• Published 18th Jun 2019
  • 1,051 Views, 23 Comments

5C0074100 - evilcheez271



A threat once again looms over Equestria, but it doesn't come from the past, it comes from beyond the stars.

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Screwed.exe

The end of the school day approached rapidly, with Scootaloo’s heart dreading every second that slipped by. Cheerilee kept an eagle's eye on the troublesome fillies, making sure they were on their better than best behavior.

Finally school ended, with Ms. Cheerilee snapping her science book closed.

“Alright, I think that’ll do it for today's class.” she called over the clamor of students beginning to pack up their school supplies. “Remember, I want your math assignments on my desk MONDAY morning, and your reading assignment over the weekend is pages 134-178… And don’t think for a moment I’ve forgotten you five troublemakers.”

Scootaloo cursed under her breath as she shrugged on her winter jacket on. So much for hoping that Cheerilee forgot. A quick glance at Sweetie and Applebloom showed that her fears were still live, by the fact they both shook their heads.

The rest of the class then slowly filed out of the school house, occasionally glancing at the condemned. Cheerilee put her hat and scarf on, turned off the heater, and waited by the door so she could lock up.

With the four other fillies standing glumly by Cheerilee, Scootaloo trudged to join her fellows as they were ushered out while Cheerilee locked the building.

“Alright girls, follow me.” Cheerilee stated, walking down the path back towards ponyville proper.

The first stop was, thankfully, Diamond’s mansion, as it was on the outskirts close to the school. Diamond’s mom, Spoiled Rich, answered the door, her snout skyward. A brief conversation, and a withering glare from her mom later, Diamond was ushered inside and the door slammed shut, the lock clicking as it did.

Silver Spoon rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.

“Diamond’s mom is…” she began. “... Something.” she muttered lamely. The C.M.C. glanced at each other with a look of disbelief.

Applebloom looked at Silver Spoon and stated with trepidation “I’m sorry Silver, but what the bu-”

“Language young filly.” Cheerilee interrupted with a glare.

“Yes Ms. Cheerilee....” Applebloom murmured glumly.

The next stop was the Carousel Boutique. Revealing a Rarity whose mane, tail, and coat was looking mussed.


“Sweetie Belle, what am I going to do with you??” Rarity admonished after an explanation.

“I didn’t start it!” Sweetie argued.

“Ah ah ah! We’ll talk about this later…”

“But-”

“No buts! Come along Sweetie.” Rarity swept the tiny filly inside and took one of Cheerilee’s slips. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention Ms Cheerilee.” she continued gracefully.

Scootaloo then saw a flash of orange out of the corner of her eye. Glancing over, she saw what suspiciously looked like a hatless Applejack diving out across the road into the park on the other side of the path from Carousel Boutique. The Pegasus quietly elbowed Applebloom and pointed towards her fleeing sister. The yellow earth pony stifled a giggle but otherwise remained silent.

“You’re welcome Rarity, now I better get moving so I can deliver the rest of these fillies.” Cheerilee responded, not noticing Applebloom or her fleeing sister.

“Alright then, toodles darlings!” Rarity replied, a little more cheerfully then the situation would demand. Cheerilee glanced at the white unicorn with an odd look, but didn’t say anything as Rarity calmly shut the door.

The last stop in town was a modest, yet clearly expensive townhouse. A butler in a trim suit answered the door, listened calmly, and accepted the paperwork without any emotion surfacing.

“I’ll be sure to inform Mr. and Mrs. Ore about this.” he stated in a heavy Canterlotian accent. He then gently pulled Silver Spoon inside and closed the door with an equally gentle click.

The walk to Sweet Apple Acres was long and windy. Thankfully, the Apples kept the path plowed so they could get back and forth easily. Finally, when Cheerilee knocked on the main house, a sweaty and disheveled Applejack answered. She was also still missing her hat.

“Well howdy Ms Cheerilee!” she greeted cordially if yet nervously. “What brings you to our neck o’ the woods?!” Her orange eyes flickered to Applebloom.

“Well…” Cheerilee began, which lead into the explanation. Afterwords Applejack turned to her little sister.

“Did ja start it?” she asked, sounding almost relieved.

“Eenope.”

“Did ja finish it?”

“Couldn’t, was pulled apart ‘fore Ah could.”

Applejack quickly pulled one of the paper’s from Cheerilee’s grasp, leaned inside and quickly scribbled her name along the bottom with a pen they kept near the door, handing the signed slip back to the surprised school marm.

“As long as she didn’t start it, mah little sis is fine.” AJ stated proudly. Applebloom let loose a long winded sigh of relief, sitting down as she did.

“Oh thank Celestia… I thought Ah was goin’ ta get grounded.” she sighed.

