This story is a sequel to How It Started: Applejack and Soarin
Applejack, after Hearts and Hooves Day, couldn't be happier! She had a loving family, a stable business, great friends and, finally, a special somepony to call her own...
...however, when said special somepony is Soarin Nimbus, co-captain of the Wonderbolts and all-around heart-throb to many a mare, she finds that there are certain cons to dating a celebrity.
It's not exactly necessary to read the prequel, but you might get lost in some places if you haven't.
Main Pairing: Soarinjack
Side Pairings: MacDash, RariLane and CheesePie.
UPDATE: Added AU because the show decided to give Mac a canon marefriend. *Shrugs* Fair enough, not gonna stop me shipping what I wanna ship though.
Chapters (1)
My favorite part was when Pinkie bring Rainbow Dash still asleep and then she wakes up by the smell of the coffee XD
The story works, although it kiiinda needs some editing work with apostrophe use, tenses, and a couple of other things. For instance:
Maybe co-opt some beta readers?
Calm down Soarin, put a ring on it and everybody will have more to say haha
6437135 What's wrong with the 'ing' in Painting the sky? I thought that sounded alright. And I'll fix those apostrophes but I don't know any beta-readers
, so often times have to settle for re-reading the story myself a dozen times. It's a continuing problem, I know, but I still have a thing or two to learn.
Thanks for the info
6438143 It's a tense mismatch with the rest of the paragraph:
The tense of the story is set here in the first sentence - it uses past tense, "crowed", not present tense, which would be "crowing". This should be maintained throughout the story unless there are specific reasons why a particular segment might be in another tense - for example, if a character is using dialog to talk about something which is happening as they speak (present tense) or will happen in future (future tense), or there's an actual book or written message in the story which is itself written in a particular tense and is being directly quoted. The tense chosen for the story here is actually a very common and well-known one; the vast majority of both fiction and non-fiction is written in past tense, and it does suit the story so far.
Next sentence, but now the tense has changed to present tense. To maintain consistency, it should be "painted". Note that once you have established the "paint" action, the rest of your description of it can be in present tense relative to that established action, which is why "clashing against the white turfs of cloud" is correct; it's saying that the clashing action happened at the same time as the "paint" action. Another option would be to describe the actions as being regarded as separate yet linked, in the form of "Its hues of orange light painted the sky, and clashed against the white turfs of cloud...", showing that the author wants the readers to consider the two actions individually for whatever reason (it might be thematic, or setting up a deliberate cadence in the writing, or showing how a certain character sees the world, depending on if that scene is being written from a character perspective or even a deliberate choice of authorial 'voice'.
Generally, it doesn't matter what the reason, as long as it's consistent throughout the story (or the author is deliberately screwing with it to create specific literary effects). It's true that there's a bit of an art to it, but generally the rule of thumb, as with almost all art, is whether you did it on purpose and whether the result is a pattern that the viewers of the art (in this case, the readers) can pick up on and appreciate. And likewise, the parallel guideline boils down to "if you're not sure, stick to the defaults for now." The advantage you have here as an online author, of course, is that you can update as you go; there are quite a few examples of serial art online where the increasing skill of the author over time actually tends to attract additional viewers; the author's own progress becomes something of a bonus side-story to the one(s) they're telling.
6439474 Yeah, I can see what you mean now. Fixed!
Thanks for pointing those out, by the way, it really helps improve the story.
As fun as this is to read, I noticed a few minor errors. You might want to get a program like Grammarly and go through what you have up so far, not just this story, and maybe have an editor, proofreader, or both go everything for your stories.
You have my full attention, I approve of all pairings in this story....save for Pinkie and Cheese, I'm more of a Pinkie/Discord shipper but that's just me, can't wait for more.
It’s been almost three years since the first, and only, chapter went up. Do we have an eta on when the next update to the story will happen?
8984223
Oh jeez, sorry about that. I should have mentioned this was canceled. Sorry.
8984631
Sorry to see it go, I was really looking forward to what could potentially happen when I first read it. Any plans to revisit the idea in the future?
8984650
Maybe. I'm quite busy these days, so it'll probably be a while, unfortunately. :(
Well this is a very unfortunate I was kind of wish this story does continue but sadly it was canceled I guess you really are busy
If I had the opportunity to go on a date with a celebrity, I would choose Natalie Reynolds. I came across her biography when I visit a website about famous women. This blonde beauty struck me as incredibly charismatic and accomplished at such a young age. I imagine our date would be filled with intriguing conversations about her journey to success, her passions, and her experiences in the spotlight.