of our current conversation.”
“Oh, it had a point. By your interest, you clearly hadn’t heard this before, which makes you more suspicious than you are already.”
“But—”
“You’re in pretty deep. I’d stop digging if I were you,” Pestle advised. “Anyway, transfers don’t happen often without an extensive feeling out. You came in unheralded. But that was only the first sign. An absurd thought came to me. One that most ponies would find crazy. So I did some feeling out. Suspecting something different, entirely, I mentioned reading your magical signature. My bluff scared you, even though I could never pull off advanced magic like that. In any event, what surprised me was that you knew what a magical signature was.”
Despite her suggesting I stop trying, I couldn’t help myself. "It--it was in the book. Making of a Queen, no?”
Pestle laughed condescendingly. “No. That story only skirts the perimeter of the concept. Besides you knew something most don't. That the spell to read them is more like a hoofprint than an incomprehensible jumble of information."
"Celestia told me?!" I asserted, taking a step forward and digging in my hooves.
"Why?”
“What do you mean why!?” I demanded, perturbed.
"I'm sorry, did she just so happen to take you aside and say, ‘by the way, I thought you might want more details on magical signatures—just in case you need to deny something to a nosy filly alchemist?"
"Err…."
"It's everything, River. Your unusual color-change reaction. It made no sense to me at the time, but now that I know the change was permanent, it all falls into place. And the fact that you apparently became a filly at some point makes it undeniable."
"I was always a filly!" I argued, taking a step back..
"Oh really? Then how did you use the urinal next to Thaumaturgical that one time?"
"What!? How—"
"I asked and he told me."
"Errr…"
"The fact that you are going to such lengths to deny it, only makes my final conclusion even more convincing."
She knows.
"Don't tell anyone."
Why am I so afraid?
“You’re another Xelning,” she said, casually but the triumph was there, plain on her face.
Not entirely inaccurate, but close enough to not matter. “Don’t tell anyone!”
"I wouldn't think of it. Buuuut…. I might be more inclined to not let something slip if you help me with a few experiments…"
"I can't do that!" Unless I want to be reverted to a baby... I’m already Twilight’s lab rat as it is!
"It's okay, I can imagine a bit of what you can and can't do. But an alicorn? There are so many things…”
The prolonged negotiation that followed only served to tighten further the knot in my chest.
“Hey River, you’re not wearing the pendant I gave you,” said Bubble Bauble. “If you want something else, I can help you pick something…”
“No, I’ll wear it. I just forgot…”
“River, our moms really work hard. We want to show her how much they mean to us,” said Raspberry Citrus.
I paused for a moment to think. I had no frame of reference. Few could relate to my experience, but I felt my mother had been one of the most unremarkable people I had even known. I often wondered if she only had us because she felt pressured to contribute.
“I don’t know. Maybe you can make them something?”
“What kind of things?” Blueberry Citrus asked.
How the blazes should I know!?
“Whatever you make her she’ll surely be happy with it. It’s the kind intent that counts.” I nearly gagged on the sentence. It was probably the most pony thing I had ever said.
“We still need to decide what to do, though,” Raspberry said, pensive. “I know! We’ll make a list of things and you can tell us which is best!”
I was so drained I didn’t even insist that my obligation to advise them ended there.
“It’s kind of embarrassing, but I’m not as good at magic as other colts my age. Like, totally embarrassing, right?” said Silver Lining.
Then don’t tell me about it!
“Do you have any advice on how to handle it?”
I shook my head in annoyance. “Weren’t you offering to teach me magic the other day? How can I help you when I just got this horn? Besides, I’m a slow learner when it comes to magic, too!”
“You mean you have already tried to learn on your own? You never mentioned that!”
“Yeah, kind of on my own, nothing formal,” I lied, backpedaling. It would be suspicious to let him know I already had a magic teacher.
I thought sprouting wings would be the end of walking the highwire. Nope! Still a constant juggling act.
“Concentrate…” Teaching Moment repeated for the umpteenth time. “Concentrate…”
I did. I concentrated and focused as much as I could. Yet, the blasted ball still refused to move. I reached out to kick the stupid levitation orb, but my magic teacher was quick enough to move it out of my reach.
“I was skeptical of this method of teaching you, but now that you’re an alicorn it makes sense.”
“So you were in on this too?” I hissed. How many knew? Laughing at my attempts to hide.
“I only had partial information. Don’t worry, you’re still improving,” he assessed calmly. “Keep at it.”
