Chapter 2
It had been a tumultuous couple of weeks for Spike the dragon. A fugitive from Tartarus had nearly stolen all the magic in Equestria, a ginormous castle had sprung up from nowhere, and Ponyville was… not much really had changed, had it?
Billions of bits in lost productivity, widespread damage, and a national panic one week, and the next week Equestria bounces back. You’ve gotta wonder how it does that, Spike thought as he followed Twilight, checking off each book as she reshelved some “light reading”. So far the princess had been her new library’s only patron—yet another point that had changed little from before. Rejecting the royal suite of the element of magic, she had habitually taken up residence in the small bedroom above the ninth floor library.
“Come on, Twilight, are you sure you don’t want the royal suite instead? It has a hot tub for pony’s sake!” Spike said, “A hot tub!
Twilight stopped and turned her head, saying with a twinge of annoyance, “No, Spike, we’re the only ones here, so this makes the most sense. It wouldn’t be very efficient for you to walk back and forth every morning; that would take approximately four minutes and twenty seconds out of our schedule daily. That’s nearly a day wasted every year!”
“But you already have to teleport your friends up here every time they visit, so why can’t you just poof me back and forth?”
Twilight gave a sheepish look before recapturing her stern elder sister face. “No, Spike, as long as it’s just the three of us, this is what works best. Besides, I can’t occupy the chamber of the element of magic when the others are vacant; it’d be completely asymmetrical.”
Spike raised a pointed finger to argue.
“Besides, if we start living on the thirteenth floor, that would mean twice as much cleaning for you.”
He lowered his claw.
“I mean, this really is too much space,” Twilight said as she took wing to shelf a book on the second floor. “Servants’ chambers, multiple kitchens, a guard barracks — I can understand why Princess Celestia would need those things, but she’s ruling all of Equestria. But I’m still trying to find my new role in Ponyville, a village this palace could probably house all on its own.”
She had been bringing up her princess status a lot lately. It seemed strange to him that she had, in a few short weeks, gone from worrying about her title being in name only to fretting about the grand scale of her personal Castle of Friendship. All her ascension had meant to him was that he no longer had to worry about filing Her Highness’s taxes. And thank Celestia for that! He certainly didn’t fancy the prospect of digging through the Equestrian tax code for the subsection involving self-assembling magical buildings from an ancient chest erected on city land.
“Didn’t you sing a song about this already?” Spike answered. “You know, it will just take some time, or something?”
The alicorn fluttered down to eye level and stroked his back with a wing. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Still, things were easier when Princess Celestia would just tell me what to do next.
As if hearing her, his stomach met her declaration with a familiar sensation of indigestion as Spike let loose an involuntary puff of dragon breath, which unfurled into a scroll.
“A letter from Princess Celestia! Maybe it’s a surprise homework assignment!”
Spike groaned. “She can’t exactly give you homework if you’re not her student anymore.”
Twilight’s broad smile dipped only a little. “You never know, right? Maybe it’s an early birthday present!”
Twilight covered her mouth, and they both froze in place, glancing to the right and left to scrutinize every illogical place Pinkie could spring from. While Pinkie had thwarted most empirical analysis, Twilight had recently managed to quantify the probability of certain words and phrases summoning her. Naturally, ‘birthday present’ had been near the top of the list.
The coast clear, Spike cleared his throat and unfurled the scroll.
“But wait—Princess Celestia hardly ever sends me letters anymore,” Twilight said, ducking into a dead end path between shelves. “Is all of Equestria in danger?” Her expression hardened, and he saw the gears turning in her head. She froze suddenly and her wings briefly spasmed as her expression changed once more. “She told me before my greatest test was yet to come. What if she meant that literally!? What if this is a pop quiz!?
“Twilight—”
Twilight settled into nervously pacing, the echoes of her hoofsteps building on one another, dancing in and out of sync. Her mane slowly took on the frazzled quality he was all too familiar with.
“The last one was a practical test, and I know I did great, but what if she follows it up with a comprehensive written exam to test my diligence? Oh no, I need to reread all my old friendship reports” her horn glowed and dozens of scrolls and a familiar journal scattered in front of her.
“Twilight—”
“But wait, it’s been three months since I last reread Helping Hoof’s nine-volume treatise on friendship. What if there’s something I’ve forgotten!”