“Oh Yer still grounded, jus’ not fer this.”

“Yeah, Ah figured.” Applebloom lamented, sliding her way inside the house.

“That all?” AJ asked Cheerilee.

“Yep! I’ll leave you be then!” the mulberry pony smiled.

“Catch yall later then!” AJ replied, giving a brief wave before closing the door.

The remaining two then made their way back to Ponyville. Cheerilee walking at a sedate pace, but head held high, and Scootaloo with her nose nearly to the ground in despair.

Here it comes…

Suddenly Cheerilee came to a stop in the middle of the road, causing Scootaloo to bump into her back leg.

“Oh, uh… This is going to sound awkward…” Cheerilee said hesitatingly.

Here it comes…

“But, uh… Where do you live?”

Scootaloo was filled with dread. A deep dark sadness that seemed to encompass every thought.


What do I do?

What should I say?

Is there a way out?


Truthfully, Scootaloo didn’t even know how to respond. Lie? Be honest?

“Scootaloo I know you don’t want to be in trouble, but I need to tell your parents about this.” Cheerilee stated, interrupting the filly’s thoughts.

“I- Uh…” Scootaloo trailed off, plagued with indecision.

“Scootaloo…” Cheerilee warned.

“Alright fine!” Scootaloo snapped. “I’ll even show you!”

With that, she brushed past the bigger pony aggressively and stomped back into town, heading towards her milk crate. She attracted a few stares, but what did she care? It wasn’t like she’d be a common sight around Ponyville after today. A quick glance backwards confirmed Cheerilee was still following, looking very worried.

Suddenly Scootaloo stopped, and pulled her milk crate out of it’s alley and dropped it at the mulberry pony’s hooves.

“THERE.” Scootaloo growled. “Home sweet home.” Cheerilee looked down at the rundown crate.

“That’s a box Scootaloo.” she said simply.

“Yes, and?”

“Where are your parents?” asked Cheerilee.

“Dunno.” Scootaloo stated, pushing the box back into it’s spot.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Where do you get food and clothing? Who looks after you?”

“I just don’t know, I get stuff outta pony’s trash, and mostly AJ or Rarity when I’m at a sleepover.” Scootaloo grunted, climbing into her box. Cheerilee fell silent as she looked around the alley, seeing signs of the filly’s habitation all over.

“... Scootaloo… Are- Are you homeless?” she asked finally.

“Gee what gave it away.” the orange filly deadpanned, doing her best to keep her box as insulated as she could by using her jacket to cover the bigger holes.

“But how- when did-” Cheerilee stammered before sighing. “You know what. Hay with it.” And suddenly the box shuddered around Scootaloo, giving the filly a scare.

“What are you doing?!” she exclaimed, poking her head out of the box, her eyes going wide.

The crazy teacher had picked up the milkcrate by it’s lip and was carrying it, and Scootaloo out of the alley.

“Put me down! I don’t wanna leave Ponyville!” the filly yelled. Cheerilee gave a slight shake of her head.

“Noh, kakin’ yeo ‘omware faf..” she said around the wood.

“Oh no you won’t!” Scootaloo exclaimed, jumping out of the crate.

“Hey! Get back here young filly!” Cheerilee shouted, dropping the crate as she did so.

“You’ll never take me alive!”

Five minutes later, Scootaloo frumped as Cheerilee rang a doorbell, the filly’s tail trapped by the much bigger mare’s hoof.

The teacher and student were sitting on the doorstep to Ponyville’s biggest, and newest building. Friendship Castle. It loomed rather imposingly above, the overcast winter sky made more ominous by night starting to fall.

Despite most ponies saying it looked pretty and awesome, Scootaloo was pretty sure it was ugly and dumb.

No one other than Applebloom or Sweetie cared what she thought though.

Cheerilee rang the out of place doorbell that was rather haphazardly mounted on a wooden pole.

Ding dong!

Silence.

Cheerilee rang again.

Ding dong!

This time, a pitter patter of claws on stone faded into existence. Finally a heavily breathing Spike opened the door.

“H-h-hi Cheerilee…” he gasped. “H-h-how can I help you?”

“Hi Spike, is Twilight in?” Cheerilee asked.

“Y-y-yes.” Spike continued to gasp for air. “J-just give me a moment…” he leaned forward, putting his claws on his knees as he continued to gulp down air.

Finally, when he recovered, he took another deep breath and shouted into the castle’s interior.

“TWIIIIIIIIIIIILIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!” He bellowed. The drake then promptly fell over as he struggled to re-regain his breath. Scootaloo and Cheerilee looked at the small dragon like he had grown a second head.

“...Uh… Spike? Was it really necessary to do that?” Ms. Cheerilee asked. Spike said nothing as he lay there.