“Easy for you to say. Everything else is going terrible, and now I’m no good at magic anymore either! I was doing so well and now I’m back to square one.” I stomped my hooves and turned away.
Teaching Moment took a moment, possibly to consider how not to sound trite. “Your magic has fundamentally changed. Taking some time to adapt is natural. Persistence is a virtue.” He failed—and the thing growing in my chest contorted further.
“It just doesn’t stop!” I complained to Star. “Every single day is like this now!”
“It’s only been a week,” Star cautioned.
“It’s no less frustrating! When do I get a break?”
Star patted my head. “You’re doing great. I’m impressed, but at the same time your reaction to all this confuses me. You go along with a lot of it. Even if you don’t like it, you listen to the requests of three ponies every—”
“Two,” I corrected. “Three is too much like Cookie Court.”
“Cookie what?”
“Oh, nothing. It was kind of a thing from my dream,” I said abashedly. “Anyway, what were you saying?”
Star smiled and slowed her trot down a bit. “You don’t like the attention, but you have been extremely patient with your classmates. I would have expected you to… get angry, or I don’t know…” Star stammered.
I could tell she wasn’t being more direct with the details of her low expectations of me; however, her point was of interest to me. My hooves slowed to a halt as I realized the answer wasn’t anything obvious. It wasn’t a conscious decision I had made, but I nonetheless put up with all of this princess stuff without much complaint—outwardly anyway.
Star turned around and slowly walked back towards me, extremely interested in my answer.
I sighed. “My whole life I’ve been a servant to my duty. I never questioned those in positions of authority and was always subservient. Now, for whatever reason, ponies look up to me—look to me for guidance. I never had the opportunity to be a leader.” And now I know I was right for never wanting it.” I paused and rubbed my chin with a forehoof. “However, my obligation isn’t to myself, obviously, but to those who look up to me. My superior officers never said, ‘I don’t feel up to it today; you guys are on your own.’ I guess it’s kinda why I accepted that part as Celestia. Heh, fitting, don’t you think?”
Star said nothing, but she radiated warmth in response, probably figuring that I would dismiss anything she said as trite or reject the compliment. However, that aura conveyed her sentiment in a way that was much more difficult to refuse.
Arriving at the doorstep of my room, I noticed my door was ajar, to my chagrin. I briefly felt further constriction, but it eased when I saw who was in my room: Flower Power the maid. I hated to ask, but I availed myself of the opportunity to request her to bring me lunch. The mare was happy to comply, and the castle’s staff would have done so for any of the exchange ponies anyway, but it still felt like I was using my status to order her around.
After I finished eating in peace, I felt my mood lighten—or at least that was my expectation. Social interaction usually drained me, so I looked forward to having time to myself. No ponies were annoying me, yet I still couldn’t settle down. My inclination was to find something to do, but boredom, another too frequent guest, paid me another visit. I almost wished for some homework to do.
I facehooved. “What am I thinking? I have all those books!” I excitedly picked up a non-fiction text I had been enjoying a lot lately. The book pertained to the politics of Canterlot. I wouldn’t have picked it out had I not mistaken it for a different type of book entirely, but to my surprise it appealed to me. Sure, the noble lineages were boring topics, but seeing how the princesses’ role evolved concurrently with the emergence and subsequent development of the other branches of government was quite interesting.
After a few minutes, I came to the realization that I was laboring to focus on the words on the page. It took all my effort just to make it through two pages. Even then, I struggled to remember what I had just read.
Okay, this book just isn’t doing it for me today. Good thing I have plenty more. I thought hopefully.
The second book couldn’t hold my attention either, so I tried another and another before giving up. Taking a deep breath that did little to quiet the butterflies in my stomach, I lay down and accepted defeat. I felt as helpless as a fly enraptured in a sticky web. I could almost feel a physical throbbing from my mental anguish. Actually I did feel something.
I… I feel dizzy…
My stomach began churning suddenly, and I knew I had to be quick. I staggered to my door as I felt a burning spread throughout my body. For the first time, I knew the sensation of being overheated in my own fur, without the solace of being able to lose a layer without aid of a razor.
What is this…? I feel like I’m drowning… in fire…
I set my mind a singular task: make it to the bathroom. Although it seemed doable at first, the hall seemed to grow longer and longer with every step I took.
Finally, after an eternity, I made it to the door—which was locked.
I was ready to panic and curse my week of awful luck. Fortunately, the feeling was fleeting, as the door immediately opened to reveal Pink Diamond.
