• Member Since 29th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen April 16th

ConfettiColored


Average Twilight Sparkle Enthusiast. He/They

T

The Bloody Puppet

Chapters (22)
Comments ( 64 )

Good so far!
Though the shadow thing reminds me of fnaf Shadow Bonnie:scootangel:

Can't wait for the next chapter!:pinkiehappy:

On my computer the author's note is shown twice. I don't know how to fix that so... sorry.:applejackunsure:

I know my pacing is terrible, but I'll try to get better.:twilightsheepish:

The chapters you write are getting better!
Every chapter has more words, and an even more vast vocabulary! Great job so far!:pinkiehappy:

6516857 Thank you, fellow pirate! Tell Foxy I say hi!

nice chapter! A few errors, but it's overall really good!

*have you heard the fnaf world soundtrack?!*

6528198 FNAF WORLD IS OUT?!?! WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME OF THIS?!?!

6528229 no, wait, calm down!
Not the game!

Two songs for the game are out, on scottgames.com!

this is another good chapter!:pinkiehappy:

Although, just for future reference, It's a better idea to introduce your character's personalities and talents through indirect or direct text. I mean, some ponies don't read the author's note, and so adding (indirect is recommended) character development and personality hints in the text helps a lot more than telling us in the A/N.

6538876 Ok, thanks! Great job on the story you made with purple man and the dead children's souls finding peace! Also, when will you update purple tears 2 and the foxy story? They're to awesome to be put on hiatus!

6538893 no prob!
And thank you, I'm glad you liked the story, and I'm working on Purple Tears 2 right now actually! It should be up soon!

another great chapter!:scootangel:

6542474 Did you get the Wreck-it-ralph reference?

6572062 nope!
I'm really bad with references, unless it's a pokemon or fnaf one:twilightsheepish:

great chapter! They keep getting longer, which is a great improvement!:pinkiehappy:

I saw a few grammatical errors, but they were really small:twilightsmile:

This was awesome!!!!!!!!:pinkiehappy:
Luna was almost spot-on with the personality, too!:yay:

6757802 Thanks! I really appreciate your support!

It was a bit short, but I really like where you're going with the plot!:pinkiehappy:
This villian sounds like he'll be a great foe, too!!!:scootangel:

This was awesome. Can't wait for the next chapter!!!:pinkiehappy:

6844559 Did you get the reference in the author's note?

Minotaur was wearing the grey armor as well, but with a red sack on his head, with two eyeholes cut into it. I also realized there was a small Earth pony riding on the back of it, with clawed gloves similar to mine.

Found the reference...Nice use of Mortal Kombat X's new additions to the line up btw.

this was awesome:pinkiecrazy:

Dis was awesome:yay:
*go frying pans* :D

6889468 Did you spot the Harry Potter reference?

6890686 :I
I'm pretty bad at spotting references:derpyderp2: I doubt I'll be able to tell any of them:facehoof::twilightsheepish:

Careful with those 'handy' words: you're dealing with ponies, aren't you? Makes it confusing fr your reader. I know it's difficult, since you have to avoid handing things off all the time. You can get used to it. I know I had to come up with some creative ways for handling items, not to mention for an Earth Pony to grapple with another character.

Yeah, you 'kind of' wander at first. It would strengthen your writing to just jump into it. I have even read that you should start the story as close to the initiating event as possible.

An ironic example from my own series is that Gearhead's initiating event is meeting Discord, because this is when he begins to understand how his powers actually work. I had to build backward from this so Gearhead would have his prototype Alicorn Engine, because without it he can't fight Discord at all. Which means having the time previously to develop it, and even before that, the inspiration to build it. Finally and firstly, he needed time to establish himself in Ponyville. And that's how I ended up starting the series during 'The Stare Master.'

You use a lot of summary narrative style. Any chance you will 'show' more than 'tell' later on?

I'm confused by your technology. And also, are they camping outside or inside?

More confused: I thought Vortex said that this was after Tirek's attack, so why is the library still standing? It would also be nice to give your chapter a proper title. Looks lazy otherwise, like you don't care about your work. And if you don't care, why should we, right?

Scott took the game down to fix some stuff.

Isn't Vortex addressing Twilight a little informally for somepony he just met? Especially considering she's essentially his mother?

The more I read, the more confused I get. Are they, for example, ponies, humans, or hybrid? I'm giving this one more chapter. You really should give proper chapter names when you have the time.

Please don't tell us about your characters; show us.

Why in blazes are your chapters so short? That length doesn't allow for much plot advancement or character development. They also make my chapters look like dissertations.

6909473 I talk about tech in one authors note. Outside at first, but then they sleep in their sleeping bags until Vortex fixes up the castle. So... Is it camping if they're inside, but in a sleeping bag? I don't know.

6909495 The story has an Anthro tag. Also, yeah, but that would be an awkward plot point because they're the same age. Maybe I'll do some joke slice of life chapter about that later on.

6909484 Wait.. What? I'll fix that as soon as I can.

Wow this story is pretty interesting. Its an interesting concept and reminds me of a lot of fantasy books I read growing up. It takes a creative mind to make something like this. Good job

Hot dang ^-^ I like this. I like this idea, can't wait to see where you take it~
Oh, and I only see the AN once.
~SoDF

"Don't worry, I can fix it," I said, plopping a blue hat on my head and taking out a gold hammer.

I literally facepalmed and broke out into a grin. I tip my construction hat to you, Felix ^-^

FORGIVE ME FOR I HAVE SINNED
I've never heard of that game. Is that a real game? Or did you make that up?

O.0 Well, crud. Derpy, please go hide. I don't want you to get hurt.
:derpyderp2: Okay... *goes off to hide*
Thank you. Now, time to face this threat! ... *runs off to hide, too*

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