“Twilight!” Spike shouted, causing her to grind to a halt. He could smell a smoldering ash scent from the trail of gray smoke rising from the scorch marks. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”
Twilight opened her mouth to retort, but decided against it. A second later, she blushed and turned her head slightly away. “I suppose you’re right.”
Spike smiled.
“After all, the abridged seven volume set covers everything important,” she said, levitating a set of yellow volumes into a pile taller than she was. “I guess I was freaking out. Thanks, Spike!”
Baby steps, Spike. Baby steps, he consoled himself.
“Can I just read the letter now?” the young dragon finally asked after an awkward silence.
“Go ahead.”
“Ahem. Dear, Twilight Sparkle: We humbly request your presence at once. Exhausted and ragged, our sister has requested your immediate presence for a matter she deems critical to the future of Equestria. I have dispatched my personal chariot to the rooftop terrace of your castle. Use it if you wish, but speak of this matter to nopony.
Princess of the Night and StarsStewardess of DreamsHigh Priestess of the Tides Third Team all-Equest
-Princess Luna
Twilight started freaking out again. “The princess!”
Spike belched once more and took in claw the small scrap of paper.
"P.S.
Our humblest apologies. Our sister hath informed us that I have neglected to mention that she is quite fine. She ax you bear in mind the “Smarty Pants Incident” and remain calm.”
Spike wondered to himself if the princess was psychic before a familiar magic surrounded him. With a pop Twilight and Spike teleported to the top of the castle, and he immediately spotted the thestral-pulled chariot descending.
Luna’s guards, like Celestia’s would do, bowed deeply to Twilight before pausing to mentally debate Spike’s status among themselves. It seemed like nopony knew what to make of Spike’s status these days. Was he a fellow vassal as the number-one assistant to a Princess? Or was he nobility by virtue of association? Or maybe he was the coolest dragon in all of Equestria? Only the last one was known for sure.
In any case, this pair of ponies elected for a halfway compromise bow to the drakeling. Spike could definitely see why Twilight was tempted to decree against bowing to her. He was the same Spike he was before, why did ponies need to start bowing to them?
He let that worry drift away as the chariot lifted off the ground and began picking up speed. It was smaller than Celestia’s model, but the two of them had more than enough room. By now, Spike was well-accustomed to the flight between Ponyville and Canterlot, but rarely did he have the time to himself; normally, he would be working on a last minute checklist of some sort, but this time, Twilight was lost in thought while fidgeting with her hooves.
Spike watched the ground below him race by. Either Luna’s bat ponies were faster flyers, or today did hold some kind of special urgency. However, watching it too long made Spike dizzy, so he turned his attention forward. In no time at all, Canterlot castle came into view as they began their rapid descent.
They landed in an open space in the garden just outside the maze. Princess Luna was there, waiting by herself for them. Spike and Twilight disembarked, Luna gave a small smile and dismissed the saluting guards who pulled the chariot.
“Thank you for responding to our summons so quickly, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“Hello, Princess Luna,” Twilight said. “What’s wrong with Princess Celestia? Is she okay?”
“At ease, Princess Twilight Sparkle,” the lunar monarch responded. It would appear that I was overzealous in my concern. It appears she suffers from not more than magical exhaustion.”
“That’s a relief,” Twilight said, briefly relaxing.
“Wait, magical exhaustion? As in Princess Celestia running out of mana? What could do that to her?”
“Follow me.” Luna turned around. “This is all I can say for fear of eavesdropping.”
The three of them walked in silence, save for the clinking of armor and the scurrying of various maids and couriers. Spike knew the castle fairly well by now and wondered to himself why Princess Luna was taking the long way. However, he knew better than to question it. After all, he didn’t want to anger her and be solely responsible for the return of Nightmare Moon. He attempted make a silent query to Twilight, but she was occupied with something else.
“So, how have you been, Prin—uhh, Luna?”
“It… matters are improving,” Luna answered stiffly. “While most of our subjects have forgotten my history, the fact is that my sister has ruled alone for a thousand years. Though they dispute not our equal status, they yet defer all important manners to her.”
“Oh, I’m sure it will get better… Princess,” Twilight assured her. “A generation of foals will grow up knowing you protect them from nightmares.”
“We suppose…”
Spike and the two princesses walked up a winding staircase without a word. The silence was overpowering, bringing every hoof beat to his attention; it was as if both ponies were holding their breath.
“We haven’t talked much have we?” Twilight finally asked.
“Nay… we have not.”
