I: Golden Opportunity
|Dear Princess Celestia,
Ever since I was a baby, I've enjoyed my life to the fullest, and now that I am a teenager, I hope to have even more good times with you and everypony else! I wanted to thank you and the girls the most, you've helped me become a young adult, and I am proud to have you as Twilight's faithful student, and our princess. I love you all undyingly, nothing will change that! You guys will never change for the worse, and that, I trust you will do!
Yours Truely, Spike~.|
Years Later
A message Spike now dispises, his world was yet to change yet, and if somebody were to tell him this would happen to him then, he would call you an extreme liar.
They were all there, the six girls, Discord, Celestia, and a few others. This was one of his most impressive speeches he's ever made. It needed to be done, this whole adventure has gotten to him, making him become a young man. Matured enough to come out with his final resolution."Do you think this is some kind of game?" Spike hollered at the princess and girls," My whole life, you all have taken care of me, made me feel good, and one day you... you.... You all CHANGED!" Fire and smoke was swarming out from his mouth, every bit of his rage was coming out in the form of words.
"S-Spike we're telling you how it is.... We've loved you since you were a baby, and the girls cared for you ever since they knew you! Why won't you believe us!?" Twilight was trying her hardest to express herself out, but was overruled by Spike instantaneously.
"You DON'T care about me! You are just trying to play me like you've done for years! If you truely cared, here's a lesson in smarts and real life--- SHOW! DON'T TELL!"
Months earlier
"Next Monday, we and the girls are going to Canterlot for Christmas. Make sure to pack, we are gonna see my parents again, first time in awhile, huh?" This is what Twilight promised Spike a week ago, and honestly, Spike was ecstatic! He loved warming up to the fireplace, eating chestnuts, drinking eggnog, watching old classics, and meeting up with family once more, the true spirit of Christmas was all in that place. This was going to be his favorite time of the year!---- Was.
Today on Monday, Spike packed some sweaters, some jewels, and generally, only stuff he wanted to have with him. He ran down to the front door, Spike saw them all, he smiled brightly as he walked up to Twilight. " So, when are we leaving? I'm so excited to go ever since I left last year!" What was expecting, was for him to calm down and that they were going soon, but somehow, they got even more shallow then they were before.
"Um.... Spike? Uh... We kinda bought tickets for the train without you..... So... You can't come with us.... I'm sorry...." Once he heard the meat of the sentence, his eyes filled with tears. His face was full of sadness and anger.
"What am I to you?! Some... Some kind of pet?!" Twilight immediatly was shocked by this, and got angry with Spike.
" That is no way to talk to the person who raised you and taught you right from wrong! You have some nerve to tell me I treat you like some kind of animal!" Spike was completely taken back by this, though he figured the others would come to his rescue, but he was wrong. They were the polor opposite of what he expected.
"Spike, you are so selfish!"
"If you act like that you don't deserve to come with us!"
"Don't be such a party pooper Spike!"
"What'n tarnation do you think you are doing talking to her like that?"
He was ganged up on with insults and hate comments. This was the final straw. "I hate you......I hate you all....... You don't deserve to represent harmony." Spike then stomped away from the doors, and upstairs to his room.
Ever since he became a teenager, they drove further and further away every single day. Would it be being neglected, not cared about, anything. For years.
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Spike screamed, though, his room was so high up nobody would've heard him. Once he said this, he did something that would change his life, would it be for the better or worse. Spike took a giant bag for traveling, and filled it up with gems, clothes, identification, and a handheld game system. This was it, once he went, there was no turning back.
With no implication it would happen, Spike spat out a letter from Princess Celestia. It was for Twilight.
"How does it feel? To have something that means a lot to you, destroyed? All hope of it ever coming back, with your spirit broken. How does it feel?" Spike said as he breathed fire upon it. " You don't deserve to be Princess of Friendship, a representative element of harmony, or Celestia's faithful student. NOTHING!"
As he calmed himself down, he found a map of Equestria. "Just what I needed..." He needed to explore the world, and see the beauties of life. Spike didn't care if he died out there, as long as he died happy.
