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The gilded life of a noble, with all of its riches, pomp and circumstance, and eternal restraint was simply not for him, yet it was all he knew. But when the princess murmurs a warning in his ear, this colt takes it upon himself to discover its true meaning and hopefully challenge the gathering tempest head on.
Rewritten 04/2019
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So...
Is this like the past or the future?
I'm confused.
6415862
It appears to be about 20 years before the EOH timeline.
I wonder if this will spiral into AU territory or if it will march along as a sidestory to canon.
The real question is what happens to Noble Heart to make him Blueblood at the Gala?
Depends. One interpretation is indeed total extinction.
Another is what Lauren Faust explained, that Nightmare Moon intended to transform Equestria into a land of eternal evil. Think Pony Mordor, only without sunshine. That would be the greatest possible insult she could hurl at her older sister.
“Let’s just say that I’ve travelled far and wide and I met lots of character on my journeys,” Cranky smirked. “Anyway, that pearl’s some real serious magic and what it can do is make the one who eats able to go where ever they want to go. You want to go to Canterlot to the see princess? It’ll take you right there. But I’m telling you now, the pearl only lasts so long, and Steven told me that after the effects wear off, you’re going to feel mighty sick afterword. You still want to bail on this joint?”
You want to go to Canterlot to the see princess?
You want to go to Canterlot to see the princess?
too sick to add more.
6496041
Thanks, buddy. Fixed it.
So three chapters in, I'm thinking this story deserves better than the lack of attention it's receiving. It's well written, the characters are likable, and I find myself looking forward to seeing what happens. I suggest you find some groups to post this to. It deserves more attention than it's getting.
That does seem rather contrived.
How? His jaws are locked together by magic.
I don't understand. How did Cranky get through the gate? There was only one pearl, confirmed in the next chapter by the fact that only Noble Heart is hidden. Also, why is Noble Heart hidden? The pearl makes one "able to go where ever they want to go." What does that have to do with invisibility? And if Cranky could get through the get without the pearl, why did either of them need a pearl? Couldn't Cranky have simply let him out the same way he got out?
The entire sequence with the pearl is a contrivance that doesn't make sense to solve a problem that doesn't need to be solved. He's still allows to leave the house for school. It would be trivial for him to write a letter. Or wait for his punishment to be over.
The whole situation seems to be a contrivance to find an excuse to bring Cranky along, and unfortuantely Cranky is the least interesting character in this story.
who isn't a complete idiot.
Think you need an extra carriage return there.
I realize you need Celestia to be present for the conversation between Noble Heart and the Princess, but it's not necessary for him to command her like you have him doing here. After she escorts him, it would be perfectly reasonable for her to stay out of simple curiosity. Surely Princess Blueblood wouldn't send her away.
Would the Canterlot library not have a copy?
to the nearest
his decision to leave
"His decision on leaving" would mean a decision that he'd made at the time of his departure, not the decision to depart.
this in a few
An ellipsis is not a period. If you're going to use it like that, "everybody" should be lower case.
And he'd
vertigo, he stumbled
In truth, I'm surprised. I've been thinking this entire time that Noble Heart was Prince Blueblood's father. I'm now very curious to see whether in the sequel you portray him as far more noble than he's generally presented, or whether it will turn out to be a tragic mistake.
*Checks the sequel*
Tragedy tag. That's too bad. I'll read it, not tonight...but I rather liked Noble Heart. He was young and impetuous yes, but I think I'd have preferred a well-intentioned Blueblood here to a failed one.
6552211
The zipped lips spell only activates when the pony (or what ever else it's cast on) tries to speak. Otherwise, Noble Heart would have dehydrated to death three days into the spell.
Only Noble Heart can't leave the walls of Castle Platinum. Servants can come and go as they please. Everything NH has done for the past few weeks had been done inside the castle. Secondly, the pearl does whatever magic it needs to do to get the 'person' where they want to go to. Just like water, the magic in the pearl finds a way, and if it can't, it makes its own path (again, just like water). The pearl can work its way out of most barriers (save for the most powerful barriers), and it also gives the user a lot of luck. Think of the Felix Felicis (the luck potion) from Harry Potter.
Also, thanks for correcting my typos.
6552236
It's explained later. But if you've already read all the chapters to both Part I and II, I'll tell you. Nopony realized that the Platinums (not even the Platinums) even had a copy of the Tale of the Two Sisters, so their copy of the book escaped the 'Luna/Nightmare Moon purge.'
6552184
Oh, you!
I guess I'll follow your suggestion with this story.
Yeah this... this is abuse. This is straightforward parental abuse.
But, then again, the vaunted self-righteous Princess Blueblood also gets away with hanging Noble Heart up for a while. So it's not just his family getting in on it.
I think that the crazy contrast of Twilight's future family as idealized is fine, too... It can easily be explained as Noble Heart seeing something as a normal family as completely ideal, just because his family is so bad.
He's been identified before releasing his name, it would best to say
7245588
Fixed. Thanks for the suggestion.
I noticed you've changed the original story and the father's name. Still cool! When will the third story be uploaded?
Lo amo. Ahora quiero más.
...why does this only have 28 likes? This fix has a compelling plot AND good grammar. Very nice so far!