Land of liberty.

by general well

chapter 6

‘‘Mr President, there were a couple incidents, but nothing to worry about and also do you remember the dragon was captured that's in Pearl Harbor, he's able to talk and he told us he's from the Dragon land and he is 14 years old.’’….. the Lieutenant said as he was interrupted.

‘‘Wait, wait, wait, you telling me, he's 14 years old and he's that big’’ president said.

‘‘But Mr President he told me all dragon grow bigger because they get greedy.’’ the lieutenant said.

‘‘okay so they one of the seven sins.’’ the president said with a confusion face.

‘‘kind of like that, anyway he says that the kingdom nearby by is name Equestria, it's ruled by a princess who control the Sun and the moon. The lieutenant said.

‘‘Now tell me lieutenant, is this country is threat, because they have someone that power to the control of the Sun and the moon.’’

‘‘I'm sure they are dangerous, so we must be vigilant Mr President, anyways said there are Griffin Kingdoms that's are solo territory owned by a kings or whatever.’’ The lieutenant said

‘‘So it like ancient Egypt and medieval Europe combined, so what else did the dragon said.’’ the president said.

‘‘No that all what he said Mr President and general Wellington have landed.’’ The lieutenant said.

‘‘That's good to know lieutenant, dismiss.’’ the president order.

‘‘Yes sir.’’ the lieutenant said as he left the room.

As the lieutenant left, the president thought to himself. where's my coffee.

5:36, 11.16.15

Fort heat. Location, unknown

(operation wasteland)

- 5 months after teleporting-

-3 week after landing-

Inside the meeting room, general Wellington and Britney are talking about a discovery.

‘‘General, we found quantity of uranium at the caverns underneath outpost 5.’’ Britney told Wellington.

Wellington looks surprised for a second.
‘‘Wait! you telling me, we on a gold mine of uranium, that's the best thing ever l heard of.’’ Wellington said.

‘‘Yes sir, this is a large amount of uranium, should I get a cargo ship to transport back home?’’ Britney ask.

‘‘That's a great idea and Britney. A groups of soldiers have reported they seen bugs like creatures watching them, I don't know if they're pulling a prank or or actually telling the truth, so that's why I'm putting this place under the lockdown.’’ Wellington stated as he pulled out a pen.

‘‘Sir, do you think the bugs are dangerous?’’ Britney ask with concern.

‘‘I don't know professor, but I know one thing for certain be aware at all time Wellington said as he open his drawer. ‘‘So remember professor be safe, dismiss.’’ Wellington said to Britney.

‘‘Yes sir.’’ Britney said. She got off her chair and started walking toward the door.

‘‘Wait Britney!’’ she heard Wellington said.

‘‘Yeah general’’ she said almost halfway through the door, Wellington look up to her.

‘‘Professor, one more thing, its important, can you tell the soldiers station at outpost 5 to move away from the uranium, we don't want people to die from radiation and don't tell them about this, its classified.’’ Wellington order as he started filling out paperwork.

‘‘Yes sir.’’ Britney said as she saluted, she walk out of the office and start walking, she passed the restroom and the break room, which is lovely and also the firing range.

How lucky am I even though I caused this, but anyway I can't change the past, so let's move on, now I am discovering other life forms and learning about new cultures and different type of religion. Britney thought to herself. Anyways she walks through the halls, I need to fill out my paperwork and also where did I leave my laptop, I'm pretty sure I left it at my office, well are I get it later. she thought to herself.

Britney exit out of the building and stumbled upon a Humvee ‘‘hey marine I need to go to outpost 5 ASAP.’’ she told the driver.

‘‘Ok, get in the Humvee.’’ the marine said. The marine open the door for me.

i sat next to him.

The Marine put the key in the ignition and started driving the Humvee to the direction I told him. we pass the medical Bay and the watchtower and also the huge anti-air gun before we exit the base. ‘‘So why do you need my help?’’ the marine ask as he turn left.

‘‘I can't tell you its classified, only if you
were a top ranking official, if I did, I have to kill you if I told you .’’ Britney said sarcastically.

‘‘Must be something serious then’’ the Marine said.

‘‘Well, it General Orders.’’ Britney said with a half lied, anyways she decided to lookout the window, the view is lovely and it started to rain with the smell of wet dirt, it had a calming effect on her. but suddenly Britney noticed movement in barren land, she sees a black figure moving across the land following the Humvee, it was getting closer and closer until the Humvee bump something, the black figure stop and she could see clearly it looks like a bug cross with a pony and it was looking at the thing we ran over, it was another one of them.