“I’m sorry, Luna. I should have reached out to you earlier. We should know each other better, especially now that we’re seeing each other a lot more. I just… well now that we’re both princesses it feels like it’s different… and..”
Luna stopped, faced her and smiled. “I can certainly empathize. It is as if I had just accepted you as a friend, not a subject, and now, you are an equal, and a friend, and I knew not how to address that. Truthfully, the proper etiquette is beyond our—err... my experience.”
“This is rather silly isn’t it?” Twilight asked.
“Quite,” said Luna.
“Well, I want to be your friend, what about you?”
Luna beamed. “Fain. Perhaps when this matter is settled we could once more partake in ‘fun?’”
“I’d love to.”
Spike, fed up with being ignored in favor of the sappiness, interjected, “But isn’t this matter that could affect all Equestria something really bad that needs to be taken care of?”
“That remains to be seen,” said Luna. “I for one, believe it could be a boon to us all.”
Spike could see Twilight had three questions ready to fire, but a pegasus guard pre-empted her, handing off a heart-sealed pink letter to the night princess.
She looked it over and said, “I see. Princess Cadance is unable to make it. It would seem likely our sister neglected to mention her condition in this correspondence…” She turned to Twilight and Spike. “We must not dally any longer. Come.”
Luna took wing, and Spike hopped on Twilight’s back to follow her. In no time at all, they were before an opulent set of gold-trimmed white double-doors.
“Our sister’s private chamber, as you know. We should warn thee, though: while what we are about to discuss may be profound, we implore thee to keep in mind our sister’s actual frailty.”
They nodded and Luna knocked once with her magic.
“Luna, is that you?” asked Celestia in a raspy voice.
Luna cracked open the doors. “As requested, I have brought Twilight Sparkle and her ‘number-one assistant.’ Princess Cadance hast declined thine invitation. Shall I reiterate our request for her attendance?”
“No, Luna. I don’t want to worry her. Besides, the two of them more than deserve their honeymoon to themselves; they’ve waited long enough.”
“Very well. We shall enter now,” she said, slowly pushing the door open.
Celestia sat perched on a nest of pillows that blended into her coat. She wore none of her usual regalia, and looked clearly exhausted. Spike didn’t know if he was supposed to look away or what. She looked like a normal pony, vulnerable.
“Princess Celestia! Are you all right?” Twilight cried, rushing to her mentor’s side.
“I am fine, Twilight. Thank you for your concern.”
“What happened?”
“You could say I got carried away…” Celestia said, looking away.
Meanwhile, Spike was already prodding the golden barrier surrounding Celestia’s bed. While mostly opaque, he could almost see inside by putting his eye to the surface.
“Hey, doesn’t this look like one of those humans from the other world?” he asked.
“Really!?” Twilight said rushing to the barrier. “You’re right. But why is he still a human. Shouldn’t he have become a pony if he came here through the mirror?”
“Yes,” Luna said, “I believe you owe me that explanation as well.”
Celestia levitated a pillow below her chin and began, “Centuries ago, that mirror was but one of many similar models created using a principle devised by Star Swirl the Bearded.”
This clearly excited Twilight, but she restrained herself and waited for Celestia to continue.
“Much like you did, I traveled between worlds. It was a stimulating diversion when the stresses of our early reign became overwhelming. And there were other things that… caught my fancy. At any rate, I am in possession of an artifact that allows scrying into other dimensions. It was a distraction I had left behind me—at least, until last night.”
“The mirror you used, Twilight, was a special case,” Luna explained. “It has built-in mechanisms for transforming species into their logical equivalents. While this is highly useful for maintaining surreptitiousness while traveling, it is even more to the benefit of those traveling to Equestria.”
Celestia started to look guilty. “What you might not have noticed is that the magical signatures of extra-dimensional species—even those with knowledge of magic—are often completely random and nonsensical.”
“Now that you mention it,” Twilight said, “I never thought to read the signatures of Canterlot High’s inhabitants.”
“As you will see, this becomes an issue when I see suffering in other worlds. I’ve spent countless hours in front of that mirror during hard times, so naturally, I would witness inevitable tragedy about to fall upon some. Unfortunately, there’s usually no way to reach them with the mirror portal with its useful conversion properties. Nevertheless, Luna and I have saved upwards of a hundred different beings from agony or imminent death over the years. But when we brought them here with a long-range teleportation spell, Equestria’s natural harmony transforms them according to their magical signature. Essentially it sees them as the victim of a botched transformative spell and morphs them, ironically, into the closest Equestrian equivalent of their distinctive magical signature.” Celestia smiled in remembrance. “One of them lived a long, happy life as queen of the minotaurs.”