Before Cheerilee could inquire further, she was interrupted by a loud

POP!

And suddenly there was an excited lavender Alicorn standing in the doorway.

“Oh hi Ms. Cheerilee! What brings you here?” One Twilight Sparkle exclaimed.

“Oh hello Twilight, is Spike going to be ok?” Cheerilee asked worriedly. Twilight glanced at the comatose drake.

“He’ll be fine.” she stated off handily. “So what brings you and Scootaloo here?” she repeated.

“Well, um… I’d like to discuss that with you… Privately.” Cheerilee responded.

“Oh! Uh, sure!” the lavender alicorn said, taken aback. “Spike! Can you watch Scootaloo for a bit?” Twilight continued, levitating the recovering Spike onto Scootaloo’s back. The drake, whose breathing was beginning to normalize, lifted a thumb in the affirmative. “Great!” Twilight turned back to Cheerilee. “We can talk in my office.”

With that, Twilight lead Cheerilee into the castle, leaving Scootaloo and Spike to themselves.

“I dunno what’s happening, but we can go hang out in the library.” Spike said, lifting his head finally.

“...Ok.” Scootaloo mumbled, still feeling doomed.

“Oh wow, you don’t sound too great… Why don’t we go look at the comic books?”

“Alright sure…”

“Go that way.” Spike instructed, pointing down a different hallway that Twilight lead Cheerilee down. Scootaloo trudged down the indicated hallway.

"So... Uh... What's got you down?" Spike asked hesitantly. Scootaloo remained quiet. "Look, I don't know what's happening or what's going on, but if Cheerilee is talking to Twilight about it instead of Mayor Mare, I can't imagine you did anything wrong. Oh, turn that way."

"It's not what I did or didn't do, it's what I DON'T have." Scootaloo blurted, as she turned into the indicated hallway. "And what I don't have is a way to stay in Ponyville."

Spike fell silent, and the only sound was the sound of Scootaloo's hooves on the crystalline floor.

"There's the fiction section." Spike informed, pointing at a closed door. A helpful, if haphazard, wooden sign that read "Fiction" was propped on the door frame. He jumped off the filly and opened the door. "Now I don't know all about that, but I find comic books tend to cheer me up." He grinned and held the door open.

"Yeah, sure, I guess." Scootaloo sighed as she entered.

The room was surprisingly large. Sets of tables and chairs were lined down the center of the room, while bookshelves were lined perpendicular to the walls and stacked to the ceiling. Surprisingly however, most of the shelves were empty, and brand new cardboard boxes filled with new books were piled at the end of each row.

"Sorry, we're still kinda getting new books in and Twilight has been adamant about getting the non-fiction section fully stocked before we really start on fiction." Spike explained. "Feel free to dig in the boxes, we'll need to sort through them anyway."

Scootaloo said nothing but sighed, going to the nearest shelf and picking a random book. "OCTO-CYBORGS FROM BEYOND TIME!" the title read.

(Cyborgs! Right!)

Mental Communication rating: 4/10

(Oh, hush you.) Scootaloo admonished. She plopped down in the nearest chair and started to read.

The story was... Something. It was obviously not the first issue, so the comic started by jumping off a cliffhanger. The villain, was some sort of octopus that looked like it was half made of copper.

"You'll never escape me pony! I will eat all of your brains!" it yelled at the hero. A yellow mare that wore a red skin suit.

"Foul Octo-cyborg! You'll never succeed!" she exclaimed as she kicked the octopus in the face.

"Have at you Spacemare Spiff!" The octopus then pulled out a coppery rapier and swung it at "Spiff". "All of your delicious pony brains will belong to me!" Spiff dodged the swing, causing the sword to disconnect one of the octopus' copper limbs. "ARGH!" it exclaimed, clutching it's stump, which leaked a black fluid. "You've won this round Spiff! But you haven't seen the last of me!"

"Begone with you foul octopus! You'll never conquer ponykind and our Neighki Sports Wear!" Spiff grinned heroically, and held up a very specific brand of clothing. "Now in stores in Canterlot and Baltomare." And then the book ended.

Analyzing...

(Wow... that was... What.) Scootaloo thought.

Analyzation complete. Conclusion: LMAO

(Wat?) Scootaloo thought out, thoroughly confused.

LMAO: Abbreviation of "Laughing My Anus Off". Verb. Laughing uproariously. Most often used in informal text situations.

(I get why it's bad, but why would this be funny?)

Summary: Entity known as "Octo-Cyborg" has augmented itself with copper, a relatively poor choice for cybernetic implants due to relative weakness compared to other known alloys, and copper's conductive properties. Additionally, said cybernetics are not plausible for function, as there is clearly no way for limb segments to connect, see panel 2 on page 4.

