Sunset Shimmer hasn't been to Equestria in a long time. Okay, she was there only a few months ago, but it was only for a moment, and she'd rather forget about that. One day, her friends manage to convince her to finally return, at least for the summer. After all, she could easily stay at Princess Twilight's. What Sunset soon discovers, however, is that there's a lot in Equestria that she doesn't know about, and when her feelings for her host come to surface, she finds this vacation might be more complicated than she expected.
Proofread by Deli73, JTHailstorm, and @PonyGirl1985 on Twitter.
Not actually related to National Lampoon's Vacation.
Chapters (4)
This is going to be good! Poor Sunset she left Earth and bumps into her human friends pony counterparts. You can definitely see that Twilight has taken a page or two from her mentors handbook. So worth tracking!
This looks really good so far. I can't wait to read more.
OMG Love this can't wait for the next chapter
Good story far, I'm interested in what happens next!
Very much looking forward to the next chapter
I can't wait to see where this goes!
Honestly surprised it wasn't Pinkie first.
Please put scene breaks in. the lack of transistion hurts this.
6423896 Somehow I forgot that Pinkie would be likely to greet her out of nowhere. How silly of me.
Added extra line breaks where appropriate.
6423952 Story breaking but could easily be fixed next chapter. But other then those a good story so far.
What's not normal?
Oh, yes.
I love how Twilight just kept quiet about the rest of the Pony Six. The meeting is going to be wonderful to read.
You just got a favorite.
I love this story. You earned a like.
Ps. Vacation on the title is spelt incorrectly.
Great intro, looking forward to more.
6426969 Nice catch.
6427432 You're welcome.
Hmm.
Okay...so there are some problems here.
The first problem is that you're in too big a hurry to move the story along. You jump from "maybe you should go to Equestria" to "oh hey imma go RITE NAO" without her even saying goodbye to her friends or anything.
And then there's the massive, glaring problem:
You were in such a hurry to get Sunset to Equestria that you overlooked a critical detail.
She has the journal on her when she falls through the portal.
Congratulations, you just sealed the portal until it opens naturally after a set number of moons.
Easily fixed either by having her drop the journal as she falls (the lazy fix) or by adding a scene where she says goodbye to her friends properly, gives one of them the journal for safekeeping, then goes through (the PROPER fix).
Also, Twilight has a room ready for Sunset in all of the thirty seconds it took for her to reply to Sunset's message and open the portal? Yeah, sure, why not.
Alicorn.
Oh, and the whole thing about Twilight's friends being the pony versions of Sunset's friends, and how that's supposed to be some big shock to her? It kinda falls flat in the face that this is something Sunset Shimmer ALREADY KNOWS. Knew in the first movie, in fact.
In short, I can't upvote this and I won't be tracking it because I don't believe in this story. It's too rushed, too poorly-planned, and is rife with plotholes and things that do not follow simple logic.
I'm not going to downvote it, but you should definitely go back and revise this, lengthen the first chapter, and fix the problems with it before you continue it.
6429401 Oh, shoot. Something of an overhaul is in order, then.
I got this castle in its place, though how is a long story.” ??
did you mean that's a long story ?
ok good story next chapter please
So Sunset is able to notice the differences between her friends back through the mirror and in Ponyville. I wonder how she will explain the cutie mark thing between worlds. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
"So, um..." Sunset began.. "I was wondering... what happened to the moon?"
I'm glad you finally updated. I can't wait to read more. This was a sweet chapter.
Sunset is smart and possibly a little less naively trusting in the power of Harmony than Twilight. I'd really like for her to start questioning why she and Twilight have exactly the same circle of friends in their respective chosen home-worlds.
Not amazing but, so far, it has done a good job at getting into Sunset's head as well as highlighting the differences between the pony and humane world. I'll follow this and see where it goes!
It's not terrible but not really interesting enough for me so I'll drop a like and be on my way.
Dat story status: Plotting in progress!
Sunset you have no idea...
The fact everpony just accept that, shows excatly what Pinkie usually does in a day by day basis...
I wonder how she'll learn about Discord. Will he be mentioned in passin? Appear from nowhere? Will she visit Canterlot and find his statue missing/the stain glass window? Same with NMM. Stain-glass window? What happened to the moon? Meeting Princess Luna? Ooh and the Crystal Empire.
Progress is... steady. Concept is intriguing. Willing to acknowledge issues...
Congratulations! The like is earned as of this chapter!
But you need more work before the favorite is earned... I must have more.
MOAR!
looking forward to more chapters soon!
I'm going to have to agree with 6429401
While the idea of Sunset spending the summer in Equestria sounds interesting enough, there is too much lack of detail and proper transitioning in this story. I won't warrant this a downvote but I'm not sure if I'll continue reading this story.
dealing people/ponies with the same name and personality, just ask Twilight Sunset.
Your Pinkie Pie is a bit too normal. I can read her text with a normal voice without it sounding strange. That's not a good sing.
Discord?
Oh. There's Discord.
And was that foreshadowing I saw...?
6429554 Agreed the premise is interesting but the stories transitions are insane
Yeah update.
Had to reread the first two chapter to put back things in context though.
Dang it Discord, you had to make things awkward right in the beginning.
As for Luna and Sunset first encounter, I would expected them to discuss a bit more to know each other more due to their almost similar past. Awe well, guess you'll keep it for a proper encounter when Sunset visits Canterlot.
Seems like they are both nursing crushes...
Nice chapter, good work.
Started reading just cause it was in the front page and an interesting name, then figured out its yet another sunlight ship fic.
Have fun, though!
Dammit Discord!
Twilight might want to visit her parents while going to Canterlot.
If I may offer my humble criticism, the pacing in this story just seems odd. Setting description is not used to break apart narrative, and after a while it starts to feel like each line might as well begin with a "and then"
I'm sure you have some fantastic ideas as far as the story goes, but the pacing is really ruining it for me.
6429401
I just wrote my own comment, but yes, I wanted to mention that I strongly agree with just about everything MythrilMoth said here. I'd be interested in the story, but really the whole intro needs a rewrite. A focus on adding setting, managing the tempo, and adding effective transitions would do this story a great deal of good.
I'm glad you updated. Dammit Discord, you ruined the moment. And as for Muffins, I still call her Derpy Hooves dammit.
How DARE you use Muffins. SHE'S DERPY DOO!
6812193
The Slice of Life credits disagree.
6812510 Slice of Life is a poloticaly Correct thing. Her REAL name is Derpy Doo
Wasn't the crystal empire a seperate country?
“I mean, she’s still in the reserves, but she’s become very popular for a reserve. I hear she has quite the fan base."
#PushRainbowDash
Your awesome if anyone gets that joke