Luna scowled. “However, those that were happy were a minority. Before we had the sense to check the signature, most beings we saved ended up as plants, or domestic beasts at best. Even when we revised our approach, most were dissatisfied with what they became, finding their new forms displeasing, if not offensive. Camicaze the Conqueror was one such case, and even in a thousand years, the Breezies have not recovered from his tyranny” She shot a judgmental look at Celestia. “Unable to resist helping those in need when we saw them, we agreed never to use the scrying mirror again.”
“Yes…” Celestia said, averting her gaze. “At any rate, it may be possible to send this boy back. For the moment, my absolute containment field is holding, but we need to work out a solution as quickly as possible, for we cannot leave him safely in stasis for much longer.”
Twilight pressed her muzzle up against the golden bubble again. “Yes, he does remind me of the boys in Canterlot High, but he’s small enough to be the little brother of one of the girls, but those muscles are completely out of place. “Why did you bring him here, Pr—Celestia?”
Celestia closed her eyes and exhaled. “I was under pressure, and I may have made a mistake. He was about to be killed after sacrificing himself for another, and his magical signature gave him... a better future here than most others.”
“I don’t understand,” Spike said. “What’s the problem, then?”
“Well, Spike, in fairness to him, we want to offer him as many choices as we can. If we can get him home before the changes take root, we are obligated to offer that option to him. Or, if we can stall the changes to ultimately make him more comfortable, that would also be desirable.”
Luna turned to the bed. “Though I feel she would be happiest here, it is through the virtue of my sister’s benevolence that she is offered these options.”
“How long does he have once the field wears off?” Twilight asked.
Celestia smiled. “Actually, my dear student, I was hoping you could tell me.”
Twilight perked up at the challenge. “Well, I have studied harmonic equilibrium, but nopony has been able to reliably model it yet.”
“I know you can do it, Twilight. You have at least a month to work on it before the clock starts ticking.”
“But…”
“It doesn’t have to be perfect, and every bit you learn helps.”
“Princess, this is fascinating, but shouldn’t I be concentrating on more princessy stuff now?”
There was a glint in Celestia’s eyes as her smile widened. “This matter is actually very ‘princessy.’ It’s a task that can shape Equestria’s future.” She paused until the weight of her words sunk in. “Besides, I summoned somepony to help whom you might be familiar with. Giants’ Withers, if you would…”
Luna shared the conspiratorial smile, while Twilight’s jaw dropped. An elderly unicorn mare slowly limped into the room. Her gray mane had just begun to turn white, falling over her face in short locks, while her faded silver coat had clearly seen better days. Though she didn’t look very impressive to Spike, Twilight instantly flapped her wings to hover over to her.
“You’re, Dr. Withers!?”
“Yes?”
“The real, Professor Dr. Giants’ Withers?”
“Yes, if memory still serves that is. And you must be—”
“Twilight Sparkle—Princess Twilight Sparkle, but maybe I shouldn’t call myself princess because you already knew that, because of the wings and everything, and IamsuchaHugeFAN! You’re my favorite scientist ever. Well, except if you count Star Swirl the bearded, but he didn’t call himself a scientist—I’m not sure if scientists had been invented yet, but that’s not any slight against you—you’re top two, top three easily!”
“Huh,” the mare said, momentarily forgetting to blink.
“Your frogs to oranges experiment was brilliant! I’ve actually tried to repeat it myself, but my results were never as good!”
“Yep, took me eleven tries to get my data to fall nicely on the curve. The data was noisy, but I had my hunch and pushed through.”
“Ooh! You’re even more amazing in pony!” The fanfilly alicorn summoned a pile of papers to her side. “Would you sign my copy of your meta-analysis on the material properties of harmonically decaying magical constructs?”
“What now? You want my autograph? But you’re a princess…”
“You’re right! We’ll have a lot of time together to sort that out now that we’re working together. Let me show you my old lab!”
With a flash of light, Twilight and the visiting professor vanished. Spike was still a couple seconds behind processing Twilight’s rapid-fire comments. Grounding himself back in the moment, he realized something.
“Umm, Princess Celestia?”
