• Published 12th Sep 2015
  • 3,188 Views, 429 Comments

I'm Famous? WHAT! - One of the Crowd



When you are asked to appear at a convention; you think it's a normal one. Not me however because my invitation took me to magical horse land! Now I've got to deal with crazed fans and people that hate me for no reason. This isn't going to be fun.

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Welcome to Humare Con

Chapter 1: Welcome to Humare Con

With my bags packed and my ticket in hand I set out of my apartment. Most people would probably question getting a random ticket in their mail to a convention they've never heard of, but I get a vacation that is all expense paid so why not? While walking down the steps I saw my landlord and gave her a wave. She smiled at me and waved goodbye.

She was such a nice lady. She cut my rent in half my first few months since I was in college so I didn't have to worry about it. I of course pay normal rent now, but I couldn't take advantage of her like that. The whole building was clean and pristine ever since I got here thanks to her. I wish I knew her better but I only speak to her on occasion.

I finally reached the bottom of the steps and looked over toward the mailboxes. The day I got the ticket was really strange now that I think about it. I mean my professor got sick , but they had a substitute that no one knew on hand. On it's own that's pretty normal, but he wasn't the only one because it also happened to the bus driver, that girl at the coffee shop, and even the guy that sells knock off watches was replaced by some dude.

I mean the same dude too. I'm not joking when I say that because everything about him aside from his clothes stayed the exact same. His face, his voice, even his eyes which were a sickly yellow and red color. I swear he was following me because every time I'd turn around I saw someone walk in the other direction. No one passed me on the way home that day.

I shook my head of my thoughts, no use thinking about it anyway. I walked over toward the front doors and pushed them open revealing a bustling city filled with people. The street was packed with cars and the sidewalk was filled with people just as it normally was, but something caught my eye.

Directly in front of me was a cab with that guy from a few days ago holding a sign in front of it.

'James Rutabaga'

"My names not Rutabaga it's-"

"Took you long enough to get ready Mr. Rutabaga. We have a schedule to keep!"

"Like I said my name isn't Rutabaga it's-"

"Just get in the cab sir," He said as he opened up the door and ushered me in. Remember this is the same dude that I swear was stalking me for the past few days so I was of course suspicious of him. I decided that he was some crazy that was just planning on doing strange shit to me if I went with him so I turned and started down the side walk while saying,

"See you later. Ya lunatic,"

"I want you to see what that ticket pays for," I wondered what he meant by that when I looked toward the ticket.

'Discorded cab service included'

"let me guess, you're part of this cab service?" I asked as I walked back to him with the ticket in hand.

"You'd be right. Now Mr. Rutabaga, would you kindly get in the cab?" I wasn't even going to try to argue over my last name anymore so I got in the cab though I kept a close eye on that guy the entire time. Just because he's part of the cab service doesn't mean I'm going to trust him with anything.

He got in the drivers seat and started the engine which exploded, literally! I'm not even joking because smoke was rising out of the engine, and he got back out of the cab to see what was wrong. I got out to so I could see if I could help at all, no reason to waste my vacation waiting to fix a cab.

"I don' t suppose you have any malk?" He asked,

"I have milk. Why do you need it anyway?"

"To fix the engine,"

"How is milk going to fix-" The engine flew out of the car before I could finish my question. I don't mean it went straight up either; I mean the engine grew wings and started flying out of the car!

"All fixed," He said as he shut the empty engine compartment. He walked back over to the drivers side before seeing me not moving, "What are you waiting for? Get in,"

"The engine grew fucking wings!"

"This car is a hybrid," He said as if this is the most normal thing in the world.

"That is...this is...Exactly what the hell is going on!"

"We're going to Humare Con. I thought you knew that?" That's it, I don't care for the free vacation I'm going back up to my apartment and I'm going to sell this ticket on ebay. Nothing is worth all this craziness at once! Before I could walk back to the door however I realized that everything was gone except the cab and him.

I looked all around for anything that would indicate what the hell was going on when I looked toward the guy. He opened the door back up for me and beckoned for me to get in,

"Please get in the cab, a friend of mine would really appreciate your attendance,"

"Why should I care? Also, BRING BACK THE GOD DAMN STREET!" I yelled toward the lunatic that was currently in front of me.

"Alright," he said in a downtrodden voice as he snapped his fingers and everything rushed back to its proper place. "I'm sorry for taking your time sir,"

Why was he so sad about me not wanting to be involved in all this craziness he just put me through? I thought about it for a moment before turning around to face him and asking,

"How important is this to your friend?" He seemed to perk up at my question and started,

"She would absolutely love to meet you, James. Trust me when I say this would change her world," How he said that last bit was a little ominous at best. Though he seemed to be ecstatic over talking about his friend; I think someone is crushing hardcore here. I sighed before walking over to him,

"I'll go, but I swear if you try knocking me out and sticking things in my butt I'll kill you,"

"What made you think I'd do that, James?"

