This story is a sequel to Those Who Sport With Giants
**Spoilers in the comments!**
Attempts on both Princess Cadence's and Princess Luna's lives have been foiled, but both came much too close. Then they nearly induced a lethal riot at what supposed to be a friendly sporting event. But the syndicate responsible for the terrorism remains just as hidden and unknown as ever. Somepony must do something....
Lyra Heartstrings and Bon-Bon have a very special night coming up: they're celebrating their "Friendiversary," the anniversary of becoming best friends. While Lyra is out purchasing supplies, Bon-Bon finds an unusual envelope in the day's mail. An envelope with a symbol she never expected to see again, the letter within addressing her as "Sweetie Drops."
Part Two of the trilogy, A Greater Menace.
Pre-reading by Eruedraieth.
Drew m' own cover art this time.
So Sombra's behind the Order of Elevens' actions.
Lovely.
They're just stupid pawns to a monster who wants to use them to overthrow the Princesses, for their supposed "oppression", only to bring about his own, and use them to enslave Equestria.
I have absolutely no sympathy for these idiots.
...Then why doesn't it look drawn?
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Did the whole thing on paint.NET, tweaking a still from the show and doing the rest from scratch. Wasn't hand-drawn, if that's the confusion.
I'm putting this on record.
I. Freakin'. Hate Sombra!!!!!
Well...That didn't go well. Several people are mentally scared, and others dead. Dash is going to need immediate medical attention and Discord's help.
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Yeah...that was a bad time for all. And that isn't finished....
And so begins the Ultimate End.
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Gotta draw the next cover art, or find a kind soul who's willing to draw it for me. Plot outline is done for the conclusion. It's gonna be good.
Was just looking at the end of Giants; that was just before m' daughter was born. She'll be eight months old tomorrow. Sure hope it's not another eight months before I get the conclusion finished....
7213584 Cool.
And I'm glad to hear that.
Oh, you and me, both, my friend.
You and me both.
That was the most brutal, bloodiest fight that Twilight and her friends had faced in all of Equestria.
Casualties:
Twilight's group: Rainbow Dash (critically injured by Deep Plough), Spike (knocked out by a possessed Bon-Bon), Starlight Glimmer (collapsed when struck with a slumber pellet), and Stormbringer (High Noon killed him in silence)
Order of the 11:
Fireballer and Lynn (both are blasted by Princess Twilight in the neck), Deep Plough (burnt to a crisp by Spike's dragon fire), Blitzstrum (Rainbow Dash broke his neck), High Noon (disintegrated by Lyra's most powerful spells), and Fallow Fields (knocked out by one of Shinning Armour's combat spells).
I hope they'll find a way to save Twilight before she gets more worse out of an evil possession.
I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to reading this...
Honestly, I can't say much against this chapter, you did well on painting the James Bond-like atmosphere (Tinker is such loveable character!) as well as the silly Canterlot unicorns. I learned some new pastry vocabulary there. Good job
The events that wil take place in Detrot will be awesome, given the background we learned so far. Shadow-Walker sure is up to something... I'm hooked to know!
PS: Just a little detail, shouldn't Nightmare Moon be considered an internal enemy?
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No need to apologise; I haven't forgotten the time constraints of being an undergrad.
Glad you're enjoying. I probably should go back through and wipe out any instance of LUS, just for clean-up purposes.
As to Nightmare Moon/Nightmare Rarity, was it the nightmare entity that caused that (per the comics), or just Luna's jealousy (and ignore Nightmare Rarity altogether)? Difficult to say.
And...clearly I've had a few (too many) doughnuts in my time....
Really great chapter, one moment I was nearly drooling over Twinkleshine's breakfast, enjoying the warm friendly atmosphere and the next moment I wanted to curl in a ball from the sight of dark and dismal Detrot. Good job on the scenes here!
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I'm glad you enjoyed the hard transition between Lyra and Bon-Bon.
Many thanks.
7849679 Maybe it was hard, but did well to highlight the contrast!
It's insane (meant positively) how much are you able to cram into one chapter. Finally more about the Elevens, growing mystery at HQ, a new pony in danger and most importantly, the group chat scene. That was a brilliant and incredibly amusing one. Also, many puns and references!
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The one that I'm not sure anyone got was the president's name of "Stall Lynn" being a spin of "Stalin," as in Joseph Stalin of the USSR. They also call each other "comrade;" how Soviet of them, eh? Ample connotations will go with that, ya' know?
Glad ya' like.
7919068 That was completely clear to me. I'm from a country that was once occupied by USSR...
Before I read it, what is the Dark and Gore tags for ?
And how bad does it get ?
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This one gets pretty rough. Goes right to the Teen-Mature line and parks there at times, both in terms of being dark and the gore.
Not much a fan of any romance scenes, so I can't say I was squealing in delight during this chapter, but it's still nice to see those two together, looking for a way from this mess. The beginning was quite intense, too!
Also, is David Buckham a character from your previous stories or a reference to something?
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Yeah, Buckham is a retired pro stormball player who had a prominent role in part one. He's even that story's cover art.
8098770 I see, thank you for clarifying!
So, a report for the last three chapters... Man, you really know how to make contrasts, going from a nice and cozy airship trip to this heck of a bloody naturalistic action sequence. Very well done! And the amount of plot twists is fascinating. I didn't expect Spike nor Discord to intervene, but I have to say, both were spot on. The only part I found a little hard to follow was Bon-Bon's inner dialogue.
Especially in this chapter, I noticed some typos and missing words, but nothing too serious. Due to the sheer chapter length, I also resigned on making a list of them.
A small recurring issue I noticed is your use of comma or full stop after ellipsis (...). The ellipsis is a stand-alone punctuation mark and thus should be followed only by space at most.
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Ah. Sorry about the typos and missing words; those’ll be the death of me. I’m trying to find a way to section off some time to go back through this and Part 1, to eliminate those and points that could using a little rewording/curing remaining L.U.S.
In regards to ellipses...might have been the age of m’ educators on that one. Seems I learned the old way. I was taught that ellipses go in place of words, whether clipping in quotes or implied regular speech. Thus, in the way I was instructed, regular punctuation would still apply as if those words remained (commas before the end of a quotation, a full stop [or “period” in the American dialect] at the end of a sentence). Many bracket the first letter of a sentence that follows an ellipsis; I do not.
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It's okay, there wasn't a lot of them. It's just that my eyes are trained on combing for errors and I can't really get rid of that habit
Ah, I was unaware of that. After all, it's not so long ago since I have been learning English at school. That's also why I'm more on the British English side.
Anyway, I'll be eagerly waiting for a sequel/Act III
I was hoping there be two more chapters. Are you going to continue the storyline?
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What were you looking for in said two chapters?
I started on the third part, but really, really didn’t like how and where it was going (namely, the Green Shard’s control of Twilight’s body turning things into a slasher fic as it seeks to gather the other Shards felt over-the-top). I’d like to rework it and start proper writing, but spare time along with both inspiration and focus comes at an increasing premium, especially as m’ daughter grows.
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Sorry about that, if you would have added two more chapters they would have 11 of them. I hope to see it some day.