“Yes, My Little Dragon?”
“You weren’t done, were you?”
“Exactly right. I still have yet to explain why this is a matter that will affect all of Equestria.”
Luna approached Spike with a small fragment of parchment. “I’ve summarized the main details in this note if you want to pass it along,” she said, extending it to him.
“But I have no idea where Twilight went. She was so hyped-up she could have shown her around half of Ponyville by now.”
“Quite a vexing problem,” Celestia said, not bothering to hide a playful smirk. “If only there were a way to remotely send pieces of paper to far away ponies.”
Spike facepalmed. “I gotcha I gotcha,” he mumbled before exhaling his magical flames.
“What now, Tia?” asked Luna. “Do we wait for Twilight Sparkle?”
Celestia laid her head down on the nearest pillow. “Five... Four... Three... Two... One,” she counted down, not once looking up.
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?” Twilight shouted, reappearing in Celestia’s bedroom. “Why on Equestria would you want to prevent this? This is great!”
“Twilight—”
“An alicorn filly?! That would mean a new princess!”
“Twilight,” Celestia said weakly, resigned to letting her finish.
“This is amazing! She can grow up in the castle around you and Luna, read in the library everyday after school, have the best foalsitter ever, Princess Cadance! And I can teach her magic; that’s even better! Do you have a name picked out? But I suppose he already has one...”
“And therein lies the problem, Twilight Sparkle. He hadst his own life before coming here. Those experiences thou hast just described are essentially thine own foalhood, are they not?”
Twilight nodded weakly.
“Don’t feel bad, Twilight. It is natural that you would defend a destiny akin to your own. However, this boy is not you. And we should respect his wishes if we can; after all, he did not ask to be brought here.”
“Right. I guess I got a bit too excited…”
“Hardly the first time today,” Spike snarked, earning a glare from the blushing Princess of Friendship.
Celestia stood upright and stretched.
“Well, I don’t make it a habit to kick ponies out, but I think the Sun will hit the hay now,” she said, yawning. “And then I’ll follow its example. I’ve already exerted myself more than Luna would have liked today, and I fear if you keep me from rest any longer Luna might chase you out with the royal battleaxe.”
“We have no such thing!” Luna said, pouting. “... Anymore.”
Twilight giggled. "Actually, Celestia, there is one thing: Luna mentioned in the letter to not speak of this to anypony. But I’m not sure if it’s right for me to keep this from my friends, given what I represent. The strength of the Friendship Rainbow Kingdom comes from all of us, so I’d like to discuss this with all of them.”
“I understand this, Twilight. It is commendable that you want to be honest and forthright with your friends, but when it comes to secrets of national importance, I have my reservations. I fear if you told Pinkie Pie, she would be… less than subtle.
“Yeah,” said Twilight, “I guess she would probably throw a ‘welcome new extradimensional princess’ party. But I would like to at least ask Applejack what she would do.”
“I will defer to your judgment. Just promise me you’ll handle the knowledge; it could cause a riot if made public.”
“Cross my heart and hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye,” Twilight recited, going through the motions.
“Where is this cupcake you speak of?” Luna asked, confused.
“Oh, that’s a Pinkie Promise,” Spike explained. “You never want to break a Pinkie Promise. As she says, breaking a promise is the fastest way to lose a friend.”
“FOREVER!”
The four of them turned to the source of the noise to find Pinkie Pie herself erupting from the pile of pillows.
“Hi, Twilight. Hi, Princess. Hi, Princess. Hi, Spike. Why are you whispering all dramatic-like,” she said before suddenly taking notice of the bed’s golden barrier. “Oooh! Is this the new princess. That’s strange. He doesn’t look like a princess. And besides how can a colt be a princess? That’s silly!”
The four of them shared a look of stunned silence.
“Perhaps we are... misappropriating her talents,” said Luna.
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Wow this is well written so far, hope you continue this.
I'm looking forward to seeing more of this. I didn't look as closely as I would if I were editing, but it looks like your editor has done a damn fine job of cleaning things up.
This is pretty good. I look forward to reading more. Up voted and bookmarked.
Good start. Will follow.
I love the concept and when my phone's not during I'ok give it a read!
6437333
What will ultimately determine the length of this fic is how well the human OC works. I tried to distance myself from typical HiE protagonists by making him a non Earth human; however, I now run the risk of writing bad sci-fi instead.