“Oh hi, River! I liked the advice you gave to—”
I dashed in and slammed the door on her the moment she was out. I was just in time, as I immediately started retching the moment my muzzle was above the toilet. I didn’t know how my tiny body could have held all that came back up.
I dragged my hooves out of the bathroom, only slightly relieved.
Pink Diamond was waiting for me.
“Are you all right, River?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine—just need to get back to my r—”
Before I knew it, the floor instantly closed the minimal distance between it and my head. I It wasn’t particularly painful, but I nonetheless oscillated in and out of consciousness as I felt somepony drag me to the infirmary. Then, everything went black.
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Ohhh, another chapter. Gimme gimme gimme
To take a quote (virtual cookie for those who can guess where from),
Well, look at Aramau's backstory.
Stubbornness is a vice.
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/37403309-5217-4c25-b025-380448e9ce76
Another wonderful rare author who loves what they do. Currently I have influenza and I do not say this for pity but real gratitude to what you love doing and one of the few stories that really changes my day and read again to see in a new view if I feel down. Thank you Gambit and thank you for doing what you love.
nice update, that whole age thing will never stop confusing me, so I will pretend that one colt is 8 XD
You are a terrible person.
Too bad he can't tell the truth...
Hum, didn't expect Alice to come out of the closet like that and accept got to ball with little prompting. I feel that it's fine that she lied about her origin and it wasn't as if she was actively trying overly to peruse the filly that had an interest in her, and it didn't affect her life overtly at all and Alice did had her own issue deal with in that time that she wasn't ready to talk about just yet: I think she was expecting too much too soon from Alice wanting too much Alice to reciprocate her feeling toward her. I wonder what is going on with Alice now that she is suddenly sick like that, could it be something else from her transformation, or something else?
Nice but went she said (I wonder how long it will be before i'm in that daycare) that make me wonder how young she she going to be? Back to newborn or just toddler?
9546185
I very much agree with the age thing
9546615 By my current count she should at current be a several month old newborn. She arrived as an unborn, but only by a few weeks if I remember correctly. And she has been there more than a few months now. And I believe it was explained that while she moves backwards to match her signature, her signature conversely ages forward as it normally would. Sooner or later they will collide and the process will be complete.
9546750
Um Can you simplify that?
9546791 That was pretty simple, but I'll give it a shot. Alice arrived in Equestria with a magic signature of an unborn alicorn foal. Few weeks early. As she de-ages back to that, her magic signature ages forward as it naturally would. She's been in equestria several months. So at current count, if she were to instantly de-age all the way today, she'd be a several month old newborn.
9546880
Oh now I get it
Thank you for the chapter!
No problem with taking longer to write a chapter, go at your own pace. It's not like were going anywhere!
9547671
Think you are commenting on the wrong story, this isn't Off The Mark.
Place your bets, is A) --- Alice going Nightmare with stress? Or B) --- Was Flower Power a changing who slipped some poison into her meal, and plans to kidnap her for Chrysalis (after the hints dropped with the Miser)?
9546150
This warmed my heart. Thank you for sharing.
9546185
If you're talking about Tyke Tycoon, he's a grown adult.
9546566
Yeah, Alice certainly has a case for being a tad overloaded to realize how her actions impact others. Of course, you could equally argue she needs to at least think about these things more.
9546393
He can tell the truth, he just doesn’t want to.
What? Why? How long has Alice been an alicorn by this point? Can't be over a week.
Welp, read further. I do hope Alice is able to get time alone with Bulwark and explain everything. Bulwark is her actual closest friend I feel.
How has Alice not killed somepony yet.
Welp, that ending doesn't bode well. I still feel Alice should confess to Bulwark her past, how she got to Equestria, and the looming threat of being completely erased as a person as she grows younger and younger.
Pestle 50 years dungeon for blackmailing an Alicorn! Looks like Alice is going to die from stress before she can finish regressing in age or she was poisoned could be either.
It's only been a few weeks to months, and it has been one change after the other, they should have let her rest or at least set a practical pace.
Shoulda been eating your sugar!
You need to slow down the pace of these chapters.
You creating these senseless conflicts is REALLY forced author, a simple 'go fuck yourself' or 'Try me' is enough to end these things.
If you want to create conflicts make it so they CANT be easily solved
Upon rereading this chapter the section where Pestle blackmails River viscerally pissed me off. His background is a national secret. He just had to tell Star and that would be that.