‘‘Looks like we ran over something professor, it must have been a animal the marine said ‘‘well it doesn't matter anyways we almost there 7 more minutes and we be there.’’ The marine stated as he made the humvee faster

Britney was in deep thought about the thing they ran over and the other one, what does this mean, are they natives here, hopefully this isn't war. She thought.

Anyways the Humvee begin slow down to a stop.

‘‘Here's your stop madam.’’ the Marine said.

‘‘Goodbye soldier.’’ Britney said as she open the door and got out.

‘‘Farewell.’’ the marine stated as he close the door and then he drove away.

Britney turn around and started walking toward the outpost, which looks very nice with all those roses growing around it, LaRosa's protect the outpost, surrounding it with it natural thorn acting like barb wire to keep intruders out. Britney didn't know why the roses were tall as 5 feet, but she was pretty sure it was the uranium and the strange activity going around here.

‘‘hey professor, what are you doing here?’’ a voice call out.

Britney look up and see the man who was talking to her. Hi I need to tell you something, its from the general, can you let me in.’’ She said.

‘‘Ok, wait a minute.’’ the man disappeared and the gate started sliding open. The man appeared behind the gate, Britney realize it who it was, it is Lieutenant Greg. ‘‘welcome professor, so what does the general wants us to do?’’ lieutenant Greg ask.

I look around to see anyone's is seeing us, once I know the coast is clear I decide to tell him. ‘‘Wellington want you to leave the outpost.’’ Britney tell Greg.

Greg's is surprise for a second and returns the normal. ‘‘Wait! you telling me Wellington wants us to abandon this outpost, why?’’ Greg ask.

‘‘Well.… it classified, there is something here that pose as a threat to your mans, that's why you need to evacuate immediately!’’ Britney explain.

‘‘Ok but you have- *boom* what was that!?’’ Greg said as we turn around to see where explosion occurred, one of the guard tower was destroy, nothing was left but only the debris, *wwwwwrrrrrrrrrrr* the alarm turn on and soldiers were coming out arm out of the buildings, sound of gunfire started erupting around us,

‘‘Lieutenant! We under attack by bugs like horses and we already have casualties, what should we do?’’ a soldier ask.

‘‘Private, tell everyone that have the right to engage the attackers’’ Greg said.
The private saluted and ran off. Greg turn to Britney. ‘‘professor I need you to come with me, I need to get you to safety right now.’’ Greg order.

‘‘Okay lieutenant’’ Britney said. She's follows Greg to a building heavily guarded by soldiers. Britney follow him up the stairs and he opened the door and let her come inside. They continue through the hallway until they reach the last door and they enter inside. Inside the room was filled with radio equipment buzzing with Raider feed of screen and call for reinforcements.

‘‘Sir! we are overrun, we need to evacuate right now, we can't hold them off any longer.’’

Greg grabs one of the mic. ‘‘we need to hold them off, reinforcements are on the way.’’ Greg order.

‘‘Yes sir, mens! hold them off, what is that? OH MY-’’
*static* the line went dead.

‘‘Hello! HELLO!’’ Greg put down the mine. ‘‘Well Shit, what should we do now Britney.’’

‘‘I don't lieutenant, I don't know.’’ Britney stated, she hung her head down and thought. what am I supposed to do now. Then she hears a noise sounds, like crawling. It's coming from the ceiling. she thought. ‘‘lieutenant, there something in the ceiling.’’ Britney said as she grab the coat rack next to her, she break the end off to make a spear.

Greg pulled out his gun and aim at the ceiling. the sound got closer and closer until the air ducts burst open and two bugs like horses tackle Greg to the ground but not before he fired a shot and kills one of them, Britney whack the other one off Greg and then proceeded to impale it with the coat rack. More and more bugs started coming out of the vent. Britney kill some of them before they took her down.

‘‘Let go of me.’’ Britney said. One of the bugs came up to her and touch her with it horn as it was growing. Britney started closing her eye before she was knockout She heard one last thing.

‘‘take this one to the Queen I'm pretty sure she's important.’’ a bug said and then everything went black.

Author's Note:

is this the best chapter though so far? I don't know. tell me if I am I getting better, please i want to know. and I want to know your opinion, what should happen next? post a comment

Comments

[SCP049]

[Fireheart 1945]

Ok, things are getting very interesting.

[Ascent-Express]

I not sur if I shuld evan taak this sirously anmore.. Gramaer don same to bae n ur liest of thinks to does in this stury do eet?

God damn it, have some respect for your readers and just look at what you write before barfing it at us. I love this story idea, I hate how it is being presented here. Just try to make it at least some form of palatable would you? I couldn't even finish this chapter.

[general well]

6657002 you think writing a new story , this is my first story I'm doing, how about you help me with this story, if you can make it better, how about it?