Two Hours Later
With his last hours of being in the castle numbered, he fetched as many bits as he could find, finding a good five-thousand bits. This was his final preparation. Spike exited out the front doors, leaving the door unlocked, and started walking. He didn't know where he'd walk to, but he needed to go somewhere that wasn't in Ponyville. He wasn't scared, as far as he was concerned, this was the smartest choice he's ever made in his whole life.
The dragon took flight, going east, as that seemed like it'd be his best option away from 'them'. Still unsure of what to do, but he didn't mind at this point. He was completely free, after all.
Flying was exhilarating to him, it always will be. The wind pushing against him, fresh air filling his nose, and the speed. Suddenly, he knew where he was going first. Nothing else mattered but his destination at this point, and he managed a smile at the thought of it.
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Well so far so good. I hope this story ends well for Spike, be it than gains power, respect, love, or the death of those that betrayed him.
6430267
Death to those who betrayed him? Doesn't that mean the death of the main six and leave equestria screwed?
6430286 One of my favorite story's is "A Dragon's Requiem" that show say enough.
6430349 Read that one too. Too bad he/she didn't finish it, I made several mental endings, even one where it's not tragedy. Hopefully, one day, it will be complete. (By the original author)
Good story, can't wait to see what happens know that Spike will encounter Twilight again.
Here are some things help you out:
When using quotes don't put a space between the one before the first word. (" You...). Keep them together, it's the proper way and it looks more clean. ("You...)
Also, when you went a couple hours in time don't use many "-"'s. Use the special edit:
('hr' in square brackets)
It looks better and doesn't go over two lines.
And add more stuff to it to make it seem less rushed. I like adventure stories that feel like the episodes. Not too quick, but also not too long and boring. (Long is okay, as long as you don't bore me to death with useless writing.
Don't take this as a rant, take it as tips.
This fic has potential, I'd like to see it as its' best.
6432135 I don't take it as hate speech XD I took it as constructive criticism. I appreciate the help a lot. Like I said before, I am a new writer, I'm working on the second chapter, and yes, I saw the problem of not enough content in it, but I didn't want to add filler. I will probably fix it later on, but I want to go for non-overcomplicated process for this story, not yet at least. I plan this fanfiction to be at least 10 chapters, and start off with not much info, but with info to come later on, and MUCH longer chapters.
If you would like to help me out with some of my writing for future chapters, I'd appreciate it! :D
6432319 I'd be happy to proof read. PM me if you'd like.
6432332 Just fixed the problems you mentioned, be sure to look and make sure everything you had a problem with was addressed.
If you don't mind the story being a bit boring for you in the long run, proofreading a story that you like can kinda mess it up, then sure. I'll be on tomorrow, and I'll probably finish the second chapter by tomorrow. You can help me add details, adjectives, show don't tell (Lol), and the sorts.
You, my friend, have earned a follower!
um.. I think it should be more like,
But, uh, what ever you want is fine... this story is a bit fast-paced in my opinion, and a little bit of confusion due to "time-jumping" everywhere, as I called it.
Any other updates any time soon?
I only have one thing to ask could they have been any bigger of BITCHES
Just by reading the first chapter (without seeing too far in the series or reading the next chapter) it seems as if Spike was actually blowing it out of proportion.
The ponies not purchasing him a ticket could have honestly been a simple mistake, one that could easily be rectified by them purchasing him a ticket on same day.
In addition Spike could have asked why they didn't purchase him a ticket, and let them know how he felt. Immediately switching to the "Am I just a pet to be ignored?" Response just seems a bit farfetched, but they again he is a teenager.
why are you portraying them as hating spike for no reason?
9604931
Good question:
I had a very bad plan for how I was going to structure story. Unfortunately, I didn't really follow my own title when making this story and after I wrote it I realized how much I hated it. I pondered doing a remake multiple times, but I don't think I could ever remake this story in a way I enjoy.
Even though I knew this is a problem, I still appreciate you trying to give constructive criticism!