6437693
I'll pass along the praise. Any errors are probably more likely the result of my last minute changes than any negligence on his part, though. Also, thank you for reminding me to close off the old chapter 3 link from that old thread; that chapter needs some serious work but might make it in as chapter 4.
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Thanks for the support. I didn't know it was possible to have so many notifications at once!
6438843 Trust in yourself and try your best and that is all you can really do. I wouldn't fault you for it and so far you done a good job so far. Lets see how well you can voice your story into words.
amazing. Please keep this going and update soon.
I'd like to read more of this, to see where it goes. A non-Earth human might be interesting, or might not, depending on how its done. I certainly hope that the process (and culture shock) is presented in great detail, it's what I enjoy most about these stories.
What scorch marks? There was no mention of anything that would cause scorch marks. If Twilight is doing something like that it is definitely worth mentioning when describing her actions!
Aren't the other titles between 'Princess of the Night' and 'Princess Luna' supposed to be stricken through as well?
Oh and, right below that you forgot the opening quotation marks for the reading of the 'ps'.
Something... is missing...
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Yikes.
Some of those are pretty bad. Thanks for pointing them out. I should probably work on my irrational fear of reading my own work on the fimfiction page itself.
The scorch marks were from Twilight abruptly stopping her nervous pacing. It's a cartoonish addition.
Liked and tracked.
Pinkie probably has a pinkie sign sense for new princesses, her spacewarping I can't explain other than freaking magic magic.
All I can say right now is that I am interested to see what the guy says when he wakes up. That is where this story will make its identity.
Why the gender swapping it's all I ever see in HiE*. can't ONE protagonist start as a male and stay that way, or better start as a female? Isn't the stranger in a strange land conflict and species change enough?
*Well and clop.
That's Equestria for you.
Indeed.
6442842 In a displaced fic I saw a girl turn into a guy. I mean she became a male cat, but that has to count.
6443300 Understatement of the century.
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I couldn't agree more. That's why it's frightening to hit the featured box so early.
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I understand the sentiment. I had a couple of reasons to go this route. The first has to do with the fact that there aren't many well-characterized colts in canon. Sure, Button Mash is okay as a fanon staple, but there's no competing with interacting with the Crusaders in this kind of story. If he's a colt they can definitely still be friends, but they are no longer peers in the strictest sense of the word.
The second reason is a bit of personal preference. Part of the appeal of alicorns is their scarcity, and with an alicorn colt, an unspoken assumption is that he could wait to wed Twilight and have as many alicorn foals as they want.
Finally, when I first starting brainstorming this fic, almost nine months ago, I actually had never seen a human to alicorn filly fic before, but there were a couple of exxamples with colts. Prince of the Sun comes to mind.
However, since I came up with the concept, Living Nightmare came and went, arguably becoming the most popular instance of the sub-genre.
I also don't mind parting with a minor spoiler: the main character will spend some time as a colt before he's a filly.
Giants' Withers........
i.ytimg.com/vi/k8WX1kQ-TNU/maxresdefault.jpg
Hmm..........
Wait, what? She is trying to fit data to a curve instead of fit the curve to the data? Each run needs to be documented and possible errors identified to be worked out in the next experiment.
Hmmm, I'll give this a try, see how it goes.
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Perhaps 11 was a tad too many. I was trying to reference publication bias more than cooking data per se. Plenty can go wrong with live animals, as well. I guess I could have made it clearer that this character was being self-deprecating.
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I got the impression the character was almost fabricating data. Like what some Korean companies like to due when testing a drug. Test 18 people, 11 people respond well, nothing happens to 3, and 4 others decline; they then say their study included 14 people.
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I once had a teacher who undersold himself to the point of having to later reassure the class that he actually knew anything about the subject he was teaching. So I may yet be able to turn this ambiguity to my advantage...
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Maybe, I saw it more as a typo not many people would notice. And I am just overly anal about science not be represented correctly.
Wow, that's some nasty fridge horror there. Get hauled to Equestria, and turn into something random based on your magical signature. Often enough an animal or a plant. In a land of herbivores. And Celestia and Luna clearly learned these facts through trial and error.
Regardless, this does look interesting. Please carry on!
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The first version of this idea was actually a parody of the wish-fulfillment in HiE:
Brony gets to Equestria, learns about the assimilation process, and gets stoked about hanging out with the mane six as a pony. So he goes to Celestia and asks her to speed things up; she agrees, and bam! he's a potato. Thus, everypony learns a valuable lesson about assumptions.