[Ascent-Express]

6662561 You know, I'd love to help you out, but I might have a conniption if I look at an unedited version of this. I mean no disrespect, but you really need to spend more time and effort trying to get this to sound right. I'm not going to unwatch this, or give it a thumbs down yet, but if the next chapter is like this one you can expect one less reader and one more red hand. I know you can speak English, so spend some time trying to get this to look and sound grammatically correct, alright? Good luck.

[Night-Watch-The-DAD]

Word of advice.

Thermal or infared shows the actual shape of a target. Also every soldier has a flag that lights up on infared so friendly fire is less likely during night operations. Have the Humans use that their advantage since changelings give the illusion of being that person.

Also. Don't forget that they'll have to take blood samples from her after being captured in order to see if she's still fit or not for service. (For sicknesses and what not.) That could also give a changeling away.

Don't forget X-rays as well since changelings wont know about those.

[general well]

6663775 that's a great idea but I don't know changeling actually take the shape or the use illusion?

[Night-Watch-The-DAD]

6663790 They use the illusion otherwise queen chrysalis magic wouldn't have been green. To take the form of someone means you take on their attribute, strengths, and weaknesses. That also explains why she didn't know a whole lot about Twilight because had she taken the full on form then she would have known who Twilight was.

[general well]

6663822 if it is a illusion, the illusion wouldn't work really well. if anyone get close to them and touch them, they feel the holes and also the wing and the crooked horn,
So they take on a physical form, like clay, but I like your idea so I may use it

[Night-Watch-The-DAD]

6666169 Thanks. It would be awesome to see a changeling freak when Infared doesn't find a patch or when it gets caught with the blood samples.

[Deus42]

I'd definitely look for an Editor if I were you. Also, you might want to look into how to write people speaking to each other without making it sound like they're all the same person. Changing speech patterns and the words that characters prefer will go a long way.

Some character will say "they are" while another character might say "they're gonna" and another says "they are going to". This is something I encourage because it adds more diversity to your characters and makes them feel more real.

Stardust is a good fimfic that would definitely help you with that, along with military dialogue. You might also try explaining why people do things without exposition, meaning "Character A did Action X because of Event B and I'm just telling you about Event B now to explain Action X."

Instead I'd write it as: "Event B happened, then explain how Character A feels and what it thinks about it. It decides to/preforms Action X."

This, by explaining the character's thoughts and feelings on Event X, establishes the why and how your characters think and react making them more human and relatable, thus the story is easier to read and more enjoyable.

Stories like this with a great premise but terrible execution, meaning stories with no explanation as to why everything is happening, makes the reader frustrated and our own internal logic rejects the story because of our own disbelief. As the illogicality or irrationality or absence of the motivations behind actions in a chain of events becomes more unknown we lose intrest in our inability to understand all the whys in your story.

Jackie Chan fights Tom Cruise because Godzilla is sleeping in Dublin. Also Superman is there because of John Wayne.

See what I mean? This makes no sense, it works as a summery but if this is all you give your audience then they will have nothing but questions and no answers; no mention of previous events to explain why any of it was happening/happened.

I'd love to know why the USA was looking into teleporting the entire country. Using exposition is cool in some instances, like what you did with the news reporters. But the President can't exposition why the sky is different and Mexico and Canada have disappeared.

Nor can a scientist order a military group to abandon an outpost just because the scientist said so and the commander is like, "Whaaaaa? Really? Just because you say so?" And the scientist says "General's orders, because he told me to tell you and I have no physical proof." No military would ever behave like this, we have seen enough movies and played enoufh games to know that's unbelievable.

Another thing, at the beginning they were like, "Oh no! The computer and the Machine blew up what are we going to do!?!?!?" and the other scientist magics up a backup on a flashdrive. You presented what could have been a major if not the plot problem and then immediately resolved the issue.

Instead I would have written it, "Shit, the machine and the computers blew up. Luckily, we have the plans backed up or we'd have to start all over again."

Heck, you could have just went into how they started rebuilding the lab and the device and not say a thing about the plans because everyone saves and makes copies of everything these days. So when a few computers go up, it turns out it's not a big issue. Even highschool students do this for Important essays and assignments in case they accidentally something important or the whole thing.

I hope you read this and take these things into consideration and try experimenting and integrating these things into your story, especially your old chapters. I'd also invest in or bookmark a Thesaurus.

It'll help you prevent yourself from using the same words repeatedly. Plus some words are more descriptive and precise than the phrases. Like I said 'same words repeatedly' instead of 'same words over and over again.'

Plus, your readers appreciate it when you treat them like they can read at an adult reading level, thus the thesaurus will help alot.

[Wolfie566]

oh so u came to that barren land in a carrier...where da heck are dem fighter jets to provide air support!?