"You've been stalking me for days. Don't pretend I didn't know,"

"I have no idea what you mean," He said as I got into the back of the cab which was a lot bigger than it seemed on the outside. I mean there was a minibar with all kinds of drinks in front of me, and a mini fridge too. That wasn't what shocked me though; that would be the Jacuzzi on the other side of the cab!

It was a good thing I packed swim trunks in case of this place being near a beach. After a moment to put on those trunks I swan dived into that bitch! Jacuzzis are awesome for relaxing after a hectic week of just pure insanity; I mean literal insanity since so much shit happened. I mean I literally saw a guy use a crowbar as a fork!

Everything jerked backward suddenly, and I realized that we were now moving. I looked out the window to see the city slowly moving by until something very strange happened. The world outside the cab began to shift and eventually disappear into a rucking rainbow of colors.

"What the hell?" I said to myself as I got out of the Jacuzzi to point out the sheer strangeness to the cab driver. I started to make my way to the front of the cab when I the driver spoke up,

"please take a seat, James,"

"You see all this, right?" I asked while I kept going to the cab's front. When I finally got there and saw the driver he sure as hell wasn't human. He had a snake like body,and a goat head with various body parts attached to him. I fell back onto my ass due to the sudden shock,

"I said please take a seat," The creature said in a more authoritative voice before an invisible force picked me up, and threw me back into my seat. The seat-belt came to life and wrapped itself around my body which prevented me from moving anything. I tried to struggle with the seat belt, but it only grew tighter until it was borderline choking me. I heard that creature's fingers snap, and the seat-belt let go off me.

"Fine, you can move. Don't try to jump out of the car though because I'm not going into the pit of despair to save you!"

I was a little shaken up to say the least considering the fact the driver is now a weird monster. That's not even going into what he said about falling into a pit of despair. I just sat at the back of the cab in total silence as my mind tried to process exactly what was going on.

First I get a ticket to a convention. Next a weird guy starts stalking me, and replacing random people. After that the same guy stalking me is also my cab driver. All of that is actually sort of normal; everything afterwards is not. The engine growing wings, the cab having a Jacuzzi, and the driver becoming some weird monster. None of that shit is fucking normal!

"What the hell is going on!" I yelled as I got back out of my seat. When I did this I felt a tapping on my left shoulder, and turned to see that creature sitting there,

"You're on a cab ride through universes, James,"

"What the hell are you?"

"I'm a draconequus. Beings of chaos and yada yada yada. Listen I don't really think you'd understand if I explained it anyway,"

"You look like the left over parts of some weird science experiment!"

"That's just rude!" He said before smacking me with a white glove. I was shocked for a minute before throwing a punch at him only for it to hit one of those full body pillows with his face on it. A bright flash enveloped the cab before the creature said, "How scandalous,"

I looked toward him to see him holding a camera and waving the photo around. When it finally developed it showed me hitting the pillow, but it wasn't his face I was hitting.

"Get over here so I can kill you!" I yelled as I charged at him once again only for him to disappear into a puff of smoke. Jesus this guy is fucking insane, and I'm stuck in a cab with it!

Suddenly everything jerked forward, and I went flying into the back of the driver's seat. It took me a moment, but I was eventually able to peal myself off of the seat to see that creature in a bouncer outfit.

"We're here. Now before you go you should know your fans are a little different,"

"If they're not you I'm fine with it," I said as I opened up the door and stepped outside into a courtyard. I immediately noticed the lack of people and the over population of ponies in this courtyard. "Where is everybody?"

"If you'd let me finish I would have told you that your fans are ponies,"

"What have you been smoking?" When I turned to him I saw him rolling up raisins into a piece of paper before lighting the end of it. "why am I not surprised?"

During our conversation a small group of ponies started to gather around us. I could hear them murmuring about how impressive it was for me to stand on my legs for so long. That was a little strange until I realized that these ponies were actually talking, and I jumped out of my skin.

"They fucking talk!" I yelped while climbing on top of the cab driver. The ponies all backed away a little with confusion written all over their faces. One that was butter yellow and wings walked over to us however and started to whisper to my cab driver.

"It is my dear, Fluttershy. James say hello to my friend,"

"Can I ask where the hell I am first?"

"No, now say hi,"

"Hi. Now can you tell me?"

"Don't be an ass to her!"

"I'm sorry that I have no idea what the hell is going on!" The creature dropped me from it's back onto the ground next to the horse. Now I could see that the horse has a fucking pair of wings!

"Be nice for five seconds!" the creature started to yell while the pony just sat there contemplating what the hell was going on.

"Sure, but you have to explain to me just what is going on first,"

"Fine! I decided to leave you an invitation to Humare Con so Fluttershy could meet you. Happy!"