Your script got a laugh out of me.
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I think you should be overly anal, because I was trying to represent science correctly.
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This may be my favorite comment.
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Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Did I just get asked to be anal?
...
I could have worded that better.
Well, I'm still on the fence with this. But congratulations. Welcome to the sub-fandom.
I like it so far. I'll have to get to the other chapter when I get more time later.
Pinkie knows. "Spike's a bonehead, he's hiding under his bed!"
Also, bit of critiquing. At one point luna speaks about the boy as if he is a she already.
It's confusing, even though the reader would know the boy could become an alicorn princess.
And, final critique: TOO MANY BUTS!
He she spin here not sure if it's intentional as it really hadn't been solidified and seemed to be a mistake.
Anyways, very good so far cheerio!
As is, Spike is more or less Twilight's.... majordomo/butler of sorts. So... probably a bit of all three?
i believe you mean "underestimating". If so,
You think?!
hmm i need to shave my beard
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Is it wrong that when you said transformed flower I thought of Flowey?
Rereading this story (sorry I couldn't edit, stupid life). This comment still bothers me. It really should be worded better, as it is written it seems as if Withers has some data curve already assumed and is cherry picking results to fit the assumed outcome. Having eleven attempts to get quantifiable data makes more sense.
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I'm really not sure what kind of curve there could even be to "I turned a frog into an orange," but at least it sounded nice and sciency.
420 blazeit
I thought she made him an alicorn already.
No matter how much you argue about her abilities, sometimes I don't like it when she does stuff like that, already knowing everyting and stuff that could have made a nice suprise otherwise.
This is not bad really, but since when can Spike telepor a letter to Twilight?, I thought the connection was only from Celestia to Spike. However I know a few stories with those magic candles and stuff like that.
I remember a scene with Twilight in the future chapters, I really hope they give him much choice in what he is doing here and you haven't accidently make it to obvious that maybe the other characters convince him way to easily and way to often to do stuff he wouldn't do otherwise.
*eyes go exotropic when pinkie pie appears* oh dear god she’s become a god, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..
The last two paragraphs are super funny keep up the good work.
Do not underestimate the pink menace. She knows EVERYTHING
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I just assume she operates on the Roger Rabbit principle.
(ie. Pinkie doesn't know everything... she just knows things she shouldn't when it enables humour.)
“ax”
Missing opening quotation.
Also I think you meant to say “naught” instead of “not”. “Naught” means nothing, or zero, depending on context. “Naught but exhaustion” is the same as “nothing but exhaustion”.
Is it intentional that Luna is already using female pronouns? Celestia and everyone else are using male pronouns, and he is in fact male.
The interaction between Twi, Spike and Luna was... odd, to say the least. They referred to and spoke to each other as if they had simultaneously only just met for the first time, and also not seen each other as long running friends for years. It’s an odd dichotomy considering their canonical history together, and how they canonically act when around each other.
I really don’t understand all the fuss. How does this affect all of Equestria? Yes, he’s an Alicorn, and yes he’s from another dimension. But supposedly this has happened plenty of times before, so what makes this time special? I really don’t see how this decides Equestria’s future or anything outside of there being another Alicorn.
”Friendship Rainbow Kingdom”? What?
This...is probably the most insight into the abilities of the Pink I've ever read.
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"Ax" is a real archaic term (both as in an archaic term that is real and really archaic).
"Not more than magical exhaustion" and "naught but exhaustion" carry the exact same meaning, although saying "not more" makes it clearer that her condition is very minor. "Naught but exhaustion" would probably lead to twilighting.
I predict she doesn't exactly have much faith that s/he'll make it back home. Of course, meta knowledge predicts that, too.
In the show up to Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep, we don't exactly get a good look at how Luna, Spike and Twilight interact when alone - we only really have Luna Eclipsed to go off of.
Well, another Alicorn Princess is a big deal. Ponies will freak out at the massive political shift. When Cadence ascended, a new Princess was a big deal. When Luna returned, that was also a big deal. Twilight's ascension was also a massive deal. It's safe to say that Equestria will be rocked, and I wonder what she'll be the Alicorn of.
I think the Friendship Rainbow Kingdom is Twilight's Kingdom? Y'know, due to Let the Rainbow Remind You and all that jazz.
Interesting, so they'll try and keep his transformation somewhat slow?