Scootaloo flipped to the mentioned page and looked. It was when the Octo-Cyborg was swinging the rapier. Scootaloo looked closer at the displayed limb, where it was obvious the pieces that made the tentacle were floating in the air.

Furthermore, a machine entity damaging itself in such a manner is a display of incompetence, and a lack of a psychokinetic sense. Lastly, the obvious advertising of a product is in on itself is objectively amusing.

(Ok smarty pants, how else are replacement limbs supposed to move?) Scootaloo snarked.

Logic Error: Rephrasal: Pardon?

(How exactly is a replacement limb supposed to move with if not with magic?)

...

Scootaloo sat back in her chair and looked at a hoof proudly.

Anomaly found. Flagging anomaly for further study.

(That's what I thought.)

Explanation found. Planet HJD-63826 and it's inhabitants exhibit spacetime altering anomalies/abilities. Studies are currently ongoing.

(Are you talking about magic?) Scootaloo asked.

Memory Recall Initiating. Possible cultural answer found. Flagging for investigation.

Any further discussion was interrupted by the door opening. Twilight stuck her head in.

"Hey you guys... Cheerilee has gone home, and you'll be spending the night with us Scootaloo." the lavender librarian stated.

"Oh cool." Spike said absentmindedly, not looking up from his comic. Scootaloo sat straight up in surprise.

"Y-you mean you're not sending me away?" she stammered.

"I can't promise that quite yet, I need to look something up first before I can answer, but I certainly don't WANT to." Twilight explained, stepping into the room proper.

"Oh..." Scootaloo frowned.

"I'm fully aware that the last thing you want to do is leave Ponyville Scootaloo. And I'm pretty certain Sweetie Belle and Applebloom would never forgive me if I sent you away. But I need to look something up, and I need to head to Canterlot to do so." Twilight further explained, sitting on the floor next to Scootaloo's chair. Scootaloo's ears drooped. "Now come on, I have more then enough guest rooms for you to use." Twilight smiled kindly.

"Alright fine..." Scootaloo said glumly. Twilight then used her magic to perch Scootaloo on her back. and trotted towards the door.

"Remember Spike, I want you IN bed by eight." she reminded the still reading drake.

"Yeah yeah." Spike stated, waving a claw at the retreating Twilight.

The door clicked shut behind the mare and filly as they left. Scootaloo from her perch on Twilight's back glanced around just so she could remember the castle's layout.

"Sooo... You have an idea?" Scootaoo began.

"Hah!" Twilight giggled. "That right there is why I like the CMC, you girls are always so curious... But I seriously don't want to get your hopes up just in case it doesn't work out."

"Drat..." Scootaloo sighed.

"Quick question though, Ms. Cheerilee told me about the alley, and a quick trip to town hall confirmed the story, but how did you get food and care?"

"Well, Pinkie always throws out a muffin, for some reason, and the school provides lunch." Scootaloo explained. "Otherwise I spend as much time at Sweetie's and Bloom's as I could."

"Huh... That clears up a few things." Twilight remarked. "I grew up in a well off household, so I never had to consider where I would need to get food... At least until I was older." Twilight continued. "Oop! Here's the guest rooms." Twilight waved a hoof at a hallway of doors that looked identical to every other hallway.

"Alright." Scootaloo confirmed as Twilight opened the nearest one, revealing a well furnished bedroom.

"You can stay in this one." she indicated.

"Right." the filly nodded, jumping off the older pony and entering the bedroom.

"You have a good night Scootaloo, if you need anything Spike sleeps in my room, which is on the floor above this one, and the carpet leads right to it. I'll be in Canterlot."

"Ok, floor above, follow the carpet. Got it." Scootaloo nodded.

With that, Twilight gently closed the door, leaving Scootaloo alone in the room. She was shocked when the lock didn't click and Twilight's hooves could be heard going into the distance. Scootaloo glanced about, taking in her surroundings. There was a bed obviously, a desk, a wardrobe, a dresser, and even a chest! Strangely to Scootaloo however, was that everything matched. But since she had only seen Sweetie's and Bloom's rooms before, she reasoned she didn't have too much experience judging a bedroom. The bed though drew her eye.

An ACTUAL bed... One she didn't need to share with Sweetie or Bloom... The thought was boggling. Wasteing no time at all, Scootaloo DOVE headfirst. Rolling about and just LOVING the feeling of clean sheets she didn't have to share! She loved Sweetie and Bloom, she really did... But Bloom snored and Sweetie insisted on going to bed dirty.

With the blankets and sheets wrapped around her, Scootaloo subsumed to sleep... Sleep where she sprawled out from the confines of a box, and with no worry about kicking another pony.

Author's Note:

And here.
We.
GO