"Not really," The crowd only grew larger around us, and the talking was now at a normal volume. I didn't pay attention to what they were saying though because I was more focused on this fucking creature in front of me. I turned toward the pony that he called Fluttershy and decided to see if she could help me. "Can you get him to give a direct answer?"

She slowly nodded before walking over to the creature, and motioning him down to her level. He did so and raised one of his ears to hear her more clearly. She began to whisper into his ear and he tried to argue with her but couldn't seem to find the words.

"Alright, Fluttershy. James, I brought you to Equestira. There is a T.V show here called My Big Human: I don't care. It's more for small colts, but has a large following of mares that watch it called humares."

"Go on,"

"You are the main character of that show," That hit me hard. Being told you're the main character of a T.V show was not something I ever expected to hear. Looking over to the mare I saw her nod in confirmation which resulted in me walking over to the creature.

"I'm here now what?"

"You're taking this rather well,"

"Multiverse dude. In one we're both just characters in someones story,"

"Well, I actually scheduled a panel for you to appear at. I'd expect not to many ponies to show up until they realize you're the real deal,"

"Let's get started then," I said to him as I started to wade through the large crowd of ponies who were all awestruck by my appearance. I slowly made my way toward the building that had a large crowd gathered outside of it. My guess was that was the convention center for this thing; when I finally arrived I noticed a few ponies dressed up like me, and some of my friends.

I suppose cos-players would show up here as well since it was a convention after all. Seeing someone cosplay as you is a little freaky though especially one that depicts you as the opposite gender.

A few ponies took notice of me, and stared awestruck by me before speaking up,

"That's a really awesome cosplay! How are you standing like that without it hurting?" The mint green one with a horn asked.

"We evolution says that we evolved like this so we could free up out hands for tools,"I stated while flexing my fingers for her. The mare beside her was trying to hide her face behind sunglasses and an over sized hat. She whispered to the horned horse which she replied with,

"Don't be silly Bonny. We'll probably never see this guy again," The mare trying to hide jerked at the mention of her name before walking in another direction with her green friend running after her. I was completely confused by this, but just kept on walking into the building.

"Pass." A griffin said beside the door. This was when I realized I didn't have the pass; only the ticket.

"Here you are. Sorry about that sir." A pony with yellow and red eyes said while holding up two golden passes. The griffin let us pass, but as soon as we were inside the pony started talking. "You can't just go around, James. When everybody realizes you're real they might try kidnapping you,"

"I don't think-"

"Have you ever seen a fandom. I can say with almost certainty that at least 10% of the ponies here will try,"

I couldn't argue with him there since in every fandom there are those nut jobs who go way farther than they need to. He handed me the pass which I put around my neck so I wouldn't lost it. After a moment or two we entered an extremely large room with stands selling all kinds of merchandise.

I saw little plushies of me and my friends. There was a stand selling shirts with pictures of me and various saying to go along with them. One of the most common was 'what the hell?' which I suppose I say a lot. That guy said that this show was for kids though so why were there shirts that show me cussing?

I looked over to the pony who was walking with me before he started,

"Hell isn't a place or curse word here so it's fine for the kids to say it,"

"What the hell?"

"Exactly,"

This was one of those moments I felt like stabbing a bitch, but I'm sure said bitch would just puff into a smoke cloud as soon as I try so I didn't. I decided that since I couldn't stab this guy the next best thing would be to punch a plushy of Tim because fuck TIm. I took a few steps toward the dude selling plushies when I realized they probably didn't use the same currency as me so...

"Nice cosplay, it looks pretty lifelike," the plushy dude said when he caught sight of me.

"It should considering this is the real me,"

"Hehe nice joke man," He said while rolling his eyes.

"You can go to hell then if you feel like being an asshole,"

"Screw you pal,"

" You think I'm scared of an overly colorful horse. Bring it on bitch!" I said raising up my fists ready to kick this guys ass. Just before things could escalate any further the pony that's been with me decided to step in,

"Enough! James, calm down. I seriously just brought you here and you're picking fights."

"He acted like a-"

"I don't care. The last thing you need to do is getting everyone here to hate you," He made a good point. I don't need all of these ponies trying to fight me so picking fights might not be the best idea anyway.

"Fine, but if any of them try hitting me I wont back down, understand?"

"Why are you so violent?"

"I blame the media,"

"That actually makes sense,"

"I've been making sense. You're the one that made the engine sprout wings!"

"It's no matter because it's time for you to go to your panel,"

Author's Note:

Welcome to another story of mine. Hopefully I'll be more successful in this adventure than last time, but this one doesn't have a Gary sue and I know what I'm doing now...sort of. Anyway enjoy the story and stay awesome my friends.

Ps. This isn't the main thing I'm focusing on so updates for this will be sporadic at best. Sorry, but as soon as my other story is done this becomes top priority.